a pissed off Forum Moderator

Feeling like a victim of over-zealousness

I don't really expect a reply to this - especially seeing as no one has posted to this thread for 3 weeks - but for those who might stumble upon it, and for my own catharsis, I feel like I should respond.

I just started reading and posting to the forums about 4 weeks ago. I was new and was still trying to figure out how things worked.

I have a penchant for spanking and I'm also a switch: l like being on both sides of the experience. Now, I know that men tend to like different things than women sometimes. I love looking at pictures of women being spanked and, naturally, being a switch, I wondered if there might be women who are either Doms or switches themselves who enjoy looking at pictures of men being spanked. A while back I had a picture taken of myself after being spanked with a cane, and I thought it would be fun - kind of exciting in an exhibitionistic sort of way - to have it posted on the net, but I wasn't sure if women would really be interested so before I bothered to post the picture I thought I would ask. Being new to the forums, I mistakenly thought that the BDSM forum would be the logical place to find women who shared my interest in spanking and therefore that this forum would be the natural place to post.

As I recall I went back very shortly after posting to see if anyone had replied. At first my post was missing. I had posted to a couple of other threads in other forums and those posts were still there, but this new thread was gone. Eventually - and I don't remember exactly how it came about - but I found my thread moved to the Personals forum.

There was a single reply to my thread which read as follows:

"This seems like a photo-personals ad to me. It doesn't belong in the forum, I don't think--particularly since it was posted right below a long thread devoted to posting pics and art...."

That's what tipped me off that I had violated some rule of the forum (I later discovered that personal ads, which my post was apparently considered - though I didn't think of it that way when I wrote it - were not allowed in the BDSM forum.) Had it ended there I would have accepted it without much more thought other than that the language seemed to me to be rather curt. However the next sentence went on to say:

"Clearly, this person's just soliciting cyber."

This was obviously a judgmental statement and I felt a bit hurt but brushed it off thinking that perhaps this person was just a woman who hated men or some such thing. However, it came from a person who was obviously a very experienced person in this forum, having something like 2,000 posts, and it did give me the impression that this particular forum was NOT a safe play to be.

Now, after almost 4 weeks of avoiding this forum, I came across this thread, and now I think that perhaps the person's response was more a reaction to the spamming problem. This seems especially likely when I go back to my previous post and look at the timeline. This thread was written just a half-hour after my thread was posted. And the reply I received was written by another person within this forum another 2 hours later.

I remember watching an NBA basketball game several years ago in which the referees seemed to have a bias against one particular team. Eventually the star player of that team (Clyde Drexler) had had enough and when he mistakenly thought he was fouled he lashed out verbally at the referee and was ejected from the game. My guess is that the same thing happened here. Someone tired of dealing with all the spam crap (as the originator of this thread put it), read a posting that appeared to them to have similarities to those postings and lashed out. However, there are distinct differences as well: There were no links or e-mail addresses in my post and I didn't even post the picture that I wanted to post because I was waiting to see if there was even any interest.

In the very off-chance that anyone actually reads through this tome of a reply and wishes to read my actual post, it reads as follows (and I am cutting and pasting it verbatum from the original thread):

"I was wondering if there are any women out there who like to see pictures of men being spanked. I have one of myself strapped down with some really nice cane marks which I would post if I knew that there were at least one woman who would be interested in seeing it."

The other person's reply has already been given without any omissions or deletions.

And, now, having made my therapeutic peace, perhaps I will begin to see what this forum has to offer - even though I will probably feel like I'm walking on eggshells every time I want to say something.
 
WElcome aboard - and the only reason I can see to walk on the literal egg shell ....

.. would be for you to wear high heels without being accustomed to :D

Seriously - I think you answered your own question perfectly well ... just simply bad timing!

There was for a little while a really noticable accumulation of personals and spam posts so that eventually many forum regulars were having the again, literal, button pushed at the blink of an eye.

As you in the meantime may have figured out - we aren't as scary as our reputaion *winks* so all I can say - give "us" a second chance and jumsp right in. And no need for stepping around too carefully - we may bark but we usually don't bite (or something along the line).

As for answering your question - mhhh yes, I (being a Domme) have indeed a - uhm - er - certain interest in a nicely glowing reddish male butt. But I guess I will go and post that where it belongs - I think I saw a thread dedicated to male sub pics on my way in...?
 
John One, try to chalk it up as a learning experience and jump on in. One thing I love about this place is if you mess up, you will be told. If you learn from it you are part of the family, if you cop a tude, expect it back times 10.
Just like in real life.

Welcome and...what about these pics? Should I go check out that other thread?
 
Although i don't remember you, in particular, there was a time that it felt like we were being targeted by an increasing number of unknown-to-us personals-ad people. In other words, people we didn't know who simply stopped in to srop off personals ads - not to become a part of our community, not to talk with us, not to find out who we are, not to offer their own insights, not to do anything but troll from responses.

I acted, as did the other mods here, decisively and swiftly in eliminating all such posting from this place because that's not who we are or who we want to be here - by community consensus, i might add, not by any high-handed action of forum mods.

I didn't know you.
You hadn't posted before.
I didn't have any way to determine you were different the rest of the idiots that thought, for a while, they could find someone to play with by dropping a pic of a nicely caned bottom in our midst (or a lurid description of what they wanted or would do) and then wait for the offers to roll in.

I won't let up on the deletion of such inappropriate postings, either. Nor will the other mods.

If you wish to be a part of our community, we'll welcome you warmly. Please read the stickies at the top of the forum on your way in if you haven't done so yet. They'll give you important information about who we are and on what we focus.

I cannot and will not apologize for deleting your post from this forum because i did what was right at the time. You seemed like every other unknown-to-us personals-ad troll we had popping into the place at that time.

I can and do, however, welcome you to this place and to the idea of joining us. After you know the manner in which we tend to do these things, please feel to post your pics, should you still desire to do so.
cymbidia
Forum Moderator
 
Last edited:
Thanks for the unexpected feedback, cymbidia.

One of the things that I forgot to mention in my treatise was that I too hate irritating spam and that in that regard I fully support your position. I can also understand why you wouldn't want this to become a forum rife with personal ads from desperate men trolling for sex. Unfortunately, it seems to me that it can be a fine line between something that might be construed as a personal ad and an honest request to find and interact with people who share your particular tastes in the wide range of what falls within the BDSM category.

In looking back on my post, a couple of things could be rightfully deduced from the way it was worded:

  1. I was obviously interested in whether there were any women who would be interested in "my" picture. (But then again, who, of all those who post personal pictures to a site isn't looking for a positive response?)
  2. I'm an exhibitionist who wants members of the opposite sex to see me naked, etc. (Something that appears to be acceptable on the Literotica site as a whole - just read some of the stories)

    [/list=1]

    Both of these would certainly be common themes in a personal ad; however I was also searching for something more generic.

    Having grown up in a religious affiliation in which it was taught that men were the ones interested in sex (and probably really shouldn't be) and that women really weren't interested in sex, it was refreshing to find out that there actually are women who like sex. Even more so, it was nice to know that there are some women who are interested in spanking (for which I have a particular fondness). However, it is also true that different people have different tastes. Not all women are into BDSM. Not all women who are into BDSM are into spanking. Not all women who are into being spanked are into it as a sexual experience, as is the case with me. Not all women who are into spanking are into spanking men as well. Etc. So my question was also an attempt to engage people of like interests in the same way that having a BDSM forum is meant to engage people who are interested in BDSM without having to wade through thousands of posts by people who aren't.

    Also, my question was genuine in that I had always been told that men, for the most part, are visually stimulated, but women, for the most part really don't get into visual stimulation (which is why women want to have sex in the dark and men want to have sex with the lights on). I didn't even post the picture. I first asked if anyone, in a forum that would include women interested in spanking, would be interested in such a picture.

    Anyway, I'm back into writing an article instead of a quick post, so I need to wrap this up. Supposedly, this is a forum where people can safely talk about their personal experiences, ask questions and get answers. All of which is virtually impossible without a significant degree of "personal" sharing. So can you (or anyone else reading this) at least see why there would be some confusion as to what is acceptable? I asked a question in a forum appropriate to my question and was (I felt) attacked by someone's reply (it wasn't you, by the way). And can you also understand why I would feel like I would need to walk on eggshells for fear that something I post might be construed as a "personal" ad?

    I have since found a thread in which I did post my picture (Men in Bondage) and have already received some positive feedback. I didn't post it to this thread the first time around because it was a bondage thread, and though I was bound in the picture I'm not really so much into bondage as much as into spanking and so I was looking for something along that line.

    Thanks again for responding, cymbidia. And I hope that nobody thinks that I'm trying to create a negative atmosphere in here. I just think that my concern is legitimate; the same way someone else (CarolineOh) was concerned whether it was considered appropriate to post links to stories related to a thread's topic.

    Also, I just want to be clear on one other thing that I mentioned in my last post. I think it likely that the person who made the negative comment was reacting based on their perception and on other things that had preceded that post. I'm definitely not trying to start a war or to get people to take sides. Having had several weeks to process it and then discovering that there were extenuating circumstances that would lead them to respond as they did, I don't hold any hard feelings; which is why I deliberately have not mentioned the person by name: I didn't want people feeling like I was attacking their friend. And I certainly hope that I haven't alienated that person from any potential positive interactions with myself in the future.

    Still, the confusion about what is acceptable in regards to sharing or asking personal questions remains.
 
Thank you for your encouragement Hecate and HotXBunz. I actually didn't see them until after I had written my second epistle, but they certainly helped. :)

By the way, Hecate, you were one of the people who gave me the positive feedback on my picture. Thanks again.

And, HotXBunz, the picture can be found in the following thread:


Pictures: Men in Bondage
 
JohnOne said:
Supposedly, this is a forum where people can safely talk about their personal experiences, ask questions and get answers. All of which is virtually impossible without a significant degree of "personal" sharing. So can you (or anyone else reading this) at least see why there would be some confusion as to what is acceptable? I asked a question in a forum appropriate to my question and was (I felt) attacked by someone's reply (it wasn't you, by the way). And can you also understand why I would feel like I would need to walk on eggshells for fear that something I post might be construed as a "personal" ad?
This is most definitely a forum wherein people can safely talk about things they might not have an outlet for anywhere else, JohnOne. We all end up sharing parts of ourselves in a personal manner to the extent that we're comfortable doing so in order to feel safe about talking through our concerns and desires and places of excitement, too.

You asked a question at a time when we didn't know you at all and in a manner that most definitely could have - and was - taken as trolling. That we were wrong in your case is unfortunate but it doesn't make us wrong to remove all such potential posts. One cannot, i think, divorce your case from the time frame and history of the board when you first posted. At that time (1) we didn't know you, (2) there were a bunch of personals ads that popped up out of the blue, all from other people we didn't know, and (3) yours sounded like a personals ad.

Hence it was removed.

You've gotten past it, though, so all is well and good. No need to keep discussing it endlessly, right? You've beenwelcomed here. You've posted your picture and gotten feedback on it. You've explained your reservations about whether this was a welcoming sort of place or not and i've explained what my position is and was.

Time to let it go, JohnOne.

If you post a personals ad sounding post in the future, because we know who the fuck you are now, i or the other mods would be far more likely to pm you ask about it. Before you were a name out of no place. You do see the difference, right? One thing has not changed, however: you still cannot post anything that sounds like a personals ad on this board.
Thanks again for responding, cymbidia. And I hope that nobody thinks that I'm trying to create a negative atmosphere in here. I just think that my concern is legitimate; the same way someone else (CarolineOh) was concerned whether it was considered appropriate to post links to stories related to a thread's topic.
Of course your concern is legitimate, JohnOne. It's difficult coming to a new place - we all know that. Even if the place is fairly straightforward and possesses a minimum number of "rules", it's still hard to get the lay of the land, so to speak, in a short time.

Hang in there.
You'll know when you're well.
You'll know when you blow it.
We don't keep that kinda thing a secret. Honestly.
Also, I just want to be clear on one other thing that I mentioned in my last post. I think it likely that the person who made the negative comment was reacting based on their perception and on other things that had preceded that post. I'm definitely not trying to start a war or to get people to take sides. Having had several weeks to process it and then discovering that there were extenuating circumstances that would lead them to respond as they did, I don't hold any hard feelings; which is why I deliberately have not mentioned the person by name
Was it me?
;)
You can name me, if so. I honestly don't remember - and everyone here knows i growl and snap a lot anyway.
Still, the confusion about what is acceptable in regards to sharing or asking personal questions remains.
Share whatever you want.
Ask whatever you want.
If you're out of line, we'll tell you.
Don't post personals ads here.
Don't post your email addy.
Don't post...
...hell, just go read the stickies up on top, okay? They'll tell you all this stuff.

Everyone new to this forum ought to do that straight off.

Then go read the entire "New Faces, Come Say Hello" thread that Risia started. In it, you'll learn who *we* are if you're interested in us and interested in becoming a part of our community, that is.
 
Last edited:
I totally agree. It's time to let it go. And I have been welcomed. Thank you. I think Hecate probably said it as succinctly as possible when she said

I think you answered your own question perfectly well ... just simply bad timing!

(Well, that a poor choice of wording on my part perhaps.)

Had I read her simple statement before I composed my last essay I probably wouldn't have rambled on quite so much.

So, hi everyone. I'm JohnOne :)
 
Who can I make fun of then?

cymbidia said:
Caroline - NO!

What we're trying to contain are the kinds of posts where someone we don't know waltzes in and posts something like this:

Hi! The other day my man and me, well, he tied me up with his belt and then had sex with me for hours. He even went in the back and it was wonderful even though i'm a little sore today! If you want to talk to me about it you can find me at [insert some kinda link or email addy here]!

Or this:

Subbies, if you think you're ready for a real Master, a strict and Dominant Man who will not let you get away with any bad behavior, send me a picture and explain why i should respond to you. [email addy]

Or this:

I'm such a bad boy. I have lots of pictures of me being punished, too, and would really like to share them with you if you want to see them. Just write to me at [addy]/Just cum have a look here: [link]

Believe it or not, we've had examples of all those posted to this forum in the last week or so. They were not that blatant but when you boiled them down, that's what they were saying. THAT'S what we're trying to keep from filtering into the place, Caroline - not links to the work that we, commmunity members, have done.

We have to guard against strangers who only want to spam the place, NOT put our own off ever mentioning thier work. We have incredibly talented people here, Caroline, and i would hope none of us is ever shy at all about speaking up with regard to our own work.

Anyone not clear about anything else regarding these strange new rules that have appeared where none were ever necessary before?

There goes the laughter! I was beginning to see them as comic relief!

Ebony
 
Ah, the irony...

JohnOne,

I was the one who moved your thread. After a long string of bizarre personals and spam in a short time-span, I intervened in a thread I found questionable; I followed moderator protocol and moved it to the Mod Queue. From there, the move to Personals was a decision made by the operator of the site, not by us. Anything we find questionable, we move and "upper management" decides where it belongs.

I've re-read my post to you, and I'm sorry if it struck you as curt. It was intended to inform without encouraging either flaming the original poster (you), or generating further posts to a questionable thread. It did come at the end of a long string of one-time posters from personals, spammers, and other junk-threads, and so my tone was likely less friendly and far less welcoming than is typical of both myself and the Forum more generally. And it was, as I recall, your very first post. As such, it fit the model for spam. I'm sorry that in this case it was a legitimate question which got misread; however, we take such a vigilant stance for a reason.
In short, it makes a bad first impression from either perspective.

The irony of all this is that the huge thread dedicated to introducing and welcoming newbies is one that *I* started. I'm really not a dragon-lady. ;)

Bury the hatchet?

And a belated welcome to the Forum. :rose:

RS
 
No problem, RisiaSkye. I really am over it. And is nice to meet you. :) With any luck we'll get to know each other a little better as we interact in various threads. I may even check out that newbie thread you mentioned just to see what's there.

Take care.
 
Beware

BEWARE OF THE TROLL CALLED SPAM?
Ignore the trolls and they go away.
Respond to the trolls and they will mistreat u. Lead u astray.
 
BEWARE OF THE TROLL CALLED SPAM?
Ignore the trolls and they go away.
Respond to the trolls and they will mistreat u. Lead u astray.

You need to start checking the posting dates on stuff you reply to. This thread is over 10 years old.
 
BEWARE OF THE TROLL CALLED SPAM?
Ignore the trolls and they go away.
Respond to the trolls and they will mistreat u. Lead u astray.
Really? YOU presume to give us "advice" (in your continued immature text-speak abbreviations) about trolls by resurrecting a thread to which no reponses have been made in almost 11 years?



 
Wow, I love it when I read some interesting things on here and I'm the last woman to respond. Everyone has already said what they needed to say, and now it's all over, what could possibly be said next about it. But....

I've always been picked last in life. It sucks, a lot. You go out, live your every day life and Vanilla people judge you, and think you have problems just because you speak with your actions, instead of your words 200 miles a minute. And you don't want to be submissive. You want to feel special, for once in your life so you choose the dominatrix idea instead, and suddenly every woman is mad at you. And people want to commit you.

I have this roommate. She thinks she knows everything. It's like I'm her bitch, it sucks being the bitch. Every girl says they love to be the bitch. I'm different, sometimes I just want all these whiney women to shut up, mind their own business, and work on my hair, do my make-up or whatever, and shut-up.

Most would view me as submissive, boy are they in for a surprise.

And for the record I've been using these fourms sense I was eighteen years old, but I get afraid to respond because my grammar is not exactly perfect and you don't want to say something stupid or people with think your spamming the fourms.

But to all the wonderful people out here who keeps these fourms safe.

Thank you! It's so peaceful around here. It's a place I love to go to relax, and unwind.
 
Cimbidia was peeved about trolls back when maybe a 500 people a day were coming here-- seemed astronomical!

Spam has changed since then, and spam protection has changed with it... life was sweeter then, and more carefree.
:D
 
Wow, I love it when I read some interesting things on here and I'm the last woman to respond. Everyone has already said what they needed to say, and now it's all over, what could possibly be said next about it. But....

I've always been picked last in life. It sucks, a lot. You go out, live your every day life and Vanilla people judge you, and think you have problems just because you speak with your actions, instead of your words 200 miles a minute. And you don't want to be submissive. You want to feel special, for once in your life so you choose the dominatrix idea instead, and suddenly every woman is mad at you. And people want to commit you.

I have this roommate. She thinks she knows everything. It's like I'm her bitch, it sucks being the bitch. Every girl says they love to be the bitch. I'm different, sometimes I just want all these whiney women to shut up, mind their own business, and work on my hair, do my make-up or whatever, and shut-up.

Most would view me as submissive, boy are they in for a surprise.

And for the record I've been using these fourms sense I was eighteen years old, but I get afraid to respond because my grammar is not exactly perfect and you don't want to say something stupid or people with think your spamming the fourms.

But to all the wonderful people out here who keeps these fourms safe.

Thank you! It's so peaceful around here. It's a place I love to go to relax, and unwind.
We don't require perfection here, merely a visible attempt to be reasonably literate and intelligent. There are some *very prized* posters around here who can't spell for shit, occasionally use poor grammar, etc., etc., (in large part because those aspects of education weren't centered during their childhoods) but are prized because we have learned that they *THINK* before posting, and make the effort to be decent human beings... and *that,* I think, is what makes them valuable to all of us.

And we're happy that you feel you can come here to relax and unwind. :)
 
We don't require perfection here, merely a visible attempt to be reasonably literate and intelligent. There are some *very prized* posters around here who can't spell for shit, occasionally use poor grammar, etc., etc., (in large part because those aspects of education weren't centered during their childhoods) but are prized because we have learned that they *THINK* before posting, and make the effort to be decent human beings... and *that,* I think, is what makes them valuable to all of us.

And we're happy that you feel you can come here to relax and unwind. :)
And so say we all, I'd bet. :)
 
Hot damn, some people in this thread I dearly miss...the only good thing about bumping such an old thread is the memories it brings back.
 
.......
(sorry. didn't look at the date...carry on!)
 
Back
Top