Posting as Exhibitionism?

I noticed the following tagline in someone's signature recently:

"Posting on a discussion forum is a form of exhibitionism. It lets you show the world your kinks and perversions without getting arrested."

While posting may be a form of exhibitionism for some, I do not believe that it is necessarily or always a form of exhibitionism. In fact, the more I have thought about this statement, the more I am convinced that this is NOT the case for me.

I am not an extrovert by nature and any kink or proclivity questionnaire I have completed scores me very very low on the exhibitionism scale. It is not something that interests me particularly. Or at least the ways that it does interest me are not in the usual flashy sorts of ways.

As far as posting goes - I find that I think about what I want to say on a given thread for quite a while before I open up a text box and begin typing. I may chew on a thread idea and watch it develop for several days before I post anything. And most every time before I post anything that is revealing of myself here... I have to take a deep breath and find my inner-most courage to do so. Now, I know that may sound funny. I think I probably come across as pretty forthright and fearless. But that does not mean that I do not have a knot in my stomach every single time as I reveal myself here and make myself vulnerable - as anonymous as this place purports to be.

Why do I post then, if it is not because of some exhibitionist streak?
I post because I believe that my story, my experience, my thoughts and feelings may in some way add to the discussion here. Because the stories and experiences of all of you have given me so much. Has opened my eyes, has given me courage, has been a light to my feet and a guide to my path. I believe I owe the next person something... that I am paying it forward these gifts that have been given to me.

What do the rest of you think? Is this all just a kink? Are we just being exhibitionists as we tell each other these stories? Or is it more than that?

cb

I think it varies from thread to thread, like Elle says. There are some posters who are very open and frank, and I agree that there is a certain amount of exhibitionism in what they say. Some do seem to enjoy relating the intricate nuts and bolts of their desires, which aren't necessarily experiences.

I always score low on exhibitionism too, and anything I relate about my feelings and experiences are always in direct response to what I perceive as a genuine question posed in a thread. And I think it's fair to say that any OP who appears to start a thread on the BDSM board purely as a stage for 'exhibitionist' responses gets shut down with negative answers pretty quick.

I don't usually post in the BDSM section, but this thread caught my eye.

I'll absolutely admit that my posts on this message board are a form of exhibitionism. In my normal life I'm very quiet and reserved and I'm very shy about my sexuality. Posting here is a way to put that hidden side of myself on display, and part of the thrill is knowing that people are reading my private thoughts and desires.

However, I only feel safe doing it because of the anonymity the board provides.

It's not exhibitionism for me. When I read these boards and post, it's the connection and assurance that I'm not the only one who has these feelings. It's nice to share and read others experiences and know that they can relate to you and vice versa

Posting is a form of exhibitionism for me, but in a narrower sense than the generally understood meaning of the term. I'm not someone who will take off my clothes and prance around naked in front of strangers without their consent. In the same way, I don't wish to force my thoughts and ideas onto people. On the other hand, if I know that I have a willing audience, then I'll play to it.

It's probably significant that I used to be extremely shy and retiring. It's often cathartic for me to confide stuff that's been on my mind for decades to complete strangers. I have a need to feel "pulled" to do it, though. If I'm in front of a stage, then I won't climb onto it unless I'm given permission. If, say, I'm told that an after-dinner speaker hasn't turned up and that I have an opportunity to save the day, then my adrenaline will surge (in a good way!) and I'll be flying.

Hmmm... I just did it again there, didn't I?
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I think we all want to be seen for our genuine sexual selves, which isn't exhibitionism per se but just part of expressing ourselves. That's certainly why I come here. I learn and read a lot, post here and there, chat and play. This place is definitely a part of how I express myself sexually, and as BrightShinyGirl noted, the anonymity makes it possible.

I do like taking photos, camming, and just being seen, and exhibiting myself in certain ways is very exciting for me. But that desire is different from my desire to post and read on the boards. I don't see myself ever having an Am Pic thread, or posting details about my experiences. I enjoy people who do that, but it's not my thing. I see the boards as an opportunity to think and share about things, and also to find like-minded others with whom I feel free to exhibit. I suppose exhibitionism is on a sliding scale, like most other things.

purplerosecrab said:

I think we all want to be seen for our genuine sexual selves, which isn't exhibitionism per se but just part of expressing ourselves. That's certainly why I come here. I learn and read a lot, post here and there, chat and play. This place is definitely a part of how I express myself sexually, and as BrightShinyGirl noted, the anonymity makes it possible.

I don't see myself ever having an Am Pic thread, or posting details about my experiences. I enjoy people who do that, but it's not my thing. I see the boards as an opportunity to think and share about things,and also to find like-minded others with whom I feel free to exhibit. I suppose exhibitionism is on a sliding scale, like most other things.

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Thank you purplerosecrab. This is about how I feel too. Especially the bit I have placed in bold.
Appreciate your post.

I appreciate everyone who has commented on this thread.
cb

Look for those that post their kink in every thread. The slip it in to an audience that is in a thread for a different reason. Posting incest in an incest thread suggests exploration. Turning ever pic thread into an opportunity to post little incest blurbs smacks of "look at me!" flashing to an unwilling audience. Actual exhibitionists crave a strong reaction. Doesn't have to be positive. Some prefer negative reactions.

The general board gets lots of those.

I think a lot of what I post is a simple sharing of my thoughts and ideas, and to some extent sharing myself with others on here. It's just as I would share myself with friends, and I don't normally get naked for them, either A sharing of yourself in any setting, real life or on line can happen without an exhibitionist motivation behind it.

That being said, there is much more space and opportunity for exhibitionism in this community than there is IRL, in my opinion. You will find it here more often, but there are also ways to shield yourself from it here such as staying out of threads and turning off avatars, etc. A reasonable balance in my opinion.

Que said:

Look for those that post their kink in every thread. The slip it in to an audience that is in a thread for a different reason. Posting incest in an incest thread suggests exploration. Turning ever pic thread into an opportunity to post little incest blurbs smacks of "look at me!" flashing to an unwilling audience. Actual exhibitionists crave a strong reaction. Doesn't have to be positive. Some prefer negative reactions.

The general board gets lots of those.

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I tend to agree with this, but I would also point out that this is a near perfect fit for exhibitionism as a fetish or pathology, it is certainly possible that some folks get that "thrill" of exposing themselves in a generally socially unaccepted way by posting in here at all, depending on their level of experience, outgoingness, and own sense of whether what they are doing, thinking and saying is of a rebellious or socially condemnable nature.

I hope that made sense. I will try to give an example.

To me, playing/fucking in a parking lot (especially when it is busy) or public park (especially fairly close to a trail where people are likely to walk) is clear exhibitionism. Someone who grew up in a much less inhibited environment might feel less exhibitionist, while someone who grew up in a very repressed environment might consider holding hands or kissing to be exhibitionist and the earlier activities i mentioned to be impossible to conceive until they loosen their own inhibitions a bit.

This question makes me think of playing truth or dare and how daring truth could feel sometimes.
I don't know if that feeling of overcoming you normal reservations, is related to exhibitionism?

The kind of thing Que mentions where someone manages to make every thread about how much they like sucking dick, seems very much like exhibitionism to me though.

IrisAlthea said:

This question makes me think of playing truth or dare and how daring truth could feel sometimes.
I don't know if that feeling of overcoming you normal reservations, is related to exhibitionism?

The kind of thing Que mentions where someone manages to make every thread about how much they like sucking dick, seems very much like exhibitionism to me though.

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Thank you. I think this is a good contrast.
And I agree, that those who manage to interject their kink or fetish into every single thread garnering both positive and negative attention are in the exhibitionist model.

I don't know. I'm sure there are plenty of exhibitionists everywhere people communicate en masse, including this and every other message board. Pride is normal, and everyone wants attention. But not everyone is well-read, educated and knowledgable on our subject here, so all some people have to relate to discussions are their own experiences. I think in some cases what may seem like someone yelling "Look at me! Look at me" may really be a person just trying to be part of things, fit in.

For me, I greatly appreciate reading the counsel of folks who are a whole lot more knowledgable than I am, whether the topic applies to me or not, but I do enjoy just reading about peoples situations, experiences and exploits too. Does that make me a voyeur?

@cascadia: I feel exactly as you do about sharing myself in the open. It takes a lot of self-persuasion. But when I do write about me and my quirks, I get a little rush every time I click Submit. Maybe that means there's a little exhbitionist in me after all. If so, so be it.

apom said:

But not everyone is well-read, educated and knowledgable on our subject here, so all some people have to relate to discussions are their own experiences. I think in some cases what may seem like someone yelling "Look at me! Look at me" may really be a person just trying to be part of things, fit in.

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I think that's an excellent point! In those circumstances, I feel that it ought to be incumbent on the rest of us to make those people feel welcome and to bridge the gap between their understanding and ours. Unfortunately, my perception from many years of observing Lit is that those pleas are often lost in the noise or, worse, are greeted by "You what?!" sneers from the gallery because the norms for polite social interaction don't always apply.

Remember that everybody was a newbie at some point.

[/Exhibitionistic rant]
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I seem to agree with the rest of the posters. We are being exibitionists by posting because where else in the world can you suggest you are kinky? This is a place to say what you like and maybe find out about what you didn't know you liked. I don't feel like I have to post a pic of my butt. I am actually put a bit of myself out here.

If an exhibitionist exhibits to get a sexual thrill, then my posts do not indicate exhibitionism.

If an exhibitionist exhibits to give somebody else a sexual thrill, and that is his or her purpose, well, take from my posts what you can, and be my guest.

I post to give others a glimpse of a side of myself that they otherwise would not see, and learn something of them that I otherwise would not see. But I don't think that's the same thing as exhibitionism, except in the broadest sense.

totally agree

Athalia said:

If an exhibitionist exhibits to get a sexual thrill, then my posts do not indicate exhibitionism.

If an exhibitionist exhibits to give somebody else a sexual thrill, and that is his or her purpose, well, take from my posts what you can, and be my guest.

I post to give others a glimpse of a side of myself that they otherwise would not see, and learn something of them that I otherwise would not see. But I don't think that's the same thing as exhibitionism, except in the broadest sense.

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totally agree with the last two paragraphs but I admit I do get a thrill sharing my secret side(s)

timeagain93 said:

totally agree with the last two paragraphs but I admit I do get a thrill sharing my secret side(s)

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And there's nothing wrong with that!

.....

I think it's kinda nifty posting can be different things for different folks.

When I was all sparkly and new, I got pretty excited posting my tits and camming for total strangers who were probably recording me and will blackmail me when I decide to run for president...

10 years later, I don't find that exciting. I don't even really like looking at naked people's bits and pieces... I'd rather see your shoes or your dog or your smile and leave the rest to my imagination.

Now, I like the connection, discussion, learning new things and sometimes just a quiet way to waste some time.

MagdahLina said:

Completely disagree

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Completely disagree with what? The premise of the question? The prior poster? Please elaborate.

Denny---<-----that's me! The male half

MagdahLina said:

Completely disagree

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Denny --------- I disagree with this.

cascadiabound said:

I post because I believe that my story, my experience, my thoughts and feelings may in some way add to the discussion here. Because the stories and experiences of all of you have given me so much. Has opened my eyes, has given me courage, has been a light to my feet and a guide to my path. I believe I owe the next person something... that I am paying it forward these gifts that have been given to me.

cb

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Can I just say that I love this?
I read quite a bit on Lit before I finally decided to join, and your posts in particular have been so very helpful to me. Especially regarding DD/lg lifestyle.

As for the topic of exhibitionism, I think that everyone posts for a different reason. For some, it is a type of exhibitionism. But I do not believe that posting = exhibitionism. Some posts are more informative, and others are more thrilling. Both are necessary and everyone gets something different out of them.
I personally don't post for the thrill, so I wouldn't say I do it for that reason. I hope that all of my posts add something to the discussion or help someone

littleautumn91 said:

Can I just say that I love this?
I read quite a bit on Lit before I finally decided to join, and your posts in particular have been so very helpful to me. Especially regarding DD/lg lifestyle.

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I'm glad. And thank you for saying so.