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First story: Little help

LastLostIdols

LastLostIdols

Really Experienced
Joined
Jan 9, 2013
Posts
151
So my first post on this site and I'm just a bit curious concerning my first story.

The story is twisted & messed up but it is only the introduction.

Now if you care to read it you'll know its a bit strange but hey I've stuck to the rules as far as I know but getting abit annoyed now due to the negative rating its getting.

Could it be because I categorized the story wrong? I was unsure how to categorize it properly
the story does include:
-drug use
-transsexuals/shemale
-period/menstrual blood
-Swearing

I categorized the story as humour & satire as I do plan to make it at least a little funny but just wondering should this one chapter in particular be classed as any other category and if so which?

I did show the story to someone before posting but was curious after the negative votes as to just how weird of stories people are okay with on this site?

I know the story was only posted today but I'm just a bit paranoid that the story is too 'disgusting' if it is too much I'll quit this story and post something more normal :p

Any thoughts or feedback would be great. And if anyone turns out to be interested in it I've already submitted the second part judging from the time this part got approved I'd say it'll take a couple of days?


So thoughts? Link: www.literotica.com/s/daylight-not-preferable-ch-01
 
Last edited:
Thoughts... It is pretty short and does not go anywhere. There is no punchline or point. You say it will be funny later...so post when you have the full scene. this is an opening with crass or Fetish humor at best. It would be hard for any reader to see why it should be funny, especially if you are UK but try to set it in the US with American characters. Very different styles of humor there.

I can't categorize even this because there is not enough to digest. They are hungover characters waking up in a hotel room and wallowing around. Nothing happens, certainly no joke or full scene with a satirical point. That is the reason for the score.
 
I see your point thanks very much, I'll try to merge the two parts in an update. :)
 
Two major problems.

1. Humor & Satire readers most likely visit that category for something that is humorous or satirical. And probably not for something likely to be "a little funny". Lots of stories are "a little funny" including some in Erotic Horror. Humor and satire probably should be the whole point of a story posted there.

2. Here's an early paragraph chosen mostly at random:

The curtains were yanked shut only a slight bit of daylight got in shining on Amy's monstrously large hips you could hear her breathing heavily as she turned her head to breathe. Someone was being sick in the bathroom it could have only been Marisa she'd downed half a bottle of Jim Beam the night before the bottle was in the draw where Darcy the manager was sleeping off the pills.

We'll make it a little quiz. How many periods and commas are missing making the run on sentences nearly unreadable, at least on the first pass? Hint: probably more are missing than are included.

Most writers on this site are amateurs doing it for their own amusement. Most readers on this site seem to understand that and they are largely accepting of minor grammar and spelling problems if the story is good and the characters interesting.

Take a step back and try to read it as if you didn't write it. It's hard to do, but you need to do it. Writing doesn't produce a good story; editing does.

rj
 
rjordan said:
Two major problems.

1. Humor & Satire readers most likely visit that category for something that is humorous or satirical. And probably not for something likely to be "a little funny". Lots of stories are "a little funny" including some in Erotic Horror. Humor and satire probably should be the whole point of a story posted there.

2. Here's an early paragraph chosen mostly at random:

The curtains were yanked shut only a slight bit of daylight got in shining on Amy's monstrously large hips you could hear her breathing heavily as she turned her head to breathe. Someone was being sick in the bathroom it could have only been Marisa she'd downed half a bottle of Jim Beam the night before the bottle was in the draw where Darcy the manager was sleeping off the pills.

We'll make it a little quiz. How many periods and commas are missing making the run on sentences nearly unreadable, at least on the first pass? Hint: probably more are missing than are included.

Most writers on this site are amateurs doing it for their own amusement. Most readers on this site seem to understand that and they are largely accepting of minor grammar and spelling problems if the story is good and the characters interesting.

Take a step back and try to read it as if you didn't write it. It's hard to do, but you need to do it. Writing doesn't produce a good story; editing does.

rj
Click to expand...

Yeah I know very foolish of me and I am highly embarrassed at how awful it reads, that's why I've submitted this series to be deleted. I will re-post it at a later date when it's finished and is something I'd be proud to put my name on.

I'm still unsure of what genre to stick on the series as a whole. I have released the second part which will still be up for a while longer to read but that has an even lower rating which is bugging me even more.

Anyway I'm always glad to receive constructive polite criticism so thank you very much RJ.
 
Yes, it's in the wrong category. Nothing humorous or satirical so far. It's purely Transsexual category (which is one of those that takes priority). It also doesn't go anywhere. Chapter aren't just chopped off just anywhere. They are supposed to have an arc and content and something wrapped up going into a transition.

It's also full of run-on sentences and bad punctuation. For instance, this run-on sentence closes the opening paragraph: "The quilt cover from the bed was thrown atop the Television to stop the glare of the white noise it hadn't occurred to Reggie to just turn the damn box off." Several other run-on sentences just have a comma between them. I'm surprised it passed the site editor's selection.
 
No punctuation, run on sentences and grammar. Sorry I couldn't get past paragraph 2. Why don't authors invest a little time to proofread or have someone else do it? Make corrections and update it, I would read it again at that point.
 
You'll notice a lot of the top writers here credit an editor for their help. One of my favorites on this site, Girl In The Moon, just credited two editors for a recent story.

It's very difficult to see your work as others see it. Not even the top pros can do that. They all have editors.

Look into the volunteer editor program here. If you can find one that suits your style and knows our genre, they can be very helpful throughout the story cycle. But any good editor can help you with grammar issues or plot holes.

Good luck,

rj
 
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