My Zombie Shelter (open to everyone)

"...sensible." she said between ragged breaths.
Why do I have to fall for the ones that are so maddeningly practical? No matter what I said or did, nothing seemed to make a difference. I had been kind, sensitive, and asshole, but nothing seemed to help us move closer together. I decided that is was time to fish or cut bait, shit or get off the pot, and all of the other idioms that screamed just do it. It was time to be myself, which in retrospect bore a close resemblance to the asshole.
I leaned closer to her, feeling her engorged nubs pressing into my chest. I placed my hands, palm out, on the wall beside her head bringing my face to within millimeters of hers.
"Pandora...I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm not even asking you to have sex with me....You know it's hard to think about being sensible at a time when so little still makes sense."
I kept my voice low, just above a whisper.
"I have forgotten what's it's like to be near someone, to feel needed, and wanted. I can't remember the last time I could sleep, and not wake to nightmares from this life and reach out to someone finding no one."
One hand slid down the wall and rested atop hers intertwining our fingers.
"All I am asking, is if you will help me remember."
 
My horrible body was betraying me as I could feel him against me. His fingers slid between mine and it felt so good. My brain was screaming at me to get out of there, my conscience whispering about my infidelity in my ear and I wrenched my hand away from his. "I have ... I have to remember my vows..." Joel is dead, Pandora. He shot himself in front of you. He left you alone, here, in this world. I started to breath rapidly and pushed him away from me. "Don't touch me." I looked at him as he looked at me, wounded and I felt rage rush up inside me.

I slapped him as hard as I could across the face. "You son of a bitch!" This man had tried to kill me twice in the last two days. He couldn't feel anything for me. Yet my body was aching and I hated myself for it. I shoved him against the wall, my teeth gritted and I grabbed him by the hair. I wanted to badly to bring his face down to my knee and pay him the fuck back for yesterday but as I looked at him with rage and malice and passion, I kissed him, hard. I crushed my body against his and pulled on his hair. I wanted to make him moan, make him want me back. I wanted him.
 
The next minutes were exhilarating, frightening, and painful. She yanked her hand away from mine, said she had to remember her vows, and yelled for me not to touch her. I had been prepared for the rejection, I mean, up until this moment the writing had been on the wall. The only thing she hadn't said was that she liked me....but as a friend.
Then, without warning she slapped me, and called me a son of a bitch before pushing me into the wall. It wasn't far, but she used her butt against the opposite wall for leverage and I crashed backward, my head hitting with a thud. I saw stars and the pain seemed to fill my whole body. Things were starting to fade when she laced her fingers into my hair pulling me into a fierce kiss.
I was hurting and confused and trying to keep from falling down the stairs. I tried to push her off of me but I couldn't lift my arms. My vision was blurry and I could feel my legs giving out beneath me. I felt my face and back take hit after hit as I tumbled down the steps landing in a heap at the bottom. The taste of blood in my mouth was the last thing I could sense as everything went black.
 
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It all happened so fast, when I opened my eyes he was gone from me and all there was were crashing noises. Before I knew it he was unconscious at the foot of the stairs. I stood there, in shock, my hands trembling. I know he was built, but they were concrete steps. I tried my best not to freak out.

I failed, and failed hard. I ran up the steps and grabbed the tarp, running down them two at a time. When I got to him, he was bleeding from his mouth. I threw the tarp over him to keep him warm, and I ran into the house. I made it up the stairs like a bullet and I pulled a pillow off the bed, and a bottle of water.

When I got back, he was still out and I felt like I was going to be sick. Everything in me was telling me that I knew having feelings like this was a bad idea. I was shaking as I put the pillow under his head. I didn't think anything was broken. Everything was intact. I smoothed his hair back and kissed his forehead.

"I'm so sorry, Randy. I'm such an idiot. I should never have kissed you. I should have listened to myself...." I started to cry and my tears fell on him. I drew my knees up and sobbed.
 
I'm not sure how long I was out but, I awoke to the sound of sobbing, and the coppery taste of blood in my mouth. I hurt everywhere and my head was throbbing. I turned my head a bit to see Pan with her knees drawn to her chest, gently rocking as she sat crying beside me. I tried to speak but it was more of a groan as rolled over to my side. I spit the coagulated mess from my mouth and tried to put a coherent word or two together.
"P...Pan" I finally managed to say. Things were starting to come back to me, but I couldn't make it the rest of the way over to get up.
"What... the fuck... happened?"
 
He was saying my name. I wiped my eyes and threw myself across his chest. Thank god he was alive. I was still crying.

"I thought I'd killed you. I hit you and then I kissed you, and you fell... It was the worst kiss ever and I'm so so sorry."

I just put my arms around him and prayed he wouldn't want to kill me again.
 
She was on top of me talking about trying to kill me by kissing. On it's face, it didn't sound so bad, but from the way I felt something must have went terribly wrong.
"Pan...could you do something for me?" I whispered.
Every part of my body was aching, my head was throbbing and even in the evening sun things still didn't look so clear. She was clutching me in her arms and as much as I had wanted to feel her on top of me, whatever mood there had been was irrevocably broken.
"Get off of me please."
 
I did as he asked. And I handed him some water. And I tried not to cry as I moved away.

"I'm sorry."
 
I struggled for a bit but managed to sit up. God I felt like shit. I took a drink of the water she had given me to clear my mouth. As I looked at her I could see that she felt bad and I knew I should try to console her, but honestly I just wanted to make my way back up the stairs and huddle in the corner of the tower.
"Don't worry about it, I guess I had it comin."
I scooted over to the doorway and after a good bit of effort I made it to my feet. When I straightened up, I started to feel a little dizzy so I stretched my arms in the door frame to steady myself.
"I'm going to lie down for a bit...maybe... we could talk later?"
 
I nodded my affirmation and spoke quietly. "Sure. I'll let you be."

As I walked across the grass my mind raced. I had totally misread his intentions. I hugged my arms around myself as I thought about everything. Randy, the compound, the apocalypse. 'I need my bat. I think better with my bat. Where's my bat?' I trudged up to the barn and retrieved it.

As I walked, I swung it and wondered about where Kristi had gone. I kind of wished she was here. I wished I wasn't a fuck up. I wondered should I leave. Maybe staying here wouldn't work if I thought I had feelings for him. Maybe making friends at the end of the world was a bad idea anyway. I sighed. At least on my own I wouldn't have feelings like this.

I must have done about two laps of the compound, walking and thinking. I figured maybe the next time we went out for a recon run, I'd get lost. At least that way I wouldn't have to leave. I wandered into the house, and up the stairs. It was getting dark, and I went into the bedroom we had been in earlier, and closed the door. I sat on the edge of the bed, and lifted the teddy out of my little backpack. I looked down at it and sighed, before pulling my shirt and jeans off, kicking off my shoes, and crawling under the covers, clutching at the teddy that smelled less and less like Mara.
 
I had my arms outstretched kind of bouncing from wall to wall slowly making my way upstairs. I found my pistol on the second step down and after a painful exercise in bending over, I managed to pick it up and holster it.
I felt like I had a hangover from getting hit by a dump truck. I hurt now, and I figured that in the morning, if I lived through the night, it would be even worse.

The memories of what happen flashed intermittently and I started to piece together what happened. I knew that she hadn't tried to throw me down the stairs, but that crazed look in her eyes, was frightening. I didn't know what it was, but something about me always seemed to set her off and I had a feeling that if I kept pursuing her, it would only get worse. Sooner or later if I kept it up, one of us would probably end up dead.

I felt like and asshole, and a stupid asshole at that. I had only know this chick for two days and had fallen like a teenager for her. There was so much about her that I liked, but we just didn't seem to mesh, and how could we no longer than it had been.

Something had to give and as I struggled to bend and then lay down. I made up my mind that the nature of our relationship would need to change.
 
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I thought about what Pan had asked. Training Max to be a herding dog...

Well, it was his natural instinct to herd. I mean, after all, he was a German Shepherd Dog. Thing was, though, I had no idea how to train a herding dog for herding. I could train one to find narcotics, search buildings, chase felons down, recover evidence, and track people but I knew absolute zilch about training one to herd.

I shrugged and told her as much. "But," I added, "I'd like to see how much of the herding instinct he has in him. We may not need to train him at all." I knew this would do well with her because she and Max had a bond going strong. Max knew she doted on him and he took every advantage of it. And she liked Max because he was cute, strong, and fluffy. Just what every guy should be, right?

Pan decided to go for a ride and looked and sounded like she was having a hell of a time, too. I really liked her. She had a good head on her shoulders. I could tell Randy and her had a definite connection. That was fine by me. I knew, sooner or later, I'd find me someone, too.

As Randy walked off, I stood for a minute longer and watched her and the horse. She was definitely the first choice if anything needed to be gotten done by horseback. I couldn't ride worth a damn, and judging by Randy's reactions, neither could he.

I turned with Max and headed back towards my tent. I checked all my gear, counting magazines, ammo, the edge on my knives, batteries in my Aimpoint sight. I also found my tee shirt and put it back on. Satisfied that everything was good to go, I made sure my tactical vest was set up for in the morning. I took that stupid Motorola digital radio out and threw it into the Subaru. Why the hell I still had that thing in my pouch I don't know. It was coded only for the Pierce County public safety net anyway. Even if the battery worked I didn't have access to the software (or a laptop for that matter) to change it to a different network. I also loaded my backpack with a couple of MRE's and set out a couple for Randy. That gave me half a case left. Truth was, I really didn't care if I ever ate MRE's again, but they were good food to carry with you if you got in a pinch. Between that and two Camelbak bladders of water for me a Max we could make it between here and the nearest small town. I didn't yet know if Pan was going with us in the morning, but if so I'd gladly give her the remaining two MRE pouches.

"Max?" I called. He trotted over and looked at me, offering his paw. I took it and held it for a minute. "Are you a herding dog?" He cocked his head to the side. I scratched his ears and gave him a pat on the side.
 
When I woke up, the moon was still high in the sky. I guessed it was about three or four in the morning. The nightmares had been pretty bad this time. But now there was something new in them. Randy, lying dead at the foot of the watchtower. Cold and grey, and as I run to him, he reanimates. This time, when I woke up, I was covered in sweat and still screaming.

It took me a good few minutes to calm myself. I pulled a long khaki bathrobe out of the wardrobe and padded down the stairs in my bare feet and out across the grass towards the lake. I stood in front of the willow tree and lowered the robe. I looked down at myself in the moonlight. My skin was marble white, a few cuts and bruises. My hair hung long and black down to the curve of my back and I ran my hands down over my middle. My ribs felt like a xylophone. I waded into the cold water. It was freezing. I held my breath and dived underneath the surface and swam. It was cold and soothing, it made me feel numb. After about twenty minutes of swimming, and ten of laying on my back floating and looking up at the moon and stars, I wondered at the beauty of the sky. How different it was out here compared to Phoenix after the outbreak. I glanced over at the watchtower as I floated there like Ophelia.

I lifted myself out of the water and wrapped myself up in the bathrobe. I walked past Mike's tent quietly and ascended the stairs. I could hear the soft breathing of Randy as he lay on the floor. I frowned. I couldn't believe I had hurt him so much. I sat behind him, like he had done to me the last night, and I removed the pillow, resting his head on my legs. I gently played with his hair, and whispered to him how sorry I was as I put my head back against the wall and closed my eyes.
 
I hated working on Chevys. They were so ass backward and over engineered that it always took ten times longer than it should to trace a circuit down. I had just finished pitting the bezel over the throttle body when I feel the phone in my pocket vibrate.
"Hello?"
"Mr. Summers?"
"Yes, who's this?
"I'm trooper Walcot, with the Pennsylvania State police...I'm sorry to tell you, sir, there's been an accident..."
Suddenly I am standing there in the morgue. There is a gourney with a body covered in a sheet in front of me and a nurse is preparing to pull it back so I can identify the body. Everything that had transpired from the time I picked up the phone had been a blur. I met with the police and the doctors, along with various nurses all telling me how sorry they were for my loss. The nurse starts to lift the sheet and I feel nausea sweep over me as visions of what the love of my life may look like flash before me.
I see the black hair and then the pale skin of her forehead, but as the sheet is lowered I am looking at a new face. One not of my beloved, but one of a more recent memory. I lean closer an at once the recognition of the woman on the table flashes into my brain...Pandora.
Pan's eyes fly open and in an instant she springs from the table and attacks the nurse, biting her in the neck. Screams of agony and fear fill the room. I hear the tearing of flesh and see the spray of blood as a good portion of the poor woman's neck is bitten off.
I turn to run but the doors are locked and no matter how much I pull, they don't even budge. Frantically I move around looking for something to pry them with when I see that Pan has now taken notice of me. She rises to her feet and walks slowly toward me, moaning and shuffling, like stalking prey.
I reach for a saw laying on a tray by the sink and hold it out in front hoping to fend her off.
With a lunge she is on me and I struggle to keep her away.
"Pan, NO!" I shout to the darkness. I can feel the pain shoot through my shoulder, back, and torso as I sit there, panting, pointing my Kimber at the wall. My head is killing me and as I look around I see Pan sitting against the wall behind with this look of 'Oh shit!' on her face.
"Pandora? Wha..." I drop the pistol and bring my hands to my head, the throbbing is maddening and I hurt everywhere. I lay back down on her legs and try to catch my breath.
"How long have you been here?" I whispered.
 
I had been dozing when his scream and sudden movement woke me up in a startle. He had the gun. Jesus Christ, he kept a gun while he slept and was pointing it at nothing. I held my breath, waiting for the shot, waiting for the ricochet and praying it wouldn't hit us.

But the shot never came. I just stayed silent and looked at him as he turned and recognised me, and eventually lay back down again. My pulse was quickening and my heart was in my mouth.

How long have you been here?

I stroked his hair back and tried to smile as soothingly as I could. "Not long." My hair was still wet as it lay over my shoulder. I looked down at the long black trail and noticed bits of weeds in it from the lake. I leaned down and planted a kiss on his forehead. "Take these, and go back to sleep." I opened my hand and gifted him two painkillers, and the bottle of water. "They'll help you feel better." I shifted my body a little, curling my legs so he could have a little more comfort, and pulled the robe tighter around myself.
 
I took the pills and the water, and after a bit of painful squirming, manged to get both down. Her fingers stroked my hair and she shifted her legs so that it was more comfoable to lie there. Her skin was cooland soft, and felt wonderful against my cheek. She seemd to settle in, to sleep with my head on her. She couldn't have been comfortable, hell I was lying down and it wasn't.
After all the shit I had put her through with awkward advances, endless suggestiveness, and just plain being rude, she was still here, watching over me. The irony would have mademe chuckle if my face and head didn't hurt so much. I was the one who said that I would always look out for her.
"Pandora...I'm sorry...about everything. I never meant to...I just..."
I just couldn't get my thoughts together. There were things that I wanted to say, but I was so foggy and my head was still pounding. It would probably be too late in the morning so I needed to find a way to tell her now.
I brought my hand up to cover hers.
"Will you stay with me...please?"
 
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I lowered my head and looked into his eyes. "Always," I said. "Tonight."

His eyes were looking up at me and I couldn't help myself. "I'm sorry too." I gently kissed the corner of his mouth, and put my hand around the side of his face. I pulled back and looked at him, my eyes apologetic.
 
I felt her lips at the corner of mine as her hand cradled my face. She looked sad, but not from anger, more like concern. I thought about trying to tell her what I was feeling, but there was something about the tenderness of her touch and the look when she said, "I'm sorry too." that put my mind at ease a bit.
The throbbing had faded a bit and I didn't hurt as much. Her fingers were still stroking my hair like, and for the first time in so long, I felt, peaceful. There was no anger, not hatred, no feelings of inadequacy, just a soothing sense of being a part of something with somone else. The two of us had been through a lifetime's worth of pain and struggle, but had ended up here, on the dirty floor of a guard tower, together.
As my eyelids started feeling heavier, I couldn't help to think that maybe Fiona, was still watching over me.
 
He dozed a little and I found myself hoping that the painkillers worked, I wasn't sure if I had lifted the ones with caffeine in them. I smiled, watching him doze and I found myself drifting too.

I opened my eyes, and it was still dark. I must have gone swimming earlier than I thought. I looked up at the stars, my hand still in Randy's hair. I was awkwardly lying on my side, my right leg had fallen asleep and his head was lying right up in my lap. I tried to pull the bathrobe over myself a little more, it had sort of slipped open as I slept. It felt strange. I couldn't deny to myself how I felt, but having him this close to me was affecting me in a way I didn't imagine. My heart was thrumming and I squirmed a little.
 
I awoke startled to the feeling of my pillow moving. Wit a few rapid blinks of the eyes, I realized two things.
The first was that my "pillow" was actually Pan's lap. I moved my head to look up to see her trying to lie down, yet still let me sleep on her legs. The wall was behind her so whe was twisted in this god awful position that made my aching back twinge for her.
The second thing I noticed was her state of dress. She no longer had her jeans and t-shirt, but instead was wrapped in a bathrobe of sorts. Her movements during the night had caused it to come opn a bit and I was treated to view of the beginnings of her cleavage. Even in my current state, I marveled at her beauty and the dim moonlight accentuated her features creating a very sensual portrait.
I rolled over to my side and then stood up on my knees. I crawled over to the doorway, and after fumbling with the buckles, I retrieved a light jacket from my back pack. I grabbed the pillow that she had tossed and made my way back over to where she was lying.
"Pandora, c'mon and scoot down here and lay beside me. Fix your robe and you can cover up with this. We can share the pillow, just don't slobber on it."
I donned a slight smile and offered the jacket to her.
 
I wasn't tired, I pulled the robe around myself and did as he said, lying next to him, facing him. I was trembling a little as he put the coat over me, and my eyes never strayed from his face. "You're sure?"

I put my hand underneath my cheek, and lay on the pillow. I was nervously excited. I couldn't calm my lungs down as I looked at him. "Are you going back to sleep?"
 
"I'm sure, it's okay really."
I rested my head on the pillow next to hers. Our faces so close that I swear I could feel her trembling through the pillow. Our eyes were locked and she had this look of panic mixed with expectaion. I could see her nostrils flaring from the now heavier breathing. It felt so good to be like this with her, though I missed the feel of her skin on my face.
"Are you going back to sleep?" she asked nervously.
I was beat, and sore, and still had a bit of a headache. Sleep was definitely on my list, but when you finally have someone lying next to you that you have been trying to connect with, you suck it up and do the right thing.
"No...not for a bit. You?"
 
I blinked. Wide awake. "I probably will. Just a little nervous." I smiled and felt my lips twitching. I clasped my hands together and held the front of my robe closed. "I should have gotten dressed. This isn't very appropriate."

I curled up a little and shrugged my shoulders. "Randy, I'm so sorry about earlier...I didn't mean to hurt you, I shouldn't have done that..." I licked my lips. I wanted to feel that closeness again, but I just wanted him to be alright.
 
"Randy, I'm so sorry about earlier...I didn't mean to hurt you, I shouldn't have done that..." she started.
"Pan...don't worry about it. I'll be fine, I just won't be as...agile for a day or two."
I raised my hand to her cheek and caressed it with my thumb.
"Don't worry about how your dressed, hon, as much as I want...well, your virtue is safe with me."
I sat there looking at her for a good while. She looked stunning and as bad as I felt physically, the attraction I had toward her was strong as ever.
"Can I ask you something though? That kiss, in the stairwell...what was that all about? You seemed so...angry."
 
I turned my face and gently kissed the pad of his thumb. "I wasn't angry. I think I was more confused than anything. I ... like you. More than like." I nipped the pad of his thumb with my teeth as a blush crept up into my cheeks. "It's all a bit confusing. Being alone for so many months and then having company, and with everything that happened..." I took a breath. "I wanted you. I let my emotions take over and I should have tried harder..."

Goddammit I wasn't trying very hard now to reign it in. It was like I couldn't control myself. He kept looking at me, I bit my lip and squeezed my fingers together. "I'm sorry."
 
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