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Guest
Guest
I read Annora's Red Doors:
I have to say, for a first, it shows incredible skill with language, pacing, and the general "give-em-what-they-want" of storytelling. In case you were wondering, it gets a solid five from me...among some of the best I've seen.
But...I've gotta critique. Not because I'm evil and petty (as so many writers accuse critics of being) but because I see room for improvement.
Generally, I'm not a fan of "first-person" although beginning writers and erotica writers as a whole tend to use it a lot. After all, it makes sense right? In the first person, you can focus on the intense feelings of a single character. This would pretty much be accurate for any sexual experience. For a beginning writer, it's just easy to focus on one character instead of a dozen.
However, I see so many scenes in your work where you're just begging to describe everything (first chapters of an ongoing story, or series of them are usually clogged with exposition) but have to keep it focused on just those things that your main character would notice.
I'm not suggesting an entire change in style because there's nothing wrong with the way you write. I don't much like stories told in the first-person, but yours made sense and flowed without cheating me of the "greater part" of your story.
I did like this story very much and I'm looking forward to your girl's next case.
But, if I'm gonna give advice to a beginning, and very talented writer, I would have to suggest that you try your hand at a story written in the third person. You'll find it's easier to work in those long descriptive passages that tend to slow down stories written in first person...i.e. the rambling internal monologues in old detective stories. Even if you don't decide to change the point of view for your stories, you'll get better at expanding it to the point where nit-pickers like me don't start wishing they could see the story from everyone's perspective instead of just one.
So, a little critique and a little praise. Now go...go and write. We need a few more like you.
- Wyld -
I have to say, for a first, it shows incredible skill with language, pacing, and the general "give-em-what-they-want" of storytelling. In case you were wondering, it gets a solid five from me...among some of the best I've seen.
But...I've gotta critique. Not because I'm evil and petty (as so many writers accuse critics of being) but because I see room for improvement.
Generally, I'm not a fan of "first-person" although beginning writers and erotica writers as a whole tend to use it a lot. After all, it makes sense right? In the first person, you can focus on the intense feelings of a single character. This would pretty much be accurate for any sexual experience. For a beginning writer, it's just easy to focus on one character instead of a dozen.
However, I see so many scenes in your work where you're just begging to describe everything (first chapters of an ongoing story, or series of them are usually clogged with exposition) but have to keep it focused on just those things that your main character would notice.
I'm not suggesting an entire change in style because there's nothing wrong with the way you write. I don't much like stories told in the first-person, but yours made sense and flowed without cheating me of the "greater part" of your story.
I did like this story very much and I'm looking forward to your girl's next case.
But, if I'm gonna give advice to a beginning, and very talented writer, I would have to suggest that you try your hand at a story written in the third person. You'll find it's easier to work in those long descriptive passages that tend to slow down stories written in first person...i.e. the rambling internal monologues in old detective stories. Even if you don't decide to change the point of view for your stories, you'll get better at expanding it to the point where nit-pickers like me don't start wishing they could see the story from everyone's perspective instead of just one.
So, a little critique and a little praise. Now go...go and write. We need a few more like you.
- Wyld -
