seela
Quark Thief
- Joined
- May 14, 2010
- Posts
- 9,814
I've been doing this BDSM thing for sometime, but I've still never quite managed to put my finger on what CNC is actually is.
The part I don't really understand is how it is different from anything else that you do with your partner(s). I talked about this with someone and was told that in essence it boils down to the pyl being able to fight back, scream and say no to things that happen and the PYL not taking it into account. The only way to stop is by safewording and up until then everything is a fair game within preset rules. That seems like an easy enough explanation, but I'm sure there's more to the topic than just that. Because to me that doesn't seem like it's all that different from BDSM in general. A lot of people use safewords, like to fight back and like to have their (soft) limits pushed or crossed. Maybe they're all doing CNC?
I think at least in part the reason I struggle understanding CNC is that with a person I get along with well enough to consider doing a CNC scene (at least based on my understanding of what it is) my go-to mode is a doormat people pleaser. In doormat mode I just say yes to everything and if I happen to say no, I don't really expect it to be taken into account anyways. There's no roleplay aspect to it ever, though. It isn't specifically negotiated either. It just...is. Although I do inform my partners about my doormat tendencies when I notice that happening so that we can talk about it and decide how to go forward - not everybody is a fan of the doormat thing.
So, what is CNC to you? How does a CNC scene differ from a "regular" scene? How do you negotiate limits for a CNC scene, or do you? Is it more of a roleplay scene than your "regular" scene? Is a scene that pushes or even crosses soft limits automatically CNC?
The part I don't really understand is how it is different from anything else that you do with your partner(s). I talked about this with someone and was told that in essence it boils down to the pyl being able to fight back, scream and say no to things that happen and the PYL not taking it into account. The only way to stop is by safewording and up until then everything is a fair game within preset rules. That seems like an easy enough explanation, but I'm sure there's more to the topic than just that. Because to me that doesn't seem like it's all that different from BDSM in general. A lot of people use safewords, like to fight back and like to have their (soft) limits pushed or crossed. Maybe they're all doing CNC?
I think at least in part the reason I struggle understanding CNC is that with a person I get along with well enough to consider doing a CNC scene (at least based on my understanding of what it is) my go-to mode is a doormat people pleaser. In doormat mode I just say yes to everything and if I happen to say no, I don't really expect it to be taken into account anyways. There's no roleplay aspect to it ever, though. It isn't specifically negotiated either. It just...is. Although I do inform my partners about my doormat tendencies when I notice that happening so that we can talk about it and decide how to go forward - not everybody is a fan of the doormat thing.
So, what is CNC to you? How does a CNC scene differ from a "regular" scene? How do you negotiate limits for a CNC scene, or do you? Is it more of a roleplay scene than your "regular" scene? Is a scene that pushes or even crosses soft limits automatically CNC?