Just the lower case "b", please: suggestions?

My wife and I both are curious about the, as I put it, "lower case b" of BDSM. Just some light bondage. We picked up about 50' of silk ties in various lengths, and ordered a conversion kit for our sex pillow that adds a few tie down loops. No headboard on the bed (hence the kit). They company threw in a free blindfold mask, and fluffy cuffs.

Neither of us are really into the D or the S or the M. So we're looking at all the light bondage stuff and kinda wondering... "so now what"? Given the zero experience between us, what do we do with all this fun stuff? Tie each other up and screw our brains out, or are there some other fun things to do?

CuriousThroat2 said:

My wife and I both are curious about the, as I put it, "lower case b" of BDSM. Just some light bondage. We picked up about 50' of silk ties in various lengths, and ordered a conversion kit for our sex pillow that adds a few tie down loops. No headboard on the bed (hence the kit). They company threw in a free blindfold mask, and fluffy cuffs.

Neither of us are really into the D or the S or the M. So we're looking at all the light bondage stuff and kinda wondering... "so now what"? Given the zero experience between us, what do we do with all this fun stuff? Tie each other up and screw our brains out, or are there some other fun things to do?

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First, check this out.

Bondage and blindfolds make for great sensation play (feathers, ice, heat). No dynamics or S&M needed to enjoy. You should sit down and research and talk about this with each other.

I don't know how safe silk ties are (I have no idea if that's a specific product or what). Bondage, and even light bondage, has risks. No matter how little bondage we engage in, we are always aware that something could go wrong and have precautions in place for handling the situation. Invest in some EMT shears to quickly cut your partner out, just in case things take a turn (again, I don't know what kind of ties you're using, so the shears are just good to have). I know for sure that using silk scarves is a bad idea because they slip and knots can get tighter around limbs and that's no good for circulation and nerves and whatnot. Also, know where NOT to put restraints and knots. All good things to research together.

Be safe and have fun exploring.

Practice with it a bit first, tying, untying, BEFORE you decide to have sexyfuntime with the rope and ties. Sort of have everything ready to proceed, so you don't have to go bumbling around trying to figure it out in the moment.

Otherwise, the results could be...humourous, as opposed to hot.

Don't ask how I know, but, it's good advice.

Aphroditiac said:

Practice with it a bit first, tying, untying, BEFORE you decide to have sexyfuntime with the rope and ties. Sort of have everything ready to proceed, so you don't have to go bumbling around trying to figure it out in the moment.

Otherwise, the results could be...humourous, as opposed to hot.

Don't ask how I know, but, it's good advice.

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Well, humorous isn't always not hot. Lol, we were practicing a new tie and making a harness for the wand and even with all the bumbling and awkward "I think it should be tighter" moments, it ended pretty hot. Practice is always, always needed, but can definitely be really fun. I'm a fan of watching Doctor Who and testing new ties on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. We're classy 'round these parts.

Like MeekMe has said, while silk ties seem like a mild type of bondage restraint because of the soft material against the skin, but the nature of that same material can cause the knots to get very tight and very difficult if not almost impossible to untie. In an emergency, the only way you'd be able to get someone free is to cut the tie. That might be enough if you get a muscle spasm, but that doesn't loosen the tight grip the tie would still have on your wrist or ankle.

One thing you could do is add some Velcro to your bondage. Go to Walmart or Home Depot and get some 2 inch wide Velcro strips. They come in boxes about 15 feet long. The kind to get is the one that has the two different parts of the Velcro with sticky tape on the back. You stick the two parts of Velcro together, then cut the combined sections into lengths that you can use for cuffs.

Tie these cuffs to your silk ties. You can still use the silk for sections of bondage, but use the Velcro on wrists and ankles. The only difference is you can release the Velcro a lot quicker than the silk and you can use it over and over again. One thing to remember when using the Velcro is the two sides are different. One side is a lot softer than the other. It might be better to make sure that side is against your skin.

Another thing about BDSM is what the initials stand for. The B and D together stands for bondage and discipline. The S and M together stands for sadism and masochism. The D and S together stands for dominance and submission. There is a very wide scale of degrees in each of these areas. Light bondage to very strict bondage, mild pain to heavy, etc. Even the dominance and submission is scaled from light to heavy.

Even though you might not realize it, when you are using bondage, one of you is dominating and the other is submitting. In that situation, the one dominating is in charge of safety. That means you are on the alert in case of an emergency. Say there is a charlie horse in the submissive's leg, you have to be able to release the submissive and assist in calming that muscle spasm. If the submissive can't breathe, you need to be aware and able to remedy that situation. Even if the submissive just needs to use the rest room, you are the one who can untie or remove whatever bondage you have secured in a minimal amount of time.

You should incorporate a safe word system into your play. Even light bondage needs a way to communicate between the two of you. Some people like to play act and pretend they don't like what's happening. So, yelling "no" or "stop" might be confusing to someone who thinks there's a problem. A safe word system can make it possible for you to say anything you want in the heat of the moment.

The best and easiest safe word system is the traffic light system. We all know what the lights of a traffic light mean. Just transfer them to your play. Green means everything is good (I'm just fine, please continue) and yellow, means proceed with caution (I'm OK, but slow going) and red means stop (I'm not OK with what's happening, please stop RIGHT NOW). The one who's dominating can ask the one tied up if he/she's OK. That person responds with the appropriate color. It's as simple as that.

There are a lot of things you can do to each other while they are tied up and helpless. Denied orgasms, forced orgasms, tickling, and if you want, you can go a little more into the dark of BDSM and add light spanking, ice play, wax play, etc. You don't have to assume you are sinking into the dark side of BDSM, because there is a scale to everything. Go as far as you want with it.

There are no set rules. You make your own rules, as you go. You tweak everything to your own desires. Stay as light as you want with everything. Test the waters as you go. You like something? Keep it on your list, for the future. You don't like something, remove it from your list.

Now that you know more about BDSM and the different labels involved, it's up to you to be as kinky as you want. Have fun and play safe.

MeekMe said:

First, check this out.

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Thanks. I've kinda skimmed that before, would be good for a refresher. (Though the curator may want to revisit-- some of them the OP has gone back and blanked out their msg)

MeekMe said:

I don't know how safe silk ties are (I have no idea if that's a specific product or what). Bondage, and even light bondage, has risks. No matter how little bondage we engage in, we are always aware that something could go wrong and have precautions in place for handling the situation. Invest in some EMT shears to quickly cut your partner out, just in case things take a turn
Be safe and have fun exploring.

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Hmm, good point. I will certainly do that. I'd rather cut up some (otherwise expensive) ties that risk anyone's injury. I suppose if we enjoy the bondage, and want to explore something a bit tougher/more restraint, I'll invest in some soft ropes or something (research!)

Aphroditiac said:

Practice with it a bit first, tying, untying, BEFORE you decide to have sexyfuntime with the rope and ties. Sort of have everything ready to proceed, so you don't have to go bumbling around trying to figure it out in the moment.

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We bought one pair of silk ties a while ago, and have done some very basic ties. But good advice for sure. Maybe while we're watching TV, I'll just tie her ankles for practice.[/QUOTE]

DVS said:

One thing you could do is add some Velcro to your bondage. Go to Walmart or Home Depot and get some 2 inch wide Velcro strips.

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Ha, I actually have a ton of that stuff. We do a Halloween haunt, and that's one of the go-to building materials. (And I use it to stick the remote controls on the wall so I stop losing them, lol). Good suggestion.
[/quote]

DVS said:

Another thing about BDSM is what the initials stand for. The B and D together stands for bondage and discipline. The S and M together stands for sadism and masochism. The D and S together stands for dominance and submission.

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Head: *poof*. I-- wow, okay, that explains why I could never get the acronym right the same way twice. And I've been educated on what BDSM for a couple decades now (know some people into the lifestyle when I was a teen). I never saw the overlay in acronyms before.

DVS said:

Even though you might not realize it, when you are using bondage, one of you is dominating and the other is submitting. In that situation, the one dominating is in charge of safety. That means you are on the alert in case of an emergency.

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Yeah, that's true. I suppose there's no problem with that-- it's more along the lines of we're not looking into the whole Master/slave aspect of it... command & obey, that lie Well, maybe a bit of the dominate one "using" the other-- being a bit more greedy and demanding and TAKING. More like permission-- the other person is giving the first permission to take some pleasure, and we'll balance things out later.

DVS said:

You should incorporate a safe word system into your play.

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Absolutely. I'd say it goes without saying, but I've heard the horror stories.

DVS said:

The best and easiest safe word system is the traffic light system.

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I like it.

DVS said:

There are a lot of things you can do to each other while they are tied up and helpless. Denied orgasms, forced orgasms, tickling, and if you want, you can go a little more into the dark of BDSM and add light spanking, ice play, wax play, etc.

Click to expand...

This is where we are still trying to figure things out. I won't pre-judge, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be into most of the pain-based ones, even the mild ones (wax, ice). Tickling might be good. She does like light tickles across her back, her arms. She is ticklish most other places which interferes, until she relaxes.

Maybe if we combine that with a blindfold to heighten the feeling. Get her completely relaxed and then engulfed in light touches and tickling, and then decide how I want her to say "thank you".

And in fact... the one in bondage might still, actually, be dominant in the scene, meaning their desires and wants are paramount at that time. Because "cooperating with your technician," so to speak, doesn't necessarily mean "submitting to someone else's will."
Read the essay linked in my sig for more about that.

Personally, bondage and genital play go together like a horse and carriage I like long teases and edging, interspersed with forced orgasms and just enough pain to inform a bottom that they can't get away or close their legs. A bit of depersonalisation can happen if the bottom is comfortable or excited by that notion.