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Your thread is why I`m still on LIT. Wont be the same lurking without you there. Hope you get sorted soon, lots miss you.
Glad to hear it
How was your day?
1oth April 2012
All I want to be is ME...
Opening this hideout will allow me to cool off for a while. The HOSTS of the SEL and I will obviously decide what is going to happen. It is quite clear that I have "fans" on LITEROTICA, generated no doubt by my activity on here. It seems that already I will be missed from the SEL thread just hours after resigning from being a HOST.
At the end of the day all I want to be is ME, Sienna. In order to be ME, I had to show the rest who I was. But, it did not work out quite right. I don't mind being told I look like someone, such as Uma Thurman. The thing is, I might have a likeness. I might even have a likeness to Belinda Peregrin, whoever she is supposed to be.
I thank Lorraine for finding my stolen pictures. Thinking about it, I think the issue should have been dealt with in private, or atleast amongst the HOSTS of the SEL.
You ask why? Because unfortunately the SEL has lots of readers and since Lorraine's link was made public, I have had double, possibly trebble PM's regarding the discovery. People actually asking for more links to the website my pictures were kept on. That aspect disturbed me even more. I felt as if I had "lost control" of my images... ME and who I am. Then to be compared as a fake to a celebrity and then to top it all if that was not enough, yet another celebrity, someone else. I lost myself, or atlast felt as if myself was taken.
I just feel as if I need to hide for a while. That is until I find myself again, the REAL ME. The one ME I willingly expose in my signature and the TRT ART photographs I allow others to share. MY body, which contains MY soul.
Sienna
((( KEZZER )))
My day was good thank you. The shops were open again and so we did some "window shopping" for summer fashions
KEZZER, I am taking time out at the moment. If I feel that being on ELS is good again, no doubt I will most likely return. At present the hosting method seems to be falling apart...
I love you Sienna just the way you are
(((Nell))) so good to see you back. How have you been?
(((Twist))) Good to be back, Hi everybody I miss you all
How are things?
I love you Sienna just the way you are
Something you should know about ME that might help explain things:
When I was younger, in my teens I built up my self confidence. Before moving to a large urban area from the farm I was raised on, I was shy and my new environment scared me. That was until I befriended Jules. She brought me out of my introverted self and over the years I became very extrovert afer discovering my sexual self.
I developed a strong personality.
Whenever people said I "looked" or "acted" like someone else it annoyed me. Especially if they were not family, or someone I hated with a passion. It became a pet annoyance. The reason being I was ME. Whenever people remarked on my looks and behaviour being like someone else I usually took it jokingly, unless they purposefully tried to drive the point too hard. Yes, I was deeply offended because there is only ONE ME.
The name I use on here is Sienna. A name I will identify myself with. But, behind that name is who I really am. Many know my real name because I believe they should know it. It makes me feel the "real" person I am and comfortable.
Recent events have awoken that inner hatred of being compared with someone else. Using my images for somene elses likeness on the internet, and of course being told I look like yet another celebrity. I should be flattered.
Unfortunately, it was the other way around because of recent events. And, I apologise to all of those I reacted negatively to. It was not their fault, just me being upset and annoyed in general... sorry.
Thing is, if I can not be seen as ME, then I have lost my personal identity and in turn my confidence.
Better and you?
It was indeed a good day to come back love((( Nell )))
I LOVE U 2 ...
Thank you for dropping in my love...
I am truly so sorry Sienna, that makes perfect sense and you are an amazing person who is not anyone else. I apologize for perpetuating the comparison of you to someone else and I agree that you are a unique person,yourself and that is the person we have grown to love. I don't want you to be anyone else but yourself and it's what you've been saying to myself and others on ELS, just be yourself.
I'm doing okay and almost fully healed from some surgery on my mouth last week to repair a bad root canal. Other than that things are pretty much the same.
Glad you are better now
I take a break it was Worth it to take persppective on things in my life I will be less online but will come more regularly and with my boyfriend to o
Yes, I'm glad to be here tonightHi, Nell! So lovely to see you again!
Glad the break was worth it and you will be back more regularly
Yes, I'm glad to be here tonight
I'm glad too, miss you guys
((Sienna))
I hope for the best outcome for you on all fronts.
... I don't want you to be anyone else but yourself and it's what you've been saying to myself and others on ELS, just be yourself.
Yes twist. We play our fantasies for fun. But, behind those players, there are REAL people. We must never get lost and become permanent fantasies on here. There comes that time when we must wake up from such fun things. Serious it may sound, but psychologically necessary for our own good.
We are only "actors" in those fantasies
I understand and I know there are real people and real lives behind those fantasies. Are we not just online personalities (actors) on here though? Is there more to your statement that "we must wake up from such fun things."?
Sorry to ask a question and run but I need to leave for a few hours and will be back.