What would take to turn a total stranger to BDSM to enter the lifestyle?

I ask this not as a taunt or provocation but as a genuine doubt, both as a person and as a writer; the title says it all.

A friend asked me to write a story where a man, who as never even thought about being in control over another person's life, is entrusted to watch over a small harem of slaves of a deceased friend, without any preparation, advice or warning, with only an in love slave to show him what is expected from him.

This only gets better when I was told to read up on BDSM/TPE and was thrown to the wolves.

To any good souls out there, any help is welcome.

Quite the imagination your buddy has there...

Boring, pragmatic soul that I am, I'd A) refuse, for ethical reasons and/ or B) be utilizing a lot of business management books to learn how to oversee people. And the argument could (quite easily, IMO) be made, that the person in question never really has control - he's simply a pawn in the dead friend's game, doing the bidding of the "in love slave".

The "in love slave" will be doing all the work and filtering all the knowledge, so the whole premise of the story depends on what the deceased and the love slave want to happen. IMO, he isn't really being "turned into" anything or entering "the lifestyle" - he's being handed a burden, possibly with a strong emotional line (the poor harem girls have no one to tell them what to do! how will they survive!), that would probably feel hard to turn down, depending on how it was phrased/ if wills were involved, etc.

I feel sorry for your main character, poor guy.

As a reader, I would have a hard time taking a story like that seriously. A man is suddenly put in charge of a bevy of willing sex slaves? Some people have all the luck! It's not a stretch to imagine a man rising to the occasion without any introspection or existentialism or shifting of lifestyles and paradigms. Unless, of course, he misses it when he's done harem-sitting.

The only way I'd find it interesting is if he was dead set against it at first, and said no, I can't and won't do this, you're crazy. Then for some reason (to take care of the women maybe), he decides he'll do it temporarily, until he can find someone reputable in the bdsm community to "take over".

He's a kind mild mannered guy and is totally out of his element. after administering mild "punishment" (as the in love slave tells him he needs to do asa part of his job), he goes and sits in the bathroom and shakes. Until one day.. something he does, or sees, awakens something in him.

That first moment, when he starts to enjoy the feeling of control over another and giving them pain and/or pleasure, could be fascinating to read about if done right. Or the whole story could end up cheesy and ridiculous if done wrong. We dont want another Fifty Shades.. it'd be nice if someone got the bdsm community right in a story.

but yeah, done right, it might could be good.

No offense, but the central theme is terrible, unless you want to turn it into a comedy. I can't see how you could give the main character any serious depth.


My suggestion:
Go the "power corrupts" theme - check "The Wave" as example. Throw the anti-hero into a group of women, who are not yet slaves and put him into dilemmas, making him turn into a Dom. Your love slave would be a woman he uses as trusted advisor (with her own agenda).

My 2 cents.

*shrugs*

(Maybe I should begin writing again...hmm..)

Why did the friend ask you to write it? (just wondering if there's any sort of context here)

I think, out of the blue, I'd be telling the friend "DIY". It's their apparent fantasy, let them figure it out.

Primalex said:

No offense, but the central theme is terrible, unless you want to turn it into a comedy. I can't see how you could give the main character any serious depth.


My suggestion:
Go the "power corrupts" theme - check "The Wave" as example. Throw the anti-hero into a group of women, who are not yet slaves and put him into dilemmas, making him turn into a Dom. Your love slave would be a woman he uses as trusted advisor (with her own agenda).

My 2 cents.

*shrugs*

(Maybe I should begin writing again...hmm..)

Click to expand...

You should!
I would read that comedy.

OP, how is it that you, who evidently have never cared at all about BDSM is been asked to write something as unrealistic as this? Your freind doesn't know much about writers-- nor much about BDSM. I would say.

Stella_Omega said:

You should!
I would read that comedy.

OP, how is it that you, who evidently have never cared at all about BDSM is been asked to write something as unrealistic as this? Your freind doesn't know much about writers-- nor much about BDSM. I would say.

Click to expand...

Yup, sounds like it could be fun to read.
And aren't threads crossing here? The role of the love slave with her own agenda could be cast with a submissive sadist.

As originally put, I admit the plot is very basic and plain forward boring but the guidelines I've posted in the first post were just that: guidelines. Just using those "ideas" would only create an uninteresting work, only worthy of ending in my fireplace.
I have my own standards and, if I'm going to write, I'll write it to my liking; there's already to much bad fiction in the world for me to be adding willingly to it.

To end the curiosity: it was a challenge. And I like challenges. But playing a game not knowing the rules is simply dumb. And a waste of time.

I never stated I was never curious about BDSM; never played with it and got into it because it is something I find complex and makes me feel uncomfortable. NOt something I don't like to play around in my mind and contemplate.

Qyron said:

As originally put, I admit the plot is very basic and plain forward boring but the guidelines I've posted in the first post were just that: guidelines. Just using those "ideas" would only create an uninteresting work, only worthy of ending in my fireplace.
I have my own standards and, if I'm going to write, I'll write it to my liking; there's already to much bad fiction in the world for me to be adding willingly to it.

To end the curiosity: it was a challenge. And I like challenges. But playing a game not knowing the rules is simply dumb. And a waste of time.

I never stated I was never curious about BDSM; never played with it and got into it because it is something I find complex and makes me feel uncomfortable. NOt something I don't like to play around in my mind and contemplate.

Click to expand...

the plot is neither basic nor boring.

What it is though, is a snake pit, a quicksand bog, the deep end of the pool, Here Be Monsters, an opportunity for REALLY BAD FICTION. And by that I mean-- really bad in more ways than an inexperienced person can begin to conceive.

Like writing a novel about submarines where you think that holding your breath is what being undersea is all about. Or something. I dunno.

... Hmm. Sounds like a surefire hit! Like fifty Shades!

Qyron said:

As originally put, I admit the plot is very basic and plain forward boring but the guidelines I've posted in the first post were just that: guidelines. Just using those "ideas" would only create an uninteresting work, only worthy of ending in my fireplace.
I have my own standards and, if I'm going to write, I'll write it to my liking; there's already to much bad fiction in the world for me to be adding willingly to it.

To end the curiosity: it was a challenge. And I like challenges. But playing a game not knowing the rules is simply dumb. And a waste of time.

I never stated I was never curious about BDSM; never played with it and got into it because it is something I find complex and makes me feel uncomfortable. NOt something I don't like to play around in my mind and contemplate.

Click to expand...

If I were handed that, I'd take it as a challenge, as you seem to be doing. But, I'd let the friend know that it would come out as it comes out, not written to be some made-to-order carbon copy of friend's fantasy.

On that note, what I'd do with it is take it exactly along the lines of CutieMouse's comments and use it to explore him internally as he tries to grapple with things, recognizing the futility of the dead man's illusion of a task for him. Perhaps the assignment itself was knowingly a false premise? Maybe there was collusion between the "slave girl" and the dead "friend" with ulterior motives for giving him a false front of a task? Could it have been to use him in something else (a more sinister twist) or to intentionally send him on a developmental journey sparked by the false role?

Twists along those lines could salvage the idea and bring a more interesting mystery to the plot, if done well. With input from those who know the lifestyle, it can also be used as a vehicle to point out misconceptions in the requester's premise, itself. If you have those curiosities as the author, the main character becomes you as he learns, and taking on the input helps shape the characters and lets the characters lead you.

I don't know the lifestyle well, either. I'm just giving the thoughts I'd have as an author handed this. My instinct would be to turn it on its head, make it an internal journey for him (not porn script), add the element of intrigue / inject a more interesting ulterior motive plot line, and explore the false premises as part of that.

I don't feel that any author should feel compelled to write exactly what someone expects. If I were to take a premise on as a challenge, it's going to come out as it comes out with any initial input serving just as a starting point.

Stella_Omega said:

... Hmm. Sounds like a surefire hit! Like fifty Shades!

Click to expand...

Bwahaha!

The challenge of the story is a different problem altogether than what I was thinking about from the thread title alone...

But it may be relevant so I'll share what came to mind.

I have shared it before, but my first experience with the S in BDSM was when my fiance drew me into a scene where she was the M to my S.

I was vaguely aware that bondage was a thing and it was kinky. I had no access to porn or others ideas, so with a past girlfriend I had invented what I would now have words for. It was edging play whilst she was bound. Tied and teased.

I had shared my (limited) history with my fiance and she asked me to tie her up, eyes all aglitter. Then she asked me to spank her. "HARDER!" she insisted. I ended up slapping her across the face at some point.

I liked it but was seriously conflicted about it. Boys DON'T hit girls. "Rapey" sex isn't sex and is about men's inadequacies and many other memes I had been exposed to directly indicted my pleasure at the act.

Bear in mind I was a virgin still, before and after this experience.

My point here is that I think the story isn't unworkable. It has to deal in a realistic way with how the protagonist FEELS about what he ultimately EXPERIENCES as the story unfolds.

Lots of people with zero BDSM exposure find their way into the lifestyle. Oh wait ALL people have zero exposure to BDSM. Until they are exposed.

Admittedly having a cadre of slaves foisted upon one would be quite the rude awakening if one awakened at that time. The upside is is is slaves plural, yes? Be good to have a couple of odd spares for a quick self-tutorial.

Its becoming quite a challenge on its own to explain myself and my "predicament" so to say... Let me try to cut it into pieces, in the hope that in smaller chunks it will be easier to handle.

a) the challenge

I write - as hobby - so when asked to take this on, I took it exactly because it would be a challenge. I don't have any personal experience regarding BDSM, whatsoever. It's something I've given some thought about, read about (some novels of known writers - 50 shades not included) and talked about but never, ever experienced and I don't believe I ever will.

As a lifestyle, it is both enticing and scary. It appeals to a very dark and deep part of me that I don't like to play with. But as a genre, a subject I can play with in my mind and fantasy, it makes my curiosity boil.

b) the plot

The ideas given to me were taken as guidelines and just that.

Having a baseline to work on can be a hindering just as much as it can be a stimuli to go above and beyond; my case is the last.
I took what was given to me and worked on it, from a readers perspective, figuring out what would I like to "see" in the story in a way it would make it captivating. I admit to seldom "consume" porn but in those moments of weakness; I enjoy subtle, intelligent, well put together stories, that draw in the reader/viewer.

c) my fears

As previously stated, the BDSM reality is unknown to me. And if there is one thing I don't want to do is to create something I'm unable to believe.

No matter how childish or crude the thread title is or the opening post reads back as something completely nonsense it was the boil-down result I came up when I started thinking about what was I going to write about.

(bad) Fiction can easily achieve two goals: insult those who are knowledgeable and create a misleading view for those who are foreigners to the subject being addressed in the work.

d) my payoff

BDSM scares me at the same time it intrigues me. There are too many nuances in it to make it a simple matter to take in hands.
All the websites and books I already read tend to be either too simplistic or too cryptic. And most tend to ignore, or only briefly brush, the basic fundamentals of what I really understand as important, as a person who is curious about the subject.

I want to understand in order to understand what is my true view about BDSM.

e) what I've already done

If a cheesy porn flick was intend to be produced I would "duck tape" what I was given to work with, chew it and spit out a boring end-result.

Having the main character care for the slave flock just because his friend asked him to made no sense. But it makes sense to me a man ask to a friend he regards as his brother to watch over his business affairs after his passing because he is aware that after his death, if unattended, his business and house will be ruined by an unreliable associate.

Throwing the man to the wolves also sound ridiculous to me. What motivation could he have to take on the role of master of a flock of slaves? To me, none. But if one the slaves was a long forgotten love and the true reality of his late friend's life unfolded slowly, easing him in into it as he collected small day-to-day nonsenses to piece a bigger picture together could spark a genuine curiosity.
These "mundane" ponts of intrigue I can put together without much help.

But what about the truth about embrace a BDSM lifestyle as a Master? What makes a Master? And what is a Master? What is expected from a Master?

And what does it mean to handle slaves? What can be considered cruel or fair? What can be done? What makes a punishment and what makes a reward? Which aspects of a slave's life can or should be controlled? All? Its sexual drive? Should the slaves be denied of sexual pleasure or be maintained in a constant state of arousal and desire? Should or can they be put to work? At what tasks? To what motivation?

Feel free to ask if you have any particular point you want to have explained. This post ended up being a lot longer that I expected and I have too many conflicting ideas and thoughts in my mind to force on a coherent reply.

"Hey, I've never gone fishing before, so I'mma jump in this ocean and land me a shark! I got this bamboo rod, think that will do it?"

Click to expand...

I mean.. you can't start off writing a story about one guy and one lady-- just to test the waters?

Or maybe one guy and three women, who play together for one night?

Qyron said:

But what about the truth about embrace a BDSM lifestyle as a Master? What makes a Master? And what is a Master? What is expected from a Master?

And what does it mean to handle slaves? What can be considered cruel or fair? What can be done? What makes a punishment and what makes a reward? Which aspects of a slave's life can or should be controlled? All? Its sexual drive? Should the slaves be denied of sexual pleasure or be maintained in a constant state of arousal and desire? Should or can they be put to work? At what tasks? To what motivation?

Click to expand...

The reality is that even managing just two women will make you wonder after some time if this is worth the hassle. Keeping a group of slaves in a constant state of arousal? 99% of guys fail to achieve this with one woman already.

You worry too much about BDSM realism. A good story doesn't need realism or the whole sci-fi genre would not exist.

Why not throw those questions at your character and see how he handles it? Danny DeVito will have one solution, Vin Diesel a different one. Create your characters first, then throw life at them and deduce their behavior from their personality.

I would love to hear what Danny DeVito's answers would be!

I gave it some consideration and decided I'll take the thing head on and work according to my own likings and ideas, trying along the way to accommodate the suggestions given by my friend: if they fall short, though...

A classic of BDSM was written by a person who had no experience whatsoever of the lifestyle - L'Histoire d'O - and that book amassed such a legion of fans and cultists that has become almost the thing of legend.

Being of practical nature, I don't pretend to say I'll be doing the same thing. What I will be doing is to disregard what is expected and instead work freely. Rules are made to be broken and ignored and most often when done so, the individual with enough balls to do so ends up writing the rules. Of course failure is always an option.

Some say "perfection is not enough"; I consider this an obsessive position and in my attempt to be as true as possible to something I do not know I became even more obsessed about it, if that is possible, which is wrong.

Trying to be perfect deters one to solve a problem the simplest possible way. And acknowledging something is far from "perfect" (whatever that may be) makes room for improving.

Thank you for all the input and opinions given.