‘The Missing Dragon.’ I Want Feedback. Gimme!

Thanks masterhobbes. I appreciate the support!

ch5

Hey boss how far away are you from posting cgapter 5?

Not for a while yet! Been working on something a little different. Will hopefully be able to get it out by the end of this year before getting back to TMD in January. If not, I'll go back to TMD anyways.

Really looking forward to the next chapter, and maybe seeing a little resolution between Algra and Ulla.

Thanks! Not sure how much Algra on Ulla action there will be in the next chapter though! Maybe I'll add some.

Really? figured since they were both Orc-Angsting over the same guy's death, a little 'tough love' and a mutual ass-kicking would go a long way for both of them.

I'm also taking some mental bets with myself as to how well they do on their first shot with the new weapons.

Ha! Yeah, I was just kidding with that. I don't think Algra and Ulla will be getting down and dirty any time soon. At least not in a way that doesn't involve one of them winding up face down in the dirt.

Oh, and feel free to place bets on how you think that will turn out with the new gear! I'll give you great odds. >:-D

I'm thinking that their first bout isn't going to go from the bottom to the top.

But with the element of surprise, and Wrut with a big coffin door on his arm, I can see it being pretty damn close.

I'm honestly not too sure how they'll do yet. I know where they're going to end up but I leave the getting there murky because it's more fun to write that way. Besides, if things go according to plan then by the end of the next chapter the provings will be the least of their worries. Muahahahaha!

Some feedback

I have been a re-reading TMD a few days ago and had a few thoughts. Firstly, I find it interesting how much you, as an author, have developed your plot building since the start of the series. Not that the start wasn't good, because it really was, but I like how you tease the reader with small things in the 4th chapter. For example I like the subtle hints about Talina's skills and her past. Things like that make me want to know more. Maybe I just ignore the fact that this is a site for primarily erotic stories but the sex scenes start to become a little too frekvent after a while. There is little reason to have so many of them if they offer nothing more than excitement. Maybe I read to fast but since the plot is really interesting I get frustrated when little happens between the erotic moments. For example, when he meets Valice after his really, really frustrating day. Maybe, after the the previous pages being mostly sex scenes since his wedding, it would have been nice to just move on with the plot. Make no mistake, you are rather brilliant at writing sex scenes. But you sort of glossed over the last three weeks of training that made Greg so frustrated. That wasn't necessarily bad since your writing is more of an "in the moment" style otherwise. But the story is really important as well so it might be good to just look at the possibility of you slightly overdoing the erotic part of the story. It wouldn't kill me if you continue in a similar way in following chapters but the point of this thread is to help you improve your writing and share thoughts about the story. Therefore my not absolutely necessary critique. Otherwise is this sorry rather brilliant. I get a feeling that you prepare for a major expansion of your world and that makes me really excited about the next chapter of this story.
So thanks for sharing it with us. Btw, I have a question. Do you get some of your inspiration from Jim Butcher? Your story has a similar feel to it somehow and your opening lines can be just as perfect as his. Also the northern war reminds me a little bit of the war fought at the Wall in the Codex Alera books. Anyway, thanks again for all the fun I have had reading your stories.

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Thanks!

Heya Gregorious_Lightmouth! Thanks for the feedback. ^_^

I think the next chapter is just over the size of the last 4 chapters combined, and it wraps up the first “book” of TMD. So there’s a few revelations to be had, and quite a few questions answered (such as a revelation of Talina’s shady past and who she is.)

I also liked this quote:

There is little reason to have so many of them if they offer nothing more than excitement.

Click to expand...

Stupid writers trying to excite their audiences. Fuck me, right!?

Seriously though, the amount of sex in a story is something that I get a lot of argument over in my comment sections. For some people it’s never enough, for others it’s too much. I’ve said this elsewhere before, but although I know the sex can get a bit frequent, it’s also something I stand by. I try to write up a good story around it, and I’m glad that’s landing in the right spot for you. It’s just that this is an erotic story site, and a lot of folks turn up for the naked frolics. My attitude on it is that if there isn’t enough of that stuff, then what the hell am I doing here? Also, as long as I’m keeping the plot interesting, then readers can always skim over it if it gets to be too much and get back to the story.

Sex is also a big part of my protagonist’s lifestyle now, and his various partners go through a lot in those scenes. I know sometimes it’s just gratuitous turn on stuff, but there’s also a bit of sexposition in there too! So I do feel that they ultimately add to the story, although I sympathise if you’re interested in what’s going to happen next.

I do get inspired by Jim Butcher, amongst many others. I’ve read the codex Alera series, The Dresden Files, and The Aeronaut’s Windlass and enjoyed all of them. Although far off wars of impending doom aren’t exactly unique to his stories. They’re quite frequent in the fantasy genre! That being said, getting compared to Mr. Butcher is definitely a highlight of my day, so thanks for that!