Or continue, the then and now isn't a bad idea. My rule of thumb is if you say anything stupid, enclose it in quotes. i.e. let a character do the dirty work.
Seriously, this should be a thread of it's own.I want to remark on simply_me’s commentary on the grammar and punctuation of the poem Come to Me and in so doing explore a little of what poetry means to me. This is a very personal exploration of how my mind is working as I read and reread the poem and is not to suggest that some other way is not equally as valid.
The corrected version of the poem is as valid as UnderYourSpell's original submission—it is neither better nor worse; only different. My opinion relies on that theory of poetry which holds that a poem's sense of the words acts mainly upon the intellect of the listener, while the rhythm and sounds (alliteration, assonance, consonantal qualities, etc.) act on the physical body. All of the above, along with things like connotation will affect the emotions of the reader.
Now while I identify three parts of our being that perceives the poem, I am not suggesting that the three are distinct nor that they are equal in perceiving the totality of a poem. For me there is a kind of dance between the three wherein distinctions blur or combine to create different results depending on my mood, state of health, level of emotional security, whatever.
When grammar and punctuation rules are broken, it will sometimes open up a new level of understanding that strict adherence to grammar would not allow. In the first three lines of the poem (the first full sentence)
In the night she thought she heard him,
a drawn out cry, the voice echoed
in her head called her name.
the first line is relatively diffused, slow and longer than the others with “drawn out” pause created by the line-break as well as the comma, and echoed by the next three words that follow only to be interrupted by the more sharply sounding “cry” which is softened by the comma-occasioned pause. Lulled by what preceded “cry” our focus suddenly perks up expectantly waiting for something new that has been heralded by the subtle shift in rhythm. Then, following the soft flow of “the voice” we have the double whammy of the two hard consonantal sounds in “echoed;” the first exploding across our tongue from the back of the mouth while the second lands more softly with tongue on the teeth at the front of the mouth so that it flows easily into the line-break pause.
All of this sets us up for the powerful beauty of the third line, achieved by the omission of the comma that normally belongs there. By omitting the comma, one is able to experience the two phrases “in her head” and ”called her name” as simultaneous (which they actually are) than as sequential events which the sequential flow of phrases incorrectly suggests. Thus the line is faster in contrast with the slowness of what has gone before and this change, along with the other changes I referred to earlier, begins to excite a perception in my being of the energy the poet has invested in what she is describing as well as the turmoil and confusion of unrequited longings buried deep in her subconscious, longings which travel through her dreams into her consciousness.
Without the comma the two phrases co-mingle in the speed of the line
There is also the tension between the meaning of the aforementioned two phrases of the third line and the sense of her “head called her name” so that there is ambiguity in the line that echoes the confusion over whether the cry is real or imagined.
Thus in trying to make sense of the piece I begin to feel tickled, excited, by the suggestion of a super-reality evoked by the contradictory possibilities of the line vying with each other and creating a third possibility out of the contradiction which words will not describe.
Putting a comma into the third line would destroy this effect the poem has on me.
Now, there you go again, Ms. Anne, Again with the four letter words EDIT, EDIT, EDIT.
nah, the "hinter", you probably are more feed up with the bullshit than I am.
Here is a shortened version of my above post:
Good punctuation will serve to minimize ambiguity.
Ambiguity is an excellent poetic device to expand the range of poetic expression.
I point out, I thanked you.
Thank you for the kind words. I've already suffered the "bullshit". I expect it from the sad pansies, the cowards, the nests. I've seen too many good people leave/ and or get discouraged because of their nastiness, freeloading, and screwing around with their H's and others.
There seems to be too much history, retaliation, heartburn etc. regarding comments and voting. Thats one of the reasons why I always post my appreciative comments as anonymous. For the same reasons, I have turned public comments off. Those who want to make an honest critique of my work and offer constructive suggestions have sent me private comments. And I have benefited immensely from them. Its highly appreciated, So thank you to all the anonymous ones who have commented on my poems. I have cherished your criticisms.
well that's one Anon accounted for ..... don't you realise how frustrating it is to get Anon comments? you don't like them and have turned your comments off but expect others to get them from you ..... hardly fair is it?[/QUOTE said:I have only turned off public display of comments. I've been getting anon comments as well. All the comments I have posted are on those poems that I liked. I do not comment on those I don't understand - and many poems I do not understand at all - or those I don't like. But I do see your point of frustration. Never thought of it that way. Next time, I shall remedy the situation. Now send us a poetic gem like last time, pronto...
There seems to be too much history, retaliation, heartburn etc. regarding comments and voting. Thats one of the reasons why I always post my appreciative comments as anonymous. For the same reasons, I have turned public comments off. Those who want to make an honest critique of my work and offer constructive suggestions have sent me private comments. And I have benefited immensely from them. Its highly appreciated, So thank you to all the anonymous ones who have commented on my poems. I have cherished your criticisms.
Why?I have only turned off public display of comments. I've been getting anon comments as well. All the comments I have posted are on those poems that I liked. I do not comment on those I don't understand - and many poems I do not understand at all - or those I don't like. But I do see your point of frustration. Never thought of it that way. Next time, I shall remedy the situation. Now send us a poetic gem like last time, pronto...
Why?
As far as anonymous comments go, how do you assign a value to it? It would have to be very specific and illustrative to have any real value. If it was don't you think others might possibly benefit?
As far as comments only that you like. That is fine, you should support what you like, however, growth exists outside your comfort zone.
If you "understand" it, it probably isn't poetry. The things that "bother" probably are. It hides between, behind and in the effects. Sometimes a comment unravels a part of it.
See also rule 111
And then sometimes people are just talking out of their ass, I do sometimes and admit to it, anon does most of time and never does.
