Anyone want to read my first story and give me feedback?

Definitely From the heart!

:D I enjoyed this, and Am Greatly, GREATLY awaiting the 2nd part my dear.

Very powerful imagery, and imagination.
 
This story is excellent, well paced, well written, very arousing. I would not change a word.
 
Feedback Sent Privately

You're good. You're really good.

Feedback sent privately. I hope it's constructive enough to be helpful.
 
a riveting fantasy

Based on reality, but bordering on fantasy, the storyline was realistic enough to imagine, but engaged fantasy enough to be hot. I loved the tension indicated in the choice between listening to the body and the conscience. I feel most stories predictably give into the body's desires much too easily.

Also, the crossover was tantalizing (I define crossover as the moment where both realize the chemistry is there and respond to it) and dramatic.

I'll be looking forward to the next part! I'm sure there will be surprises.
 
Based on reality, but bordering on fantasy, the storyline was realistic enough to imagine, but engaged fantasy enough to be hot. I loved the tension indicated in the choice between listening to the body and the conscience. I feel most stories predictably give into the body's desires much too easily.

Also, the crossover was tantalizing (I define crossover as the moment where both realize the chemistry is there and respond to it) and dramatic.

I'll be looking forward to the next part! I'm sure there will be surprises.

Thank you. I feel the same way about most stories not having enough buildup to the "crossover."
 
You're good. You're really good.

Feedback sent privately. I hope it's constructive enough to be helpful.
Your feedback was really helpful, and so encouraging. I'm thrilled that i'm getting such good feedback on my first story. It definitely makes me want to write more. :) Thanks so much for the suggestions. I'll definitely keep those things in mind for part two!
 
Wow. I was proud when I finished mine, but this puts me back in my place. Bravo!
 
Wow. I was proud when I finished mine, but this puts me back in my place. Bravo!

Nice work! Very intense build. When he came up behind her to 'help', fucking hot. You ended just right to string me along to very much WANT what comes next, and yet I don't feel like I've been left hanging too much.

Thanks to both of you! I'm so happy everyone seems to be liking it. I was nervous about posting it because it's the first story of many that i've actually finished (part one, at least, but part two is on the way) and been somewhat pleased with.
 
Believable and hot, the two qualities I look for most. Prof Reilly is a well-created character.
 
Pretty hot, I really like the whole teacher/student thing.


My only critism would be that it needs more paragraphs. Some of the paragraphs feel cluttered.


Well written story. I'm interested to see what will happen in part 2.
 
I think some of the best characters are based on real people. Sometimes just one person generally, sometimes a character is cobbled together from several people. If there's nothing solid behind the creation of the character, readers always know.;)

I definitely agree. My prof. Reilly is quite the character in real life. Made him easy to write about.
 
I really liked your story

I loved to read your story. I would like to read any others you may write Thanks and Happy New Year.:rose:
 
You Go, Girl!

The professor-student line is a good one. Keep going, this is hot. The paradigm for this class of story is Sir_Nathan's masterpiece Culture_Shock, a 4.78 (like a Parker 99 Chateauneuf-du-Pape, it just keeps getting better) league-leading story. You're not there, of course, but keep trying.
 
Definitely From the heart!

:D I enjoyed this, and Am Greatly, GREATLY awaiting the 2nd part my dear.

Very powerful imagery, and imagination.

This story is excellent, well paced, well written, very arousing. I would not change a word.

Based on reality, but bordering on fantasy, the storyline was realistic enough to imagine, but engaged fantasy enough to be hot. I loved the tension indicated in the choice between listening to the body and the conscience. I feel most stories predictably give into the body's desires much too easily.

Also, the crossover was tantalizing (I define crossover as the moment where both realize the chemistry is there and respond to it) and dramatic.

I'll be looking forward to the next part! I'm sure there will be surprises.

Nice work! Very intense build. When he came up behind her to 'help', fucking hot. You ended just right to string me along to very much WANT what comes next, and yet I don't feel like I've been left hanging too much.

Wow. I was proud when I finished mine, but this puts me back in my place. Bravo!

Pretty hot, I really like the whole teacher/student thing.


My only critism would be that it needs more paragraphs. Some of the paragraphs feel cluttered.


Well written story. I'm interested to see what will happen in part 2.

I loved to read your story. I would like to read any others you may write Thanks and Happy New Year.:rose:

The professor-student line is a good one. Keep going, this is hot. The paradigm for this class of story is Sir_Nathan's masterpiece Culture_Shock, a 4.78 (like a Parker 99 Chateauneuf-du-Pape, it just keeps getting better) league-leading story. You're not there, of course, but keep trying.

Believable and hot, the two qualities I look for most. Prof Reilly is a well-created character.

Part two is almost finished. I will probably submit it today or tomorrow, so be looking out for it in the next few days!
 
As I said before...looking forwards to that second part...have fun!
 
I really like the way you describe the sexual tension in ella, it is a real turn on to know that she is having such an intense sexual response ... love it! Such a naughty, horny girl! :devil:
 
Great buildup and use of the musical element. I enjoyed it--a lot.
 
Sorry to everyone about the delay in posting part two... I just went back to school and it's hard to find the time to work on it. It's almost done, though!
 
Take your time, ClassyGirl. Do it right, however long it takes. I am told Gus Flaubert spent two whole days trying to find the right name for the newspaper in Madame Bovary. While none of us is in that league, we can always try.
 
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