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the marks of a slave

sweepthefloor said:
Hahaha! Are we messing up?
We got our saddle shoes on, and our bobby-socks on, and our panty covers on- over our thongs, and pleated skirts! We are shaking our pom pom poms on our backsides. We are stamping our feet, and there are bows in our hair and we are clapping our hands, and that is some hand jive baby!
:roundoff:
Click to expand...

I want a pom pom butt plug. :D
 
eastern sun said:
All right girls. . . . here we go!

Give me a B . . . B
Give me an E . . . E
Give me an A . . . A
Give me a T . . . T

B-E-A-T me me me me me me me
B-E-A-T me me me me me me me

Come on now, it's what we need.
Beat it till we start to bleed!

B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E
B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E

If you win, then we win.
We can't lose, if you win.

Be aggressive! Yo!
Be aggressive! Hey!
Be aggressive! Ho!
Be aggressive! Yay!

It's time to show us what you've got
We know it's coming and it's hot
So give it up and don't you stop
We'll take it til we start to drop.

Go, go, go, go
Go, go, go, go

POW! ZING! BLAM! WOW!
That is what we like, and HOW!
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This made me smile :)

Somebody should do it at some of the kinky events over there! :D

Thank you! :rose:
 
I was tired tonight, of having to keep things hidden in the corners of my psyche while I'm out in plain sight.

I want to be naked and beautiful in all my glory.

Of course, there are places and times for everything.

But I'm tired of compartmentalizing my psyche.

I keep trying to stuff things in holes where they don't belong.
 
So the path to integration has led me to chance encounters with my "inner dominatrix" - as my friend has lovingly labelled that psychic drive towards masochistic slavery. She is much harsher than my husband. But, in all honesty, my willingness to serve her far outweighs my willingness to serve him.

It seems I trust her judgement. :)
 
And the question that still makes me run from the room -

what have you done in order to feel cherished and loved?
 
eastern sun said:
When I first got sober, I woke up every morning in such a state of high anxiety I thought I was going to die just from waking up and becoming conscious. The skin on my face was flushed and tingling and I felt like I couldn't breathe unless I was crying. Like the only way I could stay alive was to cry and keep crying.
Click to expand...

This is the best, most accurate description I have ever seen of life in the immediate aftermath of the "loss" of an addiction.

I feel I I almost want to repeat it to every newly-recovering addict I come across; when you "lose" an addiction, you feel like you're the only one in the world who feels this desperate. The words quoted above are very eloquent proof to the contrary.
 
eastern sun said:
So the path to integration has led me to chance encounters with my "inner dominatrix" - as my friend has lovingly labelled that psychic drive towards masochistic slavery. She is much harsher than my husband. But, in all honesty, my willingness to serve her far outweighs my willingness to serve him.

It seems I trust her judgement. :)
Click to expand...

I have an insecure masochistic control freak that reside in my mind, Mindy.
She does get a bit pushy though when she wants things to move along and does not let time do its course. Luckily with age, patience the Dominatrix is getting a stronger voice, and Mindy is learning to listen.



(welcome back! was missing reading you :rose:)
 
Cattypuss said:
This is the best, most accurate description I have ever seen of life in the immediate aftermath of the "loss" of an addiction.

I feel I I almost want to repeat it to every newly-recovering addict I come across; when you "lose" an addiction, you feel like you're the only one in the world who feels this desperate. The words quoted above are very eloquent proof to the contrary.
Click to expand...

Thank you for bringing that quote up.

:rose:
 
Cattypuss said:
This is the best, most accurate description I have ever seen of life in the immediate aftermath of the "loss" of an addiction.

I feel I I almost want to repeat it to every newly-recovering addict I come across; when you "lose" an addiction, you feel like you're the only one in the world who feels this desperate. The words quoted above are very eloquent proof to the contrary.
Click to expand...

Thanks, Cattypuss. I have the great good fortune to speak to newly recovering addicts and alcoholics quite frequently :)
 
And the question I am most interested in today -

why is it so important to you to be scarred?
 
It is possible to be a slave and avoid codependent behavior.

The key, I think, is in the relationship you have with yourself. If you are choosing to focus on someone else in order to avoid addressing the very real concerns you would have if you looked squarely at your own behavior, then you are at risk of unhealthy codependency.

Slavery (and submission) do not require obsessional thinking. When I rationalize my obsessive thoughts about someone else - and the relationship we might or might not have - as "devotion" within the framework of my submissiveness. . . When I neglect my own health and well-being with the thought that a slave's well-being lies solely in the hands of the master. . . When I refuse to take responsibility for my own choices because my "power" lies in the hands of my master . . . These are the ways I delude myself.

There are real pitfalls in choosing to be a slave. The worst thing I can do is to focus the spotlight of blame for my disappointments on someone other than myself. And use the behavior of other people to cultivate my garden of resentments.

It is very, very easy to hide codependency within this framework. But it is not necessary to lose the framework to lose the codependency.

At least, that's what I'm shooting for.

Eighteen years ago, my sponsor told me that marriages often do not survive one partner getting sober. I was determined that mine would . . . Today I am trying to determine whether M/s can survive Al-Anon :)
 
eastern sun said:
It is possible to be a slave and avoid codependent behavior.

The key, I think, is in the relationship you have with yourself. If you are choosing to focus on someone else in order to avoid addressing the very real concerns you would have if you looked squarely at your own behavior, then you are at risk of unhealthy codependency.

Slavery (and submission) do not require obsessional thinking. When I rationalize my obsessive thoughts about someone else - and the relationship we might or might not have - as "devotion" within the framework of my submissiveness. . . When I neglect my own health and well-being with the thought that a slave's well-being lies solely in the hands of the master. . . When I refuse to take responsibility for my own choices because my "power" lies in the hands of my master . . . These are the ways I delude myself.

There are real pitfalls in choosing to be a slave. The worst thing I can do is to focus the spotlight of blame for my disappointments on someone other than myself. And use the behavior of other people to cultivate my garden of resentments.

It is very, very easy to hide codependency within this framework. But it is not necessary to lose the framework to lose the codependency.

At least, that's what I'm shooting for.

Eighteen years ago, my sponsor told me that marriages often do not survive one partner getting sober. I was determined that mine would . . . Today I am trying to determine whether M/s can survive Al-Anon :)
Click to expand...

Isn't the first step in breaking the co-dependent cycle recognizing that it exists? I know the dynamic is different for everyone, but shouldn't your first and foremost devotion be to yourself and your well-being? If you cannot be a whole person to give yourself over to another, don't you actually hurt them by being less than yourself? By giving them less than the whole you?

Please, I don't mean to sound critical. It sounds you are working toward a better path. My questions are meant to only point out that you might get a more fulfilling M/s relationship by taking care of yourself, too. I have actually worried, at times, when it felt like your posts showed you weren't caring for your own well-being. But not living as a slave, nor walking in your shoes, I've always hesitated to comment. Lately, though, it sounds like you are taking steps to care for you and I mean my comments to be applause for the positive steps; to reinforce what it sounds like you are realizing.

Your current M/s relationship may not survive Al-Anon; but you may come out a more complete person (and I have seen Al-Anon help others before). A more complete you may lead you to a more fulfilling M/s relationship in the future, whether it's with your current SO or another. Please continue to care for *you*.
 
Chiara_searches said:
Your current M/s relationship may not survive Al-Anon; but you may come out a more complete person (and I have seen Al-Anon help others before). A more complete you may lead you to a more fulfilling M/s relationship in the future, whether it's with your current SO or another. Please continue to care for *you*.
Click to expand...

I'm a slave to my husband of 25 years. There is no more fulfilling M/s relationship in my future. Neither is there any option, for me, of leaving this one.
 
eastern sun said:
I'm a slave to my husband of 25 years. There is no more fulfilling M/s relationship in my future. Neither is there any option, for me, of leaving this one.
Click to expand...

I hadn't realized it had been that many years; and I apologize if I overstepped. Still, I am very much glad that you are taking steps to take care of you. Al-Anon did wonders for a friend and I hope it brings you a measure of peace, too.
 
eastern sun said:
It is possible to be a slave and avoid codependent behavior.

The key, I think, is in the relationship you have with yourself. If you are choosing to focus on someone else in order to avoid addressing the very real concerns you would have if you looked squarely at your own behavior, then you are at risk of unhealthy codependency.

Slavery (and submission) do not require obsessional thinking. When I rationalize my obsessive thoughts about someone else - and the relationship we might or might not have - as "devotion" within the framework of my submissiveness. . . When I neglect my own health and well-being with the thought that a slave's well-being lies solely in the hands of the master. . . When I refuse to take responsibility for my own choices because my "power" lies in the hands of my master . . . These are the ways I delude myself.

There are real pitfalls in choosing to be a slave. The worst thing I can do is to focus the spotlight of blame for my disappointments on someone other than myself. And use the behavior of other people to cultivate my garden of resentments.

It is very, very easy to hide codependency within this framework. But it is not necessary to lose the framework to lose the codependency.At least, that's what I'm shooting for.

Eighteen years ago, my sponsor told me that marriages often do not survive one partner getting sober. I was determined that mine would . . . Today I am trying to determine whether M/s can survive Al-Anon :)
Click to expand...

I think you have hit the nail on the head and identifying the behaviour as you have done, is the main step in dealing with it.

I think you are a very determined woman ES. Your marriage survived as you were determined it would do, I think it will be the same for the M/s.

I havent been through Al-non so Im not sure wha it involves but would imagine its a lot about controlling your environment and personal development/empowerment?
Is that why you wonder if it will survive, because it may require you to be in an emotional/mental state that feels like its at odds with being a slave?
 
minx1 said:
I havent been through Al-non so Im not sure what it involves but would imagine its a lot about controlling your environment and personal development/empowerment?
Is that why you wonder if it will survive, because it may require you to be in an emotional/mental state that feels like its at odds with being a slave?
Click to expand...

Actually, it's about giving up your obsession with other people's behavior, and the effects of anxiety and fear about how other people's behavior is going to impact you, in favor of taking care of yourself. Focussing on your own attitudes, thought patterns and behavior.

I have no idea what Al-Anon's position on M/s slavery is, but my gut says it would be interpreted as "unhealthy" by most. (In other words, if I'm walking into an Al-Anon meeting, I'm essentially admitting that my relationships aren't ideal; if I then were to mention M/s in that context, it could become the big red target.)

I went to Al-Anon regularly 30 years ago, and then forsook it to pursue my own interests in drugs and alcohol. :) A few weeks ago, I accompanied a friend to a meeting - you know, to keep her company - and was blindsided by my own emotional reactions to what I was hearing and feeling. My relationships with my children, and my role as a parent, are the real focus of my attention there.

But it is going to be hard not to look at my relationship with my husband.

He feels very threatened. Though he has not stopped me from going, he has made it very clear how much he has disliked Al-Anon in the past.

What he doesn't realize is that it isn't about him. It's about me; and the ways I've failed to step up to my own part in life.
 
There is nothing sexy about Al-Anon. :) One of the bigger wet blankets around. . . . .
 
My questions today -

Is it possible to be a healthy slave? Or is the extremity of the position - and by that I mean it's position on the continuum not the intensity of the activities - by definition "imbalanced'?

Is a healthy slave solely a product of a healthy master? (That just seems to ask too much of the dominant party in this precariously balanced relationship.)

Every time I need to bring things back in balance in our world, (always for the sake of the kids), I need to step away from my extreme sexuality and the deepest slave mindset it evokes.

But discovering myself in slavery led me to feeling as free and honest and open and "right" as I have ever felt in my life. How can that be the source of an "unhealthy" relationship?

Is it because I want to live there always? . . . Maybe I would stop judging myself so harshly if I simply recognized that very few people engage with their sexuality on a full-time basis - especially with kids in the house. I am able to recognize the waxing and waning of our sexual energies as such - but, interestingly enough, as our sexual energies wane, so does my overt obedience.

Why can't he recognize the fact that I am still openly, actively serving him, on a daily basis, while still taking care of myself and our children?

Is it because of the expression on my face? And the tone of my voice?

Is that the function of protocols?

I have so much still to learn.
 
One of the most important, to me, the marks of a slave is her eagerness and desire to serve his or her Mistress/Master, focusing on him/her rather than yourself. That also plays the part of respect, which is a must.
 
CurvAppeal said:
One of the most important, to me, the marks of a slave is her eagerness and desire to serve his or her Mistress/Master, focusing on him/her rather than yourself. That also plays the part of respect, which is a must.
Click to expand...

That's true. But hard to sustain. For years on end. Without fail.

I'm full of fail today.

But working on it.
 
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