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Justine

S

SuperVC10

Virgin
Joined
Jan 26, 2013
Posts
21
Hello,
I'm the author to both "Justine" and the very recent "An Interview with Justine".

Could some long standing members give me a critique about my latest endeavor?

//www.literotica.com/s/an-interview-with-justine


Also if I may ask, how to make the character Justine better? Introduce psychological trauma or childhood issues to explain her nymphomania?




Many thanks.
 
You write fairy well, only a few errors and typos, but your characters are caricatures, one dimensional images. Part of the reason you are having trouble deepening the character Justine, is that she doesn't do anything. One important way to develop characters is by what they do, Justine doesn't do anything positive. Her reaction to everything is negative. She has a put down for everything and everyone. It seems all she is is TITS!

Also you have your interviewer saying fuck and many other inappropriate things ON TAPE. Your interviewer is also shallow, all he sees is TITS. He asks questions, but doesn't push for meaningful answers. Why is he interviewing her?

I think you need a better way to separate the interviewers thoughts and sotto voce comments from the actual interview that will appear on tape. Perhaps you could have him stop the tape each time they have a side discussion. I have both given and received interviews and none are as loose as what you have portrayed.

In short, your scenario is not very 'true to life'. You did not create conventions I could accept.

You need more showing, less telling. Justine needs to care about something besides her figure and her tits.
 
Quick point, if you are going to go back to her childhood to explain how she became a nympho that sounds like she was exposed to sexual situations that set her off...

You will have to be very careful with how you do that here because the site has an underage rule about minors even witnessing sex.
 
*Bad opening: I don't even know why you used an exposition dump when you could easily have had the same information as her answers to the interviewer's questions

...but your characters are caricatures, one dimensional images.
Click to expand...

I sorta gets this vibe too but it is not bad. But yeah, these 2 characters have labels rather than identities&motivations. If I were to suggest anything then I would say you need to map out the characters before you put pen to paper: Outward & Inner needs, Outward & Inner Conflicts, Motivations, Character Traits and "How does the character perceive themself" (this is not a full character sheet workup - figure out your own requirements). But I don't think you are bad developing Character Identity, I think a bigger problem for you is that you occasionally have these character lines which I feel are forced.

So they discuss where she was born and etc. And then, "CB: You must love it there. I mean looking at you, you're the quintessential southern California blonde."

My rewrite: You must love it in Southern Cali because OMG YOU ARE THE PERFECT NYPMH I NEED FOR THIS STORY. It's the accumulation of these story-faith destroying lines that is doing the most damage for me. And how does she react?

"JR: Awww, thank you for saying that."

OK, not bad, but she has already forgotten that last few lines were about where she lived. She isn't really reacting to the situation.

Also if I may ask, how to make the character Justine better? Introduce psychological trauma or childhood issues to explain her nymphomania?
Click to expand...

Write up your character sheets. You do not need to do a lot, just enough so you can create natural structural conflict within your story before you start writing: sex obssession -vs- her need to protect her glamorous ego. But do it yourself because I am a hack.
 
Last edited:
litmlove said:
*Bad opening: I don't even know why you used an exposition dump when you could easily have had the same information as her answers to the interviewer's questions



I sorta gets this vibe too but it is not bad. But yeah, these 2 characters have labels rather than identities&motivations. If I were to suggest anything then I would say you need to map out the characters before you put pen to paper: Outward & Inner needs, Outward & Inner Conflicts, Motivations, Character Traits and "How does the character perceive themself" (this is not a full character sheet workup - figure out your own requirements). But I don't think you are bad developing Character Identity, I think a bigger problem for you is that you occasionally have these character lines which I feel are forced.

So they discuss where she was born and etc. And then, "CB: You must love it there. I mean looking at you, you're the quintessential southern California blonde."

My rewrite: You must love it in Southern Cali because OMG YOU ARE THE PERFECT NYPMH I NEED FOR THIS STORY. It's the accumulation of these story-faith destroying lines that is doing the most damage for me. And how does she react?

"JR: Awww, thank you for saying that."

OK, not bad, but she has already forgotten that last few lines were about where she lived. She isn't really reacting to the situation.



Write up your character sheets. You do not need to do a lot, just enough so you can create natural structural conflict within your story before you start writing: sex obssession -vs- her need to protect her glamorous ego. But do it yourself because I am a hack.
Click to expand...


Thanks I'll work on that. Also to not have the dialogue seem forced and flesh out their needs and conflicts.




lovecraft68 said:
You will have to be very careful with how you do that here because the site has an underage rule about minors even witnessing sex.
Click to expand...


Will do.
 
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