lost and need help, please.

Reading through this, it appears to me the black veil might be coming off, so recovery can begin.
A person can feel so alone at times like this, but truth is, most all of us have been here.
Some of us on both side.
Life/love is fucked. That's why there is a sky full of poems, books, songs, movies about just this.
I don't thing time heals, but we do learn to move on. There's no life in going back. Yesterday is gone forever. I think forgiveness is important also.
Bitterness is a hard trail to take.
I think you'll do fine, but don't let this hold you back from trying again. It's worth the risk.
As has been said, the cost of love is sorrow. And still, it's worth the cost.
 
Still thinkin....(i have a boatload of experience on this one)
There are 2 women that completely wrecked me. One, decades ago, one, just a few years ago.
I still think of them both, often, but i've learned to compartmentalize. I take them off the shelf, and remember. But then i put them back in the closet and get on with my day.
I've also wrecked a couple women. I keep my guilt on another shelf.
We can't choose who we love. It just is.
But you should never want to be someone's 2nd choice. A consolation prize.
If he had stayed, out of a twisted nobility, would he be distant? Who would he think of at night?
I've been that coward, and it's the ultimate cruelty.
You can get to pluto more easily than to yesterday.
I'm glad life is unperfect and chaotic. Sunshine always would get boring.
Take care

Well said!
 
I've been following this through from the sidelines, and it does sound to me like you've turned corner. I battled through serious depression (for an entirely different reason) for over a year, but I'm through now, and well on the mend. The thing you need is friends and people to talk with, sound off to, and support you, and I've been astounded by the love and support shown on here, by strangers who genuinely want to help. I tip my hat to you all, I wish I could have found lit sooner.

Anyway, I just wanted to send you something I wrote for a friend of mine when she was coming out of the dark after 4 months of constant pain from a severe back injury.

"It has been a long, hard, dark winter, but the season has turned quickly (as it often does in the forest), and warmer days are coming. This morning it’s bright and warm, now that the sun is beginning to make its presence felt through the trees, and it’s good to be back in the forest again. Early dewdrops, still hanging on the leaves, break the light into rainbows of colours, and the air smells fresh and earthy. You can feel that the world, like you, is beginning to sense the end of the dark times, and is coming back to life. The birds fluttering in the branches, and the squirrels, watching you in silent fascination, feel it too. They aren’t afraid, they know you of old, and you’re coming back to them. The ground is soft under your feet as you wind your way along the track between the trees, winter had almost obliterated it, but you know it like the back of your hand. You’re coming back, back to the clearing. And so you should, it’s your place, you belong here, and you’ve been away so long. Even the trees are aware of your return, and they sigh with relief as you pass. At last you reach the clearing, and it’s filled with golden sunlight, as it always seems to be. It’s as if winter hasn’t touched it, or was afraid to. The warmth of the sun on your skin envelopes you, even through your jeans and thick shirt. You’ve missed it, as much as it’s missed you. This world is yours."

Welcome back.

SV
 
I was a handbag, once
all sparkled and spangled
taut leather, black
as murder
unsolved

You, the bourgeois
that swanked the cliquety~clicks
of the uptown menagerie

some would jingle the door
and scoot, i'd hide
among the plainer
pretending their dust

but dance i did,
when i saw you
walk in
pick me! Pick me!
I cried in whisper

Oh, you looked
tried me on your wrist
slid me up your shoulder
opened me
fingered me

then put me
back on the shelf

well, i see your back
maybe you'll buy this bag
after all

but i'm not dancing
nor crying in whisper
to your finger's
treacherous touch

and i'm no longer
for sale
 
Sorry for any grammaritical mistakes on the handbag. I wrote it on my phone, driving thru houston. Yeah, yeah,...i know
Anyway, my point is, i never ever let anyone reject me twice.
Reject me once, reject me forever~is my mantra.
Ok, i'll drive n shut up
 
"It has been a long, hard, dark winter, but the season has turned quickly (as it often does in the forest), and warmer days are coming. This morning it’s bright and warm, now that the sun is beginning to make its presence felt through the trees, and it’s good to be back in the forest again. Early dewdrops, still hanging on the leaves, break the light into rainbows of colours, and the air smells fresh and earthy. You can feel that the world, like you, is beginning to sense the end of the dark times, and is coming back to life. The birds fluttering in the branches, and the squirrels, watching you in silent fascination, feel it too. They aren’t afraid, they know you of old, and you’re coming back to them. The ground is soft under your feet as you wind your way along the track between the trees, winter had almost obliterated it, but you know it like the back of your hand. You’re coming back, back to the clearing. And so you should, it’s your place, you belong here, and you’ve been away so long. Even the trees are aware of your return, and they sigh with relief as you pass. At last you reach the clearing, and it’s filled with golden sunlight, as it always seems to be. It’s as if winter hasn’t touched it, or was afraid to. The warmth of the sun on your skin envelopes you, even through your jeans and thick shirt. You’ve missed it, as much as it’s missed you. This world is yours."

Welcome back.

SV
This is absolutely beautiful. The likening of emotions from winter to spring.

I was just listening to Led Zeppelin's "The Rain Song" today and thinking of how profound the lyrics are to that song. "I've felt the coldness of my winter; I never thought it would ever go; I curse the gloom that set upon us" "These are the seasons of emotions and like the wind they rise and fall"

That is exactly the portrait you've painted with your words.

Sorry for any grammaritical mistakes on the handbag. I wrote it on my phone, driving thru houston. Yeah, yeah,...i know
Anyway, my point is, i never ever let anyone reject me twice.
Reject me once, reject me forever~is my mantra.
Ok, i'll drive n shut up

It's nothing short of amazing. You are so very talented. Thank you for sharing.
 
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Thank you so much for your comments, I'm glad you enjoyed it, and to be compared to Zepplin lyrics is praise indeed.

And, oh, "Rain Song", I'd forgotten, it's been so long since I've heard that! Can't wait to get home tonight and tear the house apart to find my copy :)

SV
 
Thanks for the kind comments, and yes, strangeview, your words were lovely. A perfect balm for this old soul.
I hope juliaa has a great story if she drops in.
 
is there a word for a dom who promises to take care of his sub than drops everything for someone he met at the pub?
The word is "asshat."

Sorry I didn't read and respond to this earlier, but "wall o' text" posts are hard to tolerate sometimes. Please capitalize appropriately and make occasional paragraphs.
 
Don't seem to have heard from Juliaa for a while, are you still out there? Anyone heard from her?
 
For: Shy Slave...

"I know that we never get over great losses; we absorb them and they carve us into different, often kinder, creatures." ~ Gail Caldwell

*hug* :rose:
 
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