Finally eked out an LW story... what do you make of it?

LaRascasse

I dream, therefore I am
Joined
Jul 1, 2011
Posts
1,638
This story was at the end of a particularly dry spell for me, so I had to actually force most of it out. Some parts flowed, others were coaxed.

Anyhow, what do you think of it? Plot? Characters? Style? What did you think of it as a reader?

Here are the links

Part 1
Part 2
 
Great Imagery. Great Narrative. Great Writing Style. Great everything, except the Erotica, which IMO, feels like plain fucking. At the very least a 4*, if not 5.

I think it's time I added you (and Bramblethorn) to my Favourite Author list. :)
 
Good writing

Good writing. You have an engaging story.

In a couple of places you got too cute with it. The Literotica reference is one. It kinda jarred me out of the story for a bit.

The sex was pretty mild which is not necessarily a bad thing, but I don't know that I would call this story erotic.

Overall, you are a really good writer. Keep it up and ignore the trolls.
 
Every nurse who ever lived has a stash of meds at home or at work. Nurses keep the meds patients refuse. Addiction accounts for most of the nurse shortage. If you want problems report a nurse for drugs. But they still get caught.

No one uses pagers anymore. Most have NEXTEL handi-talkies.
 
Good writing. You have an engaging story.

In a couple of places you got too cute with it. The Literotica reference is one. It kinda jarred me out of the story for a bit.

The sex was pretty mild which is not necessarily a bad thing, but I don't know that I would call this story erotic.

Overall, you are a really good writer. Keep it up and ignore the trolls.

Thanks. I tried to beef up the sex scenes, but couldn't really get into them beyond the point where they would drag.

What did you think of the characters, main and supporting?
 
Thanks. I tried to beef up the sex scenes, but couldn't really get into them beyond the point where they would drag.

What did you think of the characters, main and supporting?

I thought you did a good job developing the characters. I felt empathy for them which is the main thing I strive for. Growth was slow, which is realistic, but there.
 
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