Scorpio

Scorpio Horoscope for week of March 31, 2016

In 1841, a British medical journal prescribed the following remedy for the common cold: "Nail a hat on the wall near the foot of your bed, then retire to that bed, and drink spirits until you see two hats." My expert astrological analysis reveals that this treatment is likely to cure not just the sniffles, but also any other discomforts you're suffering from, whether physical or emotional or spiritual. So I hope you own a hat, hammer, and nails. APRIL FOOL! I lied. The method I suggested probably won't help alleviate what ails you. But here's a strategy that might: Get rid of anything that's superfluous, rotten, outdated, or burdensome.

Now there is some real advice worth listening to.
 
Scorpio Horoscope for week of March 31, 2016

In 1841, a British medical journal prescribed the following remedy for the common cold: "Nail a hat on the wall near the foot of your bed, then retire to that bed, and drink spirits until you see two hats."
I follow this advice assiduously. Vodka, V8, and Sriracha do the trick. Especially right now. [sneeze] I look down at the epoxy-embedded scorpion on my desk and think, "Only eight months till the next birthday." Scorpions. Topaz. Autumn becoming winter. Right.
 
Astrology from Mr, "Read a Journal Sometime!" ?!??
 
I can also read a comic book and not expect to see Superman flying through the sky, see a magician on stage and not think people can be made to disappear and read the theology of a bunch of desert nomads from 5,000 yrs ago and not think that there is an omniscient, omnipotent sky god watching everything I do.

Fact is discernable from fiction.
 
Scorpio Horoscope for week of April 7, 2016

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
In his poem "The Snowmass Cycle," Stephen Dunn declares that everyone "should experience the double fire, of what he wants and shouldn't have." I foresee a rich opportunity coming up for you to do just that, Scorpio. And yes, I do regard it as rich, even marvelous, despite the fact that it may initially evoke some intense poignance. Be glad for this crisp revelation about a strong longing whose fulfillment would be no damn good for you!

ETA 'The Snowmass Cycle', excerpt:

Once I wanted to be
one of those fabulous strangers
who appear and disappear.
Now I arrive only by invitation,
stay long enough to earn my fare.

Outside my window, clouds from the west
erasing the stars.
A coyote howling its singular news.

At whatever pace,
isn’t there an imperative to live?

Before a person dies he should experience
the double fire,
of what he wants and shouldn’t have.



Here is the whole poem
 
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Scorpio Horoscope for week of April 28, 2016

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
"Zugzwang" is a German-derived word used in chess and other games. It refers to a predicament in which a player cannot possibly make a good move. Every available option will weaken his or her position. I propose that we coin a new word that means the opposite of zugzwang: "zugfrei," which shall hereafter signify a situation in which every choice you have in front of you is a positive or constructive one; you cannot make a wrong move. I think this captures the essence of the coming days for you, Scorpio.
 
Neither zugzwang nor zugfrei helps me much now. I can make many good or bad moves, and must distinguish between them to survive. This becomes crystalline as we prepare for impending extended housecar travel. What clothes, books, toys, instruments to pack, and where? (Exterior storage is vaster than interior.) What destinations to aim for? (After mandatory visits.) What expectations to meet? (Fuck, we missed the superblooms.) Choices are complex. Repercussions are real. We try not to screw up too badly. Zugzwang or zugfrei? Whatever.
 
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

I hope it doesn't sound too paradoxical when I urge you to intensify your commitment to relaxation. I will love it, and more importantly your guardian angel will love it, if you become a fierce devotee of slowing down and chilling out. Get looser and cozier and more spacious, damn it! Snuggle more. Cut back on overthinking and trying too hard. Vow to become a high master of the mystic art of I-don't-give-a-f*ck. It's your sacred duty to steal more slack from the soul-anesthetizing grind.
 
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

The ancient Greek poet Simonides was among the first of his profession to charge a fee for his services. He made money by composing verses on demand. On one occasion, he was asked to write a stirring tribute to the victor of a mule race. He declined, declaring that his sensibilities were too fine to create art for such a vulgar activity. In response, his potential patron dramatically boosted the proposed price. Soon thereafter, Simonides produced a rousing ode that included the phrase "wind-swift steeds." I offer the poet as a role model for you in the coming weeks, Scorpio. Be more flexible than usual about what you'll do to get the reward you'd like.
 
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
The body of the violin has two f-shaped holes on either side of the strings. They enable the sound that resonates inside the instrument to be projected outwardly. A thousand years ago, the earliest ancestor of the modern violin had round holes. Later they became half-moons, then c-shaped, and finally evolved into the f-shape. Why the change? Scientific analysis reveals that the modern form allows more air to be pushed out from inside the instrument, thereby producing a more powerful sound. My analysis of your life in 2019 suggests it will be a time to make an upgrade from your metaphorical equivalent of the c-shaped holes to the f-shaped holes. A small shift like that will enable you to generate more power and resonance.

2019 for BND: More Power. More Resonance. More Benjamins.
 
Scorpio Horoscope for week of February 7, 2019

Leonardo da Vinci's painting Salvator Mundi sold for $450 million in 2017. Just twelve years earlier, an art collector had bought it for $10,000. Why did its value increase so extravagantly? Because in 2005, no one was sure it was an authentic da Vinci painting. It was damaged and had been covered with other layers of paint that hid the original image. After extensive efforts at restoration, the truth about it emerged. I foresee the possibility of a comparable, if less dramatic, development in your life during the next ten months, Scorpio. Your work to rehabilitate or renovate an underestimated resource could bring big dividends.
 
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

For thousands of generations, our early ancestors were able to get some of the food they needed through a practice known as persistence hunting. They usually couldn't run as fast as the animals they chased. But they had a distinct advantage: they could keep moving relentlessly until their prey grew exhausted. In part that's because they had far less hair than the animals, and thus could cool off better. I propose that we adopt this theme as a metaphor for your life in the coming weeks and months. You won't need to be extra fast or super ferocious or impossibly clever to get what you want. All you have to do is be persistent and dogged and disciplined.
 
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