Did you ever have a "is something wrong with me" moment regarding your BDSM kinks?

divacarolina · Jul 18, 2015

so much beauty in this thread!

for me, i think there will probably always be times when i feel a lot of shame about who i am, what i want, what i do, my attraction to certain types of men. but it's not always in the aftermath of intense play. it can hurt just as much realizing that for the nth time some part of me told me to go to a party and get tipsy enough not to care that i'm not really compatible with the vanilla guy hitting on me. whether or not anything at all happens, regardless of whether i'd really wanted a vanilla man, it hurts to get another reminder that it's just not my fate to be his perfect stepford wife. i don't want to be a housewife, i just wish i COULD be if i wanted that.

i think we during the best sex we fuck each others' flaws. a dom gets to fuck my insecurities: my fear of not being His perfect girl, my fear of failing to please Him, my fear that i'll never figure out where i fit in a heteronormative kink-free world. He'd have different flaws of course but during the experiences i've had that meant the most there was always something that shocked me at the time about what he wanted. flaws mean unexpected, unique things happen. flaws create meaning beyond a physical release.

DalliancesWithWolves · Jul 20, 2015

For me, I think, it would be that I love it when my Dom pisses on me. I'm an overall shameless person though and have squelched any such feelings.

KUJACK · Jul 20, 2015

Listen

freakpeens said:
Those who judge themselves to be qualified to define what is right and what is wrong often rely upon, but almost never understand, statistics: the normal distribution has no limits to it, no upper boundary, no lower boundary. So whatever you are, you are never abnormal, at most (or least) you are improbable.

If you do it, it feels right and you get off doing it with a partner who is willing an likes it too, Its normal, don't feel guilty.

LucyBee01 · Jul 20, 2015

MeekMe said:
I've questioned my kinks. I questioned it more and judged myself more harshly when I didn't have terms and definitions to better explain what I like. After finding resources and seeing examples of decent people enjoying kink, I stopped questioning it so much.

I think one thing that made me feel bad was that most of the stories I was finding were of non-consensual BDSM encounters. I started to get the idea that people didn't do this sort of thing unless they were forced to. This was thoroughly confusing because I'm completely against rape and was even disgusted but was still turned on (arousal overrides disgust according to some recent studies). Not only that, but in media like TV and movies you see examples that end mostly in a negative fashion. The crazy serial killer likes to use whips and chains on his victims (and he hates women) or partner B dies in the middle of a scene and partner A gets put on trial and you find out they both have some kind of fucked up past. Because people that do BDSM are damaged (this stereotype over and over).

I've come to terms and realize the thoughts and inclinations have almost always been there. There's some peace in understanding what it is I enjoy and being able to articulate that to my partner and enjoy it with him in a safe environment. Also in knowing that kink does not equal damaged.

Eloquently put and all of it chimes with me.

It was only relatively recently that I stumbled across anything explicitly bdsm, but when I did it was like the light had been turned on. I could begin to really verbalise and understand feelings that had been under the surface for a long time. And yey for the internet that it is places like this that bolstered my confidence to explore those desires more, learn and share.

whisperdconsent · Aug 16, 2015

i have never thought that but i did think there had be something wrong with me before discovering my kinky side. i was extremely vanilla, sex was just spreading my legs whenever he wanted sex, letting him do his thing, then cleaning up and going to sleep. We only had sex at night in bed and only missionary. He didn't even like oral sex, giving or receiving, and his idea of foreplay was to tell me to take off my panties. i can honestly say i thought sex was boring, i never masturbated, i didn't even have fantasies!

Then i met my Domme and She opened up the world... i had never thought about being with another female sexually, or dreamed about being flogged over my entire body or that wearing nipple and clit clamps would make me so wet. i had never known what a pleasure pain can be, or that being Dominated by another Woman would make me so complete...

What was wrong with me!!!!

Cigtaker · Aug 16, 2015

Male Sub

Yeah now i question my kink but the answer is always the same i enjoy it so much !

Did you ever have a "is something wrong with me" moment regarding your BDSM kinks?

divacarolina

Really Experienced

DalliancesWithWolves

Experienced

KUJACK

Literotica Guru

LucyBee01

Literotica Guru

whisperdconsent

Experienced

Cigtaker

Experienced

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