PM asshattery

Okay. I had to post this exchange.



Douchebag said:
Recently, before and during sex, my sexy gal has been getting really turned on by the thought of sharing my cum. Whether by kissing me after giving me a blowjob or even telling me to lick my cum off of her body. She just loves the idea of me licking my cum from her breasts or pussy.

However, so far, I end up losing interest once I cum. This has happened a few times now, regardless of how horny I am. So, I am trying to somehow get used to the taste of my own cum and thought practicing might help me follow through the next time she asks.

Perhaps, having you help me explore this kink will result in me tasting some after I cum. For instance, by following your detailed instructions and letting you hear and/or watch me masturbate then have we taste the results. However, you desire I do so, I will follow your exact instructions and finally follow through with tasting myself. Even writing this is getting me quite turned on and hard here now.

Possibly, something like what is show in this video would work?

http://xhamster.com/movies/1625708/c...i_amp_cei.html

My Yahoo IM is: douchebag

blulilacgrl said:
Okay here are my instructions. Are you paying attention?

I want you to first slather yourself in honey, head to toe. (this will help you as you begin to learn to taste yourself).

Second I want you to find the biggest dildo/vibrator you can. One that you can barely wrap your hand around. Shove it up your ass and fuck yourself til you cum.

Then go ahead and taste yourself. Oh and lick the dildo afterwards, that's the good stuff! :D


Douchebag said:
I can assure you I am not some loser. Actually, I am a hot sexy man. This just happens to be a fetish of mine. I also have photos prove my looks as well as a Webcam on my IPad.

blulilacgrl said:
Oh I don't think you are a loser. I think you are an asshat douchebag. And sadly that is not one of my fetishes.
 
Aww.. Then I am certainly glad that I did not reply to him.. LOL... Your response to him is a keeper though!! That is awesome!!!


Slather yourself in honey!!! LOL
 
Okay. I had to post this exchange.

Oh isn't he just a real Romeo!
Yay, instead of working things thru with his "gal" find some randome female poster on lit (I think of you as waaay more than random ;) xx) and try to impose your failings on her....genius!

Boy you can tell I feel crappy, my snark rating goes up and up!
 
Ooops! In my haste I forgot to add this part of the 'conversation'


Douchebag said:
All the above is here. I am sure one of the toys I bought my gal would work. But a woman is going to have to,talk me through it if I am going too follow through.

blulilacgrl said:
I just gave you instructions. You don't listen very well, do you?

Oh and btw English professor... it's to not too.

Douchebag said:
Well dear, as said, I am not doing this on my own. I also happen to be typing on an iPad which does sometimes autocorrect.

Nice save. :rolleyes:
Perhaps he should blame the iPad for the first PM.
 
Aww.. Then I am certainly glad that I did not reply to him.. LOL... Your response to him is a keeper though!! That is awesome!!!


Slather yourself in honey!!! LOL

I tried to think of something gross but that's all I could come up with. :eek:


i would love to get instructions like those

Well they are there. Feel free to use them if you wish. ;)


Oh isn't he just a real Romeo!
Yay, instead of working things thru with his "gal" find some randome female poster on lit (I think of you as waaay more than random ;) xx) and try to impose your failings on her....genius!

Boy you can tell I feel crappy, my snark rating goes up and up!

Hey! I like your snark factor! It makes life interesting. :D
 
I am just wondering what the criteria is for sending women PM'S. What made him chose me or blulilacgrl for the honor of his question. .. Do men go down and just see who all is online and then copy and paste their brilliant literary wit for us.. WAIT!! That is not fair ... They are posting serious questions about their sex life for us to answer.. They are not trying to be witty... We should be honored that we were chosen.. PFFT!! I am just amused .. This is my new favorite thread.. LOL
 
I share my secrets all the time ;) Just that I don't make an Asshat about it.:devil:
 
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And when someone asks you if you want a fist sandwich, don't mistake it for a fish sandwich. They're not the same, trust me on this.
 
And when someone asks you if you want a fist sandwich, don't mistake it for a fish sandwich. They're not the same, trust me on this.

The last non-online person that offered me a fist sandwich broke his hand and wrist on my jaw
 
Now you have me wondering about the online one. Hahaha

Dumbfuckers living in their moms' basements, trying to be brave in chat rooms and public forums, trying to impress women. I called their bluffs. They never bothered me again.
 
I feel like the member of a club now.. :rolleyes:

Normally I would respond to a sender of such a message privately, but seeing how you obviously follow this thread, I thought I could safely respond here.

I received your rather lengthy scenario yesterday, just haven't been on my computer and it was going to take a computer screen to read through the whole thing.

I have now skimmed through it, and am confused as to WHY you would send something like this to me, aside from being a poster in this thread. :confused:

I appreciate the efforts of the person who wrote the scene, really, I do. However, I'm not sure where you learned that penning a piece of erotica and mass-mailing it to random females was the way to go about finding your other half. (The couple in this particular story are meeting and "log in on the site they have met" in an almost giddy fashion to alert their online friends of their newfound "couple" status where awaits for them their virtual congratulations and numerous well-wishes...)

SO, my first thought after reading was "Not terrible writing... needs more dialogue." I was not chomping at the bit to rub one out nor was I even remotely aroused.. Believe it or not, dear, you have got to engage a woman's MIND first before sending her erotica from out of nowhere. Had any number of fellows who I interact with in the threads sent to me THE SAME STORY, I could have been persuaded to bend my rules a little...I would have been flattered if nothing else. But you, bless your heart, I don't know you from Dick's Hat Band, and getting a novella ending with me wanting you in some pretty intimate places, is well, kind of creepy.
 
*Rant follows

Hey you , Yes you Mr. Copy and Paste! FOUR FING TIMES you have sent me the same lame, annoying, generic, copy and pasted pm! I don;t care to see some random picture you found on the internet and decided to bombard the female population of Lit with!!
What the hell are you expecting!?? I'm just going to throw my proverbial cyber self at you over a random Pm and a link to a picture??!!! WTF!!
So you just run through the alphabet of usernames? OMG now I'm so freaking mad I can't type!
This also is directed to Mr. Watch this video link and comment, and Mr. Wanna watch me jerk off? Why the F did I even bother to fill out the Fing profile if your not going to read the damn thing!!
Shit where is the Eggnog!???

Thank you I am done...
A
 
you know, as i read the forum rules, it doesn't say you can't name the person who sends you stupid PMs.

it does however say you can't post quotations from them.

i say it's time to start shaming the worst offenders and listing them by username along with a synopsis of their craptacular submissions.

ed
 
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