Can you help me make him cum?

ConfusedAgain said:

I know, OP is sick of the jerk comments but the only other scary thing about his jerkiness is that abusive men do the same thing. They keep apologizing over and over, gifts/flowers and all and they say they love you. Not assuming anything because there really isn't enough information to judge.. I'm just throwing that out there. Many men are just like children and storm off when they're mad or upset and he could just be one of those.

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CA, there's absolutely nothing wrong with what you posted here. You're right, the OP's bf's behavior is troublesome and many abusers follow the same pattern. And as I pointed out earlier, they also prey on people who have low self-esteem, so it's perfectly reasonable to consider the possibility that this guy is abusive in at least some ways. Like you said, we don't have enough info and it's not fair to assume, but I'm glad you brought it up. Even if it doesn't help the OP, it might help someone else who's reading or lurking.

xxLadyJxx said:

The fact that you even brought up abusiveness has really upset me. I've gotten a lot of help from this thread but that was too far. So yeah, I doubt I'll be replying again after this and I'll think twice about asking for help here again if people are going to jump to conclusions about my boyfriend.

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Why is that? CA clearly stated she was not calling your bf an abuser. She said she did not have enough info to do so and she wasn't going to make assumptions. She was just drawing (a very valid) parallel. Why is that so upsetting to you?

xxLadyJxx said:

It was too far and I'm still upset over it.

It's fine. I should never have even mentioned that. I didn't know that it was going to make people assume such horrible things about the man I love. I haven't see him since I posted this, we live 2 hours apart so it's sort of long distance.

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Why would you still be upset if it's wildly inaccurate? Even if someone calls my husband an abuser (again, no one has called your bf an abuser, they've just said that men who behave so poorly can also be abusers), I'd laugh and totally write it off because that's such a far cry from the truth. Now if my husband acted in the same way as your bf and someone pointed out that it's a red flag for abuse, I would evaluate their observations fairly.

You have every right to your feelings, but your response to our observations that your bf's behavior was unacceptable and the point on abuse seems disproportionate for things you claim have absolutely no merit. I'd imagine if the observations were as false as you're claiming, you'd simply refute them and move on, rather than continue to be so upset and defensive about everything. I'm very sorry to say that your reaction to the comments in this thread give a good amount of credence the opinions that seem to upset you so much. You're not responding in a way one would expect from a woman who is being treated well by her partner. And that may be what at least some people are reacting to--not to make you feel bad--because they're concerned for you.

Something else to consider: So what if people say your bf is a jerk, he behaved horribly, or even if someone claims he's abusive? Maybe those points do have merit, maybe they don't, but even if they don't pertain to your bf/relationship, they certainly do apply to other people and their relationships. We're here to give honest advice and information. Hopefully that helps OPs such as yourself, but even if it doesn't, you can safely assume it's going to help others who read the thread. Perhaps a woman with very little relationship experience will read the responses you've received and learn her future partners should communicate with her and boost her self-esteem, rather than act like a jerk when she's trying to do something nice for them. Maybe it'll open her eyes to the fact that abusers often behave in certain ways, and she'll avoid/exit a bad relationship because of it.

Overall, you need to take what's valuable to you and leave the rest for others who might find the comments you don't care for helpful. Hell, you'd do very well to file away the info we're putting out here for your own future reference, just in case you need it at some point (hopefully you won't, but there's a good chance you will). You can put your energy into getting/being upset, or you can invest it in finding the value in what people are saying, even if those things don't apply to your specific situation right now.

My wife had not given a BJ until she was with me.
When they "came up" the key was honesty and communication, she asked me to tell her what I liked and asked me to tell her if I did not like something she did. I never would push her away, and I loved teaching her. Patients was also important.
I used lots of encouragement " that feels great" "don't stop" etc and used things like " that's nice but I prefer ...."
The end result is a women that can really give great BJ's and I am happy!

On a seriouse note, communication is key to all things sexual, this should not be communicated by being pushed away!

Have fun, keep practicing and ask questions

xxLadyJxx said:

Hey guys,

I just can't seem to get my bf to cum with my mouth. I have made him cum with my hand and also during sex. And before you say that the problem may not be me, it is me. Other girls have made him cum from bj so it's all down to me IMO. It's really starting to affect my confidence which is actually quite low anyway.

My mouth is very small I feel and I can't fit a lot of him in. A lot of the time he lies there so quiet and I wonder if it feels good, I also can't help feeling that he's bored when I'm down there. I'll be honest and say that this is actually making me not want to do it even though I really want to make him cum with my mouth so bad.

We have talked about it and he says I slow down too much and he gets frustrated. The other night I was licking him and stopped for a second and he got frustrated and annoyed at me and then pushed me away when I tried to go back down there. It wasn't the fact that he got mad that hurt me, it was the fact that he pushed me away.

I love him with all my heart but this is really getting me down. I need some tips on how to get him to cum and how to stop myself being so scared to go down on him again after what happened. I know there are a million and one threads on oral sex but I felt like I needed to start my own.

Help.

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Lips. Work the head of his cock around your lips. Use your tongue on his head as well. Key? Look up occasionally. The eyes wide open look up into his eyes is a likely strong choice to get things moving in the right direction.

Lean him back onto the bed. Slowly work you tongue down to his ass. Work your tongue around his anal opening and keep your hand moving gently on his cock.

After a couple minutes tongue fucking his ass, move your tongue back to his cock.

Then go back to moving the cock around your lips. Show hints of tasting more, but don't take more. Just let the look of his dick on your lips do the trick.

I just can not imagine it will be much longer until he pushes his cock all the way into your mouth.

Wife and past girl friend have both said they like the feel of the head of my cock on the roof of their mouths and around their lips. One girlfriend aslo like to kiss the shaft of my cock.


Love to hear how things are coming along for you and your efforts to please your man.

Sweetandsinful said:

If you can recommend any particular place to do this research, it would be appreciated . I haven't had any complaints, but I'm always looking to improve.

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cup his balls, press on the base of his cock. works for me

Are you honestly asking me why I'm upset? Really? Would you not be upset if people thought such horrible things about someone you love? And he treats me very well, just wanted to add that. That incident was an absolute one off and I know it wasn't acceptable.

Thanks for all the replies but I'd just like to let the thread die now.

All due respect to your plight (let she/he who has never doubted themselves cast the first stone), but you should be having this conversation with him, not the Internet.

I also suspect that a lot of the frustration with your bf stems from knowing how difficult it is for guys to find a woman who cares about the quality of the blowjob she gives. You absolutely deserve appreciation for the effort if not the result.

BL

Be Happy

All of us who have nearly begged for the kind of attention you willingly give are appalled. But you both sound so young: time to laugh, have fun, be happy with sexual exploration, always loving and respectful. It all works out and is so much more important than any one (or many) experiences.

xxLadyJxx said:

Are you honestly asking me why I'm upset? Really? Would you not be upset if people thought such horrible things about someone you love? And he treats me very well, just wanted to add that. That incident was an absolute one off and I know it wasn't acceptable.

Thanks for all the replies but I'd just like to let the thread die now.

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I agree, let it die. Ask similar questions though. You are sort of being attacked and forced to justify yourself in this thread. You could put them on ignore, but it's just plain kind of mean stuff going on.

I just can't seem to get my bf to cum with my mouth... I need some tips on how to get him to cum and how to stop myself being so scared ...

although this may sound dumb, you might try watching porn to observe the techniques used by the pros. given that male porn stars tend to be more hung than average, this should also help you to learn how to handle a "larger" specimen.

if you watch the porn together, it may turn both of you on well enough that he may actually climax for you. once he does, your scare factor will go way down and your confidence factor will go way up.

you might also try setting him up with a lot of foreplay, kissing him on the mouth, his nips, all around his body, gently stroking his cock and not going down on him until he is desperate. (it will also be interesting to observe how he reacts to this. if he says forget it, just suck me, or if he just pushes your head down, then he is being selfish.)

he should also be going down on you and making you cum with his lips and tongue. if he isn't willing to do that for you, then perhaps you should not be willing to do that for him.

i also tend to agree with those who say that perhaps your man also could learn a lot on how to be more patient and respectful. after all, sex is supposed to be interactive, not just one-sided! if he really cares, ask him to help you by telling you what he would like you to do.

hope all of this helps -- keep us informed.
sam

I had an ex-gf who used to give me oral all the time and make me cum in her mouth and while I was married, my wife had the hardest time with it (forgive the pun). She would get close and just kinda slow down. Heres what i remember on the difference. The g/f would get on the floor and wrap her hand aroung the base of my cock and firmly stroke the underside with her thumb while she sucked where my ex-wife would come at it from on the bed and witht just her mouth. The g/f's was Like a hybrid hj/bj - that way she didnt exhaust herself with the sucking. When i was oversexed it was more difficult for me to cum so she would get pissy with ne and that strangely worked also. "Baby are you going to cum?" " C'mon, already, I got shit to do." "My knees are sore, will you cum already?" that's not for everybody but it got to be really hot.

My first girlfriend could make me cum with just her mouth but my current partner can not, but heres the thing. my current partners blow jobs are a fuck load better and thats fine by me because I love being finished with a hand job or a titty wank just as much!

Close thread please. I'm single again.

He sounds like an outright tosser to me. That reaction speaks volumes. Tell him to suck his own dick and see how he reacts.
You say you've invested 2 years of your life with this loser. Two years too long IMO.

magicalmoments said:

He sounds like an outright tosser to me. That reaction speaks volumes. Tell him to suck his own dick and see how he reacts.
You say you've invested 2 years of your life with this loser. Two years too long IMO.

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Pay attention to the age of the thread. The OP signed off in January 2013.

Who says that anyone has the right to expect a blow job or any particular sex act?
Each person gives what they can, if he is too big for you to given him a BJ like he had before, I would say maybe you guys should move onto something else, o if it was me, I might suggest he get his bjs from someone else.

Noor said:

Who says that anyone has the right to expect a blow job or any particular sex act?
Each person gives what they can, if he is too big for you to given him a BJ like he had before, I would say maybe you guys should move onto something else, o if it was me, I might suggest he get his bjs from someone else.

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Also this thread mostly took place seven years ago and was just resurrected as a zombie after no posts since 2013.

I know this is an old thread and the OP signed off but I will give some tips in case anyone else might be having the same problem.

Some men like it fast and some like it slow. IRL, all but one of the guys I was with liked being sucked hard and fast. The other liked a lot of variety. He could edge and hold off for hours. I don't think he ever came from a BJ but he only ever let me do it once in a while and he did not want to cum that way.

Yes, you need to find out what technique the guy likes best.

Get yourself a realistic dildo. Amazon has some inexpensive ones. It should be soft and flexible and at least slightly bigger than his cock. Yes, it will taste bad and it will stick to your cheeks unless you lube it really well. Lube can taste bad too so use coconut oil on it. It will help.

Practice with it several times a day. Start out slowly and work up to 10 or more minutes at a time.

Keep a glass or bottle of water near you. Start by drinking some.

Lube the dildo.

Push it into your mouth then pull it back out. You can look at it at first. Start with just the head, then work it further into your mouth. Take deep breaths through your nose and take plenty of pauses. Drink water if you need to.

Don't try to deep throat it at first. Just get comfortable working it slightly in and out. Then try sucking and licking it.

When you feel like you are ready to deep throat it, take some deep breaths then look up. Pretend that you are looking into his eyes. You will be doing this for real when you suck him. Looking into his eyes will likely turn him on more, and will put your throat in a relaxed position so you can take him fully.

It will probably take you many tries to get it. If at any time you feel like gagging, just keep looking up and breath. Do not try to push it in any further but keep it right where it is until the urge to gag is over. Now you may in fact, gag. If you do, then of course pull it out. Wait until you feel better, then try again slowly.

Took me three days to get the angle right so it would slide down. It might take you longer but if you keep trying, you will get it.

You can also try bringing him close to orgasm with your hands and then go down on him without missing a beat! Unless your guy is into edging, he will want constant stimulation. Be sure to lick and suck his balls too and if he is into it, all the way back to his ass.

Be aware of his cock know where he gets his most pleasure , when he in your mouth let your tongue dance over his glands, get past your gag reflex, suck him like his cum is all you need in life

MarciMay said:

Be aware of his cock know where he gets his most pleasure , when he in your mouth let your tongue dance over his glands, get past your gag reflex, suck him like his cum is all you need in life

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you sound experienced

I'm going to add one last thought here.
Once upon a time I wasn't very skilled at blowjobs. A combination of watching porn and thinking of blowjobs as having my mouth emulate a pussy left me with a technique that was at best visually appealing.
One patient man in my early twenties, who didn't cum easily, patiently taught me something that completely changed my entire perspective and seriously levelled up my blowjob skills. Here's what I learned.
In spite of how they're typically used and presented in porn. Penises are delicate and sensitive. Like really delicate and sensitive. In fact you usually don't even need to put a man all the way in your mouth to make him cum. Usually if his frenelum is the 12 oclock position between the 1 and 2 position or the 10 and 11 position you should be able to find a sensitive spot. If you focus your tongue on that spot you will give a sort of intense pleasure which can't really be achieved by anything except oral sex.

With the usual notes about learning the specifics about your lover and paying attention to what their body is telling you, my typical technique is something like:

- Take the head of his penis into your mouth and gently move back and forth.
- Use your tongue to find his sensitive spot by listening to how his body responds.
- Give that part attention with your tongue while you slowly move him in your mouth
- Then when his body either seems too tense or too lack, bob him in your mouth for a little.
- Then return to using your tounge and shallow motions but this time a little faster.
- Repeat

Evidence That Can Not Be Denied

xxLadyJxx said:

Hey guys,

I just can't seem to get my bf to cum with my mouth. I have made him cum with my hand and also during sex. And before you say that the problem may not be me, it is me. Other girls have made him cum from bj so it's all down to me IMO. It's really starting to affect my confidence which is actually quite low anyway.

My mouth is very small I feel and I can't fit a lot of him in. A lot of the time he lies there so quiet and I wonder if it feels good, I also can't help feeling that he's bored when I'm down there. I'll be honest and say that this is actually making me not want to do it even though I really want to make him cum with my mouth so bad.

We have talked about it and he says I slow down too much and he gets frustrated. The other night I was licking him and stopped for a second and he got frustrated and annoyed at me and then pushed me away when I tried to go back down there. It wasn't the fact that he got mad that hurt me, it was the fact that he pushed me away.

I love him with all my heart but this is really getting me down. I need some tips on how to get him to cum and how to stop myself being so scared to go down on him again after what happened. I know there are a million and one threads on oral sex but I felt like I needed to start my own.

Help.

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Lady Jane,
it might help your situation to realize that your anguished words, enhanced by the images that your words conjure in my mind, have not only produced a powerful erection… but made me cum. So please be assured that there is absolutely nothing wrong with your oral technique…!

Lubrication, Enthusiasm, & Stimulation.

First post!

I've been researching sex for a while to become a better lover, more comfortable talking about sex with the little missus. so... Books, Podcasts, Therapists... and haven't struck pay-dirt yet because she wont talk about sex. But this post is not about me and while I am not an expert on giving blowjobs as a cant recall giving one... My research has seen consistent advice on things for blowjobs.

Enthusiasm. No man wants to look down and see his partner cringing... so... live it up a little. Lick it like its your favorite flavor of ice cream, make appreciative noises, make eye contact and smile with your eyes.

Lubrication. If you are using your hands most people don't appreciate friction burns. Saliva, coconut oil, and/or your favorite flavored lubes can all add to the experience.

Stimulation. Most of the key nerve endings are in the tip of the penis. In fact you should pay special attention to the frenulum (the V-shaped area on the underside of the head) as it has the largest concentration of nerve endings. Therefore the entire penis does not have to be in your mouth throughout the entire blowjob so vary the speed and depth and get a rhythm going that wont make your neck, jaw, knees, or back ache.

Lastly have fun with it. they may be called blowJOBS but they are meant to be interactive and fun for both participants.

Lots of advice here but in the end there is only one person's advice that really matters and that is him. I can't count the number of times I've seen advice on these forums, in magazines, tv, in person etc. that wouldn't have helped anybody who was trying to please me at all.

I'm 6.5 inches but im thick. My wife loves sucking me but it just takes time and communication to get spot on. I like a lot of spit and inbetween sucking she rolls her thumb over my cockhead and its like a button...so she then quickly takes me fully and i lightly hold her head as i cum in her mouth/throat. Sometimes if a bit escapes i edge her longer as punishment but she has outstanding orgasms

I think he's selfish! He needs to appreciate the fact thatyouretrying hard to pleasure him the best you can and be very grateful about it. Unfortunately many Men are selfish bastards and only concerned with their pleasure. He needs to be made busy pleasuring you babe, pleasuring you hard!!!
Next time go and position your cunt over his face and lips and rub your love grool all over it! Make sure his face is well lubed! Treat his cock like your toy and own it and play with it first! I had seen some really great uploads with women doing exactly just that! Get one of those horse/ pony leather wacjers cant remember what they're called and strike him lightly to make his cock and balls red! Then when you feel he's red and ready pop it in your mouth! At least that way you technically can claim to have made him come with your mouth!