Lesbian Having Sex With a Man (or Vice-Versa)

Well i guess she was lesbian until our encounter. but now she is bi as she has went on to try another guy and likes it. She claims that women have too much baggage and emotions as to where with a man it could just be sex and no emotions after.
maybe she's cursed to be just too damn lovable to other women. :p Or maybe she brings her own expectations to bed with her and blames them on other people.


Oh, and as for gross factor, I seriously cannot believe that anybody could be grossed out by het sex. Isn't homosexuality about same sex attraction, not opposite sex disgust? Would someone claim that they pet their dog because they despise petting cats?
Well... if one could somehow magically cut the rest of the world and ones life experiences right off while one is in the bedroom, maybe a monosexual (strictly het or gay) person could have an opposite experience without disgust. But those drugs are illegal.
 
Well i guess she was lesbian until our encounter. but now she is bi as she has went on to try another guy and likes it. She claims that women have too much baggage and emotions as to where with a man it could just be sex and no emotions after.

A man's wet dream, show us lesbians just how wonderful your little thingy is!

Think about it hon, she's a woman, she's spent all of her life around other women, she's knows were emotional, she's emotional, most of us, women and men, have baggage. We are lesbian because women are women, not just because we make better lovers than you men. Yes we do!!!!!!!!! We're also moody, so just shoot us, but that is also part of our attraction to other women.

So she's clueless that a relationship with another woman is going to be emotional. And I assure you if all she wants is sex, she can go to any lesbian bar or club and find someone else who's only interested in sex, women who don't even want an after. Get out of my bed it was fun now go away.

I don't know maybe she was just a very confused lady but she was never a lesbian!
 
I've been only with women for more than a year now. Last week I met up with my ex for a booty call-- it felt very strange to have a dick in my pussy. it just went in and out, yanno? He didn't go slow, wait for me to let it in... Not that he ever had to do that stuff for me before, but I have gotten used to more forethought.

Women put a lot of effort into making sure each other gets satisfied, for him it was more about feeling close to me, I think-- and him getting off and assuming that I was getting off too.

And carefully not asking to be sure. :rolleyes:

Taking notes, dudes?

I learned this a long time ago. Besides if it just feels like a job, a chore, i wouldnt like it either. Im surprised the head of lesbian affairs and authority; Safe_Bet hasnt stepped in talking about "psuedo-lesbians" and how any "true" lez will get kicked out of the guild if she lay with beast(men). Or has she been shut up, mellowed out or closed account since I was last here?
 
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It was better not mentioning Safe_Bet. Are you trying to bait her into commenting? But she did acknowledge that not all lesbians are "gold star lesbians" (as in lesbians who have never had sex with a man). She stated that she isn't one either, though her sexual interaction with a man was the result of rape. And, as a lot of us know, rape is discounted as "having had sex" in a lot of people's opinions.

I've stressed here and elsewhere that most lesbians (and most gay men) have engaged in sexual activity with the opposite sex due to heteronormative society.

Safe_Bet is against women identifying as lesbian but occasionally having sex with men, as well as women who state that they have minor sexual attraction to men while identifying as lesbian...but don't have sex with men. As you obviously remember, though maybe not my involvement, this resulted in debates between the two of us (and other people) because I feel that it is okay that these women identify as lesbian. For a lot of these women, the lesbian label fits them better than the bisexual label because their sexual attraction to men is so minor that they can't be sexually happy with men. And I see why it fits them better, especially in the case of those who don't have sex with men at all.

As you've likely seen, this topic is partly what Stella and Dyslexicea are talking about in the below quotes:

A lot of women identify as lesbian, but do have sex with men once in a while. I call 'em "homoflexible." because they really are not bisexual enough to notice. But their primary identity is lesbian.

Actually Stella I have known a few lesbians who occasionally enjoy a man. Myself I find that at times I can be attracted to certain men, they don't have to be hot either, although they do have to be fit, they have to have 'The Voice' sensual perhaps is the word.

I can at times get a little tingle but never enough to want to throw them to the floor and have my way with them. Now wouldn't that make headlines 'Lesbian rapes man on bar room floor'.

I still consider these women lesbians, their minds are lesbian, their hearts are lesbian and their really meaningful relationships are with other women.

As is seen, haurni, bcassidy123 and Bramblethorn also touched on lesbian identity aspects on Page 1 of this thread, with bcassidy123 being confused by people identifying as transgender lesbians...and Bramblethorn stating, "That would be somebody who was born with 'male' physical characteristics, but perceives themselves as a woman, and is attracted to other women." Stella also weighed in on that.
 
Oh, and as for gross factor, I seriously cannot believe that anybody could be grossed out by het sex. Isn't homosexuality about same sex attraction, not opposite sex disgust? Would someone claim that they pet their dog because they despise petting cats?

All I can say to that, how many men are grossed out by the thought of two men having sex (and women), how many women are grossed out about the thought of having sex with a woman......straight men especially tend not to be all that positive about the thought of male on male sex, many straight men, for example, if they ever were to experience sucking a cock, would have as a first reaction probably to throw up, because it is so ingrained in them this is sick....

I think some gay people are grossed out at the thought of having sex with an opposite sex couple, to some it simply would be as interesting as picking out belly button lint *shrug*.

I had an acquaintance at one time, a pro domme in the SF bay area, who had a female slave that was about as much a lesbian as you can imagine, but her domme used to lend her out to guys occasionally (it was part of their contract, before anyone starts crying abuse), because as my friend put it, once in a while she (her slave) needed a good screwing from a guy.

I also knew a stone butch type of gal and this twink type gay guy that used to occassionally haul off and get their rocks off together, but otherwise were as queer as can be *shrug*.

When it comes to sexual attraction, having sex, who we partner with, it gets might complicated at times, I don't know whether the lesbian who has sex with a guy sees them as a giant living dildo or something, I don't know whether the gay guy who has sex with a gal sees her as some sort of uber femme twink, and to be honest, don't think I care really, if they enjoy it somehow, wtf, that is their thing:).
 
I learned this a long time ago. Besides if it just feels like a job, a chore, i wouldnt like it either. Im surprised the head of lesbian affairs and authority; Safe_Bet hasnt stepped in talking about "psuedo-lesbians" and how any "true" lez will get kicked out of the guild if she lay with beast(men). Or has she been shut up, mellowed out or closed account since I was last here?

As far as I know Safe_Bet no longer posts here. I for one wish she still did, from reading her posts I think I would have liked her. As for your querp about psuedo-lesbians you may want to read this. As a matter of fact so many of the bi ladies here who seem to be afraid of a real relationship(emotional and physical) with another woman may want to read it as well. It just seem to me women(straight or bi) who live more so in the hetero world don't have those truly close relationship that we as lesbian have with other women. I mean relationships that are extremely emotional and truly physical but not necessarily sexual. In the cock(male) centered world we live in it's fine for men to have strong bonds with their male friends but women are left wanting the same freedom.

http://womensspace.wordpress.com/20...sbians-pseudolesbians-and-love-between-women/
 
Safe_Bet is against women identifying as lesbian but occasionally having sex with men, as well as women who state that they have minor sexual attraction to men while identifying as lesbian...but don't have sex with men. As you obviously remember, though maybe not my involvement, this resulted in debates between the two of us (and other people) because I feel that it is okay that these women identify as lesbian. For a lot of these women, the lesbian label fits them better than the bisexual label because their sexual attraction to men is so minor that they can't be sexually happy with men. And I see why it fits them better, especially in the case of those who don't have sex with men at all.

As you've likely seen, this topic is partly what Stella and Dyslexicea are talking about in the below quotes:

I don't want you to overstate what I said. I may have a tingle but even the thought of having sex with a man is repulsive to ME. I don't even kiss a man on the lips unless I'm really, really close to him, which leaves only one man, my grandfather, although if my father were still alive I'd kiss him also. A kiss, on the lips, is to me very intimate, which I'll freely share with another woman or a child but not men.

I did follow your post to find where you and Safe_Bet, by the way it was Safe_Bet's wife Amy, had your debate. After reading what Amy said I guess I'm going change my mind and agree with her. Labels are important. I'm a lesbian. I'll always be a lesbian, sexual orientation is not fluid, as some claim, unless of course your bi. If a woman enjoys relationships involving sex with a man she isn't a lesbian, she's bisexual.

Guess what, being a lesbian isn't about sex, it's about life, it's about who we are. Sex is but a minor part of our lives with other women. Even if I never have sex again I'll still be a lesbian!

Taking a deep breath. Regardless of what I've just said, I have nothing against bisexual women. I've had relationships with enough of them that Amy may have said I can't possibly be a lesbian. But I would never be with a woman who was also with a man at the same time she was with me.
 
In 30 minutes I can say yes. A married friend of mine is calling in on his way to work for a quick suck.
 
I don't want you to overstate what I said. I may have a tingle but even the thought of having sex with a man is repulsive to ME. I don't even kiss a man on the lips unless I'm really, really close to him, which leaves only one man, my grandfather, although if my father were still alive I'd kiss him also. A kiss, on the lips, is to me very intimate, which I'll freely share with another woman or a child but not men.

I did follow your post to find where you and Safe_Bet, by the way it was Safe_Bet's wife Amy, had your debate. After reading what Amy said I guess I'm going change my mind and agree with her. Labels are important. I'm a lesbian. I'll always be a lesbian, sexual orientation is not fluid, as some claim, unless of course your bi. If a woman enjoys relationships involving sex with a man she isn't a lesbian, she's bisexual.

Guess what, being a lesbian isn't about sex, it's about life, it's about who we are. Sex is but a minor part of our lives with other women. Even if I never have sex again I'll still be a lesbian!

Taking a deep breath. Regardless of what I've just said, I have nothing against bisexual women. I've had relationships with enough of them that Amy may have said I can't possibly be a lesbian. But I would never be with a woman who was also with a man at the same time she was with me.

Hi again, Dyslexicea. I don't feel that I overstated what you stated. And I agree that labels are important (more so for some people, especially sexual orientation labels), just as important to women who feel that the lesbian label fits them better than the bisexual label even when others think that they should wear the bisexual label.

And it's not Safe_Bet's wife that I debated with. My first post to this forum was a response to Safe_Bet about tribadism; then the administrator Etoile told me that Safe_Bet had died and that Safe_Bet would of course not be responding to me. Later, I met a different Safe_Bet and she told me that the original Safe_Bet was her wife and that she had now taken up the Safe_Bet screen name in her place. From the little I've seen of what has been called the original Safe_Bet, their typing styles don't look differently from each other at all, and the Safe_Bet I first responded to argued the same things as the Safe_Bet I became familiar with, so I never knew what to make of their having been two Safe_Bets. But the atmosphere on this board was often tainted with hostility when the Safe_Bet that I am familiar with was here. Stella knows, as she often accompanied me arguing against her...and got into her own arguments and/or debates with her.

And as a lesbian (yes, one who does not have sex with men; never had sex with a man, in fact), I of course know that being lesbian isn't about sex. Do I agree that sex is only a minor part of lesbians lives? Yes, for some.

No comment on your other statements; I've been over that enough and don't need to get into a debate about labels right now, about how some people (researchers included) define bisexuality differently, separate sexual pleasure from sexual attraction, and whatever else that comes with the topic of sexuality being complicated. I just wanted to briefly comment on the Safe_Bet and lesbian label topics, and so I did.
 
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If a woman enjoys relationships involving sex with a man she isn't a lesbian, she's bisexual.
Unless she identifies as a lesbian. It's easy enough to disagree on a forum, but it takes a tough and calloused heart to tell a woman to her face that she does not deserve the identity that informs her life.

I bet you couldn't do it if push came to shove.
 
Unless she identifies as a lesbian. It's easy enough to disagree on a forum, but it takes a tough and calloused heart to tell a woman to her face that she does not deserve the identity that informs her life.

I bet you couldn't do it if push came to shove.

I'm not heartless Stella but I assure you I could, face to face, tell someone she wasn't lesbian. I have in the past done just that. Never, as strange as this may sound, over having sex with a man but I have little tolerance for women who are extreme feminist and only identify as lesbian because they hate men, and I assure you there are many extreme feminist who are active in the community who are not truly lesbian but do hate men.

In your case, knowing so little about you, I can't judge you. If what I assume, which may make me an ass, about you being a lesbian. Your 'In Love' with another woman. Your sexual involvements are with other women, except for a man you lived most of your adult life with, a man who's the father of your children, a man you care about, a man you love but may have never really been 'In Love' with and your male sexual involvement is only with him, it surely would be heartless of me to tell you, you are not a lesbian.

You are right Stella it is much easier to discuss these issues on a forum. If we happened to be friends, in the real world, and I didn't think you were a lesbian but it was how you identified yourself, friendship would mean more to me than how you labeled yourself. I would never inflect pain over something such as this.

It really doesn't matter that much but I'll never think of you, Stella_Omega, who's post I first read here as anything other than a lesbian. When I first came here I saw a wasteland, nothing but men who sucked cock but didn't like men, horny bi women who looked at other women as sex objects. You, my dear, were the only person who's post I could identify with. I have found many other interesting people here but if it had not been for you I would never have stayed. Stella, I assure you, you never have to justify to me, nor argue with me, nor explain to me, that you are a lesbian. I'll never think of you as anything other than a Lesbian.
 
I see we have a few educated in psychology on the board, but fewer educated in hard science. :)

Ill keep my trap shut.
 
Hi again, Dyslexicea. I don't feel that I overstated what you stated. .
No you didn't Priceless, I should have stated I may have overstated myself. As in sometimes I don't make my point clearly.

Do I agree that sex is only a minor part of lesbians lives? Yes, for some.

I wasn't saying that sex for most of us isn't important. I just get so sick of people, including the researcher, experts, sexperts and so on, who don't know, nor care, acting like the only reasons we are lesbian is because we desire sex with our own gender. As you know, we desire sex with our own gender because we are lesbian, not the other way around!
 
No you didn't Priceless, I should have stated I may have overstated myself. As in sometimes I don't make my point clearly.



I wasn't saying that sex for most of us isn't important. I just get so sick of people, including the researcher, experts, sexperts and so on, who don't know, nor care, acting like the only reasons we are lesbian is because we desire sex with our own gender. As you know, we desire sex with our own gender because we are lesbian, not the other way around!
That's awesome-- one of those simple statements that surprise you into laughter when you work them out ;)

And thank you for your kind words above! I am bisexual in the sense that I think of men sexually-- even though I can't bring myself to think hard enough about them to actually DO anything with a guy right now... and i would in fact, say that I am lesbian politically as much as anything else. But I really do prefer to be in the company of women. Not to mention-- in bed with them. At this time it's easier to say that I am a lesbian-- but I would NEVER ask for a gold star!

Shit gets complicated...
I see we have a few educated in psychology on the board, but fewer educated in hard science. :)

Ill keep my trap shut.
There is no hard science associated with sexuality and human behavior.
 
ach

Ach, Stella, you're a good kid. You get the complexity of life among the humans. As on old geezer, I'd welcome sex with a lesbian, bi, or straight female if we both got our engines sufficiently revved up. And if our engines don't get to the required RPM, a little flirting, teasing, and suggestiveness would not hurt a thing. Have never found myself able to say the same about a guy, but, hey, I'm not dead yet. :)
 
-- but I would NEVER ask for a gold star!
That makes two of us. I truly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I often wonder how can a gold star girl really know for sure. Like I said before, sometimes I shouldn't touch my keyboard!

Shit gets complicated...
Isn't that the god awful truth!
 
A lot of women identify as lesbian, but do have sex with men once in a while. I call 'em "homoflexible." because they really are not bisexual enough to notice. But their primary identity is lesbian.
In your experience, women climb on, get off, and assume you did too? I don't doubt you here, just-- seems unusual, is all.


That STILL doesn't make them a lesbian.

Bottom line, if you "periodically" have sex with dudes - ESPECIALLY if you plan to continue doing so - you are bisexual.

Y'all don't get to make up your own definitions for shit. You aren't Republicans.


(and yeah.... I'm back... so stop talking shit about me, K?)
 
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I'm not heartless Stella but I assure you I could, face to face, tell someone she wasn't lesbian. I have in the past done just that. Never, as strange as this may sound, over having sex with a man but I have little tolerance for women who are extreme feminist and only identify as lesbian because they hate men, and I assure you there are many extreme feminist who are active in the community who are not truly lesbian but do hate men.

Those type of "lesbians" confuse me, so much so that I've shown a sign of disrespect by putting the word lesbian in quotation marks in this case. And despite agreeing that being lesbian is about more than who we are sexually attracted to, I don't understand how anyone could feel that it is valid to identify as lesbian if you aren't sexually and/or romantically attracted to women. I understand asexual lesbians, women of the asexual community who are only or mostly only romantically attracted to women (some identify as homoromantic). But those who are only a little sexually and/or romantically attracted to women confuse me by identifying as lesbian. If you are completely or mostly heterosexual, how does it make sense to identify as lesbian?

Still, I don't tell people that they can't identify how they want.

I wasn't saying that sex for most of us isn't important. I just get so sick of people, including the researcher, experts, sexperts and so on, who don't know, nor care, acting like the only reasons we are lesbian is because we desire sex with our own gender. As you know, we desire sex with our own gender because we are lesbian, not the other way around!

I know that you weren't stating that. And I completely agree about some people (including some researchers) defining us as though we are only about sex. That includes some assertions that we aren't as sexual as couples of other sexual orientations, the ridiculous "lesbian bed death" concept that Pepper Schwartz came up with.

That STILL doesn't make them a lesbian.

Bottom line, if you "periodically" have sex with dudes - ESPECIALLY if you plan to continue doing so - you are bisexual.

Y'all don't get to make up your own definitions for shit. You aren't Republicans.


(and yeah.... I'm back... so stop talking shit about me, K?)

Safe_Bet, you're still ignoring the reliable sources I've shown you that show that there are different definitions of lesbian. I just got through agreeing with Dyslexicea that the way some people, including some researchers, define us as though sex is all we are about is frustrating. But these definitions (page 22) among researchers exist. And they exist because a lot of women define themselves as lesbian based on the things mentioned in that source.

As for you being back, you never left, right? Or someone contacted you about this thread? Either way, I'm going to go ahead and state "Welcome back." Maybe we can start over. After all, most people don't agree on everything. And people can dislike each other's beliefs while still being civil.
 
That makes two of us. I truly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I often wonder how can a gold star girl really know for sure. Like I said before, sometimes I shouldn't touch my keyboard!

I overlooked this. We know for sure for the same reason that you've emphasized that sexual activity is not the most defining thing about being a lesbian. Most people don't have to engage in sexual activity with the opposite sex and/or same sex just to know if they are heterosexual or homosexual, or are sexually attracted to both sexes. Indeed, most people know what their sexual orientation is in early childhood or during adolescence. For as long as I've had sexual fantasies, I've known that I'm lesbian.
 
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Ahaha speak of that little devil! Welcome back, Amy. I hope things are going better for you. :rose: What a horrible election year it was!
 
Time and multiple threads have shown that debating the definition of who is or is not a lesbian, or is or is not entitled to call themselves one, are issues that are never going to be resolved to everyone's satisfaction. As Stella pointed out, there is no hard science associated with sexuality, so it really boils down to a matter of definition, which is largely a matter of opinion (within the broad category of 'women who like other women').

But we're a bit off the original topic, aren't we?
 
LOL, Dyslexicea.

As for hard science, I suppose it depends on what is meant by it. A lot of researchers believe that there is strong evidence that sexual orientation is part biological in nature. The general consensus among them, however, is that there is no one single cause for sexual orientation; they believe that it's a combination of biological and environmental factors (the prenatal environment is sometimes defined as an environmental factor).
 
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