Your Misadventures in Sex

Everyone's had something go wrong during sex. Let's hear your funny, or tragic, story.

I'll start...........

I was on my knees giving a friend a BJ and he was about to cum. He took it out of my mouth and jerked it a few times, I tilted my head back and lowered myself so he could cover my face properly. Well, the first rope shot straight up my right nostril, to the back of my nasal cavity. I was taken aback for just a second, as the second rope shot straight up my left nostril. I gasped, causing me to breathe cum into my lungs and cum sprayed out of my mouth, then I yelled between coughing "OMFG! All I can smell is cum!!!" Then we both starting laughing out asses off.

Omg that is an awesome story, if I was him I think I'd be relentless with the nose jokes

One time I was getting ridden by my ex and playing with a small vibrator in her ass, I lost my grip and up it went still vibrating out of my reach, luckily it came out when she sat on the toilet and pushed. Oh to be young and stupid

I had something similar to the OP's story.

My then-fiance and I were in her parents' basement bathroom. I was standing. She was kneeling before me sucking my cock. The basement door opened, and the shock spurred my orgasm... and her gasp. The result was her choking on my cum as we heard her mom walking toward the bathroom (she was doing laundry).

Fortunately, my girl's bedroom had a door to the bathroom so she could sneak through and leave me alone in the bathroom while she got herself together.

Yep, Pure panic

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Had the girl up against the wall and I was going down on her. I wrapped her legs around my shoulders, she started to squirm we lost our balance and came crashing down.

I've mentioned this somewhere before, but I get ferocious heartburn, and it sometimes happens during sex, so I'll frequently have to stop to have an antacid.

rainbowdash30 said:

I've mentioned this somewhere before, but I get ferocious heartburn, and it sometimes happens during sex, so I'll frequently have to stop to have an antacid.

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At least I know it's not just me, then!

If I have had a rough day, I sometime take an antacid before my wife and I 'play'; as there is nothing quite like an attack of heartburn or the words "I think I'm gonna be sick!" to kill the mood

Fortunately, my wife has a great sense of humour and understands me.
(I have quite a stressful job, which I really enjoy)

DanFS said:

At least I know it's not just me, then!

If I have had a rough day, I sometime take an antacid before my wife and I 'play'; as there is nothing quite like an attack of heartburn or the words "I think I'm gonna be sick!" to kill the mood

Fortunately, my wife has a great sense of humour and understands me.
(I have quite a stressful job, which I really enjoy)

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Lucky you, having an understanding wife. It's weird when I have to explain it to a one-night stand.

Mine was when I was engaged to my now ex husband. We were at my parents alone. Just to be safe, we went in to the bathroom to fool around. I was on my knees going down on him when we hear my parents come home. I kept going since the bathroom door was shut and he was close to cumming. Then all of a sudden my dad opens the door and suddenly shuts it again saying "Sorry, I didn't know anyone was in there". Needless to say I got up in a hurry and we got out. We still don't know if he saw anything, but I'm pretty sure he knew what was going on

And I'm the sweet and innocent one in the family. Hehe.

Does accidentally biting his cock during a ferocious blowjob count?

Great thread, lilsarah!

Something off on a tangent but fun ...

When I had a vasectomy they of course offered my a local anesthetic but I begged for going right under as I did not want to know! As I began to come around I had this intense pain at my mouth - lower lip. Horrible in the extreme. I was thinking, 'What is this?!' Then I was thinking 'Hell they've done the wrong surgery on me!

Turns out some clip for some tube to assist my breathing had been too tight ...

Anyway, back home and still all strapped up with bandages around my balls we ... well, we couldn't wait and I guess that might have been a "Misadventure in Sex" but thankfully it wasn't!

Both times were very awkward for me and I felt nothing. Don't know if it was condom related out if I was just that tense. Pretty frustrating hasn't happened since




also I never came/orgasmed from sex only masturbation.


was hoping for a bj would feel nice but never got that either.

I had a former girlfriend who was something of a wild child. When she got an idea in her head, there was little anybody could do to talk her out of it.

One late night, after sitting through a romantic movie at the theater, with the requisite touching in the dark, we were on our way home. I was driving, she was in the front passenger seat. Feeling frisky, she decided she wanted to give me road head.

I thought that was an awesome idea, and let her. Unfortunately, as we were driving we came around a corner and right into a DUI checkpoint. Very little time to react. I was trying to get her to sit up without freaking out, but she was committed to the task at hand. She didn't understand the urgency in my voice and kept working me, as the State Trooper walked up to my window and told me to roll it down. Cue awkward stares all around.

The Trooper was cool and let us go with just a smirk and thumbs up.

I was on my back in bed, and my young wife was giving me a bj. She didn't realize she was so close to the edge, so when she adjusted her legs to get more comfortable, she started falling off the bed. Her reflex action was to bite down. My reflex action was to scream in pain. My purple cock was out of service for a few days. Even worse, she was afraid to give me another bj for weeks.

rainbowdash30 said:

Lucky you, having an understanding wife. It's weird when I have to explain it to a one-night stand.

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Yes, I can understand how that could be awkward!

Although if that is you in the AV, I'm guessing you're never short of offers from people wanting to take you home!

Perhaps this ones not as amusing as others but while staying at a B&B we were in a historic home filled with antique furniture. The bedroom and bed we were on were of course also antique. Later that evening things progressed to some rather energetic sex with her grabbing head boards and such. The bed broke and crashed down to the floor. We of course broke out into gales of outrageous laughter. I slipped out to my truck for a small toolkit and put the bed bac together as best I could. The next morning at breakfast the hosts kept smiling at us. I've often wondered how often the hosts dealt with similar incidents.

I slept with a girl once, a co-worker, someone who knew me ... we hooked up once while drunk (in our line of work) and she was bleeding, she got embarrassed and the night was off ... a few weeks later, we hooked up again ... outside a Denny's .... fingering her in the car, kissing, she tells me ' you know I like you, right?
... friend meets up with us (friend who likes her) we eat breakfast .... we're leaving and she tells me she can't drive, I tell her, I can't really drive, but I know a hotel.

We go there. Sleeping, cuddling, fucking .... good fucking ... drunk fucking ... you do the things you wouldn't normally do .... I she told me, 'stop, you're making me be loud' and I remember the best blow job I ever had and it was really intense .... we woke up the next morning, both drunk from the night before ...
she was getting dressed, I came up behind her ... said nothing, she stopped, I dropped to my knees and licked her from clit to back ...

for weeks we never talked ... my fault, she told me, 'you know I like you' and I never responded ... so one night about 2 months give or take a week, we get into a fight, I tell her she's shit at her job, next thing I know she's accusing me of rape to my coworkers, her family, her father wanted to take his shotgun and shoot me in the face (I didn't know she was white trash) ... me, being me, very unfeeling, very calm, said, what comes ... comes ... nothing ever came ... because I did nothing wrong ... but it got me thinking and caused me to be very protective of myself. .... Misadventure.

I had a huge crush on this girl at the place I was interning. We had been flirting with each other for a few weeks, when she asked me to hang out. I was super shy at the time. So fast forward and a couple of weeks later and we start dating. No sex up to this point, no fooling around, just some kissing.

So she's finally ready to have sex, it's like 1 o'clock in the morning, and like an amateur I don't have any condoms. Off to the local gas station. I come back, and to my delight she's still ready to go. She turns off the bedroom lights and we get started, I put the condom on, she guides me inside, and we're off to the races. Well I slip out, I slide myself right back in...right? Wrong. I'm thrusting for a couple of minutes and she's asks "what are you doing?" I was totally caught off guard "I'm like what, what do you mean?" and she says you're not in...I feel down, I was on top of her pelvis. I couldn't feel a thing...

A few weeks ago I met a woman I met for some good old fashioned car sex. Found a quiet parking lot and she started sucking my cock. This blowjob only lasted 3 minutes before she wanted to get fucked but I underestimated the size of my car and you can't do doggy very well in it if you're over 6 feet tall. So after a minute or two of maneuvering so I can get comfortable-ish and finally find a good angle to slide my cock in her pussy I finally start fucking her. About another minute later and random Toyota Yaris pulls into this parking lot in the middle of nowhere so she freaks out and I think it's the cops (was before I saw it) so I freak out and rush the zip up, getting my cock caught in the process. Thankfully I had the condom on still and that took the brunt or else I probably would have bled a bit. She was too freaked out to find another place so I just dropped her off. All that for 3 minutes in the mouth and 1-2 in the pussy.

Years ago I joined my wife in the shower, we had young kids at the time that were watching TV.

She starts playing with my ass, and is going at it while reaching around jerking me off.

Her hands are all soapy and she didn't realize her engagement ring has slid around on her finger.

The diamond didn't do any lasting damage to my cock, but I didn't want to stop her until I came.

The classic: pounding a girl intensely, then my cock slipped out at the pivotal moment. Luckily, she didn't mind so much.

The unusual: a girl giving me a BJ suddenly stopped, complaining of a toothache. Turns out, one of her fillings had come loose.

Was in a group sex situation once when one of the husbands got up to move around to another side of the bed. Foot got caught in a sheet and he fell crashing his head on a nightstand. Gave himself a severe concussion.

bibethhotwet said:

Was in a group sex situation once when one of the husbands got up to move around to another side of the bed. Foot got caught in a sheet and he fell crashing his head on a nightstand. Gave himself a severe concussion.

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Poor guy.

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