My First Story - Trinity's Continuing Education

I've been fan of Literotica for years. I grew up reading Penthouse Forum and other magazines that actually required you to read. Anyway, this is my first published story and I would love some feedback. If your looking for hardcore grinding sex, this is not the story for you. If you're looking for a little voyeurism with some creative fantasy, you may find this interesting. I wrote it about an ex girlfriend who actually made this trip. The story I describe is my fantasy and she had massive orgasms after reading it. Feedback please.

Trinity's Continuing Education
http://www.literotica.com/s/trinitys-continuing-education

I thought it was fine for a first, one-experience story. It could have been more fine, I think, if you'd dropped the pretense that she wasn't there to have a sexual experience (the way she dressed, how quickly she fell into the tease for it) and devised a more believable reason why a hotel would naturally provide a sensual massage (maybe her winding up at a shadier hotel than she'd realized--which could have led to a longer story with more interesting encounters). Or you could have pushed a bit more on how/why she'd have an orgiastic response to what wasn't meant to be a sexy massage. (You seemed to be flip flopping on this point.)

It has some of the usual technical mistakes (e.g., incorrect hyphenation, lack of serial comma, some punctuation problems) of most stories here, but I didn't find them intrusive. There will be some who will slam you for use of the bra cup measurement, but I won't.

I thought it was a really good story. Naughty but not nasty. Just because she was dressed in leopard heels and a shoulder baring top does not mean she's cruising for sex. She was just enjoying herself.

I thought the interplay between her going to Vegas where "whatever happens..." But she wasn't looking, then she dresses sexy, but she is still not looking. To me you have created the quintessential woman. Deep down she knows what she really wants, but she'll be damned if she will admit it, even to herself, until it finally happens. So the contradiction was no problem for me.

A couple more paragraphs of character development would have been nice for her, but you did OK. A bit more description of Lee, the two guys and of her body as they worked it would have been nicer.

A tad more sense of aroma, taste, touch, sight. Was the room dark or light, incense, scented oil, etc. Just a touch more realism.

But well-done!