COVID-19 RESOURCES
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Isolated Blurt Thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
What if the important things I really want out of life just aren't meant for me? I feel like I keep travelling down the same hopeless path, searching for the same (seemingly mundane) things, constantly feeling like I'm running out of time. My parents anniversary is coming up. I congratulated my father and told him he was lucky...I didn't think I'd ever have one of my own to celebrate. He grinned like he knew something...some prophecy...and said "Sure you will." I don't know the trick to successful relationships. I lie. I do, but I can't make myself practice what I preach, and that hurts. If communication is such a big deal, then why the hell can't I achieve it? Oh, I know. Believe me. That question was virtually rhetorical. My mother. Every time I'd open my mouth to tell the truth or have a real, honest-to-goodness opinion I'd get shot down, smacked, punched, etc. Eventually I just stopped saying anything altogether. It scared the shit out of me. So why on earth should I deign to communicate with any future partners I might have? I feel like if I don't have someone to hold onto, either figuratively or literally, then I'm drowning. Oh I know how to be single and make it work, but I don't know how to feel okay about it. My biggest secret is my self destructive behavior. No, you can't see it on my arms or legs, and you can't read about it in any police reports. It's worse than that. But what choice do I have? I am the most undesirable person I know, so I do what I do to feel differently. If you're thinking you know what it is (and we all know what you're probably thinking), you'd be wrong.

So many secrets, so much self hate, so much depression, so many suicidal wishes.
 
she_is_my_addiction said:
What if the important things I really want out of life just aren't meant for me? I feel like I keep travelling down the same hopeless path, searching for the same (seemingly mundane) things, constantly feeling like I'm running out of time. My parents anniversary is coming up. I congratulated my father and told him he was lucky...I didn't think I'd ever have one of my own to celebrate. He grinned like he knew something...some prophecy...and said "Sure you will." I don't know the trick to successful relationships. I lie. I do, but I can't make myself practice what I preach, and that hurts. If communication is such a big deal, then why the hell can't I achieve it? Oh, I know. Believe me. That question was virtually rhetorical. My mother. Every time I'd open my mouth to tell the truth or have a real, honest-to-goodness opinion I'd get shot down, smacked, punched, etc. Eventually I just stopped saying anything altogether. It scared the shit out of me. So why on earth should I deign to communicate with any future partners I might have? I feel like if I don't have someone to hold onto, either figuratively or literally, then I'm drowning. Oh I know how to be single and make it work, but I don't know how to feel okay about it. My biggest secret is my self destructive behavior. No, you can't see it on my arms or legs, and you can't read about it in any police reports. It's worse than that. But what choice do I have? I am the most undesirable person I know, so I do what I do to feel differently. If you're thinking you know what it is (and we all know what you're probably thinking), you'd be wrong.

So many secrets, so much self hate, so much depression, so many suicidal wishes.
Click to expand...

*hugs* :kiss:
 
she_is_my_addiction said:
What if the important things I really want out of life just aren't meant for me? I feel like I keep travelling down the same hopeless path, searching for the same (seemingly mundane) things, constantly feeling like I'm running out of time. My parents anniversary is coming up. I congratulated my father and told him he was lucky...I didn't think I'd ever have one of my own to celebrate. He grinned like he knew something...some prophecy...and said "Sure you will." I don't know the trick to successful relationships. I lie. I do, but I can't make myself practice what I preach, and that hurts. If communication is such a big deal, then why the hell can't I achieve it? Oh, I know. Believe me. That question was virtually rhetorical. My mother. Every time I'd open my mouth to tell the truth or have a real, honest-to-goodness opinion I'd get shot down, smacked, punched, etc. Eventually I just stopped saying anything altogether. It scared the shit out of me. So why on earth should I deign to communicate with any future partners I might have? I feel like if I don't have someone to hold onto, either figuratively or literally, then I'm drowning. Oh I know how to be single and make it work, but I don't know how to feel okay about it. My biggest secret is my self destructive behavior. No, you can't see it on my arms or legs, and you can't read about it in any police reports. It's worse than that. But what choice do I have? I am the most undesirable person I know, so I do what I do to feel differently. If you're thinking you know what it is (and we all know what you're probably thinking), you'd be wrong.

So many secrets, so much self hate, so much depression, so many suicidal wishes.
Click to expand...
Hugs. :rose:
This post is the work of a very thoughtful and sensitive person, very smart, who has a good heart and a sense of what is important in life. Those things are all priceless. That means you are priceless.
I know I start to sound like a broken record but I'll say it anyway: Your purpose in life is your own happiness.
That may not tell you how to get where you want to go, but perhaps it can help clear away some of the confusion, self doubt, and self-hatred. Regarding the latter, it is incongruous in a person with a good heart and a sense of what is important in life! Stop that! Never mind hugs from me and others here - give yourself a hug!
(OK, take the hugs offered here, but give yourself one first!)
 
she_is_my_addiction said:
What if the important things I really want out of life just aren't meant for me? I feel like I keep travelling down the same hopeless path, searching for the same (seemingly mundane) things, constantly feeling like I'm running out of time. My parents anniversary is coming up. I congratulated my father and told him he was lucky...I didn't think I'd ever have one of my own to celebrate. He grinned like he knew something...some prophecy...and said "Sure you will." I don't know the trick to successful relationships. I lie. I do, but I can't make myself practice what I preach, and that hurts. If communication is such a big deal, then why the hell can't I achieve it? Oh, I know. Believe me. That question was virtually rhetorical. My mother. Every time I'd open my mouth to tell the truth or have a real, honest-to-goodness opinion I'd get shot down, smacked, punched, etc. Eventually I just stopped saying anything altogether. It scared the shit out of me. So why on earth should I deign to communicate with any future partners I might have? I feel like if I don't have someone to hold onto, either figuratively or literally, then I'm drowning. Oh I know how to be single and make it work, but I don't know how to feel okay about it. My biggest secret is my self destructive behavior. No, you can't see it on my arms or legs, and you can't read about it in any police reports. It's worse than that. But what choice do I have? I am the most undesirable person I know, so I do what I do to feel differently. If you're thinking you know what it is (and we all know what you're probably thinking), you'd be wrong.

So many secrets, so much self hate, so much depression, so many suicidal wishes.
Click to expand...

So many willing to care...here's the choice you have...you can let us care. It might not help every day, but some days it will. And every day it helps will make it easier for it to help the next time. At least I hope it will...

*HUSG*
 
matriarch said:
Oi !!!
Stop that!
Self-depracation is NOT allowed..........except by me. :D :D
Click to expand...
Mal hasn't been able to curb me of it in 13 years together, you're beautiful and amazing, but you ain't gonna manage it either!
 
Nirvanadragones said:
Je me sens plus loin d'elle que je suis vraiment. Timezones fichu !

Je vous aime, mon Amour :kiss:
Click to expand...
jammies Lit es sloooooooooooow.

Parlour view frances. :kiss:
 
artisticbiguy said:
Mal hasn't been able to curb me of it in 13 years together, you're beautiful and amazing, but you ain't gonna manage it either!
Click to expand...

Abs, at this point when he starts that shit, I just smack him across the ass. I give you permission to do the same. I'll even let you leave fingerprints.
 
malachiteink said:
Abs, at this point when he starts that shit, I just smack him across the ass. I give you permission to do the same. I'll even let you leave fingerprints.
Click to expand...
I have a board with a nail in it, will that do?
 
lilredjammies said:
You have gone much too far. I am bound by an implied agreement to silence, but I don't have to applaud you for what you've done. Ewwwww.
Click to expand...

I knew it was TMI. :(
 
True, English Lady is wonderful

This is my first Monday withuot my job, and I made it - despite record high temperatures.

YAY ME!
 
人が大勢いますね。外国人大勢いますね。
(Hito ga ōzē imasu ne. Gaikokujin mo imasu ne.)

In my book published by NHK (the Japan Broadcasting Corporation), translated as: "There are lots of people, aren't there, and some foreigners, too."
 
BlackShanglan said:
English Lady is wonderful.

So there. :D

:kiss:
Click to expand...

huck said:
True, English Lady is wonderful

This is my first Monday withuot my job, and I made it - despite record high temperatures.

YAY ME!
Click to expand...


Awww -you're going to be giving me a big head -thank you both :rose:


And yay you, Huck! :nana:
 
English Lady said:
Awww -you're going to be giving me a big head -thank you both :rose:
Click to expand...

If it were anyone else, that might concern me. With you, I know that it's taken in and then given out with more love and care than it had on the inbound path. :rose:

If I may speak in [probably offensive] archetypes, you're like the Old World version of the woman in "Rollin' in My Sweet Baby's Arms". ;)
 
Huckleman2000 said:
If it were anyone else, that might concern me. With you, I know that it's taken in and then given out with more love and care than it had on the inbound path. :rose:

If I may speak in [probably offensive] archetypes, you're like the Old World version of the woman in "Rollin' in My Sweet Baby's Arms". ;)
Click to expand...


Awwww, shucks *giggles blushes and gets all tongue tied*


However, I'm not sure what archetype you mean, as I know not what "Rollin' in my sweet baby's arms" is *L*
 
English Lady said:
Awwww, shucks *giggles blushes and gets all tongue tied*

However, I'm not sure what archetype you mean, as I know not what "Rollin' in my sweet baby's arms" is *L*
Click to expand...

It's a traditional bluegrass song.
Roll In My Sweet Baby's Arms

Roll in my sweet baby's arms
Roll in my sweet baby's arms
Lay around the shack 'til the mail comes back
And I'll roll in my sweet baby's arms

I ain't gonna work on the railroad
I ain't gonna work on the farm
Lay down the shack 'til the mail train comes back
And I'll roll in my sweet baby's arms

Now where were you last Friday night
While I was lying in jail
Walking the streets with another man
Wouldn't even go my bail

I know you parents don't like me
They drove me away from your door
If I had my life to live over
I'd never go there any more
Click to expand...

Actually, that doesn't do you justice - it just sprang to mind because you're the sort of woman who makes a man feel like a man, even if he doesn't think he measures up in the broader scheme of things - at least, at the moment. ;)

That's really important, I think.
 
she_is_my_addiction said:
Every time I'd open my mouth to tell the truth or have a real, honest-to-goodness opinion I'd get shot down, smacked, punched, etc. Eventually I just stopped saying anything altogether.
Click to expand...

:rose: I get this on such a deep level -- not physically, but emotionally. It bites. I fight communication issues to this day.

{{{HUGS}}}, SIMA. I wish I knew how to help. I am encouraged because you seem to have such a great understanding of yourself. I didn't achieve that until I was much older.
 
Huckleman2000 said:
It's a traditional bluegrass song.


Actually, that doesn't do you justice - it just sprang to mind because you're the sort of woman who makes a man feel like a man, even if he doesn't think he measures up in the broader scheme of things - at least, at the moment. ;)

That's really important, I think.
Click to expand...


Ahhhhhh, I get it now :)

Thank you. :rose:
 
she_is_my_addiction said:
...So many secrets, so much self hate, so much depression, so many suicidal wishes.
Click to expand...

:heart:
I know words won't help much, but I sort of understand. Let those feelings go. Look at them, examine them, evaluate them, and then dismiss them. Your existence is valid, you're a caring and important person, and the things that make you think you're not aren't your sole definition. They're things that happened, and they're unfortunate, but they aren't the total you.

You don't have to justify your existence to anyone. You're here, and that's good, by definition. You've located a significant cause of some problems - that's great! Learn to recognize it when it rears its ugly head - look at it, and tell it you see what it does, and you're going to do something different this time.

I wish I was better at this - you're not alone, and you're not hopeless!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Astrotrain
The Plot Hole Spackle Thread
2 3
Replies
50
Views
977
Kumquatqueen
Kumquatqueen
AG31
Well, maybe not completely obvious. I need help, foks!
2 3
Replies
69
Views
1K
pink_silk_glove
pink_silk_glove
S
Amateur writers - a possible illustration resource?
2
Replies
41
Views
843
Djmac1031
Djmac1031
AG31
How many AH participants take delight in male physicality?
2
Replies
48
Views
385
OffNSFW
O
StealthBreeder
What are your guilty writing habits?
Replies
21
Views
236
Bodington
Bodington
Back
Top