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I don't want to be gay!

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robertreams

Literotica Guru
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Jul 17, 2007
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I am looking for individuals willing to share the fear, anger, guilt, confusion they faced in dealing with their attraction to the same sex. Respondents can consider themselves gay, bi, omni, curious, or whatever. I am doing this research for a story I am writing about a confused young man who hates the idea of his attraction to other men, but can't deny he is attracted to cocks. I
 
I can tell you this, it's not an easy emotion or fear to overcome. I've heard people say that you are what you are and etc and there's no reason to fight it but try being brought up in my house and raised by my parents. The fear that I have of letting that small inner voice be heard is very real. I may never totally let myself live the life I really want to live because of that fear. I am not mad however, at my desires for a same sex relationship but the guilt and the fear of some of my friends and most of my family not accepting it is indeed very real.
 
i wonder how much painful emotion and guilt they would have when they let their needs take over. finding someone for sex then waking up angry hurt sad confused guilty. hiding awqy till next time
 
Interesting

This for me is an interesting topic, because as long as I can remember, I have had the urge to suck cock. I am not attracted to men, just to cock. Although I am attracted to guys that display feminine qualities, and especially fem boys.
I have often wondered what it would be like to be a girl, and many times wished that I was female. And wished many times that I could dress like a girl and be a sissy cocksucker. But I could never let myself be that person, because of the fear of what my friends and family would think of me.
 
J1biboi said:
This for me is an interesting topic, because as long as I can remember, I have had the urge to suck cock. I am not attracted to men, just to cock. Although I am attracted to guys that display feminine qualities, and especially fem boys.
I have often wondered what it would be like to be a girl, and many times wished that I was female. And wished many times that I could dress like a girl and be a sissy cocksucker. But I could never let myself be that person, because of the fear of what my friends and family would think of me.
Click to expand...

Do you feel it would help to indulge in that behavior on a secrete level. Letting off the steam so to speak. Doing it with a Man that understands. Encourages with love. Wants you to feel satisfied. May even be attracted to that kind of Man.
 
jackstud said:
Do you feel it would help to indulge in that behavior on a secrete level. Letting off the steam so to speak. Doing it with a Man that understands. Encourages with love. Wants you to feel satisfied. May even be attracted to that kind of Man.
Click to expand...

I have been with a man. I sucked his cock and I liked it, but I never felt any emotional attraction to him. I don't want to be attracted to men, unless they have very feminine traits. I just have a desire to suck cock.
 
J1biboi said:
This for me is an interesting topic, because as long as I can remember, I have had the urge to suck cock. I am not attracted to men, just to cock. Although I am attracted to guys that display feminine qualities, and especially fem boys.
I have often wondered what it would be like to be a girl, and many times wished that I was female. And wished many times that I could dress like a girl and be a sissy cocksucker. But I could never let myself be that person, because of the fear of what my friends and family would think of me.
Click to expand...

I feel very similar! Especially wishing I was a girl.

However, I do not like feminine guys, I want a guy who treats me like a girl!

I also feel very conflicted as I try and force myself to like girls but I casnt get hard for them anymore, the only way I can get hard is to think of cock. Immediately after I cumI say I will never think of cock azgain, that ill think of girls.

But I cant get hard for them/cum for them so its back to cock then when I am done I feel disgusted with myself :(.
 
Don't do that to yourself. Enjoy the moment. Stuffing mine back in my jeans now:devil:
 
wooger said:
I feel very similar! Especially wishing I was a girl.

However, I do not like feminine guys, I want a guy who treats me like a girl!

I also feel very conflicted as I try and force myself to like girls but I casnt get hard for them anymore, the only way I can get hard is to think of cock. Immediately after I cumI say I will never think of cock azgain, that ill think of girls.

But I cant get hard for them/cum for them so its back to cock then when I am done I feel disgusted with myself :(.
Click to expand...

I guess some of us tell ourselves a lot of things right after we cum. But in reality we can't help who we are or how we feel, but then if we're not hurting anyone, why would we want to change.
 
wooger said:
I feel very similar! Especially wishing I was a girl.

However, I do not like feminine guys, I want a guy who treats me like a girl!

I also feel very conflicted as I try and force myself to like girls but I casnt get hard for them anymore, the only way I can get hard is to think of cock. Immediately after I cumI say I will never think of cock azgain, that ill think of girls.

But I cant get hard for them/cum for them so its back to cock then when I am done I feel disgusted with myself :(.
Click to expand...


As long as you do not hurt anyone do not feel disgusted with yourself. There is nothing wrong with feeing you are a girl. I might add if you feel like a girl why would you think you need to be attracted to fem guys or girls. You are a girl and like guys that is fine. as far as cumming well you have to get it out someway. I know how you feel and also wish I had a nice vulva, however I don't. I can rub where my cunny should be and have girl climaxes over and over but I always have to finish jacking to empty my load.
You are not alone Hun. :rose:
 
wooger said:
I feel very similar! Especially wishing I was a girl.

However, I do not like feminine guys, I want a guy who treats me like a girl!

I also feel very conflicted as I try and force myself to like girls but I casnt get hard for them anymore, the only way I can get hard is to think of cock. Immediately after I cumI say I will never think of cock azgain, that ill think of girls.

But I cant get hard for them/cum for them so its back to cock then when I am done I feel disgusted with myself :(.
Click to expand...

Im finding myself in this situation more and more. I have no problem getting hard or being excite for sex with my wife, but if I want to achieve orgasm I start thinking about guys. When Im with her, my thoughts are more of a bi threesome nature, but when Im alone I am exclusively fantasizing about sex with other men.

I have the same internal struggles as everyone else, having to hide who I truly am, especially to my wife. I've slowly started coming out to very selective friends, and every time I do I feel much better about things. But the overwhelming majority of my friends, I dont know that they would react very positively.

I came up in a very conservative Southern Baptist family, and my dad is incredibly old fashioned. In fact, he chewed my ass for moving in with my then-girlfriend before we got married. Its okay, though, Ive kept it to myself for so long its pretty easy to do.

Like someone stated above, Im not attracted physically or emotionally to men, just like having sex with men.
 
4yourpleasureiam said:
As long as you do not hurt anyone do not feel disgusted with yourself. There is nothing wrong with feeing you are a girl. I might add if you feel like a girl why would you think you need to be attracted to fem guys or girls. You are a girl and like guys that is fine. as far as cumming well you have to get it out someway. I know how you feel and also wish I had a nice vulva, however I don't. I can rub where my cunny should be and have girl climaxes over and over but I always have to finish jacking to empty my load.
You are not alone Hun. :rose:
Click to expand...

Very true. This feeling of being a girl doesn't hurt anyone other than your parents may be or gets you snide remarks from teasing friends. But that want and wish will remain. You will long to have that vulva and those breasts and be cared and loved. And if you are truly a girl why should there be a need to feel attracted to fem guys or girls? You will only wish for that one man who may help you to cum in a way you want.
 
I feel the need to add to my above post that the only real time I had any issues with being into sex with men was after my first experience, when I spent quite some time battling with the fact that had just, in fact, sucked another guy off. At first I had HUGE guilt about it, I was sorta disgusted with myself for going beyond the fantasy stage, having to figure out what it ultimately meant for me, etc. But once I finally determined that I was okay with it and it was something I wanted to explore further, all of those inner struggles disappeared and I began to actually enjoy myself. I embraced the fact that I loved to suck dick, yet still be with women. I also knew it was something that I could NEVER openly express to friends or family, I knew they would never understand.
 
I guess I must be very unusual. I have no desire to have a permanent relationship, a love relationship, with a man. My anal sex is 100% fantasy. But I do love to touch and play with and suck cock. I have absolutely no wish to appear feminine in any way, nor do I want my male partners to be effeminate. I want my men to be men and my women to be women. My early years were filled with fear and controversy, but also with the love of one particular male friend. I am a bit older, so most of the men I know who like cock have experienced great fear and shame. It has taken some of these men of many years of trial and tribulation to overcome their feelings of hating themselves for what they feel compelled to do. (suck cock, for example) Many others suffer in silence
 
Thank you all for sharing. Would anyone share specific feelings wants, needs, or particular incidences?
 
I don't struggle with the emotion...simply because I've accepted my "sexual" attraction to the same sex. I'm not buoyed by the pop'psychology of it all. Or Militant Gay Inc's demands.. I don't need media talking heads or blogs to tell me how to live. As of this morning...
(I) hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--

Just don't force your choice of life style on me...Do as you see fit..Just don't break the law doing it...
 
I'm bi, and I struggled with fear of being gay for a long time, terrified mostly of being discovered by family, classmates, and scared of losing control - that if I tried anything with a guy, I'd turn into a crossdressing hooker or something. I instinctively knew I was a bottom, and despite occasional attraction to males from a young age I sort of clinged to the belief I was straight as long as I didn't try anything with a guy.
Anyway, first time I did anything with a guy at all, it was a complete stranger who fondled me, which made me extremely horny, to my shock. I was at the time deep in denial.
There came a point eventually when I decided I just had to try sex with a man, and out of shyness and apprehension about running into anybody I knew I ruled out gay bars and so on, so it was with someone I met online, my very first time as well as the first few times.
One of my most liberating experiences in this respect was the first time I went to a gay sex club - I was extremely nervous, but determined to see through what I'd sort of promised myself - that as long as it was safe sex I'd do anything with anyone there.
I don't see myself in a romantic relationship with a man, so in that sense being in the closet about attraction to men doesn't feel like a huge burden.
 
jackstud said:
Do you feel it would help to indulge in that behavior on a secrete level. Letting off the steam so to speak. Doing it with a Man that understands. Encourages with love. Wants you to feel satisfied. May even be attracted to that kind of Man.
Click to expand...
yes
I tink it would help
 
It was my first time at a gay bar that really liberated me, too: First time slow dancing with a man, first time kissing a man, ended up taking home a gorgeous young blond stud, went back for more.
 
robertreams said:
I am looking for individuals willing to share the fear, anger, guilt, confusion they faced in dealing with their attraction to the same sex. Respondents can consider themselves gay, bi, omni, curious, or whatever. I am doing this research for a story I am writing about a confused young man who hates the idea of his attraction to other men, but can't deny he is attracted to cocks. I
Click to expand...

Z
Sex is sex. If it turns you on, do it. Can you like to suck both cock and pussy? Of course, but then are you 1/2 gay? No. Don't worry about labels, you know deep inside what you are. Just be true to that
 
Fuck My Mouth

robertreams said:
Thank you all for sharing. Would anyone share specific feelings wants, needs, or particular incidences?
Click to expand...

I was never much of an academic, never much good at anything, I always felt a misfit and dissatisfied with my life. The other guys tended to take advantage of my weakness for cock, and would come around for a blow-job when their girlfriends weren't putting out, or simply because they felt horny. But I knew they were using me and disrespected me. To them, I was just a queer joke. Until I met what I now call my first adult Boyfriend, an older married guy who took me in hand. From the first night we spent together I knew what I'd been put on this planet to do. I was mesmerized and fascinated by his big cock, and would be quite content to spend the rest of my life with it firmly lodged down my throat. It wasn't love - I'd never use that kind of word, but it was an absolute erotic fixation, and the more he fucked my mouth the more I wanted him to fuck my mouth. I was reduced to a slobbering single-minded sex-slave devoted to sucking him off and, later to him using my bum-hole, or pretty-much anything he wanted. I've since moved on, but he turned my head around, showed me my real orientation and to take a kind of pride in it. There have been other guys - quite a few, but I'm now quite easily reconciled to living my life as a submissive male cock-sucker...
 
namowa said:
Very true. This feeling of being a girl doesn't hurt anyone other than your parents may be or gets you snide remarks from teasing friends. But that want and wish will remain. You will long to have that vulva and those breasts and be cared and loved. And if you are truly a girl why should there be a need to feel attracted to fem guys or girls? You will only wish for that one man who may help you to cum in a way you want.
Click to expand...

A lucky man in deed would be he who could help you cum in the way you want. :rose::rose:
 
robertreams said:
I am looking for individuals willing to share the fear, anger, guilt, confusion they faced in dealing with their attraction to the same sex. Respondents can consider themselves gay, bi, omni, curious, or whatever. I am doing this research for a story I am writing about a confused young man who hates the idea of his attraction to other men, but can't deny he is attracted to cocks. I
Click to expand...

I am the complete opposite...

I didn't choose to be gay...but if I could, I would have chosen to be gay! It's all I have known. I don't know the difference, and don't want to know. I am not attracted to women, I don't seek emotional attachments to women, other than family member and certain friends.

To me this confusion and resistance to same sex attraction is more do to upbringing and society. But this is just my own experience and with dealing with friends who have gone through the same struggles.
 
I am only attracted to the same sex as myself because I have always wanted to be female rather than a man like I am. It's now too late for me - but if you're longing to be a woman, live the life and make the change. Don't stay trapped in the wrong body.
 
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