Third piece

I just published my third piece and I'd welcome any feedback on it.

https://www.literotica.com/s/4-20-p-m

I think it's worse in some ways than my previous pieces, and better in others.

https://www.literotica.com/s/alice-home-from-the-restaurant

https://www.literotica.com/s/alices-gift

They're all fairly short, and intended more as masturbation fantasies than as short fiction, and what I'm really interested in is whether people can identify with my protagonist.

Those were three easy reads, but I think they may be short even for masturbation fantasies.

As far as identifying with your protagonist, no, I can't. Aside from being a guy, I don't know enough about her to identify with her. You could probably extend the stories by showing us more about her and improve the stories in both ways.

I liked the flow and pace of the stories. There were a few cases -- especially with Alice's Gift -- when I had to reread sentences because of punctuation or grammar problems, but it wasn't serious.

What there is of it is well written, for the most part, but there isn't much to identify with. I'll offer you the same advice I recently gave someone else who asked for comment on a very short story; you have given us a line drawing, now you ought to color it in.

I would never say "write like me", but the fact is, I get a lot of very positive comments about my characters being realistic and relatable.

Why?

They eat meals together, they make jokes, they talk about things besides sex. They notice the environment they live in. They smell coffee and they hear bees buzzing and sometimes their backs hurt. They dance and they sail and they go to work in the morning.

I am not saying you need to give your readers all that, we write very different kinds of stories. But when I have finished your story, I would like your main character to be something other than "that girl who sucked dick". That's all she is to me. i would love for her to be more.

Melissa-
Thanks for the feedback. I do, though, have a reason not to describe my protagonist very minutely, especially physically. I think it makes it easier for my readers to identify with her if they can more easily imagine looking like her.

alice2011 said:

Melissa-
Thanks for the feedback. I do, though, have a reason not to describe my protagonist very minutely, especially physically. I think it makes it easier for my readers to identify with her if they can more easily imagine looking like her.

Click to expand...

I wasn't thinking of appearance, but of emotional reactions and of placing her in a more built up environment.