Caring couple seeks tentative submissive female for nurturing and play — UK/Europe

NEW! Listen to us introduce ourselves to you <-- Click for SoundCloud audio clip


If you're reading this and you fit the bill, then you're curious to find out more about submission and BDSM play, but wary about replying to personals adverts. Please let me give you a few reasons to consider getting in touch with us.

Mrs MF and I are a long-standing conventional couple who have fairly recently turned to BDSM play. You can read more about our experiences on our thread in The Playground: Meet Mr and Mrs MF!. You're welcome to join in there and ask us questions (or send us a Private Message for a discreet answer).

I've been on Lit for many years now (check out my posting history). Mrs MF isn't on Lit herself, but she regularly reads it over my shoulder! During our travels, several Litsters have met us both in person: I'm often found hanging out with them online in The New UK Kink Thread (check out the most recent pages first).

Mrs MF and I are both caring, nurturing types, and we love to have the opportunity to offer reassurance and guidance to others. We certainly wouldn't claim to know everything about kink, but we've had a wide range of experiences during our own explorations over the last two years, and we have access to plenty of helpful resources in our local community.

You may be wondering what Mrs MF and I get out of a nurturing role. Apart from the warm satisfaction of helping someone else, we'll be curious to unravel what submission and BDSM mean to someone new onto the scene, and to take a hand in shaping your experience in a positive way. That would provide us with a vicarious thrill as we see the fresh excitement through your eyes, and we recall and contrast it with our own early adventures.

As you'll see, I've been running another advert in the "BDSM Personals" section for a local (near London, UK) female D/s play partner for sensual/mental games with me:

M dom (52) seeks F sub (London UK) for sensual/mental D/s play and sharing of cake

Mrs MF and I are also curious about the possibility of a female submissive joining us in our play: either online if you're in a similar time zone (UK or Europe) or potentially in person if you're near us in the UK. Please don't worry if you're unsure about what that might entail — it's something that would grow out of our conversations together. If you choose to reply to us, then that's just the start of a discussion on the possibilities. We want to work together as good friends, with plenty of sharing, building of trust and gaining of mutual understanding before embarking on any negotiations about play.

I hope that these words have reassured you about our sincerity. If they've resonated with your desires as well, then we hope very much that you'll consider getting in touch. We understand that it's a big plunge for you to take, and we'll be delighted to hear from you.

Mrs MF helped me to compose this advert and will review any replies with me (so please say hi to her too!). Our marriage is a harmonious one and we enjoy our play together in the domains that we have in common. Here's a photo of us engaging in some rope play:

http://forum.literotica.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=1855788&d=1461855134

Interested?

Please send us an exploratory message. Let's talk!

Thanks!

Mr and Mrs MF
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I've received two PMs saying nice things about my advert (thank you!), so I'm bumping it in the hope that it gets noticed by someone to whom it's directly relevant.
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It's difficult to get a good sense of what people are like purely from written words on a page.

So, you can now hear us introduce ourselves to you! <-- Click for SoundCloud audio clip

We hope that this might encourage some ladies to make contact with us who might otherwise be too shy or anxious to do so.
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Mrs MF and I have seen that our introductory audio clip has been played quite a lot of times already, but we have no idea whether it has been worthwhile for the listeners.

We'd love to hear from anyone (not just candidates for our advert):

1. Was our audio clip helpful in getting to know us?
2. If we did another one, what would you like us to include in it?
3. Do you have any other suggestions on how we could make our advert more appealing?

Many thanks for any feedback.

MF and Mrs MF
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Hello there from across the pond!

1. Hello MF and Mrs MF, your intro was fun and interesting to hear from both of you. As an American, your accents are quite cute, and it was nice to hear your interactions.
2. I have listened to your guiding philosophy for D/S play. It was a good quick informational intro to d/s. I would love to hear more elaboration about the different kinds of play. I'm pretty new to learning BDSM.
3. You both sound like lovely people, I'm not quite sure how to make the advert more appealing. The advert may not attract some people because it is too limited to London? Perhaps looking for an online partner from further locations who may be willing to meet down the line? Good luck!

Thanks very much to ninetiesbaby for those very helpful answers.

ninetiesbaby said:

1. Hello MF and Mrs MF, your intro was fun and interesting to hear from both of you. As an American, your accents are quite cute, and it was nice to hear your interactions.

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Thanks! We're both flattered and delighted to hear that.

One of the main reasons why I thought an audio clip would be a popular and original idea for Mrs MF and me to try is that it allows our personalities and our interpersonal chemistry to come across in a way that's impossible in text alone. We did the whole recording in one take, just allowing ourselves to flow and interact naturally. I think it comes across like that, too.

My hope is that our audio clip adds a measure of authenticity and sincerity to our written words that will encourage someone who doesn't normally reply to personals adverts to overcome their natural scepticism and anxiety. *crosses fingers*

ninetiesbaby said:

2. I have listened to your guiding philosophy for D/S play. It was a good quick informational intro to d/s. I would love to hear more elaboration about the different kinds of play. I'm pretty new to learning BDSM.

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That's very reassuring for me — many thanks! I was concerned that it might be unwelcome: either viewed as statements of the blindingly obvious (i.e., commonly understood practice) or perceived unintentionally as an attempt by me to assert a "one true way" (despite my clear statement that it's just my personal philosophy).

I'd be happy to say more — in fact, I drafted a follow-up script that runs through some terminology and important prerequisites. Once again, I'm not speaking from a position of assumed authority, but rather as a former newbie who (with Mrs MF) remembers how confusing these concepts were when we first encountered them two years ago.

ninetiesbaby said:

3. You both sound like lovely people, I'm not quite sure how to make the advert more appealing. The advert may not attract some people because it is too limited to London? Perhaps looking for an online partner from further locations who may be willing to meet down the line? Good luck!

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I'm sure that we would have more success if we broadened the geographical scope or extended it to online interactions. One of our key interests, though, is in meeting people in person whom we can introduce to local events and potentially adopt as play partners with us.

Over the past seven to eight months, Mrs MF and I have twice taken nervous ladies "under our wing" at local kink events and helped them to gain confidence until they've felt able to navigate the scene independently of us. We've found that hugely satisfying and our advert is our attempt to build on that success. It's a proposition, though, that's far more practical in the physical space than in the online world — hence our constraints on geography.

I hope that covers those three points and adds extra useful information.

Thanks again for that warm and constructive feedback. Mrs MF and I will be delighted to receive more of it!
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Mindfondler said:

ninetiesbaby said:

2. I have listened to your guiding philosophy for D/S play. It was a good quick informational intro to d/s. I would love to hear more elaboration about the different kinds of play. I'm pretty new to learning BDSM.

Click to expand...

I'd be happy to say more — in fact, I drafted a follow-up script that runs through some terminology and important prerequisites. Once again, I'm not speaking from a position of assumed authority, but rather as a former newbie who (with Mrs MF) remembers how confusing these concepts were when we first encountered them two years ago.

Click to expand...

Just to add that I've now posted a follow-up audio clip:


I'll be delighted to hear if it's helpful to anyone
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Mrs MF and I put our heads together today to try to work out what we can do to make our advert more appealing. Despite our best efforts, it's not getting many views and the audio recordings that we made haven't had many plays. We realise that we're limiting ourselves considerably by geography, but that's inherent because we want to connect with people whom we can meet in person. London might seem like a small target area, but 10 million people live there — and that's not counting the surrounding Home Counties.

Mrs MF in particular is feeling dispirited. She's as keen as I am to deploy her nurturing skills helping newcomers, and I know that she's fantastic with newbie kinksters. Last year, she set up and ran for six months a monthly Ladies' Munch to encourage nervous newbies to come along and meet community regulars at a smaller and less intimidating setting than a full-blown munch. Despite her success in introducing several new ladies to the community, she had to stop running theevent because she was let down repeatedly by people saying that they would go along and not turning up. Several times, she ended up sitting on her own in a pub for hours waiting fruitlessly for "no shows". That knocked her confidence.

If anyone has any suggestions or encouragement to offer, then we'd love to have them.

Thank you for reading this!

We're still hoping for replies! Thanks for reading.
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Bumping again in case a suitable lady is browsing the personals threads on a lazy Sunday morning (or afternoon!). Is that you?
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What do you mean by 'nurturing'?

I'm sorry that the ladies' nights were a bust - maybe there's just not that need there for 'girls nights' - the focus is on mixed events? :/

GrrlFriday said:

What do you mean by 'nurturing'?

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Hmm... perhaps it sounds too bombastic? We're certainly not seeking Svengali roles or guru status with anyone. That's not our style and we don't have the experience to justify that billing anyway.

On the other hand, Mrs MF and I have had success in the past in being friendly faces to welcome nervous newcomers into the world of kink — those who have a yearning to find out more but are scared off by adverse perceptions of what the people involved might be like. Our main selling points are that we're both approachable, down-to-earth, caring, and we empathise with those new to the scene because we can still remember what it was like for us.

I guess the "nurturing" word comes from a gap that Mrs MF and I are both feeling in our lives at the moment. Having successfully raised our children to well-adjusted adulthood, we feel that have a lot to offer to someone who can benefit from our support — not broken but just in need of a framework and encouragement to achieve goals that they find challenging. That's the concept that I was trying to express, together with the sense of what we both get out of the arrangement.

Please continue to ask questions! It's difficult for us to judge the impact of our words (and any unintentional nuances that they may convey) just by reading them back to ourselves.

GrrlFriday said:

I'm sorry that the ladies' nights were a bust - maybe there's just not that need there for 'girls nights' - the focus is on mixed events? :/

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It's strange because Mrs MF kept getting comments from ladies that "if you run them then I'd come along!", but it was only rarely that their words were translated into actions. I think there's a common issue that people prefer to hang on to an unfulfilled fantasy rather than risk seeing that cosy bubble getting burst in the real world. Alternatively, there are fears about perceived risks, but it's difficult for us to do more than set up meetings in specified public places with lots of other people nearby.
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Mindfondler said:

It's strange because Mrs MF kept getting comments from ladies that "if you ran than then I'd come along!", but it was only rarely that their words were translated into actions. I think there's a common issue that people prefer to hang on to an unfulfilled fantasy rather than risk seeing that cosy bubble getting burst in the real world. Alternatively, there are fears about perceived risks, but it's difficult for us to do more than set up meetings in specified public places with lots of other people nearby.

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I find this very true all round. The fantasy is better than the reality for them. (But I, for one, much prefer reality!)

I tried to get a bukkake party happening once with a few guys I knew in a particular city. They all loved the idea. They were all willing to be with me, but when it came to the crunch of being with the other guys, they shied away. It seems guys have to know each other for it to be successful, unless they are all paid porn stars.

RacyWilde said:

I tried to get a bukkake party happening once with a few guys I knew in a particular city. They all loved the idea. They were all willing to be with me, but when it came to the crunch of being with the other guys, they shied away. It seems guys have to know each other for it to be successful, unless they are all paid porn stars.

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Perhaps they realised that they couldn't come after all.

(Sorry — couldn't resist! )
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Mindfondler said:

Perhaps they realised that they couldn't come after all.

(Sorry — couldn't resist! )
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lol - I think it is actually more about being in a situation where they would feel they are competing - who has the biggest cock, who can last the longest, who has the biggest load... I don't know, it's just my guess.

RacyWilde said:

lol - I think it is actually more about being in a situation where they would feel they are competing - who has the biggest cock, who can last the longest, who has the biggest load... I don't know, it's just my guess.

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Isn't the reality that there's always going to be someone bigger, longer, more voluminous etc. unless one happens to be at a rare percentile extreme on the statistical Bell curve? My observation (such as it is) is that the same also applies in the opposite direction, though, so it's not something to worry about. Having said that, I've never been to a bukkake party.

Getting back on track, I forgot to thank GrrlFriday for this helpful observation:

GrrlFriday said:

What do you mean by 'nurturing'?

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I answered that question above:

Mindfondler said:

I guess the "nurturing" word comes from a gap that Mrs MF and I are both feeling in our lives at the moment. Having successfully raised our children to well-adjusted adulthood, we feel that have a lot to offer to someone who can benefit from our support — not broken but just in need of a framework and encouragement to achieve goals that they find challenging. That's the concept that I was trying to express, together with the sense of what we both get out of the arrangement.

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I hadn't realised, though, how often we've used the dratted word! I've just counted three appearances in this advert and four instances in my other advert. It's also showing as my description above my avatar. If it scares people off, then we've made absolutely certain that it's doing the job!

I'm now considering a re-write of both adverts to remove the "n" word ("nurturing/nurturer") and replace it with some alternative that more accurately explains the positive attribute that I was trying to convey. What to say? Hmmm... *dons thinking cap and grabs Mrs MF for inspiration*
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