How to ... write a PM to a woman

All interesting and good advice. As far as reading a persons profile and some of their posts, you might find that the person has interests completely different than your own so saves sending a PM that is not going to generate any real interest on either side.
 
All interesting and good advice. As far as reading a persons profile and some of their posts, you might find that the person has interests completely different than your own so saves sending a PM that is not going to generate any real interest on either side.

Like, if he’s awesome, almost?

Then you find out he voted for Trump?
 
I tried to make a chat friend by posting in the personals, I asked to describe a little bit about themselves so it could help me decide who to write back to.

Some wrote really nice introductions while others said much less.

I thought it would be easy to do, but it has been quite difficult.

It does help when they put a little bit of their personality on the post.

Happy postings!
 
I tried to make a chat friend by posting in the personals, I asked to describe a little bit about themselves so it could help me decide who to write back to.

Some wrote really nice introductions while others said much less.

I thought it would be easy to do, but it has been quite difficult.

It does help when they put a little bit of their personality on the post.

Happy postings!

I think that people forget that, especially in a medium where our usual visual cues are missing, it's important to put some effort into the written word. And also find the 'thing' that is you ... recently I've suggested that people think about the thing that's common across their relationships - 'relationships' and friendships. For me it's music - pretty much everyone I know and everyone I've lived without could find half a dozen CDs in my collection that are also in theirs. But it might be a love of food, or movies, or travel, or tattoes ... it's just the thing that tells the person who's looking for you what's the 'clue' to who you are.
 
I think that people forget that, especially in a medium where our usual visual cues are missing, it's important to put some effort into the written word. And also find the 'thing' that is you ... recently I've suggested that people think about the thing that's common across their relationships - 'relationships' and friendships. For me it's music - pretty much everyone I know and everyone I've lived without could find half a dozen CDs in my collection that are also in theirs. But it might be a love of food, or movies, or travel, or tattoes ... it's just the thing that tells the person who's looking for you what's the 'clue' to who you are.

That's an awesome point. If I ever do post another one, I'll be sure to include my interests too.
 
as a new member of this site i would like to thank you KimGordon67 for take the time to start this thread, and everybody else who has chipped in on it.i feel it should be on the ' must read ' list to most new guys,if not all...
 
Well I have been convinced not to PM you. Maybe you have had bad experiences but you come off unfriendly.
 
Well I have been convinced not to PM you. Maybe you have had bad experiences but you come off unfriendly.

If that's how you read things, fair enough. Other people don't feel that way - I learnt a while back you can't please everyone.
 
OMGosh u ladies r cracking me up! So articulate and truthful n the kindest possible ways. Keep saving us girls who arent interested n getting a guy off n 8 seconds or less and keep teaching those guys whether socially awkward or not how to perfect their game! 💋
 
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just noticed this thread- am so glad to know that I'm not alone in my feelings about many of the messages that pop up- a very worth while read here-
 
I do have to say, I have never PM'ed a woman on here without her PM'ing me first. I take that back, if a question was asked in a thread and I think she might want tot he answer to be private, then I would answer her in a PM.

Me? Socially awkward? Some, but not really. I just believe women are like me, I don't want dick pics in my in box either. ;)

Ladies, a breath of fresh air can do no one any harm. Thank you. There are always jerks no matter where you go on the internet. Even here. I know unbelievable. :eek:
 
KimGordon67, just wanted to say thank you for providing the woman's perspective/advice on the PM thing! I'm new to the chatting/forum's here on Lit, and through some researching here (now that I'm learning to navigate) have found some answers to my questions, and it is very helpful!
 
OMG, as I'm typing a response to this thread, something like the following comes through

-begin-
My name is [name], I am a [age] year old male from [place]. I was wondering if you would be interested in roleplaying. What do you think of these ideas?

[List of RP scenes]

I prefer to play through email. We can be more detailed and the roleplay is easier to follow through. What do you think?
-end-

So let's talk about where this guy went wrong:


1. If I was interested in roleplay, I would probably have posted so n the roleplay forum. I have never even browsed the forum.
2. The "about me" blurb up top is meaningless, especially for a RP. If I were interested in RP (again, I'm not), I'd be looking at changing all that and giving you (or at least negotiating) a character of my choosing. Instead, start with stuff relevant to RP, a list of settings, character types, and actions you are into to see if it would even work.
3. Why in the holy duck would you think it's ok to ask my email?
4. Lastly, if I explicitly state in not here for Cyber, in probably not interested in Cyber. Little clues.
 
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OMG, as I'm typing a response to this thread, something like the following comes through

-begin-
My name is [name], I am a [age] year old male from [place]. I was wondering if you would be interested in roleplaying. What do you think of these ideas?

[List of RP scenes]

I prefer to play through email. We can be more detailed and the roleplay is easier to follow through. What do you think?
-end-

So let's talk about where this guy went wrong:


1. If I was interested in roleplay, I would probably have posted so n the roleplay forum. I have never even browsed the forum.
2. The "about me" blurb up top is meaningless, especially for a RP. If I were interested in RP (again, I'm not), I'd be looking at changing all that and giving you (or at least negotiating) a character of my choosing. Instead, start with stuff relevant to RP, a list of settings, character types, and actions you are into to see if it would even work.
3. Why in the holy duck would you think it's ok to ask my email?
4. Lastly, if I explicitly state in not here for Cyber, in probably not interested in Cyber. Little clues.

Yes, point 4 is the clincher really, and the absolute proof that he didn't read anything about you at all - he could have at least started with 'I know you're not into cyber, but thought one of my RPs scenarios might interest you enough to feel differently.'
Sigh.
 
This has been said many times and I don't think a lot of you get it. When you get random unsolicited PMS from people who have a full head of steam and don't seem to have any idea who you are or what you're about, it is specifically because you are not browsing lit in private mode.

They go through the list of those "online now" and send the same tripe to EVERYBODY. It was not you-specific.

If you desire such chaff to sort through, by all means, show online. If you don't reset that option.
 
This has been said many times and I don't think a lot of you get it. When you get random unsolicited PMS from people who have a full head of steam and don't seem to have any idea who you are or what you're about, it is specifically because you are not browsing lit in private mode.

They go through the list of those "online now" and send the same tripe to EVERYBODY. It was not you-specific.

If you desire such chaff to sort through, by all means, show online. If you don't reset that option.

I'm pretty sure we do get it.
 
OMG, as I'm typing a response to this thread, something like the following comes through

-begin-
My name is [name], I am a [age] year old male from [place]. I was wondering if you would be interested in roleplaying. What do you think of these ideas?

[List of RP scenes]

I prefer to play through email. We can be more detailed and the roleplay is easier to follow through. What do you think?
-end-

So let's talk about where this guy went wrong:


1. If I was interested in roleplay, I would probably have posted so n the roleplay forum. I have never even browsed the forum.
2. The "about me" blurb up top is meaningless, especially for a RP. If I were interested in RP (again, I'm not), I'd be looking at changing all that and giving you (or at least negotiating) a character of my choosing. Instead, start with stuff relevant to RP, a list of settings, character types, and actions you are into to see if it would even work.
3. Why in the holy duck would you think it's ok to ask my email?
4. Lastly, if I explicitly state in not here for Cyber, in probably not interested in Cyber. Little clues.

I agree with a lot of that. Heck, I do cyber but... There are certain things I just am not interested in and incest is one of them. Can't tell you how many times I have wasted my time PMing guys back and forth for days and even weeks. Sometimes they drop hints that I don't pick up on. Such as... My mom's coming to visit. So I just think we are having something like a vanilla or even a G rated conversation. Then they drop the incest bomb.

I mean... I never blame anyone for trying but sheesh! Do my stories feature incest? Do I hang out on those boards? No. And if I didn't reply to your personal ad, there's a reason why I didn't. Sometimes I will respond to wish them well or offer advice but I'm not looking for a man! That's mainly why I didn't reply.
 
Yes, point 4 is the clincher really, and the absolute proof that he didn't read anything about you at all - he could have at least started with 'I know you're not into cyber, but thought one of my RPs scenarios might interest you enough to feel differently.'
Sigh.

No. you don't "get it."

He didn't read that about her because he doesn't read anything about anyone. He has a form letter that he sends to every single poster who is online who sounds like they may be a woman.

If you like sorting through that sort of thing then show your status, if you don't, use invisible mode.

Pretty simple.
 
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