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Old 02-18-2016, 12:33 PM   #1
xxxSubSamxxx
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An expression that is new to me......have you heard of it?

I don't post often and I go through phases. But when I do post I get a few PMs from Doms. Due to the distance they are looking mainly to have some kind of online play with me or something. But yesterday I heard a new expression.

I don't know if it is BDSM or just plain cybersex. What do you think?

The Dom wanted to "mind fuck me". It sounds like he wants to communicate in writing on a one to one basis to turn me on or get me to masturbate for him.

Have you heard of the expression to mind fuck? Do you think it's BDSM?

Sam xx
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Old 02-18-2016, 12:56 PM   #2
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In my world, "mindfuck" is definitely BDSM and I (personally) classify it as edge play - because when one is tinkering around in another person's thoughts, sometimes triggers (known and unknown) are poked.

An example of a mindfuck could be something like showing a partner a very sharp knife, spending time building up to the *idea* that the knife is going to be used in XYZ ways, blindfolding the pyl (bottom, sub, slave, etc) then using an ice cold butter knife instead of the sharp knife the PYL (top, dominant, master, etc) implied would be used. The PYL set up a situation in which the danger/fear/etc is all in the pyl's head - no real danger is present, but the pyl probably believes otherwise.

The downside of mindfucks, is that they can also cross over into gaslighting territory.
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Old 02-18-2016, 12:57 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xxxSubSamxxx View Post
<snip> The Dom wanted to "mind fuck me". It sounds like he wants to communicate in writing on a one to one basis to turn me on or get me to masturbate for him.

Have you heard of the expression to mind fuck? Do you think it's BDSM?

Sam xx
If I were you, I'd ask him to clarify what he means. I may have guessed this wrong, but if I'm right this is far more about control than about something sexual (which might be involved, but as a secondary thing).

I've heard the term and AFAIK it's manipulating what's going on in your head and the way you think. eg creating a pavlovian response to certain words, smells, or gestures.

That could tie in with BDSM, but is that an aspect of BDSM you'd want to try? If not, IMHO it's better to mention that now instead of later.

Edited to add: It's very easy to do (no, I'm not going to say how, but I do know) and could just as easily be misused. Really seriously make sure you can trust the individual who wants to do this.
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Old 02-18-2016, 01:35 PM   #4
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In all likelihood, these men are just looking to cyber; BDSM and power exchange can happen via cyber. It sounds like at least one is fancying himself capable of getting inside your head to the degree necessary to "mindfuck" you.
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Old 02-18-2016, 01:59 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ToPleaseHim View Post
In all likelihood, these men are just looking to cyber;
This.


If you can mindfuck, you don't brag about it before. It's like the Fight Cl..uhm, wait is this a bunny over there?
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Old 02-19-2016, 05:21 AM   #6
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The last time I was mindfucked was watching David Lynch's Mullholland Drive.

The OP sounds like she/he is 12.

The repeated and implicit pm undercurrent on this board seems to suggest predatory arseholes gather for the abuse of damaged women.

Vent your wrath if you must, but seriously - what the fuck.
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Old 02-20-2016, 02:49 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CutieMouse View Post
In my world, "mindfuck" is definitely BDSM and I (personally) classify it as edge play - because when one is tinkering around in another person's thoughts, sometimes triggers (known and unknown) are poked.

An example of a mindfuck could be something like showing a partner a very sharp knife, spending time building up to the *idea* that the knife is going to be used in XYZ ways, blindfolding the pyl (bottom, sub, slave, etc) then using an ice cold butter knife instead of the sharp knife the PYL (top, dominant, master, etc) implied would be used. The PYL set up a situation in which the danger/fear/etc is all in the pyl's head - no real danger is present, but the pyl probably believes otherwise.

The downside of mindfucks, is that they can also cross over into gaslighting territory.
I agree with you completely in some of your observations. An example can be as simple as an off the cuff comment that hurts someone deeply, without that being your intention. Body language and a persons eyes are the detectors of multiple reactions to either verbal or non-verbal communication.

However, I disagree with you in one respect. If one wants to role play and derive pleasure from it, whether you call it a "mindfuck" or acceding to a request, RP is not possible without the knowledge that RP, as in real life, emotional, psychological and sexual satisfaction and fulfillment begins in the mind. So - however you weave a scenario neither partner can be judgmental or condescending. I have yet to find a friend on this site who feels completely comfortable sharing their most intimate needs and wants either physically or emotionally. Every connection takes time to mature into a persons comfort zone.

I think the best advice and guiding principal to preserve your sanity and appeal to other is to recognize that if you have no expectations you have no disappointments.
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Old 02-20-2016, 06:18 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by 5564 View Post
I agree with you completely in some of your observations. An example can be as simple as an off the cuff comment that hurts someone deeply, without that being your intention. Body language and a persons eyes are the detectors of multiple reactions to either verbal or non-verbal communication.

However, I disagree with you in one respect. If one wants to role play and derive pleasure from it, whether you call it a "mindfuck" or acceding to a request, RP is not possible without the knowledge that RP, as in real life, emotional, psychological and sexual satisfaction and fulfillment begins in the mind. So - however you weave a scenario neither partner can be judgmental or condescending. I have yet to find a friend on this site who feels completely comfortable sharing their most intimate needs and wants either physically or emotionally. Every connection takes time to mature into a persons comfort zone.

I think the best advice and guiding principal to preserve your sanity and appeal to other is to recognize that if you have no expectations you have no disappointments.

I think you can mind fuck without a BDSM element, but perhaps it is all semantics. You can know another person so well sexually that you know the words, the phrases, the seemingly benign statements that can set another person off into arousal. You know what is going through that person's mind when you use a simple phrase, and know how they will respond, know sexually what that will do to them. When you both share that ability with the other, it can be very intense.
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Old 02-20-2016, 07:58 PM   #9
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Like many things in life its all about the meaning, i see a mind fuck as being any statement that is designed/intended to create a certain reaction in the receiver.
A saucy text to a partner is designed to get into that persons head - to begin their arousal perhaps ahead of a night of fun.

In the world of bdsm i'd say there's a slightly edgier element, because it may not just be about creating something obviously such as arousal, but fear/trepidation; making noises when someone is blindfolded - leaving their imagination to put 2&2 together and make 5.

Given that the brain is the biggest sexual organ i see fucking with the mind or mind fucks as part and parcel of anything sex related. Whether its soft foreplay or within a bdsm style play scene.
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Old 02-21-2016, 06:57 AM   #10
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Thanks everyone for your responses. I am veru aware of mental abuse I didn't realise it was called gaslighting, but I am concious about being mentally abused by strangers on the internet.

That's why when I am unsure about something and it doesn't feel quite right I start a thread about it and get a wider perspective

Thanks guys

Sam xx
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Old 02-21-2016, 12:33 PM   #11
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I think "mindfucking" can have a variety of meanings but mostly means getting into your head to arouse and excite someone with very erotic talk or suggestions and such. I've always used it as a term to indicate something going on at the spiritual or emotional level in the person's core personality or sexuality. There's the physical acts involved in sex and then there are the emotional things that go deeper into the fears or guilt or special kinks and fetishes of someone. Getting them to dig deeper into their psyche to find a deeper connection and level of arousal and commitment and satisfaction beyond just the physical. Yes, it can be a part of cybersex or phone sex in that it can bring about desires and feelings that don't even require physical contact.
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Old 02-21-2016, 04:35 PM   #12
ToPleaseHim
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I was not familiar with the term "gaslighting" prior to reading this thread, and then I stumbled across this article today: Elephant Journal: Gaslighting.

This is a very different thing than mind games, or mind fucking, as part of a consensual power exchange.
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My own brain is to me the most unaccountable of machinery… When you consider things like the stars, our affairs don’t seem to matter much… This is the most exciting moment I have ever known. I feel a thousand capacities spring up in me..” 🖤

Virginia Woolf
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Old 02-21-2016, 05:49 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by ToPleaseHim View Post
I was not familiar with the term "gaslighting" prior to reading this thread, and then I stumbled across this article today: Elephant Journal: Gaslighting.

This is a very different thing than mind games, or mind fucking, as part of a consensual power exchange.
Gaslighting is less likely to happen in a healthy, consensual D/s relationship; however, that doesn't mean one doesn't need to be aware that it does happen.

There are people taking on a position of power in relationships who do (intentionally or unintentionally) gaslight their partners - especially if the person handing over (whatever degree of) control is inexperienced with D/s and/or struggles with setting healthy boundaries, and/or spinning about in a personal tornado of subfrenzy.
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Old 02-21-2016, 06:02 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Pockle View Post
The last time I was mindfucked was watching David Lynch's Mullholland Drive.

The OP sounds like she/he is 12.

The repeated and implicit pm undercurrent on this board seems to suggest predatory arseholes gather for the abuse of damaged women.

Vent your wrath if you must, but seriously - what the fuck.
Problem is even when said assholes are reported the two answers are "That's what ignore is for" and threats and stalker behavior is 'freedom of speech'
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Old 02-21-2016, 06:04 PM   #15
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This.


If you can mindfuck, you don't brag about it before.
It's like the Fight Cl..uhm, wait is this a bunny over there?
When you're right you're right, this was what I was going to post. The real ones don't talk, they do.

And good catch not talking about, you know what you're not supposed to talk about.
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Old 02-21-2016, 06:09 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CutieMouse View Post
Gaslighting is less likely to happen in a healthy, consensual D/s relationship; however, that doesn't mean one doesn't need to be aware that it does happen.

There are people taking on a position of power in relationships who do (intentionally or unintentionally) gaslight their partners - especially if the person handing over (whatever degree of) control is inexperienced with D/s and/or struggles with setting healthy boundaries, and/or spinning about in a personal tornado of subfrenzy.
True. Good point, well-made.
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“I am rooted, but I flow. All gold, flowing.
My own brain is to me the most unaccountable of machinery… When you consider things like the stars, our affairs don’t seem to matter much… This is the most exciting moment I have ever known. I feel a thousand capacities spring up in me..” 🖤

Virginia Woolf
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Old 02-22-2016, 10:40 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CutieMouse View Post
In my world, "mindfuck" is definitely BDSM and I (personally) classify it as edge play - because when one is tinkering around in another person's thoughts, sometimes triggers (known and unknown) are poked.

An example of a mindfuck could be something like showing a partner a very sharp knife, spending time building up to the *idea* that the knife is going to be used in XYZ ways, blindfolding the pyl (bottom, sub, slave, etc) then using an ice cold butter knife instead of the sharp knife the PYL (top, dominant, master, etc) implied would be used. The PYL set up a situation in which the danger/fear/etc is all in the pyl's head - no real danger is present, but the pyl probably believes otherwise.

The downside of mindfucks, is that they can also cross over into gaslighting territory.
I totally agree about the edge play, mindfucks can be so dangerous, as someone with mental health issues, I have almost been pushed to suicide. stay in control and only play if you trust him, if you can trust him, I associate Dom with sociopath, good luck and be careful.
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Old 02-22-2016, 10:39 PM   #18
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Old 02-23-2016, 04:06 AM   #19
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This has been a very useful thread with a lot of health and safety advice about the term 'mind fuck'.

Is there a way it can be put in the library and linked to gaslighting to help others in the future?

Sam xx
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