Need story feedback

I have recently posted two stories, Twin and R.O.A.N.G. I have to say the ratings on Twin wasn't that good and they were mostly fixated on the editing. I'm on my second chapter on R.O.A.N.G, and so far the ratings aren't that bad even for a completely inexperienced first-time writer like me.

So far I've decided to continue writing regardless of the challenges I face in proofreading and editing. At least it keeps my restless imagination at peace, and I would appreciate all the feedback I can get in order to keep improving.

Link to Macleen's story page:

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=2157203&page=submissions

IMHO you have too many characters, too many unrelated sections, and hardly any eroticism for what is supposed to be an erotic stories site. Sorry! The editing issue didn't really bother me.

hadruprider said:

IMHO you have too many characters, too many unrelated sections, and hardly any eroticism for what is supposed to be an erotic stories site. Sorry! The editing issue didn't really bother me.

Click to expand...

Thank you for your feedback. Unfortunately, where the story leads, I intend to add even more characters, but I will try to develop them further as the story progresses. I'll also work on the flow.

As for eroticism, I'm still working on the kinks. Take it easy on me.

Good to know. I'm putting a lot of work on it.