invitation for public slicing, dicing, and other constructive skewering

todski28 said:

Ok since youre seriously struggling let me lay it out for you, dont want you to blow a blood vessel.

This poem is about your favourite whipping boy/girl
Bruce Jenner.

See the turmoil below the surface facade of beauty. The loss of the reef is symbolic to the loss of his masculinity and he is scared that he is floating in the wrong choices hahaha

Thanks for the session doc I can now refrain from running naked down the street covered in my own excrement

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Tio_Narratore said:

Oh, yes, thank you. Ulysses was an easy and fun read. Finnegans Wake is more challenging. It's one of the few I re-read, and I find more in it each time I go through. And I've discussed both with numerous colleagues. Only those who haven't the imagination to see language and thought played with presume that others really haven't read Joyce.

And, no, I don't pretend to be superior to you and yours; you seem to feel inferior about not understanding, and in desperate need of some form of psychological projection to ease your sense of worthlessness.



Yes, the nascent poem does have points, but James and Pilot have trouble even with Ibsen's Wild Duck.

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sr71plt said:

You seem defensive enough to assert stuff you have no reason to either believe or suppose. Take yourself really seriously on a porn discussion board, don't you?

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sr71plt said:

I could use a glass of Yellowtail Shiraz. Might even sit down and read your poems then (nothing I've posted has been addressed to those--everything's been in response to a Tio fevered post).

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sr71plt said:

You seem defensive enough to assert stuff you have no reason to either believe or suppose. Take yourself really seriously on a porn discussion board, don't you?

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Tio_Narratore said:

Deluded, Pilot, or just unable to read simple prose? I didn't assert anything other than personal experience. You're the one who did that ("no one understands or reads Joyce" - remember?). And I never take myself seriously, particularly when dealing with you. Go back to pretending that you wrote all of Michener's travelogues.

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legerdemer said:

Yellowtail Shiraz it is, then.

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sr71plt said:

I read your first poem this morning. I've already said that the free verse form of poetry doesn't resonate with me. I came from and write in the era of rhyme, rhythm/cadence, storytelling, point pursuing--and everything focused on that pursuit. That said, I could almost embrace this poem, but not completely. Most of the images were fine for the point I was reaching to take from it (which, no, doesn't have to be your point). In images, you lost me at "shredded statues" and the last stanza didn't wrap up anything for me in terms of the theme I was trying to see--being in a trough of a relationship--the space between the breaths--and hopeful of the next breath, willing to stick in there.

I do like the concept of the space between the breaths and stopped and thought about that for a while. I recently wrote a story where a man was sitting at the death bed of his lover and holding his own breath and being very attentive until the next ragged breath of the lover arrived. And your poem might prompt me to go for one of my own that deals with the theme I was trying to see in yours and doing so with a traditional-form poem. If your poem had fulfilled my expectation, I wouldn't be thinking of how I'd write it, but what you wrote can certainly have done the job for you, which is all that would matter.

Thanks for the Shiraz. It was what I needed last night.

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sr71plt said:

I thought it was in "Simpatico," But there's only a hint of it there. Must be something sitting in my "waiting to be submitted/published files. I have them written a good year before they post here. As far as the poem, it's now up to my Muse on whether it will drop something for me to write down. I do have a few poems here, but so far all of them were in stories and have been extracted to run as poems too.

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HarryHill said:

sr, do me a favor and turn your sigs on and see if they run off the page like they do on mine... edit them so they aren't one continuous single line of links,
thanks

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sr71plt said:

Nope, they don't run over on mine in either ie or Firefox--they actually run short of the the width of the page--and they are a width the Web site setup permits. Must be something with your browser.

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HarryHill said:

Only happens when you post on a page I asked laurel to fix the 'chosen Mate thread you posted on some time back and she said she didn't find anything wrong either. I'll contact her and avoid thread you post on. thanks

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sr71plt said:

I leave you to be shitty with the personal attacking all by yourself. I neither said that no one understands or reads Joyce nor that I wrote all of Michener's travelogues. Do you argue all of your cases by lying in the extreme and attacking folks in irrelevancies? If so, you can just go hang. You obviously are out of control on this.

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legerdemer said:

Gentlemen,

You're welcome to stay, take a load off, and relax with a glass of wine or whiskey. Thanks for trying to leave rancor at the door.

Yours,

~Mer

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legerdemer said:

And point me to the story you were referring to - I'd like to read it.

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AlwaysHungry said:

Mer, I think you should try a more methodological approach. You said earlier, in jest, that you write from the navel. That's the wrong place to write from. If you bring scientific rigor to your poetry, you won't ruin it -- it won't become cold and dry. It will become more universal while retaining all of its passion.

I would suggest a few things: before setting fingertips to the keypad, think through what it is that you wish to express. Don't let it be a mere feeling. For a poet, emotions are like paints for a painter: necessary, but not the subject of the artwork. Poetry exists to express an idea that can't be expressed in prose. Generally, that will have a paradoxical quality, two seemingly contradictory meanings that coexist beautifully from a higher, poetic standpoint.

Once you are confident that you have that, then look for metaphors -- clear ones, ones that you are confident will be understood by the reader.

Then look for a structure where you can lead the reader through a progression of these metaphors, leading that reader inexorably toward the true, unspoken idea behind the poem. Lead that reader as adroitly and as confidently and with the same superb pacing as does a good comedian, building toward his best punch line.

And once you have all that in play, bring on the passion. You are blessed with plenty of it.

My Literotica history

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