Am I a hypocrite?

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if so i am one right there with you

We all keep secrets from someone. Keeping them from a spouse can be tricky as we all know. Take it from someone that lost a marriage because of her secrets. If I could do things over I might never have married my ex, rather he may have never married me because of my need for fem lovers, but that would have been better than keeping secrets that cause so much hurt to both. Not judging you at all because like I said we all have different sides we show but I really do hope you are able to share Lit with her in the future. Who knows it could be something really good for the both of you.

We all have our demons this one is mine too! I have never cheated in 30 years but love being a little slut on here! Hubby knows I get on here but not how much! It is a tension reliever for me and makes me feel sexy and he reaps the benefits!

Anomaly1964 said:

I am a Christian, I take my faith seriously, I give the gospel so someone when then opportunity arises and I enjoy theological discussion...

That said, I struggle with lust, have a vivid sexual imagination, and yes, LIT is my secret from my wife...

But do these facts make me a hypocrite?

In my mind, a hypocrite would be someone who publically bashes a behavior or practice while privately participating in those behaviors...

I'm a Christian, but that is NOT a claim to be perfect...

Click to expand...

I used to be just like you, but after 20 years in a dead-end marriage, I'm just about ready to ditch the stupid religion.

Anomaly1964 said:

I am a Christian, I take my faith seriously, I give the gospel so someone when then opportunity arises and I enjoy theological discussion...

That said, I struggle with lust, have a vivid sexual imagination, and yes, LIT is my secret from my wife...

But do these facts make me a hypocrite?

In my mind, a hypocrite would be someone who publically bashes a behavior or practice while privately participating in those behaviors...

I'm a Christian, but that is NOT a claim to be perfect...

Click to expand...

The first time I orgasmed was simply from rubbing my legs together as I thought about sex. I was a teenager and it was an accident. Coming from a very religious background, I was horrified with myself but found myself immediately wanting more. I struggled for years with my lustful side and my compulsion to fulfill my sexual desires.

After a while I realized, like you said, that I'm not perfect. No one is perfect. I'm not harming myself or others in my ways, so I doubt that God even cares.
He has bigger things to worry about, right?

No, just means you are human, it's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Nothing wrong with keeping your private life private, but just respect those who express it publicly. Or better yet respect and try to be understanding of everyone's views, opinions and beliefs. Follow the golden rule, be true to yourself and find your own religion and this planet will be a better place.

We're all in this together!

A hypocrite is someone who espouses one thing and admonishes others to follow that way but does not do so themselves.

Just having a secret life does not make you a hypocrite. But if you criticize others who do the same thing then yes, you are a hypocrite.

You may well be a sinner though, but who am I to cast the first stone.

You might start off by reading the article in the following link “Is It Lust or Legalism.” The author of this article (Brad Watson) has a very good book by the same title. It’s not very long and it's worth reading. Some critical points of the article and the book are:

• It’s the intent that counts. There’s nothing wrong with simply having (and enjoying) sexual thoughts. Having an intention to cheat on your spouse (or cheat with someone else’s spouse) is wrong, and constitutes “lust.” The author makes a pretty good case that this interpretation was the actual original intent of the original Greek biblical texts.

• The Jews from 2000 years ago, and thereby the earliest Christians weren’t so prudish. The anti-sex attitudes that infiltrated into Christianity came from the Greco-Roman & pagan philosophies of the time as the non-Jews adopted Christianity. The wild orgies represented a small minority, and most of the population did not approve of such behavior. The ideals of asceticism, stoicism, and Platonism (Platonic relationships), seek to deny bodily pleasures, and do not place value to our physical existence.

Even the old Testament rules for sexual behavior are pretty relaxed about premarital sex. A man shouldn’t have sex without someone else’s wife, but it’s silent about a married man having sex with an unmarried woman. Another interesting book is Raymond Lawrence’s “The Poisoning or Eros.” Watson’s book is shorter, and uses Lawrence’s book as a reference.

Not a hypocrite but indoctrinated. Religion, especially the big 3 monotheisms are incredibly hung up and obsessed with sex and others sex life. Sex is a natural and wonderful experience that only something perverse, like religion, can turn it into a negative.

Even though it's been decades since I've realized I didn't need religion, I'm still a product of having been raised within it.

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Amarriedmomof3 said:

I'll take that one level higher. Am I a hypocrite to have intense sexual fantasies while sitting in the pews at church? I was raised a good catholic girl.. I find church to be a place I can have some of my most vivid fantasies. It's not anything like me being with a priest. It's thinking of people in the pews I have crushes on. The college basketball jock and his brother home for a few weeks. I can get so aroused that I'll be interrupted to stand and sing and find I can smell my scent and then feel a touch of guilt if anyone can smell it. So am I a hypocrite? I am comfortable that there is a God and I am happy and content.

Click to expand...

agree with anomaly up at the top - as long as no bashing or shaming of others occurs whilst doing the same secretly - hypocracy has not occurred.

and @ Amarriedmomof3 although the catholic faith (our faith) has shunned sexuality wholeheartedly, you are not being a hypocrite by fantasizing at the pews ... i guess we're all in the same boat as sinners then since we're craving that which belongs to others - but aren't we all born sinners looking for redemption?

fine line

enjoy your thoughts and your fantasies - you should here about the things I've done as i've strayed away from what is deemed righteous ... I didn't hurt anyone (most of all myself) and I still fight the good fight of being a good person and helping my fellow man or woman ... not rationalization, but an acceptance of my being.

Great responses from all...thanks so much.

Hypocracy Is Cool

Yes, of course you are a hypocrite. Everyone else is,
too. That sort of makes all the name-calling
meaningless, doesn't it? You are a hypocrite? It's
sort of like, "Ok, so?" Go ahead. Throw dirt at
me. You know you're only losing ground.

We are weird creatures. We are basically rutting
animals like the beasts. We are also endowed by god,
nature, or the Random Evolutionary Process (take your
pick) with godlike brains.

Most of us live like animals. We sleep, get up, eat,
poop, go to work, fuck, go back to sleep. We're
COMPLEX animals, I grant you. We have many ways to
hide our animal natures, and powerful incentives to
do so. Very few of us are even AWARE that there
might possibly be something more. Maybe something
beyond mere body, something like a "spiritual" world
out there. Something more than eating, sleeping and
fucking. Something which the rutting animals have no
access to.

Religion used to provide a structure, or discipline,
to aid in the discovery of this higher-order existence.
But disciplining our animal nature inevitably requires
some "do this, don't do that" structure. This
structure collides with our current cultural norm,
which is "do as you like." In other words, live like
the beasts.

Whichever you chose, you are still a hypocrite. St.
Augustine, Bishop of Hippo, probably had the best
approach: "Lord, grant me chastity. But not just yet."
If that's not a "HIPPO-crit" I don't know what is.

I think that a healthy fantasy life is a good thing, even (or perhaps especially) in marriage. In a perfect world we'd marry someone who wants to be the one who satisfies our every craving and desire, and is mold-able into our perfect whimsical lover. In the real world we're two unique, imperfect, and selfish individuals finding the road that meets both of our needs and brings us both satisfaction. It's not easy.

In my case, my wife enjoys sex (now) and is completely on board with the fact that having great sex brings us closer together emotionally. There are some things that I'd like to try that aren't her cup of tea, and that's absolutely okay with me. We don't give up our sexual identity or tastes just because we want to be the one that our spouse wakes up next to every day. There are other things that she's enthusiastically embraced that other women might flatly refuse.

Having an active imagination and fantasy life lets us explore the things that we imagine that we'd like about a kink without having to insist that the person we love change who they are in order for us to experience it. Some people think that the answer is to have multiple lovers, one for each unique need. My preference is to enjoy the things that we enjoy together, and keep the rest in fantasy land.

With respect to Lit being a secret from my wife, it was for a long time. I didn't feel that I had anything to hide, because I'd never chased virtual skirts or written anything bad about my wife. I wrote a few stories and enjoyed being a voyeur. I eventually decided that I wanted my wife to know about my online persona because I wanted her to accept the way that I express who I am. She wasn't particularly interested in Lit, but did read some posts that I sent to her. That has led to expanding our horizons in the bedroom to include some kink that we both enjoy. If sharing your Lit persona with your wife is an option, then I'd recommend it.

russko said:

the catholic faith (our faith) has shunned sexuality wholeheartedly

Click to expand...

Unless you're talking only about extra-marital sex, this statement is patently false. With respect to married sex, prior to the second Vatican council (the 60's), the Church had unfortunately (IMHO) taught that sex was strictly for procreation. The result was that people felt that the church was 'anti-sex'. Vatican II changed the Church's teaching to say that sex can and should should be enjoyed to build and maintain intimacy between marriage partners. The church now teaches that the gift of spouses to each other in sex is for deepening their knowledge of and love for each other. In fact, the church considers it to be a reflection and manifestation of Christ's love.

Maybe it's because I'm a crappy Catholic, but I don't think that there's anything hypocritical about fantasizing, even if those fantasies have a particular person in mind. I think that if it becomes a desire to experience the fantasy then it would be time to get my head back into my marriage and focus on my wife.

When I find my mind wandering to sexual thoughts in church, and who hasn't sat through a mind numbing homily, I remind myself why I'm there and try to focus. As you said, it's about realizing that we have room for improvement and working on being a better me.

I think that it's important not to judge other people, because judging others is one step from being a hypocrite.

Amarriedmomof3 said:

I'll take that one level higher. Am I a hypocrite to have intense sexual fantasies while sitting in the pews at church? I was raised a good catholic girl.. I find church to be a place I can have some of my most vivid fantasies. It's not anything like me being with a priest. It's thinking of people in the pews I have crushes on. The college basketball jock and his brother home for a few weeks. I can get so aroused that I'll be interrupted to stand and sing and find I can smell my scent and then feel a touch of guilt if anyone can smell it. So am I a hypocrite? I am comfortable that there is a God and I am happy and content.

Click to expand...

I really, really, really want to attend YOUR church. My attendance would be MUCH more faithful.

Hajj shabby.

A hypocrite?

Anomaly1964 said:

I am a Christian, I take my faith seriously, I give the gospel so someone when then opportunity arises and I enjoy theological discussion...

That said, I struggle with lust, have a vivid sexual imagination, and yes, LIT is my secret from my wife...

But do these facts make me a hypocrite?

In my mind, a hypocrite would be someone who publically bashes a behavior or practice while privately participating in those behaviors...

I'm a Christian, but that is NOT a claim to be perfect...

Click to expand...

I don't think so. Unfortunately Christianity looks upon sex and sexuality as Satan's work. The whole issue of sexual fun and enjoying sexual pleasures has no place in the Christian lexicon. One of the reasons that Christians speak from a bully pulpit. Enjoy your carnal pleasures.... welcome to the world of carnal pleasure like the thousands of other men and women....

NO YOUR NOT...A Hypocrite

God gave man; Free will, and offers forgiveness of sin....on the other hand...Islam (masked as a Religion) gives NO Free will, and no forgiveness.... don't believe me..

http://conservativebyte.com/2014/08/muslim-family-beheads-newlyweds-daring-marry-love/

live your life man.... Believe in the word of god, and you'll have eternal life.

I'm a fallen away Catholic (I may just rejoin because of Pope Francis).

I think being a Christian -- that is believing that Jesus Christ is the savior -- and being a sexual being is not being hypocritical at all. I think it's the dogma of the religions that have put the fear of God into us all. I don't think God had anything to do with that. And I don't believe Jesus did either.

One of my favorite questions to ask is if God meant it to be bad, then why is it so much fun?

tripleflip said:

Yes, of course you are a hypocrite. Everyone else is,
too. That sort of makes all the name-calling
meaningless, doesn't it? You are a hypocrite? It's
sort of like, "Ok, so?" Go ahead. Throw dirt at
me. You know you're only losing ground.

We are weird creatures. We are basically rutting
animals like the beasts. We are also endowed by god,
nature, or the Random Evolutionary Process (take your
pick) with godlike brains.

Most of us live like animals. We sleep, get up, eat,
poop, go to work, fuck, go back to sleep. We're
COMPLEX animals, I grant you. We have many ways to
hide our animal natures, and powerful incentives to
do so. Very few of us are even AWARE that there
might possibly be something more. Maybe something
beyond mere body, something like a "spiritual" world
out there. Something more than eating, sleeping and
fucking. Something which the rutting animals have no
access to.

Religion used to provide a structure, or discipline,
to aid in the discovery of this higher-order existence.
But disciplining our animal nature inevitably requires
some "do this, don't do that" structure. This
structure collides with our current cultural norm,
which is "do as you like." In other words, live like
the beasts.

Whichever you chose, you are still a hypocrite. St.
Augustine, Bishop of Hippo, probably had the best
approach: "Lord, grant me chastity. But not just yet."
If that's not a "HIPPO-crit" I don't know what is.

Click to expand...

AMEN!

Anomaly1964 said:

I am a Christian, I take my faith seriously, I give the gospel so someone when then opportunity arises and I enjoy theological discussion...

That said, I struggle with lust, have a vivid sexual imagination, and yes, LIT is my secret from my wife...

But do these facts make me a hypocrite?

In my mind, a hypocrite would be someone who publically bashes a behavior or practice while privately participating in those behaviors...

I'm a Christian, but that is NOT a claim to be perfect...

Click to expand...

Those "facts," as you said, don't make you a hypocrite, they make you deceptive, whether right or wrong, that's the word, the label you're looking for. Does getting upset that your wife might be having an affair while you're sending out personal ads yourself make you a hypocrite? Again, I don't think that's the word for it, but what do the words matter anyway? What does our disapproval or validation matter?

I think you might be asking the wrong questions.

Id rather laugh with the sinners then cry with the saints....
The sinners are much more fun!

Anomaly1964 said:

I am a Christian, I take my faith seriously, I give the gospel so someone when then opportunity arises and I enjoy theological discussion...

That said, I struggle with lust, have a vivid sexual imagination, and yes, LIT is my secret from my wife...

But do these facts make me a hypocrite?

In my mind, a hypocrite would be someone who publically bashes a behavior or practice while privately participating in those behaviors...

I'm a Christian, but that is NOT a claim to be perfect...

Click to expand...

I'm an atheist, but I can still relate to this. I'm someone who thinks sex should be saved for someone you love and are in a monogamous relationship with. I don't think casual sex is "immoral", just unhealthy. But get a little alcohol in me, and that all goes out the window.

Failing to live up to your own principles just makes you imperfect, but not necessarily a hypocrite.

Anomaly1964 said:

I am a Christian, I take my faith seriously, I give the gospel so someone when then opportunity arises and I enjoy theological discussion...

That said, I struggle with lust, have a vivid sexual imagination, and yes, LIT is my secret from my wife...

But do these facts make me a hypocrite?

In my mind, a hypocrite would be someone who publically bashes a behavior or practice while privately participating in those behaviors...

I'm a Christian, but that is NOT a claim to be perfect...

Click to expand...

You are like many of us. Read the Old Testament. See how perfect the forebears of Christianity were when in came to many things...including monogamy, extramarital sex, and the whole gamut of lust and erotica!