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As The Hospital Pervs

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BeachMomma said:
I finally achieved the impossible. I almost strangulated myself - with my own damned stethoscope. I would love to say my coworkers dropped everything to rescue me, but alas, that was not how it happened. I'm pretty sure two RNs peed their scrubs today from laughing so hard. The wenches didn't even ask if I was ok!

OK, I gotta admit; I laughed till I cried too. It was pretty funny.
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HOW did you achieve this? I just can't picture the mechanism.
 
Balladeer08 said:
HOW did you achieve this? I just can't picture the mechanism.
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To tell you the truth, I'm not sure how it happened. We use COWs at work (Computers on Wheels). I was sitting at the nurses' station charting when a patient called for something. I only have one speed at work - haul ass, balls to the walls, full out run. I hopped up to go help the patient, and my stethoscope ear piece hooked on the bumper rail of the COW. I was moving so fast and it was hooked so firmly that it yanked me back. Remember the dog in the old Foghorn Leghorn cartoons when it gets caught up at the end of his leash? That's what I looked like. It wasn't pretty.
 
BeachMomma said:
To tell you the truth, I'm not sure how it happened. We use COWs at work (Computers on Wheels). I was sitting at the nurses' station charting when a patient called for something. I only have one speed at work - haul ass, balls to the walls, full out run. I hopped up to go help the patient, and my stethoscope ear piece hooked on the bumper rail of the COW. I was moving so fast and it was hooked so firmly that it yanked me back. Remember the dog in the old Foghorn Leghorn cartoons when it gets caught up at the end of his leash? That's what I looked like. It wasn't pretty.
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You may have spawned a new sub-genre: auto-erotic nurse asphyxiation.
 
Floated to PICU today with two other nurses from my regular floor. This is old home day; I started in PICU as a brand new nurse. Four PTs. Two high acuity, two low. I can deal with this. :D
 
Good morning one and all. A lil serious and don't mean to dampen the mood. My lil girl had to spend some time in the ER Fri night/sat morn. Apparently she had a alleric reaction. They couldn't figure it out. Treated her and released her. Is this common? Thanks. Let the party resume.
 
cf23430 said:
Good morning one and all. A lil serious and don't mean to dampen the mood. My lil girl had to spend some time in the ER Fri night/sat morn. Apparently she had a alleric reaction. They couldn't figure it out. Treated her and released her. Is this common? Thanks. Let the party resume.
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Yes, as long as they got the allergy treated and she was breathing ok. They probably gave you a ton of instructions before you took her home, including things to watch out for, what might happen that you'd need to bring her back, and a referral to an allergy specialist. If her breathing was normal, there was really no need to keep her. That's the main thing you have to look out for in an allergic reaction. The other symptoms are annoying, but breathing is the biggest life-threatening issue.

I hope she's feeling better now.
 
Merry Christmas Janey and everybody at Lit General Hospital! I hope you all have the day off, but if you have to work, just remember those two magical words - HOLIDAY PAY!
 
Driving to work this am, that big full moon in the sky mocked me all the way here. I only have one thing to say about yesterday: :heart: the RRT.
 
BeachMomma said:
Driving to work this am, that big full moon in the sky mocked me all the way here. I only have one thing to say about yesterday: :heart: the RRT.
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Damn full moons. *scowl* I have only one thing to say about today. Somebody pass the Jack Daniels. Don't bother with a glass; just give me the bottle.
 
Why am I scheduled to be at work a full hour before the Orthos even get to the office? No docs = no patients. No patients = no exams. No exams = I could have slept in!
 
Got called to a residence back during the summer. Lady sitting outside in a chair with a fleece jacket on, shorts, and wet hair. I walk up to her, introduce myself and ask her how she is feeling. She says "I dont feel good." I start my patient assessment and in doing so I notice her jacket is zipped pretty low. I ask her if she is wearing a shirt under her jacket. She says "No" and proceeds to prove it to everyone on scene. You should have seen the look on the firefighters faces, priceless.
I ask her politely to put her jacket back on and she does. She says she is starting to feel a little better and doesnt want to go to the hospital. I have her sign the refusal forms and go to the end of the road to turn around. When I come back she is standing in the road. She says she decided to go get checked out anyway. She was a bit tachycardic so I tell her I am going to run a 12 lead. As my partner grabs a sheet to cover her up, she takes off her jacket again. We place the 12 lead and my partner heads to the hospital. She starts rubbing my leg. I think 'Oh shit, lawsuite begining here.' I move to the seat behind her head just to protect myself. I see her wiggling and she had taken her shorts off and thrown them at me. I remain professional even though she was trying her best to get me to come sit beside her.
Get her to the ED and the Charge nurse asks me why she is naked. I explain everything to her. She just laughs. I later find out she had been slipped a "roofy" and voluntarily taken X.
 
icrwid68 said:
Got called to a residence back during the summer. Lady sitting outside in a chair with a fleece jacket on, shorts, and wet hair. I walk up to her, introduce myself and ask her how she is feeling. She says "I dont feel good." I start my patient assessment and in doing so I notice her jacket is zipped pretty low. I ask her if she is wearing a shirt under her jacket. She says "No" and proceeds to prove it to everyone on scene. You should have seen the look on the firefighters faces, priceless.
I ask her politely to put her jacket back on and she does. She says she is starting to feel a little better and doesnt want to go to the hospital. I have her sign the refusal forms and go to the end of the road to turn around. When I come back she is standing in the road. She says she decided to go get checked out anyway. She was a bit tachycardic so I tell her I am going to run a 12 lead. As my partner grabs a sheet to cover her up, she takes off her jacket again. We place the 12 lead and my partner heads to the hospital. She starts rubbing my leg. I think 'Oh shit, lawsuite begining here.' I move to the seat behind her head just to protect myself. I see her wiggling and she had taken her shorts off and thrown them at me. I remain professional even though she was trying her best to get me to come sit beside her.
Get her to the ED and the Charge nurse asks me why she is naked. I explain everything to her. She just laughs. I later find out she had been slipped a "roofy" and voluntarily taken X.
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OK, that's funny. I know what you mean about protecting yourself though. We've had quite a few incidences that we've had to get out of sexually charged situations to ward off lawsuits. That's a big reason that I get so irritated with the "naughty nurse" fetish. I don't care what my patients' fetishes are, but I do want them to keep them to themselves. I don't need to know.

Before every procedure, we do a "time out." Before doing a colonoscopy on one female patient, I went through the time out ritual - what's your name, date of birth, what procedure are we doing, and who's the doctor performing the procedure? This patient told us her name and birth date, but instead of saying colonoscopy, she said, "Dr (name withheld to protect the innocent) is going to take my anal virginity."

Before I could pick my jaw up off the floor, Doc canceled the procedure and told her to find a different gastroenterologist. I hope she was just being a smart ass to hide her own embarrassment, but you never really know. She'd taken the colon prep and everything - for nothing. He refused to do her colonoscopy, and frankly, I don't blame him. We would've been opening ourselves up to an ugly lawsuit if she'd had an erotic dream (which is a documented side effect of propofol) and later believed that maybe we HAD done something sexual.
 
imemkay said:
Why am I scheduled to be at work a full hour before the Orthos even get to the office? No docs = no patients. No patients = no exams. No exams = I could have slept in!
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Reports must be filed.

Insurance claims need filed.

Nurses lounge needs cleaned.
 
BeachMomma said:
, "Dr (name withheld to protect the innocent) is going to take my anal virginity."
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I'd have been laughing my ass off. Wish I'd have thought of that line. VA is obsessive about colonoscopies.

When I finally agreed to get one, they told me I couldn't have it until they issued me an I.D. with a picture of my face on it. I asked why, as that wasn't the end they'd be looking at. But it would still says "EYES: BROWN". Told them I wanted an I.D. with a picture of my ass on it.
 
Balladeer08 said:
I'd have been laughing my ass off. Wish I'd have thought of that line. VA is obsessive about colonoscopies.

When I finally agreed to get one, they told me I couldn't have it until they issued me an I.D. with a picture of my face on it. I asked why, as that wasn't the end they'd be looking at. But it would still says "EYES: BROWN". Told them I wanted an I.D. with a picture of my ass on it.
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You know how in surgery, we have the patient write "YES" on the operative side when laterality could be an issue? We had to do an upper endoscopy on one of the techs a few years ago. He printed out a picture of a stop sign and taped it to his ass. We took a Sharpie and drew a circle with a line through it over the stop sign.
 
"Laryngoscope blades have been found to be prone to developing cracks and/or breaking across the tip of the blade,
which potentially could result in pieces of the blade breaking off in patient’s mouths and obstructing the airway
or being swallowed." yikes
 
I've worked in the operating room and in endoscopy since 1985. I've never seen that happen. It *could* happen, just like the OR light could break loose and fall on the patient, but thankfully, I've never seen either in 27 years.

I have seen a temporary molar cap aspirated into the airway before. That was a fun bronchoscopy. The cap was partially mbedded into the wall of the trachea. It was a bitch getting that thing out of there.
 
We have a few "frequent flyers" as we call them. Some are drug seekers and some are just plain idiots a lack of a better term. Case in point- Got a call a bit back. 20-something year old male penis pain (dispatcher couldn't help but laugh while paging it out). We thought to ourselves, "What has he done this time?". We stage til LE secures the scene. We pull in and he comes walking out. Put him in back of the ambulance, ask him what the problem is. He states, "My pecker is on fire." I was working with a female partner and I know how this guy can get so I tell her I will take the call and she hops up front and starts rolling towards the hospital. I ask him what he was doing for his penis to be burning. He says," I just finished fucking a chick who gave me the clap a month ago and it started burning." I asked him why he was messing around with a woman that has already given him a STD once. He says, "Well my girlfriend is in jail and I was horny, she came by and I couldnt help myself. My girlfriend is going to kill me, she gets out in 2 days." I then ask him why he couldnt have the woman take him to the ER. He says that he didnt want to bother her to take him to the hospital that it was our job to do it, plus we would know what was wrong with him. I then reply, "Yep I have a pretty good idea whats happened. But you can forget about a physical exam. I will take your BP, HR, RR, psO2, and glucose level, but thats about all I can do for you." Some people are just idiots!
 
I've been working many shifts this week. And people keep falling down steps step face first to the bottom.
 
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