Old 01-05-2018, 10:18 AM   #1
bbcbarry9033
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Dialogue

The best writers are those who use a conversational voice (especially in their dialogue) rather than a formal, necessarily gramatically correct voice all the time. Some words read well but are not usually part of any natural, everyday conversation. For example: “albeit” is a word often used by characters in stories but no one says “albeit” in real life.

What other words read well but are awkward-sounding in RL?
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Old 01-06-2018, 10:47 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bbcbarry9033 View Post
The best writers are those who use a conversational voice (especially in their dialogue) rather than a formal, necessarily gramatically correct voice all the time. Some words read well but are not usually part of any natural, everyday conversation. For example: “albeit” is a word often used by characters in stories but no one says “albeit” in real life.

What other words read well but are awkward-sounding in RL?
No one says 'albeit' in real life? I do but usually as a joke.

I use Grammarly. My reports from them suggest that I use more unusual words (the report calls them unique, which they're not) than 90% of Grammarly users.

For dialogue in stories I think you should write slightly more formally than a straight report would show. A transcript of a real conversation between two or more people would have more interruptions, more incomplete statements and sentences, and more fillers such as 'um' and 'er' or 'you know' than should be written. As authors we should give the sense of the dialogue, not the accurate version.

Writing dialogue has to be a compromise between being grammatically correct, which people often aren't when speaking, and being too literal in copying what a real conversation would sound like. What we want to achieve in the reader's mind is a sense of the interaction between people, not what actually happens when people are talking.
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Old 01-07-2018, 12:38 PM   #3
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Good point

Playwrights, for example, use much fewer words in their dialogues than real life would require. And each word is so very carefully chosen.

Are there any other specific words, in your mind, that show up often in conversations in literature but not in reality?
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Old 01-07-2018, 01:26 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by bbcbarry9033 View Post
Playwrights, for example, use much fewer words in their dialogues than real life would require. And each word is so very carefully chosen.

Are there any other specific words, in your mind, that show up often in conversations in literature but not in reality?
"He/She told me..." Used when writing from a single POV (Point of View) to let the reader know about a conversation that the narrator wasn't part of.
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Old 01-20-2018, 08:26 AM   #5
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Svelte

I came across another one the other day; "Svelte"

Looks great on paper, and reads well. But this is a word that fucks with your teeth and your lips when you say it out loud. Which is why people never use it in a regular conversation (there will always be self-professed intellectuals who try to impress others with the breath and depth of their vocabulary).

Svelte. Try it. See what I mean.
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Old 01-21-2018, 03:25 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bbcbarry9033 View Post
I came across another one the other day; "Svelte"

Looks great on paper, and reads well. But this is a word that fucks with your teeth and your lips when you say it out loud. Which is why people never use it in a regular conversation (there will always be self-professed intellectuals who try to impress others with the breath and depth of their vocabulary).

Svelte. Try it. See what I mean.
You think? I like saying that word. Some words are fun to say. Bumbershoot, ukulele, svelte, zwarte(black in Dutch), facetious, fellatio, all fun words to say.
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Old 01-25-2018, 04:10 PM   #7
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Regarding svelte - I also disagree. I say this word from time to time and I like how it sounds. It may be difficult to say if you have a slight lisp but I don't see the problem.

I agree with the OP's point that dialogue should sound conversational. This can be a difficult art and in my opinion is a marker of a really fine writer. However, I disagree that any word which reads well could possibly sound bad in conversation. Certainly it might sound unusual, or surprising even, but wouldn't this only serve to make such a word even more effective when spoken aloud?

Perhaps what bbcbarry9033 is getting at is that, as a writer, it is possible to choose a word that sounds awkward on a character. If Natalie is a dumb bimbo then to hear her use words like 'moreover' or 'categorically' or 'incandescent' would sound jarring. However, if Natalie is an experienced political journalist then perhaps she might use such language and this would be ok.
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Old 02-17-2018, 10:27 AM   #8
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Sis/bro

And what about the super annoying "sis/bro" in sibling dialogue?

I think it is just plain lazy to have characters refer to each other in this way. Honestly, does anyone really NOT use their sibling's given name in casual familiar conversation? Or at most, some form of abbreviation of the given name or a pet name or nickname. Is "sis/bro" really the best we as writers can do?

Or, am I completely missing the point here, is there some other reason for using "sis/bro" in supposedly familial dialogue that I'm failing to consider? If so, enlighten me, please.
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Old 02-18-2018, 10:12 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by bbcbarry9033 View Post
And what about the super annoying "sis/bro" in sibling dialogue?

I think it is just plain lazy to have characters refer to each other in this way. Honestly, does anyone really NOT use their sibling's given name in casual familiar conversation? Or at most, some form of abbreviation of the given name or a pet name or nickname. Is "sis/bro" really the best we as writers can do?

Or, am I completely missing the point here, is there some other reason for using "sis/bro" in supposedly familial dialogue that I'm failing to consider? If so, enlighten me, please.
It's really a question of usage. In some places sis/bro might be normal. It wouldn't be in any family I know. Sister/Brother perhaps a very few times but usually a family nickname unless with people not of the family. For example at family gatherings a husband and wife used Chas (Charles) and Dor - said 'door' (Doris) but their children after about age eight insisted on their full shortish names, not the family nicknames. They called Chas and Dor 'Dad' and 'Mum'. The only times I can remember sister or brother being used is with strangers i.e. 'my brother John'; 'my sister Norma'.

Names can be confusing. One of my cousins, now deceased, was named 'Hilary Susan'. Her mother called her 'Hilary' but the rest of the wider family respected her wishes and called her 'Susan' except when there might be confusion with two other Susans in the family. Then she was called 'Susie', her aunt's nickname for her. Eventually, when referring to her when she or her parents were not present, the family called her 'Hilary Susan Susie' and we knew exactly who we meant.

However in Incest stories on Literotica the point has to be made frequently that the characters are brother and sister. Sis/Bro seems an inelegant way to show that.
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Old 02-19-2018, 08:39 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by bbcbarry9033 View Post
And what about the super annoying "sis/bro" in sibling dialogue?

I think it is just plain lazy to have characters refer to each other in this way. Honestly, does anyone really NOT use their sibling's given name in casual familiar conversation? Or at most, some form of abbreviation of the given name or a pet name or nickname. Is "sis/bro" really the best we as writers can do?

Or, am I completely missing the point here, is there some other reason for using "sis/bro" in supposedly familial dialogue that I'm failing to consider? If so, enlighten me, please.
My son always calls my daughter, "Sis" when he's talking to her directly, and would only ever use her name when talking about her to someone else. Likewise, she always calls him by his family pet name (which she gave him when she was three, and couldn't manage his name) when talking to him directly. And she'll only use his real name when talking about him to someone else. I don't think I've heard either of them address each other directly using their names since they were early teens. They're now in their mid twenties.

Judging by my family, therefore, you'd be wrong assuming siblngs call each other by their names. Every family I know, it's always pet names, nick names, rarely actual names. My wife, for example, calls her sisters, "Sis" and "Sissy."
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Old 02-21-2018, 03:35 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by bbcbarry9033 View Post
I came across another one the other day; "Svelte"

Looks great on paper, and reads well. But this is a word that fucks with your teeth and your lips when you say it out loud. Which is why people never use it in a regular conversation (there will always be self-professed intellectuals who try to impress others with the breath and depth of their vocabulary).

Svelte. Try it. See what I mean.
The English can manage it. :-P

https://youtu.be/bqZp7oKgbFU?t=21
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Old 02-21-2018, 03:43 PM   #12
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The English can manage it. :-P

https://youtu.be/bqZp7oKgbFU?t=21
Touche
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Old 03-17-2018, 05:36 AM   #13
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I use a mix of words when I speak, depending on who I am talking to. Some slang, sometimes carefully chosen small words, but more often than not, I will use larger and sometimes obscure words. I don't necessarily do this on purpose. They just sort of slip out.
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Old 04-09-2018, 10:23 PM   #14
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Svelte. Try it.
Child’s play.

Try this word on for size:

Sixths

Enunciate all the consonants fully. “Sixths” is a serious consonant clusterfuck.

And while I’m here, take a gander at this line of dialog. It is a 100% grammatically and syntactically correct complete sentence, although its usefulness in erotica is suspect:

Quote:
Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
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Old 04-09-2018, 10:37 PM   #15
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Interested in sharing snippets of dialog from brainstorm notes? Particularly ones you like but suspect you’ll never get to implement.

Here’s one of mine:

Quote:
“Dave?”
“Yeah?”
“There’s a vagina in the sky.”
“Yeah, well, welcome to Canada.”
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Old 04-09-2018, 10:51 PM   #16
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Or, am I completely missing the point here, is there some other reason for using "sis/bro" in supposedly familial dialogue that I'm failing to consider?
It’s a regional and familial thing. It’s not particularly common in the US but it’s also not unheard of.

But more to the point is the ironclad Law of Relationship Reference in the Incest/Taboo category: the reader must be continually reminded of the incestuousness of the story through the characters doing the incesticizationing continually calling out their relationship to each other during dialog, especially whilst in coitus. “Your confraternal cock is so big, bro!” “I’m drilling you for sex oil with my sibling dick derrick, sis!”

And the corollary, as Ogg recently pointed out, is the characters must wonder aloud at their incredulity that they are actually “doing this.”
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Old 04-10-2018, 11:11 AM   #17
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I think I summoned a writer demon/wizard/god

So many big-ass words here it'll take me a minute to sort it out. But food for thought and that's the point.
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Old 04-10-2018, 11:39 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by bbcbarry9033 View Post
And what about the super annoying "sis/bro" in sibling dialogue?

I think it is just plain lazy to have characters refer to each other in this way. Honestly, does anyone really NOT use their sibling's given name in casual familiar conversation? Or at most, some form of abbreviation of the given name or a pet name or nickname. Is "sis/bro" really the best we as writers can do?

Or, am I completely missing the point here, is there some other reason for using "sis/bro" in supposedly familial dialogue that I'm failing to consider? If so, enlighten me, please.
I've been known to use sis/bro in my writing, simply because that's how I grew up (in the Southern US. Also not *unheard of to have 'sis' or 'little sister' be a general nickname, or for good male friends to call each other 'brother'). I've written Daddy/daughter, and the daughter uses her father's first name, but also calls him 'Daddy', which isn't that uncommon in non-incestuous relationships. And, in the case of incest stories, often the forbidden nature of their relationship heightens the kink of it all. To each their own, but it's certainly not a necessarily lazy choice.

As far as words I think sound awkward in everyday conversation- penis and vagina. I know it's childish, but I'd rather hear or use a vulgar euphemism.

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Old 04-10-2018, 12:28 PM   #19
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As far as words I think sound awkward in everyday conversation- penis and vagina. I know it's childish, but I'd rather hear or use a vulgar euphemism.
About 10 years ago I saw a comedian’s one-act play about his experience with HIV (I wish I could remember his name.) According to his act, his mother used the word “vaganda,” which I adore.

Then there was this joke, when bumping into a man he had previously encountered at a bath house:

Man: “Your face is so familiar...”
Our Hero: “Well I hope so. You were sitting on it.”

I’ve vowed to steal that bit.

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Old 04-10-2018, 12:37 PM   #20
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Vaganda sounds like a Southern term for a ladies' porch. "My dear, this is the gentlemen's veranda. Please use the vaganda."
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Old 04-10-2018, 02:27 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by bbcbarry9033 View Post
And what about the super annoying "sis/bro" in sibling dialogue?

I think it is just plain lazy to have characters refer to each other in this way. Honestly, does anyone really NOT use their sibling's given name in casual familiar conversation? Or at most, some form of abbreviation of the given name or a pet name or nickname. Is "sis/bro" really the best we as writers can do?

Or, am I completely missing the point here, is there some other reason for using "sis/bro" in supposedly familial dialogue that I'm failing to consider? If so, enlighten me, please.
Oblimo's right. It's a convention in incest stories for the characters to remind themselves (and the reader) of the incestuous relationship. It keeps the taboo near the surface, heightening the sense of eroticism. It can be overdone, but I think it can serve a useful purpose in appropriate doses.
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Old 04-10-2018, 03:50 PM   #22
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Oblimo's right.
...and the Devil dons his ice skates.
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Old 04-10-2018, 04:08 PM   #23
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...and the Devil dons his ice skates.
??

I hope that's not referring to me. I don't own ice skates, and on the occasions when I've gone ice skating the results have not been pretty.
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Old 04-10-2018, 04:22 PM   #24
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??
Hell’s freezing over from me being right for once, you silly goose.

Pigs are flying and monkeys are flying out of Mike Myers’ butt as well, but the less said about them, the better.
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Old 04-10-2018, 10:18 PM   #25
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Hell’s freezing over from me being right for once, you silly goose.

Pigs are flying and monkeys are flying out of Mike Myers’ butt as well, but the less said about them, the better.
Here's the best proof of hell I've ever read:

http://www.pinetree.net/humor/thermodynamics.html
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