the marks of a slave

my Master rules my world. Everything i do is a direct reflection of His abilities as my Master. He has a very defined idea of what a slave should be and do. i never look Him in the eyes except in bed, i always walk three steps behind Him on His right side, i never speak unless He allows me to, i am always attentive to His needs. Without Him i would be unable to function. i wear His collar proudly.

How long have you been together?
 
One of my great unfulfilled fantasies is to have a certain friend of mine write his erotic poetry on me. :heart:

Now I'm thinking of poetry, in a beautiful script, combined with some pretty pictures (I wanna say Homburg drew them on MIS once and linked pictures, but I mighta made that up in my head) combined in a total work of art.
 
Now I'm thinking of poetry, in a beautiful script, combined with some pretty pictures (I wanna say Homburg drew them on MIS once and linked pictures, but I mighta made that up in my head) combined in a total work of art.

He did. Not sure where the photos are, though.
 
From the Isolated Blurt Thread

Total honesty and patience is the cure for jealousy and the gateway to an mind-blowing experience :):):)

I would like to hear more about this. :) Please?

Thanks Eastern_sun for inviting me to explain this.

Quick background info. I don't identify as a slave though our relationship is more similar to M/s then D/s in many ways. But because we are in a LDR and both Daddy and I are happily married to other people I am a owned submissive. The only hard limits I have are those that he has set himself and were made clear before I committed to being owned. He also set up certain rules right from the beginning.

One of those was that I could not be with anyone sexually (man or woman, cyber or in person,except my husband) without his permission. Nor could I bottom for anyone else. However, it was understood from the very beginning that he could do whatever he wanted with whoever he developed a relationship with. I accepted this fact.

We have had a few group sex activities with people he has invited. One was with a female who was much younger and thinner then I and I had a little bout of jealousy in that situation but I knew it was not going to be an ongoing relationship so I had no problems.

Then a few opportunities to include another woman not just sexually but as a T/b or even D/s relationship came up in the past year.

My jealousy buttons were pushed and as much as I tried to logically dismiss them I could not control my feelings. All that discussion on this forum and elsewhere about needing to at least have a unique place in his life, or to save some activities just for me, or sex is ok but not being D/s,etc jealousy issues came pouring out.

I fully admit to being a psycho bitch at some time to Daddy (respectful psychobitch, but one never the less) :)

I should have added his firm resolve to honesty and patience being the cure to jealousy. But I suppose that goes along with being patient. He was firm in what he wanted. He wasn't going to back down because of my whining or knee jerk reactions. He owns me and I will do as I am told.

Well...maybe if I was the perfect true owned submissive that would be the end of the discussion. The reality is I am an emotional, territorial, extremely protective submissive who was scared. He wanted me to be enthusiastic, not scared and hesitant.

What made it work was that I was allowed to have my knee jerk reactions and then work through them. He made it ok for me not to repress my feelings but to express them and he would help reassure me. He would help me get into the mental space I needed. For his part he was totally open with me. Firstly, about his own feeling for me. He frequently expresses his love for me, and that I give him what he wants by just being me. He also assured me that he would never own another submissive. He told me that he would tell me if he met up with someone else without me. This meant so much to me. He trusted that I really accepted his rule that he could do whatever he wanted. It also meant to me that there was never anything he would hide. There was no need. He owns me. I am not ever leaving him.

Last week our new friend come to see us. It was an amazing time. There was not one second of jealous feelings. Meeting her and spending the extended time with her was as if we had been friends for years. The twist on this that Daddy allowed, because I expressed an interest and our friend readily agreed, that I would Top her also. (Which was sooo much fun.) I am hopeful that our relationship with her will continue to grow and expand.

Something else I discovered from this experience, I don't think I will have jealous feeling in the future if he decides to play or fuck others. I may want to join them, and be disappointed if I am unable or not allowed. But I have found peace with it. Curing jealousy has brought Daddy and I even closer emotionally.

Hopeful it will be a permanent cure. :)
 
Yes....i take care of his house,clean,cook, do his laundry, everything i can so he can relax and enjoy!

Like you, I also take care of the house, clean, cook, do laundry, while he relaxes and enjoys! But . . . since we have kids, I am mostly always clothed. :D

We've always been very conservative, really.

Pre-kids, when we went out to play, I wore black leather boots and blazer, a sheer black lace top, and a skirt with no underwear - or long pants if I wasn't in play.

Nowadays, I'm much more likely to be in fancy streetwear, since we almost always drop in unexpectedly after a night out on the town.

Welcome to literotica. I look forward to hearing your perspective on things.
 
Thanks Eastern_sun for inviting me to explain this.

Quick background info. I don't identify as a slave though our relationship is more similar to M/s then D/s in many ways. But because we are in a LDR and both Daddy and I are happily married to other people I am a owned submissive. The only hard limits I have are those that he has set himself and were made clear before I committed to being owned. He also set up certain rules right from the beginning.

One of those was that I could not be with anyone sexually (man or woman, cyber or in person,except my husband) without his permission. Nor could I bottom for anyone else. However, it was understood from the very beginning that he could do whatever he wanted with whoever he developed a relationship with. I accepted this fact.

We have had a few group sex activities with people he has invited. One was with a female who was much younger and thinner then I and I had a little bout of jealousy in that situation but I knew it was not going to be an ongoing relationship so I had no problems.

Then a few opportunities to include another woman not just sexually but as a T/b or even D/s relationship came up in the past year.

My jealousy buttons were pushed and as much as I tried to logically dismiss them I could not control my feelings. All that discussion on this forum and elsewhere about needing to at least have a unique place in his life, or to save some activities just for me, or sex is ok but not being D/s,etc jealousy issues came pouring out.

I fully admit to being a psycho bitch at some time to Daddy (respectful psychobitch, but one never the less) :)

I should have added his firm resolve to honesty and patience being the cure to jealousy. But I suppose that goes along with being patient. He was firm in what he wanted. He wasn't going to back down because of my whining or knee jerk reactions. He owns me and I will do as I am told.

Well...maybe if I was the perfect true owned submissive that would be the end of the discussion. The reality is I am an emotional, territorial, extremely protective submissive who was scared. He wanted me to be enthusiastic, not scared and hesitant.

What made it work was that I was allowed to have my knee jerk reactions and then work through them. He made it ok for me not to repress my feelings but to express them and he would help reassure me. He would help me get into the mental space I needed. For his part he was totally open with me. Firstly, about his own feeling for me. He frequently expresses his love for me, and that I give him what he wants by just being me. He also assured me that he would never own another submissive. He told me that he would tell me if he met up with someone else without me. This meant so much to me. He trusted that I really accepted his rule that he could do whatever he wanted. It also meant to me that there was never anything he would hide. There was no need. He owns me. I am not ever leaving him.

Last week our new friend come to see us. It was an amazing time. There was not one second of jealous feelings. Meeting her and spending the extended time with her was as if we had been friends for years. The twist on this that Daddy allowed, because I expressed an interest and our friend readily agreed, that I would Top her also. (Which was sooo much fun.) I am hopeful that our relationship with her will continue to grow and expand.

Something else I discovered from this experience, I don't think I will have jealous feeling in the future if he decides to play or fuck others. I may want to join them, and be disappointed if I am unable or not allowed. But I have found peace with it. Curing jealousy has brought Daddy and I even closer emotionally.

Hopeful it will be a permanent cure. :)

What is it about jealousy that spawns the psycho bitch? (I do it, too.)

Envy for the attention and/or affection that the other is receiving. And an intense effort to hold on to something you think you might lose.

Making me feel lonely, isolated, fierce and obsessive. What a horrible combination.

I love how your Daddy validated your feelings, allowed you to express them, and then was willing to help you move through them. By being with you with your feelings, how could you dwell in the idea of isolation and loneliness?

And by affirming his ownership rights and reminding you that you belong to him, what were you actually losing?

And by hiding nothing. That's a real key, I think. It's the hiding and secrecy and denial that are so damaging, I think. Because you have no way of checking the reality of your fears. A lot of times we can handle things we don't think we can handle if we're allowed to face them straight up without denial.

Do you remember what happened to your feelings of jealousy as they transformed? I had to process my feelings by myself, but I remember one afternoon where I felt what I thought was going to be intolerable burning jealousy - and it ended up literally sizzling in my chest until it just burnt itself out, when I refused to take any action in reaction to it. I got so fascinated by the physical sensations that were taking place, I kind of forgot to keep feeding the narrative about what was happening. It was incredibly liberating.

(I don't know what will happen for you, but in my case, my feelings of jealousy are almost wholly dependent on how I'm feeling about myself. It's provided a lot of incentive for me to do what I can to feel good about myself, because I know I'll be better able to handle whatever comes down the pike, if I'm feeling confident and at ease with who I am.

Of course, I don't always feel good about myself, and that's when the jealousy returns with a vengeance. Even so, having had experiences in which I wasn't jealous reminds me that there is another way I could feel. That some kind of ease and calm is possible - and, in fact, preferable to that psycho bitch I'm unleashing. :rolleyes:)

Thanks for sharing your experience, es. I still have a lot to learn about jealousy.
 
What is it about jealousy that spawns the psycho bitch? (I do it, too.)

Envy for the attention and/or affection that the other is receiving. And an intense effort to hold on to something you think you might lose.

Making me feel lonely, isolated, fierce and obsessive. What a horrible combination.

I was thinking it might be more the envy for his attention then anything else. But...lately it seems to be this feeling of protecting him. It is a fear that other women won't give him the respect and care that he deserves and that I would give him. I'm still trying to figure this one out, but the more it evolves the more I think that may be the reason. Or at least part of it.

I love how your Daddy validated your feelings, allowed you to express them, and then was willing to help you move through them. By being with you with your feelings, how could you dwell in the idea of isolation and loneliness?

And by affirming his ownership rights and reminding you that you belong to him, what were you actually losing?

Exactly. It took me a little while to get this, but I finally did.

And by hiding nothing. That's a real key,I think. It's the hiding and secrecy and denial that are so damaging, I think. Because you have no way of checking the reality of your fears. A lot of times we can handle things we don't think we can handle if we're allowed to face them straight up without denial.

I know some people prefer more of a ignorance is bliss agreement. But my imagination is non-stop. The truth, no matter how painful is always less painful than what my mind can imagine when it gets out of control.

Do you remember what happened to your feelings of jealousy as they transformed? I had to process my feelings by myself, but I remember one afternoon where I felt what I thought was going to be intolerable burning jealousy - and it ended up literally sizzling in my chest until it just burnt itself out, when I refused to take any action in reaction to it. I got so fascinated by the physical sensations that were taking place, I kind of forgot to keep feeding the narrative about what was happening. It was incredibly liberating.

Wow, nothing quite dramatic for me. Before the meeting I had asked Daddy if I could have an emotional safeword. Or more correctly a safecode. I wanted a way of telling him I needed a little reassurance or TLC if my jealousy reared out of control. He allowed it. I never used it. Never got close to using it. It surprised me that I had absolutely no need for it. Maybe it was the simple fact that it exists that made me feel better?

(I don't know what will happen for you, but in my case, my feelings of jealousy are almost wholly dependent on how I'm feeling about myself. It's provided a lot of incentive for me to do what I can to feel good about myself, because I know I'll be better able to handle whatever comes down the pike, if I'm feeling confident and at ease with who I am.

Of course, I don't always feel good about myself, and that's when the jealousy returns with a vengeance. Even so, having had experiences in which I wasn't jealous reminds me that there is another way I could feel. That some kind of ease and calm is possible - and, in fact, preferable to that psycho bitch I'm unleashing. :rolleyes:)

This makes total sense. When I have been eating healthy, exercising regularly, I am more confident to compete with the bitches after my man. LOL :)

Thanks for sharing your experience, es. I still have a lot to learn about jealousy.

You're welcome and thank you. I, too have much to learn. I am enjoying the journey. As painful a process this can be I find it useful to bring out this unattractive part of me, challenge it and then try to change it.
 
I was thinking it might be more the envy for his attention then anything else. But...lately it seems to be this feeling of protecting him. It is a fear that other women won't give him the respect and care that he deserves and that I would give him. I'm still trying to figure this one out, but the more it evolves the more I think that may be the reason. Or at least part of it.

I get this so much. *nods* I have actually caught myself thinking 'no, you're not doing it right!' before.

When I think about it, I realise I *do* know what he likes, and his preferences. If you asked me straight out, I'd only be able to name a few, because mostly I respond instinctually.

But I do have a bit of a nurturing fetish. I do adore taking care of him. Since I'm so keyed up to taking notice of what he likes, from making sure his preferred softdrink is in the fridge to what he likes in bed, I notice when it's not being done right. Well, my version of right. And it's hard not to 'take charge' of the looking after.


I know some people prefer more of a ignorance is bliss agreement. But my imagination is non-stop. The truth, no matter how painful is always less painful than what my mind can imagine when it gets out of control.

And this. My brain can be my own worse enemy. Knowing the whole truth is akin to knowing the boundaries. Only with complete knowledge and understanding of them can I operate within them, and be happy.
 
It is easy to say you are ok with something you believe will never happen.
 
Last edited:
I just wanted to say that I have very much enjoyed reading your thread. You provide a beautiful and well articulated vision of the topic.

As for me, I love nothing more than when He choses to mark me. I used to hate this when I was younger. The fumbling attempts of teenage boys that would leave those awful tell tale hickeys on my neck and breasts would infuriate me. It wasn't because I'd been marked, but because there was no purpose to it.
Early in this turn of our relationship He had dug into my shoulders so hard during sex that He had left fingertip size bruises across both shoulders. I greatly enjoyed the endorphine rush produced by the mild pain when the bruises were made but far more than that I enjoyed the after effects of the bruising. For days after all He needed to do was run his fingers over those little bruises and I was instantly brought back to the sensations and sounds and tastes of that sexual encounter. I told Him about this and since He has tried to find creative ways to mark my body as His.
 
I was thinking it might be more the envy for his attention then anything else. But...lately it seems to be this feeling of protecting him. It is a fear that other women won't give him the respect and care that he deserves and that I would give him. I'm still trying to figure this one out, but the more it evolves the more I think that may be the reason. Or at least part of it.

Just for the record, I don't share this feeling at all. If the others don't give him what he wants and/or needs, so be it . . . . it tends to send him back to me.

Where the question still remains, will I?
 
I can use this experience to nurse a very negative state of mind. This is not good.

I can also use this experience to generate a very positive state of mind.

Today, I can't tell the difference.
 
I can use this experience to nurse a very negative state of mind. This is not good.

I can also use this experience to generate a very positive state of mind.

Today, I can't tell the difference.

I've been stuck in the negative state of mind.

Today I tried to bring myself out of it and act accordingly.

It did not made any difference.
 
It is easy to say you are ok with something you believe will never happen.

I've found this to be all too true this week.

I can use this experience to nurse a very negative state of mind. This is not good.

I can also use this experience to generate a very positive state of mind.

Today, I can't tell the difference.

I've been stuck in the negative state of mind.

Today I tried to bring myself out of it and act accordingly.

It did not made any difference.

I completely identify with this. Not being able to discern or feel a difference is very difficult to deal with.
 
He has this way of saying "if you really want to serve me, . . . ." And it's as though everything that's gone before has been either completely misguided or totally self-indulgent.

And this morning, he says "if you really want to serve me, it would be great if you could find a way to make us all eat more healthy diets."

This is going to be hard.

I wrote this back in November 2008. And today, I just want to announce that we have finally gone fully vegetarian (with fish) as a family. It's been a month, and it's revolutionized our diet.

I knew it was going to be hard.

But anything involving real change takes time. We had so many partial stages along the way, during which I had to learn new ways of cooking to please the clamoring of various palates. And he had to go through his own process, in which he finally fully committed himself to the change he had initiated.

Sure it's only dinner.

But it is an indication of how things actually work in this relationship of ours.
 
I wrote this back in November 2008. And today, I just want to announce that we have finally gone fully vegetarian (with fish) as a family. It's been a month, and it's revolutionized our diet.

I knew it was going to be hard.

But anything involving real change takes time. We had so many partial stages along the way, during which I had to learn new ways of cooking to please the clamoring of various palates. And he had to go through his own process, in which he finally fully committed himself to the change he had initiated.

Sure it's only dinner.

But it is an indication of how things actually work in this relationship of ours.

Ooh, this is what I usually get as far as "assignments" go! I wish I could report that my assignments are -- dress in X and meet me in the bedroom or something. No, usually it's -- figure out a way to make me dish x so that it's healthy. Or some other domestic assignment.
 
Ooh, this is what I usually get as far as "assignments" go! I wish I could report that my assignments are -- dress in X and meet me in the bedroom or something. No, usually it's -- figure out a way to make me dish x so that it's healthy. Or some other domestic assignment.

I feel lucky that over the years I've gotten a number of different assignments that run the whole spectrum of possibilities - from "drop this off at the cleaners" to "get me a coffee (from the 24-hour deli), and wear that plug while you're at it" to "write that song and perform it for me" to "write me a list of the things you're most afraid of" to "meet this guy and tell me what happens" to "go upstairs and wait for me."

We're having a lot of fun right now, because I'm directing him in a play. And when I direct, I communicate very clearly what I want to see. He asked me to direct him because he trusts my choices, but it's taken us a few rehearsals just to adapt to the power shift. He's not actively resisting my direction - it just took a little while for him to figure out that I was actually telling him what to do (i.e. me (after the first run-through of a scene): "cross to the table on that line" . . . (after the second run): "could you cross to the table when you say that?" . . . (after the third): "when you say that line, walk over to the table" him: "what?" me: "walk over to the table while you say that line" him: "oh." me (interrupting during the fourth run): "that line, that's when you cross" him: "oh . . . ok." me: "yeah, that's great. Thanks.")

We had to work through one scene about six times before he could hear what I wanted, but when he finally relaxed and just did what I asked him to do, he had us all in stitches. (him: "yeah. . . that was a good idea. . . that works." me: "yeah. I thought it would. that was great.")

It's very funny actually.

He doesn't want me to just watch while he does whatever he pleases. But when my ideas run counter to his, it can be a little challenging. :D
 
*does a little dance* I'm here at the last entry. It's taken me 2 weeks to read the whole thread top to bottom!

ES, thank you for all your posts, it's a wonderful insight into how things work for others. You write beautifully :)

I don't think we're really M/s, we're more D/s, but just starting to explore our dynamic, and learn how things are between us when the power shifts. What will happen over time, I don't know, but I'm eager to find out.

I currently have an assignment- learning to lapdance. I have an awful sense of rhythm, and am not very confident about my body, which I think is why it seems such a difficult task. But I'll do my best, plan, practise, because I know that even if I feel I've done it badly, the fact that I have done as he asked will make him happy.
 
Back
Top