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Old 02-08-2018, 12:04 AM   #1
Sinisterotica20001
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Cool Review and discuss your story?

Like Carney, I have some free time on my hands and am happy to review some stories and provide feedback. I tend to like to go into a little depth, pointing out language or scenes I really like, hearing what the author enjoyed about his or her piece, and offering suggestions on what would've made it even hotter, at least for me.

Kinky fuck that I am, I'm open to straight, gay and lesbian stories, and I prefer ones that are more twisted than vanilla. For me, literary erotica is thrilling because it can go to fantastic places that straight up pics and/or vids can't. Stories that gravitate to coercion or non cons tend to be my favorites, but I'm not limited to those. I'm just generally fascinated by power dynamics.

So feel free to send me a link to any of your favorites (not really long ones unless you direct me to a particular scene or chapter) you'd like to have reviewed and discussed. I can't promise I'll get to it, but I'll try.

Last edited by Sinisterotica20001 : 02-08-2018 at 10:44 AM.
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Old 02-08-2018, 01:55 AM   #2
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The one that best meets your criteria is likely far too long (7 pages. I know.) https://www.literotica.com/s/for-destruction-ice

So, failing that, I'd be very grateful if you could take a look at this one:

https://www.literotica.com/s/darren-...s-his-birthday

It only just goes onto a third page, at a total of 8100 words (there's a lot of white space). It's a three-way d/s relationship that evolves into something softer.

Both are GM, both involve d/s. The top one is true non-con, the second one is gentle d/s. I don't think either would fall into the category of 'vanilla'.

Many thanks in advance if you do have the time.

Jase.
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Old 02-08-2018, 07:43 AM   #3
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Story

Will you review this story please. I know its rough but it is posted. About a world being ruled by nymphomaniacal women. The particular chapter focus on someone in a Roman Coliseum like event and escaping.

https://www.literotica.com/s/rule-of-women-ch-02

If you do happen to read, pm me and I can give my email in that for correspondence.

Thank you,

destodes777
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Old 02-08-2018, 08:25 AM   #4
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Heyyy, lookit that, a free-time reviewer that has similar likes to mine, and the first two out of the shoot are promising.

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Originally Posted by JasonClearwater View Post
The one that best meets your criteria is likely far too long (7 pages. I know.) https://www.literotica.com/s/for-destruction-ice
That is a good question: what is "really long" in what you don't care to read/review?

I can recommend reading this story, even at 7 Lit pages. It's a "thriller," and if you like power dynamics, it's kind of Jason's thing.

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Originally Posted by destodes777 View Post
Will you review this story please. I know its rough but it is posted. About a world being ruled by nymphomaniacal women. The particular chapter focus on someone in a Roman Coliseum like event and escaping.

https://www.literotica.com/s/rule-of-women-ch-02

destodes777
Holy God, that's a good opening line. And a good second line. You know how to hook. Favoriting this for a future read. I hope the OP takes a look for this thread; when I read it I'll at least leave a comment for you.
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Old 02-08-2018, 10:46 AM   #5
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Thanks for the reading suggestions. I'm looking forward to reviewing these things.

BTW, I just realized I had direct messages disabled in my profile. Fixed it.
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Old 02-08-2018, 03:02 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by destodes777 View Post
Will you review this story please. I know its rough but it is posted. About a world being ruled by nymphomaniacal women. The particular chapter focus on someone in a Roman Coliseum like event and escaping.

https://www.literotica.com/s/rule-of-women-ch-02

If you do happen to read, pm me and I can give my email in that for correspondence.

Thank you,

destodes777
I really wanted to like this story more than I did, because it starts with an interesting premise of a world in which females are nymphomaniacs and in control of men who are objectified. Whereas it kept my attention for a while as I struggled to figure out what exactly was going on, I found myself losing interest as more and more elements were brought into the story, making it rather confusing. It feels to me like it simply has too many ideas and would benefit from some editing and focus as well as some greater attention to the sex scenes. One sinister moment really piqued my curiosity -- the idea sort of alluded to of a guy getting fucked to death by too much pussy -- but didn't really go anywhere. If it had, it would've made clearer to me why the men were so opposed to all of the sex the women were demanding.
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Old 02-08-2018, 03:40 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by JasonClearwater View Post
The one that best meets your criteria is likely far too long (7 pages. I know.) https://www.literotica.com/s/for-destruction-ice

So, failing that, I'd be very grateful if you could take a look at this one:

https://www.literotica.com/s/darren-...s-his-birthday

It only just goes onto a third page, at a total of 8100 words (there's a lot of white space). It's a three-way d/s relationship that evolves into something softer.

Both are GM, both involve d/s. The top one is true non-con, the second one is gentle d/s. I don't think either would fall into the category of 'vanilla'.

Many thanks in advance if you do have the time.

Jase.
Jase,

Thanks for giving me the chance to give you my personal view of your stories. I already DM'd you about Darren Celebrates His Birthday so I won't go into that again. I just read, for the most part, For Destruction, Ice. Now that I've read two of your stories, your style -- both grammatical and philosophical -- so to speak, really comes through.

Your writing style is very clean, straight forward and easy to read, and I like how you put a lot feeling into your characters. There is a real wholesomeness about them (a desire to find love)... even in Frost, who is repeatedly concerned that his "captive" doesn't value his own life. I found myself getting a bit lost in the bit about Byron and the brother/stepbrother and craved just a hardcore story of control between Frost and Jesse. I also struggled to really see Frost as dominant and Jesse as unwilling, which made the D/s aspect hard to get into. (Maybe that's just because I like my D/s really hardcore.) Frost seemed to care about Jesse a lot (telling him he'd never hurt him) while Jesse's protests of the sex didn't ring quite true, for some reason.

Interestingly, I found myself stroking when Frost made Jesse hand over the passcode to his phone to read his texts. It was the best scene, in my view, of Frost forcing his way into something that Jesse really didn't want him to be in. That's an areas of control that I don't thing gets enough attention in general... the taking of passwords and control over a sub's social media.

I'll be honest that I burned out around the end of 4 so my views are only based on the first 3/4 or so.
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Old 02-08-2018, 03:59 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Sinisterotica20001 View Post
Jase,

Thanks for giving me the chance to give you my personal view of your stories. I already DM'd you about Darren Celebrates His Birthday so I won't go into that again. I just read, for the most part, For Destruction, Ice. Now that I've read two of your stories, your style -- both grammatical and philosophical -- so to speak, really comes through.

Your writing style is very clean, straight forward and easy to read, and I like how you put a lot feeling into your characters. There is a real wholesomeness about them (a desire to find love)... even in Frost, who is repeatedly concerned that his "captive" doesn't value his own life. I found myself getting a bit lost in the bit about Byron and the brother/stepbrother and craved just a hardcore story of control between Frost and Jesse. I also struggled to really see Frost as dominant and Jesse as unwilling, which made the D/s aspect hard to get into. (Maybe that's just because I like my D/s really hardcore.) Frost seemed to care about Jesse a lot (telling him he'd never hurt him) while Jesse's protests of the sex didn't ring quite true, for some reason.

Interestingly, I found myself stroking when Frost made Jesse hand over the passcode to his phone to read his texts. It was the best scene, in my view, of Frost forcing his way into something that Jesse really didn't want him to be in. That's an areas of control that I don't thing gets enough attention in general... the taking of passwords and control over a sub's social media.

I'll be honest that I burned out around the end of 4 so my views are only based on the first 3/4 or so.
Thank you kindly for taking a look at both, and so quickly.

I'm going to PM you on Ice, as it originally had a very different ending, which I'd rather not post here.

That is the first time anyone's said 'not dark enough'. I do have an inbuilt limiter when it comes to how far I'll go, and the site rules around non-con reinforce that.

But you've given me something to think on.

Much appreciated,

J.
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Old 02-08-2018, 04:16 PM   #9
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Thank you kindly for taking a look at both, and so quickly.

I'm going to PM you on Ice, as it originally had a very different ending, which I'd rather not post here.

That is the first time anyone's said 'not dark enough'. I do have an inbuilt limiter when it comes to how far I'll go, and the site rules around non-con reinforce that.

But you've given me something to think on.

Much appreciated,

J.
Feel free to PM me. I'm always happy to make a story darker, something I'm really good at and turned on by ;-)
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Old 02-08-2018, 04:27 PM   #10
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Talking

Any chance you could review this one for me?

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-gir...ilver-trombone
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Old 02-08-2018, 06:07 PM   #11
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Any chance you could review this one for me?

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-gir...ilver-trombone
First off, for those of us who get off on power, any story that involves an older man making moves on a big-titted schoolgirl begins with a head start right out of the gate. I really liked the setup for this with Mr. Perkins noticing her tits, and I felt like the story took an interesting and unexpected turn when the students are shooed away from the store by Hank. Whereas I thought she was going to get fucked by Mr. Perkins, I certainly didn't see Hank coming (so to speak).

Your writing is very crisp and vivid, and I love this moment when she snaps out of the drug-induced stupor in time to realize she's not with the person she thinks but not enough time to stop from soaking his hand in her pussy juice: "Ellie's eyes snapped open. She could barely breathe. Hank was leaning over her, his face inches away from hers. He had three fingers deep inside her and was about to make her cum. "Oh God!" she shrieked as she came all over his hand. Ellie's eyes rolled back into her head and she bucked her hips upward against Hank's hand." Three fingers. Mmmm. Nice.

Unfortunately, the story loses its magic when Ellie quickly and inextricably goes from prey to something like a predator. Whereas it was easy to imagine Hank's thrill at bedding and controlling a shy and buxom school girl, I couldn't help but imagine the new, confident, very aggressive Ellie cutting off Hank's nuts in a fit of jealous rage. Eeeek.

I also didn't understand the bit about Candace and was hoping that she and Perkins would work their way into the sex somehow.
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Old 02-08-2018, 07:59 PM   #12
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You mention twisted, you mentioned dark. What you didn't mention was that you cared for incest so I'll preface this by saying if its not your cup of tea then I won't be offended if you choose not to read this.

But it fits your criteria and I can tell you that the goal of this piece was to write a father/daughter story that sets the genre upside down as being nothing like what the 'yay lusty daughters and lecherous dad's' fair they eat up.

The premise started with having written many pandering light and fun taboo stories, then I said, self? How would one fuck up their wet dream-without getting rapey and violent or really sick-and I said...Oh....yup.

Here's the link, the title should tell you its not meant to be fluffy

https://www.literotica.com/s/that-damn-red-dress

Feedback amazed me in that I wasn't flamed, people seemed to 'get' the story. Someone compared me to Kafka....not a shot in the dark of that being true, but it was a great compliment.
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Old 02-08-2018, 11:12 PM   #13
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You mention twisted, you mentioned dark. What you didn't mention was that you cared for incest so I'll preface this by saying if its not your cup of tea then I won't be offended if you choose not to read this.

But it fits your criteria and I can tell you that the goal of this piece was to write a father/daughter story that sets the genre upside down as being nothing like what the 'yay lusty daughters and lecherous dad's' fair they eat up.

The premise started with having written many pandering light and fun taboo stories, then I said, self? How would one fuck up their wet dream-without getting rapey and violent or really sick-and I said...Oh....yup.

Here's the link, the title should tell you its not meant to be fluffy

https://www.literotica.com/s/that-damn-red-dress

Feedback amazed me in that I wasn't flamed, people seemed to 'get' the story. Someone compared me to Kafka....not a shot in the dark of that being true, but it was a great compliment.
Okay, just read as much of it as I could take before fast forwarding to the end. For the record, I'm a big fan of incest stories, so I have no problem on that front. Although your story is extremely well written, it was way too heavy on death and sadness for me to find anything arousing in it. It's all about a girl and her father dealing with the grief from the death of a beloved mother while the father is suffering from something like dementia. After page after page of what seemed like an obituary being read within a nursing home, there was no way I was gonna get hard and find the incest scene anything but tragic. It'd be like having sex on the margins of a funeral. Sheesh.

I'm guessing fans of this story feel the daughter's incest with the father was an act of selfless love, which may be true, but it took all the eroticism out of it, turning it more into the Heimlich maneuver than a hot fuck.

Sorry. I just didn't love it
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Old 02-09-2018, 06:37 AM   #14
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Okay, just read as much of it as I could take before fast forwarding to the end. For the record, I'm a big fan of incest stories, so I have no problem on that front. Although your story is extremely well written, it was way too heavy on death and sadness for me to find anything arousing in it. It's all about a girl and her father dealing with the grief from the death of a beloved mother while the father is suffering from something like dementia. After page after page of what seemed like an obituary being read within a nursing home, there was no way I was gonna get hard and find the incest scene anything but tragic. It'd be like having sex on the margins of a funeral. Sheesh.

I'm guessing fans of this story feel the daughter's incest with the father was an act of selfless love, which may be true, but it took all the eroticism out of it, turning it more into the Heimlich maneuver than a hot fuck.

Sorry. I just didn't love it
No worries, its not for everyone and I'm the type that considers your turn off a job well done in a sense.

Guess there's dark and twisted and too dark and twisted.

Thanks for taking the time to read what you did.
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Old 02-09-2018, 02:35 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Sinisterotica20001 View Post
Like Carney, I have some free time on my hands and am happy to review some stories and provide feedback. I tend to like to go into a little depth, pointing out language or scenes I really like, hearing what the author enjoyed about his or her piece, and offering suggestions on what would've made it even hotter, at least for me.

Kinky fuck that I am, I'm open to straight, gay and lesbian stories, and I prefer ones that are more twisted than vanilla. For me, literary erotica is thrilling because it can go to fantastic places that straight up pics and/or vids can't. Stories that gravitate to coercion or non cons tend to be my favorites, but I'm not limited to those. I'm just generally fascinated by power dynamics.

So feel free to send me a link to any of your favorites (not really long ones unless you direct me to a particular scene or chapter) you'd like to have reviewed and discussed. I can't promise I'll get to it, but I'll try.
More twisted than vanilla sounds good to me. I have a couple you might like. Both lesbian and quite short.

https://www.literotica.com/s/on-lovi...lawed-creation

https://www.literotica.com/s/saudade-1
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Old 02-09-2018, 05:10 PM   #16
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More twisted than vanilla sounds good to me. I have a couple you might like. Both lesbian and quite short.

https://www.literotica.com/s/on-lovi...lawed-creation

https://www.literotica.com/s/saudade-1
As I was reading your first story, I kept thinking that you should team up with Lovecraft68 on some hospital/illness porn. For me, the adjustment of an IV tube (as well as any discussion of illnesses and/or death) during or around sex is on par with someone letting out a fart... itís a turn off.

That said...

The beauty of your writing is how you create interesting stories heavy on psychology and plot twists and with a sub theme of love and respect. The sex scenes are gentle, caring and respectful. Although I found myself stroking a few times from your detailed descriptions of pussy on pussy sex, I lost my hard on pretty fast in the rest of the story, which probably comes as no surprise. So although your themes arenít what I get off on, I recognize how good of a writer you are and why your stories would be really appealing and moving for many people.
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Old 02-09-2018, 10:32 PM   #17
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As I was reading your first story, I kept thinking that you should team up with Lovecraft68 on some hospital/illness porn. For me, the adjustment of an IV tube (as well as any discussion of illnesses and/or death) during or around sex is on par with someone letting out a fart... itís a turn off.

That said...

The beauty of your writing is how you create interesting stories heavy on psychology and plot twists and with a sub theme of love and respect. The sex scenes are gentle, caring and respectful. Although I found myself stroking a few times from your detailed descriptions of pussy on pussy sex, I lost my hard on pretty fast in the rest of the story, which probably comes as no surprise. So although your themes arenít what I get off on, I recognize how good of a writer you are and why your stories would be really appealing and moving for many people.
The first one did have the sickness vibe throughout. What did you think of the end though? The last line.

You might like the second story more since it is set in a much more sexy setting.
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Old 02-10-2018, 08:34 AM   #18
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The first one did have the sickness vibe throughout. What did you think of the end though? The last line.

You might like the second story more since it is set in a much more sexy setting.
I liked the last line (though I had to Google it) and how it summed up the power dynamic of the story. It would've been more erotic for me if the illness had been nymphomania or something like that.

I liked the second story a lot more, though I was surprised and disappointed that JJ, the artificial intelligence, didn't play more of a role. I was hoping she would force her way into the sex between Lisa and Ayomi somehow, maybe blackmailing one of them and controlling her.
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Old 02-10-2018, 05:59 PM   #19
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I'll toss the same one at you that I did at Carny:

Sonia Ch. 01 - The Winter of our Discontent

It's a fetish story, specifically focusing on titfighting, and currently my 3rd highest rated one (the top two are later stories in other series). I'm guessing this is well outside your norm, but I would love any feedback.
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Old 02-10-2018, 07:09 PM   #20
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I'll toss the same one at you that I did at Carny:

Sonia Ch. 01 - The Winter of our Discontent

It's a fetish story, specifically focusing on titfighting, and currently my 3rd highest rated one (the top two are later stories in other series). I'm guessing this is well outside your norm, but I would love any feedback.
Man. That was kind of kooky but mostly awesome. It's a perfect example of why I like amateur erotica -- because it can be so kinky, specific and interesting.

Your writing is very good, and your love of tits is evident, to say the least. You're a master at finding ways to describe them and their movements in all their voluptuous glory. I appreciated that you got into the erotic aspects pretty quickly.

This is pretty hot:

"Now that they were bare, a true assessment could be made. There was a little visible sag, but it's to be expected with a rack that size. The boobs seemed to be stuffed too tightly, as if nature was trying to undo the downsizing that science had forced upon the pendulous puppies. The one surprising thing, at least to me, and the thing that might explain the gulp from a moment before was the pitifully small areolas and nipples adorning the weapons of the black haired vixen. They were a pale pink, the areola smaller than a quarter with thin, short nipples that barely protruded. If Sonia could bring the nipples into play, she could put a real hurting on this young bust."

Overall, I found the story both funny and arousing. Kind of ridiculous yet something I'd like to be a part of.

I guess my only issue is the frustration I feel that the tits fought each other but the guy didn't slide his cock in between them and cum all over them. I almost think the backstory to the battles (recruiting and training) would be more interesting than the fights.
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Old 02-10-2018, 08:18 PM   #21
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Thanks for the review. It's definitely a very specific fetish. If you're interested in seeing it done at its very best, the link I sent you earlier has stories by Jon Grey and Augur that are the pinnacle of my interest. As far as your suggestions on my stories, I'm now kind of interested in what you think about some of my others but I don't want to hog your time.

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Originally Posted by Sinisterotica20001 View Post
Man. That was kind of kooky but mostly awesome. It's a perfect example of why I like amateur erotica -- because it can be so kinky, specific and interesting.

Your writing is very good, and your love of tits is evident, to say the least. You're a master at finding ways to describe them and their movements in all their voluptuous glory. I appreciated that you got into the erotic aspects pretty quickly.

This is pretty hot:

"Now that they were bare, a true assessment could be made. There was a little visible sag, but it's to be expected with a rack that size. The boobs seemed to be stuffed too tightly, as if nature was trying to undo the downsizing that science had forced upon the pendulous puppies. The one surprising thing, at least to me, and the thing that might explain the gulp from a moment before was the pitifully small areolas and nipples adorning the weapons of the black haired vixen. They were a pale pink, the areola smaller than a quarter with thin, short nipples that barely protruded. If Sonia could bring the nipples into play, she could put a real hurting on this young bust."

Overall, I found the story both funny and arousing. Kind of ridiculous yet something I'd like to be a part of.

I guess my only issue is the frustration I feel that the tits fought each other but the guy didn't slide his cock in between them and cum all over them. I almost think the backstory to the battles (recruiting and training) would be more interesting than the fights.
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Old 02-10-2018, 08:24 PM   #22
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Thanks for the review. It's definitely a very specific fetish. If you're interested in seeing it done at its very best, the link I sent you earlier has stories by Jon Grey and Augur that are the pinnacle of my interest. As far as your suggestions on my stories, I'm now kind of interested in what you think about some of my others but I don't want to hog your time.
Send along another favorite.
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Old 02-10-2018, 08:55 PM   #23
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Send along another favorite.
This is Ch 1 in my Couples series.
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Old 02-10-2018, 11:59 PM   #24
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This is Ch 1 in my Couples series.
Good story and even better than the other one. I like how the loser has to suck the tits of the winner and blow her husband. The winner taking her husband's cock into her pussy before the loser has to suck it deserves a "well played."
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Old 02-14-2018, 02:04 AM   #25
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Join Date: Aug 2016
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Seeing as you said you're into power dynamics, I'll bite, although I am a bit hesitant as I'm hardly a prolific author. Here's what I think is probably the best chapter of "All the Power," my only story on Lit: https://www.literotica.com/s/all-the-power-pt-05

The story hasn't been well-received, to be honest - which is fine, it's pretty weird and I'm not sure I posted it in the proper category. Still and all, I'm curious for feedback.

If you happen to like it, or otherwise be interested, this one-page item helps explain some of what's going on (it's not a story per se, there are just important aspects of background that would be hard to get into the main story): https://www.literotica.com/s/all-the...-of-background Obviously read the story first but I figured I'd leave this here on the off-chance that you're curious. There's a lot of other world-building type stuff that isn't covered in the story or the backgrounder, as well.
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