Why I left Fetlife

aFairy said:

Isn't everything just better before it becomes mainstream?

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Indeed. I'm pretty sure Adam felt this way about solitude. For one day.

Denny

Why we joined and stay with LITEROTICA


Every forum group has it's good and bad.
I started out on a few motorcycle forums. Met some great friends and started adding our true stories which mostly involved the biker lifestyle. For different reasons each bike site faded and died.

As we aged I joined a few porn sites close friends were on. My wife and I hated porn sites. We were living our own porn without the cheating and gangbangs.

But those sites were an outlet for the stories I'd already posted in the long gone bike sites. I narrowed down the porn sites for personal reasons. Okay, we're not gay and I don't suck cocks or take them up my ass. It seems most of those other porn sites were gay members.

A sweet sexy lady on our favorite porn site, then a few other members, mentioned Literotica. I was warned it's a tough crowd. Yes it is. But the childish trouble makers mostly hang around the political board and a few others, pestering each other like Kindergarden kids during recess.

It's true, a few nearly caused me to delete in a short time. But in spite of them and to piss them off, I started adding our true stories. Then my wife got interested and began commenting to random posts.

That pissed off the disbelievers even more. No way can a happily married couple both use the same account and both post. So far we proved it's possible and proved that real stories about two people in the real world can be sexy.

We found it would be way easier to write fiction rather than truth. But, as they say, sometimes truth really is stranger than fiction. Regular readers began to believe our stories and we added details to show how two people could live our way.

Our only reason for sharing our past is to give others encouragement to try simple kinky games and prove that exhibitionists can live a normal life.

So, we've been on Lit a little over a year, made some great friends, and shared some intimate details. I have no idea how Lit compares with F.L. or Facebook. We've never checked either one.

I didn't have a great fet experience, but I didn't have a bad fet experience either. I live in the ass end of nowhere, so munches were few and far between, and, unfortunately, the one regular munch was run by a huge douche bag.

I've suspended my account for the time being, but I may go back eventually. Most social media sites are what we make them, and I really wasn't devoting a lot of time or effort.

I also recently left FL. I did, however, find a number of writers on there who I found to be very insightful and wickedly intelligent. I suppose I left because there was just too much clutter for me to navigate through. I am quite new to the boards here, so I am not sure where this journey will take me. So far, I've chatted with some cool folks and have enjoyed my experience here.

Well, it is finally official. My Fetlife account got deleted today. The deletion process usually takes about 7 days.

My main issue with the site was all the attention whoring. Look at my abs...what about my ass...and my butthole??? Anyone??? I just bleached it.

DemiAngora said:

Well, it is finally official. My Fetlife account got deleted today. The deletion process usually takes about 7 days.

My main issue with the site was all the attention whoring. Look at my abs...what about my ass...and my butthole??? Anyone??? I just bleached it.

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Well, there is no bleach anywhere near this asshole...unless my wife wants me to use it when doing the whites....in which case, I have to use it!

...and remember, never bleach the babies!!! NEVER!!!

La damnee elle la licorne said:

I hope you like it here . The different boards all have quite different temperatures and styles.

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True. Each board has a distinct personality.

pensivepoet said:

I always found FL too hard to navigate from my phone
Alt was good way back in the day too
Collarspace is 90% fakes and flakes but I still fool around on it and sometimes get lucky.

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I met Mr. cookie on collarme.

FL has stories??

FL is great for keeping track of the social stuff. It became less useful as I became less social. But it's a one stop shop for knowing when, where a munch or a class is, people use it for informal get togethers. Its still a useful site.

When did asshole bleaching get such a bad rap!?

Haa haa kinky Facebook mixed with a porn site, good one.

I just got tired of the...blandness. Meetups & Munch's where everybody stood around and did everything BUT hookup. Meh plus everybody selling whatever new toy/cross/kinky furniture they are peddling that week.

Reminded me of high school dances mixed with Mary Kay. Sheesh.

Porkwarrior said:

Haa haa kinky Facebook mixed with a porn site, good one.

I just got tired of the...blandness. Meetups & Munch's where everybody stood around and did everything BUT hookup. Meh plus everybody selling whatever new toy/cross/kinky furniture they are peddling that week.

Reminded me of high school dances mixed with Mary Kay. Sheesh.

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Been to a lot of Mary Kay parties, have you? Please order me the purple passion nail polish next time you're there...thanks!

I've never used FetLife personally. Some of my friends have...went to a couple meetups with them, wasn't much more than having a beer at a pub. The people were friendly but not very social really.

Iamsubmissive said:

Been to a lot of Mary Kay parties, have you? Please order me the purple passion nail polish next time you're there...thanks!

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Ugh worse, I've had Amway & Pampered Chef "associates" in my extended family. They reminded me of the Fet people hawking their "artisan crafted elk hide floggers, just came in for a short time only!"

Porkwarrior said:

Ugh worse, I've had Amway & Pampered Chef "associates" in my extended family. They reminded me of the Fet people hawking their "artisan crafted elk hide floggers, just came in for a short time only!"

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LOL...did you buy anything from the Fet peddlers? I always feel obligated to purchase when people I know are selling things. I have cabinets full of tupperware, a shelf full of Avon products I'll never use, some pampered chef items I do use, and a freezer half stocked with girl scout thin mints!

Iamsubmissive said:

LOL...did you buy anything from the Fet peddlers? I always feel obligated to purchase when people I know are selling things. I have cabinets full of tupperware, a shelf full of Avon products I'll never use, some pampered chef items I do use, and a freezer half stocked with girl scout thin mints!

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A baby blue tanned Elk hide flogger for an FWB at the time. Fuckers!
I'd be more annoyed, but I got my money's worth

Iamsubmissive said:

LOL...did you buy anything from the Fet peddlers? I always feel obligated to purchase when people I know are selling things. I have cabinets full of tupperware, a shelf full of Avon products I'll never use, some pampered chef items I do use, and a freezer half stocked with girl scout thin mints!

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If you are looking to ditch the thin mints......num-num-num!

Porkwarrior said:

Haa haa kinky Facebook mixed with a porn site, good one.

I just got tired of the...blandness. Meetups & Munch's where everybody stood around and did everything BUT hookup. Meh plus everybody selling whatever new toy/cross/kinky furniture they are peddling that week.

Reminded me of high school dances mixed with Mary Kay. Sheesh.

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Wellllll.............munches are not for hooking up. I've been to swinger events that were all about hooking up -- maybe that's where to look???

I guess I get what I put in to it. I enjoy meeting like-minded folks, I've made a few really close friendships. I have a community of people who are supportive in times of need, a bunch of people I would've never connected with if it weren't for munches. And, as a bonus, I've gotten to know who the most experienced practicioners of kink are so I've been able to feel confident asking someone to, say, use a single-tail on me or experience fire play.

Fet Life provides one place to get the info where local stuff is happening. I've never seen it as a hook up site, a story site or even a place to get info. Most of the groups aren't all that active.

I never much liked the vibe of the place. There was no sense of community, just a bunch of little cliques here and there in a vast black wasteland.

rosco rathbone said:

I never much liked the vibe of the place. There was no sense of community, just a bunch of little cliques here and there in a vast black wasteland.

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Yes, a vast black wasteland of fake profiles. I came across so many fake men there recently and can only imagine what it is with women. Every woman from Fet claims to be a supermodel and the one who are real are never accessible. Fetlife used to be very strict about posting fake photos and not so much now.

And there are others...

Like the Wolf. He was a Fet celebrity who got charged with multiple accounts of aggravated sexual assault. I remember he contacted me once and after I read his stories, I knew instantly he was heading for some trouble.

Bottom line, I'm in a better place now. Writing like I used to before I joined Fetlife. Finally on the right path.

rosco rathbone said:

I never much liked the vibe of the place. There was no sense of community, just a bunch of little cliques here and there in a vast black wasteland.

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Exactly. So much so that I just cliqued my mouse and went elsewhere.

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience at FL. Of course, I'd argue that you were trying to use it for something it's not really designed for.

I use FL mostly as a way to keep up with people I know and the local community in general. It's a fantastic way to find local parties, and can be used to vet people. While my girl and I didn't meet there, FL was integral in our relationship developing. I doubt we'd be married today if not for FL.

While I agree with most of the negative things said here, I suppose I'm just extra-good at filtering all that shit out and focusing on what I do like about the site.

Piratestan said:

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience at FL. Of course, I'd argue that you were trying to use it for something it's not really designed for.

I use FL mostly as a way to keep up with people I know and the local community in general. It's a fantastic way to find local parties, and can be used to vet people. While my girl and I didn't meet there, FL was integral in our relationship developing. I doubt we'd be married today if not for FL.

While I agree with most of the negative things said here, I suppose I'm just extra-good at filtering all that shit out and focusing on what I do like about the site.

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I agree with you about the parties, but did you know that most parties in Italy are for 35 and under only. Which is bizarre, because most experienced Doms and Dommes are 35 and above So Fetlife was not very useful for the BDSm community in Italy.

cookiecat said:

Wellllll.............munches are not for hooking up. I've been to swinger events that were all about hooking up -- maybe that's where to look???

I guess I get what I put in to it. I enjoy meeting like-minded folks, I've made a few really close friendships. I have a community of people who are supportive in times of need, a bunch of people I would've never connected with if it weren't for munches. And, as a bonus, I've gotten to know who the most experienced practicioners of kink are so I've been able to feel confident asking someone to, say, use a single-tail on me or experience fire play.

Fet Life provides one place to get the info where local stuff is happening. I've never seen it as a hook up site, a story site or even a place to get info. Most of the groups aren't all that active.

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Yeah I probably piled on FL a little harsher than deserved, I met and had some good times with some folks. Ofcourse usually at some point in the evening the people I got along with would end up bitching about FL, atleast get a few jabs in, lol.

The house parties were always fun, and yes THERE was some serious hooking up. But even then, there was just a feeling that the good times were FORCED. Meh then again I don't even have a Facebook account anymore, got tired of the cool kids oneupmanship and I don't really need that kind of validation...

I'm going to go with: There are some fun people, and fun times to be had, but the vibe just got old quick.

DemiAngora said:

Yes, a vast black wasteland of fake profiles. I came across so many fake men there recently and can only imagine what it is with women. Every woman from Fet claims to be a supermodel and the one who are real are never accessible. Fetlife used to be very strict about posting fake photos and not so much now.

And there are others...

Like the Wolf. He was a Fet celebrity who got charged with multiple accounts of aggravated sexual assault. I remember he contacted me once and after I read his stories, I knew instantly he was heading for some trouble.

Bottom line, I'm in a better place now. Writing like I used to before I joined Fetlife. Finally on the right path.

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OH!!! Don't get me started on FetLife! That's why I'm new here! lol A couple of things you said I could relate to for sure. Fake female profiles? TONS. Either fakes that last 1 hour to 2 days or just scores and scores of young girls looking for attention or tribute from hundreds of suckers.

Young vultures
None of them want to stimulate the mind either. It's always "I'm on KIK" which translates to "you have 5 minutes to feed my childish ego before I get bored with you and disappear". Fuck that! !

"Couples" accounts
I especially can't stand the "couples" profiles. I use quotes because it's the horndog male spending his entire unemployed day cruise profiles, liking and commenting on pictures and friending everyone while his wife is at work. How the hell can you have over 2000 friends? Let alone over 100??? (Note - I don't mean legit, respectful couples)

MtoF and similar
Another aggravation - the gay/bi/trans MtoF types that keep trying to pretend they are a real biological female. I'm cool with you and whatever you want to be. BUT I am straight. I made that clear. Stop trying to worm your way in. You want me to respect you. Well, that's a two way street because you need to respect me as well. I am straight and I am not interested.

Creepers
The worst and lowest of the low IMO...the men (regardless of sexual preference) that pretend to be women hoping they can get a dirty story and a jerkoff session from you. For fuck's sake...stop lying and get a life you sad sacks of shit!

All that said, I've already had a few guys respond to my ad here trying to pretend to be women. Grow up guys.

Now I don't know who that Wolf character was. I typically stay at the edges of sites and communities. I don't deep dive. But I'm sure that character is an interesting story. However, I'm not surprised. That's the problem with these sites. Any amateur or domestic violence asshole can hang his "I'm a Dom" shingle out there. The tragic part - he ruins it for us legit ones that spent years learning and developing our skills. Scum like him are hunting 24/7. They always get to the new girls first. They terrify, or actually do get to physically hurt them, and those girls run for the hills. I'd give anything to trick/trap just one of those assholes at a hotel room and beat the crap out of him.

OK. Rant over.