Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > BDSM Talk

Reply
 
Thread Tools

Old 01-11-2017, 10:12 PM   #51
Wild_Honey_66
wild and sweet
 
Wild_Honey_66's Avatar
 
Wild_Honey_66 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deep in the night
Posts: 32,368
Quote:
Originally Posted by aFairy View Post


..like honey said. primal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Farawyn View Post
A rose by any other name...


Quote:
Originally Posted by Farawyn View Post
Not digging the word "duty".

My understanding of what Honey is talking about (which is not much) is a Domme with a tender touch...
Yes, this.
__________________
.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-11-2017, 10:16 PM   #52
midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
 
midwestyankee's Avatar
 
midwestyankee is offline
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 30,846
Quote:
Originally Posted by Farawyn View Post
Not inappropriate. Just kind of dry.

The situation I was describing was a loss of self, so much so that I can't help but try to take the lead. Because I want it. For him and for me.
No duty.
Fair enough. I sometimes run a little dry.

What you described was quite hot, too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild_Honey_66 View Post
For me, the idea that she was doing it out of a sense of duty, even if willingly and happily, disqualifies it from being 'female-led.' I cannot deny that there is pleasure to be had in that scenario, but it's not femdom to me.
That's pretty mug my take, too. Taking the lead in action is not the same as taking the lead in the relationship, and it seems to me that that's what you're interested in here. A style of acting on the reality of being in charge. Make sense?
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-11-2017, 10:22 PM   #53
Farawyn
Shieldmaiden Wannabe
 
Farawyn's Avatar
 
Farawyn is offline
Join Date: May 2016
Location: By the Bay
Posts: 11,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by midwestyankee View Post
Fair enough. I sometimes run a little dry.

What you described was quite hot, too.



That's pretty mug my take, too. Taking the lead in action is not the same as taking the lead in the relationship, and it seems to me that that's what you're interested in here. A style of acting on the reality of being in charge. Make sense?
Fair enough. I sometimes run a little hot.

Noooo, I think Honey is talking about ACTUALLY being in charge. Being Dominant. Just not in a hard way...

Yes, Honey?
__________________
“And then her heart changed, or at least she understood it; and the winter passed, and the sun shone upon her.”
-J.R.R. Tolkien, Return of The King


Oral Servitude 3

Our jagged edges fit each other’s.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-11-2017, 10:31 PM   #54
midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
 
midwestyankee's Avatar
 
midwestyankee is offline
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 30,846
Quote:
Originally Posted by Farawyn View Post
Fair enough. I sometimes run a little hot.

Noooo, I think Honey is talking about ACTUALLY being in charge. Being Dominant. Just not in a hard way...

Yes, Honey?
That's exactly what I meant: that being dominant is different from taking the lead occasionally, and that gentle femdom is a manner of acting on that dominance. So I think we're in agreement. Glad to hear you run hot.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-11-2017, 10:33 PM   #55
Wild_Honey_66
wild and sweet
 
Wild_Honey_66's Avatar
 
Wild_Honey_66 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deep in the night
Posts: 32,368
Quote:
Originally Posted by Farawyn View Post
Not inappropriate. Just kind of dry.

The situation I was describing was a loss of self, so much so that I can't help but try to take the lead. Because I want it. For him and for me.
No duty.
Yep.

I have approached dominant partners (so... female-led?) and basically told them that I wanted to ravage them. It was of course for their pleasure as well as mine, but the thoughts that were uppermost in my mind at the time were not about how I could please him, but more along the lines of, 'I MUST HAVE HIM.'

I might vary my approach slightly for a submissive partner - more of a demand than a request - but my motivation is basically the same. What's different is in how my partner views me: either as a sweet little sub who's sexy when she goes primal, or a sensual Domme who's going to take what she wants.
__________________
.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-11-2017, 10:38 PM   #56
Wild_Honey_66
wild and sweet
 
Wild_Honey_66's Avatar
 
Wild_Honey_66 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deep in the night
Posts: 32,368
Quote:
Originally Posted by Farawyn View Post
Fair enough. I sometimes run a little hot.

Noooo, I think Honey is talking about ACTUALLY being in charge. Being Dominant. Just not in a hard way...

Yes, Honey?
Quote:
Originally Posted by midwestyankee View Post
That's exactly what I meant: that being dominant is different from taking the lead occasionally, and that gentle femdom is a manner of acting on that dominance. So I think we're in agreement. Glad to hear you run hot.
Yes to both.

Being in charge, being dominant. Just... gently.
__________________
.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-11-2017, 10:38 PM   #57
Farawyn
Shieldmaiden Wannabe
 
Farawyn's Avatar
 
Farawyn is offline
Join Date: May 2016
Location: By the Bay
Posts: 11,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild_Honey_66 View Post
Yep.

I have approached dominant partners (so... female-led?) and basically told them that I wanted to ravage them. It was of course for their pleasure as well as mine, but the thoughts that were uppermost in my mind at the time were not about how I could please him, but more along the lines of, 'I MUST HAVE HIM.'

I might vary my approach slightly for a submissive partner - more of a demand than a request - but my motivation is basically the same. What's different is in how my partner views me: either as a sweet little sub who's sexy when she goes primal, or a sensual Domme who's going to take what she wants.
What do you see?
__________________
“And then her heart changed, or at least she understood it; and the winter passed, and the sun shone upon her.”
-J.R.R. Tolkien, Return of The King


Oral Servitude 3

Our jagged edges fit each other’s.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-11-2017, 10:39 PM   #58
Farawyn
Shieldmaiden Wannabe
 
Farawyn's Avatar
 
Farawyn is offline
Join Date: May 2016
Location: By the Bay
Posts: 11,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by midwestyankee View Post
That's exactly what I meant: that being dominant is different from taking the lead occasionally, and that gentle femdom is a manner of acting on that dominance. So I think we're in agreement. Glad to hear you run hot.

Could be some pre menopause finally kicking in!
__________________
“And then her heart changed, or at least she understood it; and the winter passed, and the sun shone upon her.”
-J.R.R. Tolkien, Return of The King


Oral Servitude 3

Our jagged edges fit each other’s.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-11-2017, 10:44 PM   #59
Wild_Honey_66
wild and sweet
 
Wild_Honey_66's Avatar
 
Wild_Honey_66 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deep in the night
Posts: 32,368
Quote:
Originally Posted by Farawyn View Post
What do you see?
Um... yummy man stuff?
__________________
.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-11-2017, 10:46 PM   #60
Farawyn
Shieldmaiden Wannabe
 
Farawyn's Avatar
 
Farawyn is offline
Join Date: May 2016
Location: By the Bay
Posts: 11,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild_Honey_66 View Post
Um... yummy man stuff?
*holds up a mirror*

You know what I mean.
__________________
“And then her heart changed, or at least she understood it; and the winter passed, and the sun shone upon her.”
-J.R.R. Tolkien, Return of The King


Oral Servitude 3

Our jagged edges fit each other’s.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-11-2017, 11:08 PM   #61
Wild_Honey_66
wild and sweet
 
Wild_Honey_66's Avatar
 
Wild_Honey_66 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deep in the night
Posts: 32,368
Quote:
Originally Posted by Farawyn View Post
*holds up a mirror*

You know what I mean.
ok ok...

I see a woman who gets off on topping her dom partners when she's in the mood and they like it. I see a woman who gets off on, er... you know... um... doing that other thing... when I've got the hots for a sub guy and he can take what I dish. I see a woman who, if she were poly (which she's not), might consider having one of each.

I also see a woman who probably couldn't sustain a long-term femdom thing, because although I like it, it doesn't meet my needs the way the other does. But I like being able to explore!

Better?
__________________
.

Last edited by Wild_Honey_66 : 01-11-2017 at 11:10 PM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-11-2017, 11:23 PM   #62
Farawyn
Shieldmaiden Wannabe
 
Farawyn's Avatar
 
Farawyn is offline
Join Date: May 2016
Location: By the Bay
Posts: 11,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild_Honey_66 View Post
ok ok...

I see a woman who gets off on topping her dom partners when she's in the mood and they like it. I see a woman who gets off on, er... you know... um... doing that other thing... when I've got the hots for a sub guy and he can take what I dish. I see a woman who, if she were poly (which she's not), might consider having one of each.

I also see a woman who probably couldn't sustain a long-term femdom thing, because although I like it, it doesn't meet my needs the way the other does. But I like being able to explore!

Better?
Yes.
I'll say it in a song, with David being a bit Domly, himself.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1390352
__________________
“And then her heart changed, or at least she understood it; and the winter passed, and the sun shone upon her.”
-J.R.R. Tolkien, Return of The King


Oral Servitude 3

Our jagged edges fit each other’s.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-11-2017, 11:32 PM   #63
Wild_Honey_66
wild and sweet
 
Wild_Honey_66's Avatar
 
Wild_Honey_66 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deep in the night
Posts: 32,368
Quote:
Originally Posted by Farawyn View Post
Yes.
I'll say it in a song, with David being a bit Domly, himself.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1390352
Um... song?
__________________
.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-11-2017, 11:41 PM   #64
Farawyn
Shieldmaiden Wannabe
 
Farawyn's Avatar
 
Farawyn is offline
Join Date: May 2016
Location: By the Bay
Posts: 11,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild_Honey_66 View Post
Um... song?
Ooops. I do that all the time.
I even posted my open FB here once.

Hold on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAXFkUaQoAs

Fixed!
__________________
“And then her heart changed, or at least she understood it; and the winter passed, and the sun shone upon her.”
-J.R.R. Tolkien, Return of The King


Oral Servitude 3

Our jagged edges fit each other’s.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-11-2017, 11:50 PM   #65
Wild_Honey_66
wild and sweet
 
Wild_Honey_66's Avatar
 
Wild_Honey_66 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deep in the night
Posts: 32,368
Quote:
Originally Posted by Farawyn View Post
Ooops. I do that all the time.
I even posted my open FB here once.

Hold on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAXFkUaQoAs

Fixed!
Omg lmao

You... you... you love me??

I think you're pretty rad, too.
__________________
.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-12-2017, 12:18 AM   #66
summerose
Virgin
 
summerose is offline
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 7
This is a great thread, Honey, thank you for starting it & thanks to everyone posting interesting ideas.

As a 31 year old male fellow I'll just pitch in a little though, not as eloquently as others I'm afraid.

I feel like the idea of gentle femdom very much appeals to me in the same way that being a gentle maledom does. I'm a gentle person generally and while I'm definitely into the primal excitement fun (that I won't try to express since it's already been totally nailed in this thread) when it comes down to it a relationship for me is always going to be tender and nurturing... I think un-gentle(?) FemDom relationships I've been in in the past have lacked that and like any relationship that did they didn't last and despite the fun times they aren't remembered with massive fondness.

Maybe I'll post something smarter another time. Thanks again for the thread, would love to get some links to some more stories along these lines... For research. Research.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-12-2017, 12:41 AM   #67
Wild_Honey_66
wild and sweet
 
Wild_Honey_66's Avatar
 
Wild_Honey_66 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deep in the night
Posts: 32,368
Quote:
Originally Posted by summerose View Post
This is a great thread, Honey, thank you for starting it & thanks to everyone posting interesting ideas.

As a 31 year old male fellow I'll just pitch in a little though, not as eloquently as others I'm afraid.

I feel like the idea of gentle femdom very much appeals to me in the same way that being a gentle maledom does. I'm a gentle person generally and while I'm definitely into the primal excitement fun (that I won't try to express since it's already been totally nailed in this thread) when it comes down to it a relationship for me is always going to be tender and nurturing... I think un-gentle(?) FemDom relationships I've been in in the past have lacked that and like any relationship that did they didn't last and despite the fun times they aren't remembered with massive fondness.

Maybe I'll post something smarter another time. Thanks again for the thread, would love to get some links to some more stories along these lines... For research. Research.
Research. Ha! Riiiiight.

Welcome to the thread, we're glad you're here!

Looking for a story, are we? My friend Zach_lost_in_Aus wrote one called 'Lady Jane.'. Part One isn't exactly nurturing, but I think you fellas will probably like it anyway. Do a search and tell me what you think once you've read it!
__________________
.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-12-2017, 01:37 AM   #68
PaxNurgle
Experienced
 
PaxNurgle is offline
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Western U.S.
Posts: 78
Some good posts here! Loved reading this thread. Thanks to all.

I really like the idea of 'gentle' FemDom, with the occasional pushing of limits to "hard" stuff as long as it was 1) fully consensual and 2) pleasurable for both partners.

One thing that I worry about with a female led relationship is the possibility of it becoming a "Slave" vs "Submissive" thing. I.e. it becomes more about the male submitting to a laundry list of chores and protocols outside of "playtime" as opposed to strictly in a steamy BDSM session. NOT that I am opposed to the idea of a malesub wanting to do thoughtful things to please his partner, in fact I believe that should be a part of ANY relationship regardless if whether there is any "kink" involved.

But it seems like a lot of female dominants want a service oriented slave boy, someone she can rule every aspect of his life as much (if not more) than a BDSM play partner.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-12-2017, 02:04 AM   #69
Wild_Honey_66
wild and sweet
 
Wild_Honey_66's Avatar
 
Wild_Honey_66 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deep in the night
Posts: 32,368
Thank you for joining us!

Quote:
Originally Posted by PaxNurgle View Post
But it seems like a lot of female dominants want a service oriented slave boy, someone she can rule every aspect of his life as much (if not more) than a BDSM play partner.
Even if they were 24/7, why couldn't he have a life? A career, hobbies, friends... are you saying that the 'slave boys' are being treated as though they were 'the little wife'?

*chuckles*
__________________
.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-12-2017, 02:34 AM   #70
LucyCanyon
Literotica Guru
 
LucyCanyon's Avatar
 
LucyCanyon is offline
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 2,386
Good morning Honey, an interesting and thought provoking thread which I have enjoyed reading, so thanks for starting.

To your very first post. I am 57, straight and yet slightly kinky, apparently. I have no experience of femdom in real life in any of its guises, and have been more of a Top than a Dom in recent encounters. However the idea of gentle femdom, switching with someone who would take that little bit of control back, is an arousing one.

I think this comes from the pleasure I like to think I give when my partner has gifted me control. An earlier poster noted that the pleasure comes not from the sadistic dominance but from doing things that you know will pleasure her, but that she needs you to do, needs to be told to do, almost given permission by being "sub" to do something she might not do otherwise.

This in reverse, a woman taking her time to control me in a similar way, fascinates me but the current more prevalent femdom understanding turns me completely off.

So if gentle femdom is taking a little of my liberty, choosing a little of my clothing, edging me and teasing, and a light OTK spanking, the odd toy and the final sharing of orgasmic pleasure, then bring it on. Finding someone to trust to do this and right is a little harder I think.
__________________
"Who'll be the last clown, to bring the house down?"
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-12-2017, 05:28 AM   #71
Erlind
Armitage
 
Erlind's Avatar
 
Erlind is offline
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: The Raggedy Edge
Posts: 4,036
I'm 29 and was mostly introduced to BDSM on Lit. I consider myself a switch, but tend to play a dominant role more. I've done a fair bit of role playing here and elsewhere that's gone pretty far, but my sex life at home is mostly vanilla with the occasional dash of spice.

It usually takes someone special to draw out my submissive side though I do love it when it happens. I'm not a fan of humiliation or stomping on my genitals. I'm not adverse to a little pain, but I just don't see where that gets fun.

I would like to note at this point that I don't know if I what I enjoy constitutes gentle fem dom or not, but it sounds way closer than anything else I've seen. I love the idea of her just being willing to walk away being enough to make me cringe and behave. I like a woman who takes control and takes what she wants, and enjoys it. I like a woman who controls my pleasure, not denies it. Sometimes she'll be predatory and other times kind. Sometimes she will be downright sadistic, but I can't help, but want more.

I guess what I'm echoing of everyone else is that I'm not a fan of cold or detached. I'm a huge fan of controlled passion. And when I'm truly able to slip into being submissive its damn addictive.

Oh, and separate note, whether a dom is wearing jeans and a t-shirt or leather she can be damn sexy either way. I enjoy both.
__________________
I would never lie. I willfully participated in a campaign of misinformation.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-12-2017, 12:46 PM   #72
Wild_Honey_66
wild and sweet
 
Wild_Honey_66's Avatar
 
Wild_Honey_66 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deep in the night
Posts: 32,368
Good morning, Lucy and Erlind - glad you've joined the conversation!

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyCanyon View Post
Good morning Honey,

...the pleasure comes not from the sadistic dominance but from doing things that you know will pleasure her, but that she needs you to do, needs to be told to do, almost given permission by being "sub" to do something she might not do otherwise...

So if gentle femdom is taking a little of my liberty, choosing a little of my clothing, edging me and teasing, and a light OTK spanking, the odd toy and the final sharing of orgasmic pleasure, then bring it on. Finding someone to trust to do this and right is a little harder I think.
Lucy, I like the reminder you give that subs feel they need permission to do things they already want, and that Dom/mes are doing them a favor (in a nice way ) by 'forcing" them to do it. I also love the bit about shared orgasmic bliss. That's really what it's all about - or should be - sharing the pleasure.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Erlind View Post
* I like a woman who controls my pleasure, not denies it. .
THIS. So much.

This is why the more extreme versions turn me right the fuck off. I'm a pleaser, I want to give pleasure, not deny it. How can I have a good time if I know he isn't? If that works for some people, okay, but it's not for me. D-types are in positions of serving just as much as s-types, and have a responsibility to meet their subs' needs as well as their own.
__________________
.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-12-2017, 01:16 PM   #73
Wild_Honey_66
wild and sweet
 
Wild_Honey_66's Avatar
 
Wild_Honey_66 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deep in the night
Posts: 32,368
I realized that I haven't shared my own bio. Whoops.

I'm 50, straight, and currently unpartnered. I have a conservative religious background, and have been familiar with a particular brand of D/s through that experience. I do think that has given me helpful insight into the relational aspects, especially in regards to lifestyle D/s. My partners have been mostly vanilla, aside from wanting anal. *sigh*

I joined Lit not quite three years ago, discovered BDSM, and found what I'd been missing.
My experience has all been online, which granted isn't the same as RL, but it's been a great place for me to start.

I lean heavily sub, and the purist in me refuses to acknowledge any Domme tendencies, but the truth is that i am an explorer by nature, and if I have great chemistry with someone, I don't want a label to stand in the way of enjoying time together.

I'm complicated, I'm eclectic, I'm never going to fit neatly into a little box, and neither are my relationships. Sometimes I feel guilty about that, but most of the time I don't.
__________________
.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-12-2017, 04:19 PM   #74
Farawyn
Shieldmaiden Wannabe
 
Farawyn's Avatar
 
Farawyn is offline
Join Date: May 2016
Location: By the Bay
Posts: 11,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild_Honey_66 View Post
I realized that I haven't shared my own bio. Whoops.

I'm 50, straight, and currently unpartnered. I have a conservative religious background, and have been familiar with a particular brand of D/s through that experience. I do think that has given me helpful insight into the relational aspects, especially in regards to lifestyle D/s. My partners have been mostly vanilla, aside from wanting anal. *sigh*

I joined Lit not quite three years ago, discovered BDSM, and found what I'd been missing.
My experience has all been online, which granted isn't the same as RL, but it's been a great place for me to start.

I lean heavily sub, and the purist in me refuses to acknowledge any Domme tendencies, but the truth is that i am an explorer by nature, and if I have great chemistry with someone, I don't want a label to stand in the way of enjoying time together.

I'm complicated, I'm eclectic, I'm never going to fit neatly into a little box, and neither are my relationships. Sometimes I feel guilty about that, but most of the time I don't.
Why guilty?
__________________
“And then her heart changed, or at least she understood it; and the winter passed, and the sun shone upon her.”
-J.R.R. Tolkien, Return of The King


Oral Servitude 3

Our jagged edges fit each other’s.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-12-2017, 04:41 PM   #75
LizVegas79
Naughty Advice Doctor
 
LizVegas79's Avatar
 
LizVegas79 is offline
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Sin City
Posts: 17,510
Quote:
Originally Posted by Farawyn View Post
Why guilty?
Yeah? There's absolutely nothing for you to feel guilty about WH
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:21 AM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.