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Open Relationships

rosco rathbone said:
hot



He'd be a natural, but for some reason he doesn't like the concept of it.
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I know :(

He is an idiot.

Oh, and I subscribe to the Bill Clinton concept of oral - It is not sexual relations. I love giving it, if he likes it, that's ok too. :D
 
shy slave said:
I know :(

He is an idiot.

Oh, and I subscribe to the Bill Clinton concept of oral - It is not sexual relations. I love giving it, if he likes it, that's ok too. :D
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Sweetheart-- it's sex.
tumblr_lv7kdjhde41qziismo1_500.png
 
shy slave said:
*sigh*

I guess it could be.......


But Clinton was the US President, how can he be wrong :confused:
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He was wrong to answer the question at all. The proper answer would have been; "Kenny, kiddo, you are trying, unsuccessfully, to pin me on financial wrongdoings. My sex life or what you imagine is my sex life, has no bearing on this investigation. The people of the USA are paying you an astronomical salary, now don't be incompetent."

(This is what's known as "L'esprit de l'escalier" L'esprit de l'escalier or that thing you wish you had said but now it's too late....)
 
shy slave said:
What do you mean by cut down to size?
And how do you do that?
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By realizing what he is and what not. And by drawing a line. He is not the savior. He is a friend who knows you well. He is comfortable around you and doesn't want to lose you. That's all fine and human. But you can't allow him to make decisions about other relationships.

We have a complicated relationship
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Relationships are not like an alien invasion that suddenly appears and makes things complicated. If the relationship is complicated, then because you made it complicated (or allowed it).
 
Primalex said:
Relationships are not like an alien invasion that suddenly appears and makes things complicated. If the relationship is complicated, then because you made it complicated (or allowed it).
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I'd say I wish I'd heard this years ago, but the truth is, even if I had (and I may have; my memory is shit), I wouldn't have listened, anyway.
 
I really can't stress how right Primalex is here. You weren't satisfied with him before, you would only be settling for him now.

I may be misreading what you wrote, but I don't want the cuddles either, just give it to me hard Mister! And the whole checking to see if you are still wet sounds kind of creepy.

Primalex said:
Where is the "cut ex down to size" option?

If you don't keep your ex in the "friend with benefits" cage and pursue a real relationship, you are begging for trouble.
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Primalex really is right on this one... No I won't write it on my tits.

Shy, dear, what you have is a comfy, loving friendship. There is nothing wrong with that; however, that's all it is. An adult friendship. There are different boundaries at play here. It isn't a complicated situation; it isn't some weird dating-but-not-dating thing. The bits and pieces that work should be appreciated, and the ones that don't should be recognized. Which means the only one who gets to dictate how and who you spend time with (and what you do), is you.
 
Shy-

I started out playing in BD/SM professionally, doing sessions with pro dommes, and whether that works for you or not depends on what you are looking for. A lot depends on the house and the dominant involved, there were skilled dominas I saw who didn't do much for me, as skilled as they were, because the energy they put off told me they weren't into it personally, they were play acting, whereas when I played with dominants who were into it lifestyle as well, it was way over the top. Pro sessions have the advantage that there isn't any committment there (though I generally used to go to see a specific domme when I was doing pro sessions and became quite friendly with her, there was a dynamic between us that was a bit more then customer and provider but obviously not a total relationship either) and you can explore without worrying, and if it is about the sensation, getting a good whipping or flogging, then it might work..but you also might find it is flat, that you want more. When I got into playing in my life, in my relationship, it was night and day different, but to be honest, if I didn't have the comparison the pro session was pretty damn good.

It might be worth a shot, the only downside is it can be expensive:).
 
I know my FWB is comfortable and easy, heck that's why it's a FWB. No surprises, no conflict, just easy.

Yes, the relationship is complicated, and if you knew him (or me) you may review the alien analogy. But it is still an easy relationship.

Right now, that suits me.

What is confusing my head is the concept of my being in an open relationship and the effect that may have on my friendship (not the benefits side of it). I agree he is no saviour, nor am I to him, if anything it's convenient for us both.

I am tired of finding relationships that almost work, or people who say one thing and mean another, or tie your emotions in knots.....

I just don't know how open relationships work and how you function as a couple with the primary person in an open relationship.

I don't want to lose a friend for the sake of physical pain. It's just not worth it.

Stella_Omega said:
He was wrong to answer the question at all. The proper answer would have been; "Kenny, kiddo, you are trying, unsuccessfully, to pin me on financial wrongdoings. My sex life or what you imagine is my sex life, has no bearing on this investigation. The people of the USA are paying you an astronomical salary, now don't be incompetent."

(This is what's known as "L'esprit de l'escalier" L'esprit de l'escalier or that thing you wish you had said but now it's too late....)
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Yes, he should have said that. Just as she should not have kept the dress.

If he had wanted someone under his desk at any time, including during a press conference he just had to say. I would have swallowed :D
 
As you may know I am happily married to my kinky vanilla husband and I also have a almost 8 year D/s relationship with MDS. MDS also has another submissive who lives closer to him, but not with with him.

I honestly can say that in the 8 years there has not been any significant problems/issues with the husband/myself/MDS relationship. I credit the almost complete lack of jealousy between my two men. I am in love with both of them but each relationship is very different. I go to bed and wake up almost every day with my husband. He is the father of my children, the love of my life, my soulmate.

On the other hand...MDS owns me. I will say that the few very rare times where we weren't quite in sync emotionally the floggings were simply something I tolerated but not enjoyed. I have determined that I need emotion to make the pain of S&M worth the sting on my ass the next day or days. I need the emotional submission.

I plan on growing old with both men in my life. :)
 
ecstaticsub said:
As you may know I am happily married to my kinky vanilla husband and I also have a almost 8 year D/s relationship with MDS. MDS also has another submissive who lives closer to him, but not with with him.

I honestly can say that in the 8 years there has not been any significant problems/issues with the husband/myself/MDS relationship. I credit the almost complete lack of jealousy between my two men. I am in love with both of them but each relationship is very different. I go to bed and wake up almost every day with my husband. He is the father of my children, the love of my life, my soulmate.

On the other hand...MDS owns me. I will say that the few very rare times where we weren't quite in sync emotionally the floggings were simply something I tolerated but not enjoyed. I have determined that I need emotion to make the pain of S&M worth the sting on my ass the next day or days. I need the emotional submission.

I plan on growing old with both men in my life. :)
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Thank you!

This makes sense to me.

Was it difficult to come to terms with juggling both relationships and the lack of jealousy from both of them about each other?
 
shy slave said:
I know my FWB is comfortable and easy, heck that's why it's a FWB. No surprises, no conflict, just easy.

Yes, the relationship is complicated, and if you knew him (or me) you may review the alien analogy. But it is still an easy relationship.

Right now, that suits me.

What is confusing my head is the concept of my being in an open relationship and the effect that may have on my friendship (not the benefits side of it). I agree he is no saviour, nor am I to him, if anything it's convenient for us both.

I am tired of finding relationships that almost work, or people who say one thing and mean another, or tie your emotions in knots.....

I just don't know how open relationships work and how you function as a couple with the primary person in an open relationship.

I don't want to lose a friend for the sake of physical pain. It's just not worth it.



Yes, he should have said that. Just as she should not have kept the dress.

If he had wanted someone under his desk at any time, including during a press conference he just had to say. I would have swallowed :D
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I think it helps (me) that I'm able to talk to any one person about any other person. If Mr. pisses me off, or hurts me in some unhappy way, I can talk about it with Jounar, or Mrs. and the same with any other. And if there's some one who catches my fancy and I go on a date, I can talk about the date with any and all of the three.

I'm also a bit more comfortable being the secondary rather than the primary when it comes to Mr. and Mrs. I know what my role is (most of the time) so I can deal with not being the center of attention all of the time, or having to cut something short because Mrs. is having issues. It's her right as his wife to say "hey I'm not comfortable right now" but in that same token, it's my right to say, "hey, I have a problem here," and have a few times. But Mr. is just very easy for me to talk to, almost as easy as talking to Jounar.

But all of that is very "poly" feeling to me more than "open" which I do class as different. And I do get a lot of jealousy when it comes to Jounar. He has in the past had playmates, but chooses not to now. I would get very jealous, I think mostly because they would get something I'm not able to (physical touch) and something we don't seem to get much of (time). And anytime I feel like something is being taken from me, I flip out. (I can give you a very good example via PM if you remind me). But in those moments, I calmly go to the man who's at the root of these feelings and say, "okay, I'm having a very emotional reaction to this, and I know it's not logical for me to feel this way, but this is how I feel:. . . " and lay it all out. And I do it sooner rather than later. Usually we can nip it in the butt and be done with out any hurt feelings.

But I'm a talker. :eek:
 
IMO sounds like he is into this relationship far more than you are. Sounds like you don't want to settle for "comfortable".

You don't want to lead him on. And you don't want to settle cause you think you can't find a better match.

I would end the sex with him and go back to just being friends. Then get out there and try to find someone who makes you feel that good kind of uncomfortable. ;)
 
shy slave said:
Thank you!

This makes sense to me.

Was it difficult to come to terms with juggling both relationships and the lack of jealousy from both of them about each other?
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Their lack of jealousy made everything so much easier. It was as if they had set boundaries without even speaking to each other. The three of us have gotten together for vanilla outings--dinner, museums, sporting events and they get along so well. It's almost more fun than the sex.

In the first year the juggling was a bit tricky. But I am a problem solver by nature. I got a bit of a thrill when I was able to obey MDS while still making sure I kept my husband happy, too. There has only been one thing that I could not negotiate. It became a hard limit between MDS and I. Once we declared it as such we let it go and moved on. No hard feelings, no big deal.

It also helps a great deal that MDS puts such a priority on the importance of family. He demands that I put my children and family first. I also respect that his kids come before me.

My husband's only real requirement is that I always be completely transparent and honest. When I first realized I was falling in love with MDS, and MDS was falling in love with me I hesitated telling my husband. I even hesitated telling MDS. I was afraid that admitting that I was in love would cause both men to call things off. I wear my heart on my sleeve and can't hide anything so I admitted my love to both. To my relief they were both thrilled with my revelation. My husband said it made him feel better that I loved someone that loved me. It was reassuring to him that I would be safe in MDS's care.

My love for MDS deepened my submission to him and enhanced the dynamic for both of us. We both knew (know) the boundaries, but other than those we were free to allow things to take their natural course.
 
ecstaticsub said:
Their lack of jealousy made everything so much easier. It was as if they had set boundaries without even speaking to each other. The three of us have gotten together for vanilla outings--dinner, museums, sporting events and they get along so well. It's almost more fun than the sex.

In the first year the juggling was a bit tricky. But I am a problem solver by nature. I got a bit of a thrill when I was able to obey MDS while still making sure I kept my husband happy, too. There has only been one thing that I could not negotiate. It became a hard limit between MDS and I. Once we declared it as such we let it go and moved on. No hard feelings, no big deal.

It also helps a great deal that MDS puts such a priority on the importance of family. He demands that I put my children and family first. I also respect that his kids come before me.

My husband's only real requirement is that I always be completely transparent and honest. When I first realized I was falling in love with MDS, and MDS was falling in love with me I hesitated telling my husband. I even hesitated telling MDS. I was afraid that admitting that I was in love would cause both men to call things off. I wear my heart on my sleeve and can't hide anything so I admitted my love to both. To my relief they were both thrilled with my revelation. My husband said it made him feel better that I loved someone that loved me. It was reassuring to him that I would be safe in MDS's care.

My love for MDS deepened my submission to him and enhanced the dynamic for both of us. We both knew (know) the boundaries, but other than those we were free to allow things to take their natural course.
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Thank you for sharing your situation, I always wonder how relationships like yours could work, how a husband for example could be comfortable with a wife (or vice/versa, not to be sexist:) with their spouse having an outside relationship, D/s or not, and not be worried, for example, that their spouse would fall in love with the other person and want to leave them. It sounds like the answer in your case is that MDS has room enough in his heart to love you and still love his family, and to respect the fact that you love your husband and family, and your H that he can understand your loving him and MDS like that. It sounds like you have 4 people (I assume MDS is married, since he has kids? Or is he divorced?) who feel strongly enough that the outside influences aren't a threat, and to me that is amazing. I have to be honest, I have thought about situations like that, and while I am by no means a traditionalist, I don't abide all the biblical nonsense and moral crap about how relationships/marriages should work, I when even thinking about such things am torn by all kinds of feelings, not sure if we ever did something like that if I could stand it....so I admire people who do what you are or what other various poly people are able to do. I suspect it helps that it is all above board, that MDS for example knows your husband and obviously likes him and where there is so much mutual respect, that is huge, where both your H and MDS (and MDS's wife, if he has one....) know and trust the other to respect them and their relationships.

Unfortunately, I know of at least one case where a wife was sub to an outside M, and the M IMO decided he wanted the sub to be his own and ended up destroying the marriage to get her (and yes, it is possible the marriage was already in trouble, but I don't think so.......I knew all the parties involved somewhat well) and I know for a fact that the M in this case had very little respect for the H and saw having the wife as his s as a sign the husband was weak (which he wasn't,he loved his wife, a lot, and was devastated when the wife left him).....the not so ironic twist is once M had the wife to himself, he dumped her not long after,sad.....I think the H in this case did something yours didn't, he didn't really know the M, didn't really lay out firm boundaries, and it blew apart because the M could take advantage.

In any event, thanks for sharing, gives me more things to think about in my convoluted life:)
 
Maybe you didnt feel right about it being someone esles doing it to you

You wanted your ex doing it,You may not want a relationship but you may just want him to do

your needs like the pain stuff he knows you enjoy it but cant get into it.

Maybe give him awile and he'll try it,My boyfriend now didnt like doing it but got into it I at times think if i did go back to my ex i would not care for it,my ex knewl how to do things to make me scream,i dont with my boyfriend now but he gives me some the pain stuff so its what in your heart .

Are you happy with Having the ex and going to other people for pain stuff that he wont give you or having to try just with the ex and see if he gets into it.
 
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

Lit always gives opportunity to look at things from every angle.

Not sure what I will do.

But, of course by not making decisions, decisions are made by default.

So will do nothing and see what happens.
 
shy slave said:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

Lit always gives opportunity to look at things from every angle.

Not sure what I will do.

But, of course by not making decisions, decisions are made by default.

So will do nothing and see what happens.
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There is a lot to think about, but I wouldn't leave the decision entirely up to someone else. You are responsible for your actions/emotions. If you enter into a contract like an open relationship, everyone should know what they are there for.

That sort of honesty can make difficult or atypical situations work. Honestly really is important, but so is knowing yourself enough to know why you're there in the first place.

And I have an open relationship, but it really is "open." We don't limit the openness to male, female, emotional or sexual relations. Such restrictions take the open part out of openness, don't you think? Then it's just flexible. ;)
 
Hi shy,
I hope you have a wonderful new year and meet a soulmate. Until that happens, I think you need a fuck buddy with Dom kinks. Not a lot of other flowery insight from me.

As always wishing you all the best and sending love and light.

Leo
 
SirLeo said:
Hi shy,
I hope you have a wonderful new year and meet a soulmate. Until that happens, I think you need a fuck buddy with Dom kinks. Not a lot of other flowery insight from me.

As always wishing you all the best and sending love and light.

Leo
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Hi :)

I hate flowery insight lol, blunt honesty is so much more interesting.

Had you and I managed to meet in San Fran in 2007 you would have met my FWB, I was dating him when I went over to the US, he and I have been close for a long time.

I am not convinced I want a Soul mate...

Been there, more than once, and to be honest it's just distracting and hard work.

Have loved three times in my life, screwed around a fair bit inbetween times though! Love is so blooming stressful.

At present FWB, with the option of an open relationship, is fine with me.

Also, I hope you had a great Christmas and are looking forward to the New Year :D
 
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