First ever story - cuckold / reluctance mash-up

Hi everyone,

I put out my first ever story this week:

https://www.literotica.com/s/catherines-big-day

I wasn't entirely sure where to put it catagory wise, but plumped for Reluctant / Non-Consent.

I'd be really grateful for any thought or constructive criticism about the story. The comments have been a bit all over the place, so i'd be interested for come considered takes.

I'm almost finished the second part, which looks at the event from Catherine's perspective.

Many thanks

Cuck stories, especially where it's a wimp husband are pretty controversial.

In Loving Wives, where it should have gone, you'd be lucky to score 3. A large portion of the voters would have flamed you or 1 bombed you.

In NC there are only two lower scores than your 3.69 in a category where most of the stories are rated upwards of 4 to 5.

I couldn't finish it myself.

You've picked a very difficult subject matter to write about and your current results are showing that.

Seems like a straightforward dom/sub fantasy with a hefty dose of emotional sadomasochism.

I don't know how well it'd do in BDSM, but it's not going to do any better outside of it.

Feedback

Thanks for the comments.

Given the breadth of content on Literotica, i'm surprised that cuckolding stories are controversial.

As for my own efforts, I clearly need to improve or change tack.

kobayashimarrow said:

Thanks for the comments.

Given the breadth of content on Literotica, i'm surprised that cuckolding stories are controversial.

As for my own efforts, I clearly need to improve or change tack.

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Search for cuck stories in the tags and then read the comments after. Then check the scores. That says it all.

PS: If they're all positive the author is deleting the bad ones.

As you probably already know, Cuck stories get a very mixed reception here. You received 19 comments which is good, but the positive to negative was about 50/50...which is probably not what you wanted.

Overall, I thought it was well written. But this one spot went beyond my believabilty threshold;

"I was looking forward to breaking her - always so defiant, always so professional, now look at her. Look at what I've made her. She'll never be the same again. Not once I've finished with her. And neither will you. Take of your clothes cuck. Kneel on the floor with your hands behind your back and watch us celebrate"

John was no match for Dario, so he complied. He stripped off and felt achingly self-conscious...

That could have worked...If you would have built up and filled in John's submissive personality/character more before this scene. This is an event "out of the blue" that has invaded his home and bedroom. It's just too hard to imagine that he would meekly obey. Also, as written, he's pretty flat and more of a stage prop. In Cuckold stories, the cuck is usually the protagonist/central figure...which means a more fleshed out character, etc.

As was said before: Cuck stories face a lot of heat here. No one knows for sure why there are such strong feelings...and now it's gone on so long, I assume it is more of a game that many play. You'll have to decide if Lit is the place you want to put your stories at all. Another option is to put them in Loving Wives...BUT, know before hand; You will get more views/reads, you will get a lot of 1 star ratings, you will get a lot of hate mail/comments.

The solution to all that is; Turn off public comments and voting on your stories. Lit is a good place to enjoy your writing, if hate mail/ unjustified low scores don't bother you, you can allow them. If they do take away from your own pleasure from writing, turn them off and enjoy your hobby.

Here's my take; You can write fine, you just need to slow down and tell the whole story. This is an intimate subject, full of emotions...spend more words painting these into your story. (If you don't already know, 1 Lit screen-page is about 3750 word +/-. A medium length adequately developed story would be 3 to 4 screens in length...and many stories go longer.) Also consider if putting the story in a series is best, or if one good complete story might make more sense. Either way is fine, just different.

Welcome to Lit, and hope you enjoy you time here.

Edited To Add: As was mentioned above; You have control over the comments you allow on your stories via your author's control panel. I view my stories as my platform...my podium. As such, I do not allow singularly ugly comments to stick around and impinge on either my own or other reader's enjoyment.

yukonnights said:

"I was looking forward to breaking her - always so defiant, always so professional, now look at her. Look at what I've made her. She'll never be the same again. Not once I've finished with her. And neither will you. Take of your clothes cuck. Kneel on the floor with your hands behind your back and watch us celebrate"

John was no match for Dario, so he complied. He stripped off and felt achingly self-conscious...

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That's exactly where I stopped reading too. I'll pm you another site where those kind of stories will be welcomed if you don't want to get endlessly flamed here.

gordo12 said:

That's exactly where I stopped reading too. I'll pm you another site where those kind of stories will be welcomed if you don't want to get endlessly flamed here.

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I didn't stop reading at that point. It was only one page, so I went to the end. I think rushing the story is a very common mistake first-time writers make here. I know I did. The husband's passiveness in itself wasn't the issue as much as it was just a surprise. Had it been shown and foreshadowed earlier it would have been more expected since we would know he was beta and non-confrontational, etc.

I hope the OP, kobayashimarrow, doesn't get discouraged and writes more chapters. Only way to get better is try and try again.

I honestly don't really mind cuckold stories, but I don't seek them out. I think your writing itself is fine, and definitely above the average of the stories on Literotica.

I know that it's not meant to be super realistic, but I am a bit disappointed that in the story, the MC instantly gives up, with no prior warning or indication that he was a cuckold. Also I think the wife could do with a bit of warming up in her part of the story. Maybe go into the process of how she accepted Dario's offer?

Another thing I tend to have a problem with in these types of stories is when the bad guy is too generic and over-the-top evil, if you know what I mean. It's little things like that, that really all add up to make the story seem unrealistic as a whole.

The sex scene itself was pretty good, I thought. Basically I guess if I was a cuckold fan, I'd probably be looking more for the psychological aspect of it, and would prefer the story to be a bit more fleshed out.

I remember reading this story. It's definitely a cuckold story through and through, and it's got a lot of views and very good ratings. I don't know if you've read that but maybe you could read it and see where you could improve on, or what the literotica crowd enjoys reading when it comes to the cuckold genre.

Would you be up for writing a personalized story?

Personalised Story

rjhsteel said:

Would you be up for writing a personalized story?

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I think so. PM me if you want to talk about it.

I am in the process of finishing the second part of Catherine's adventures, and I'm probably going to take a bit of time just to see how it is received before continuing with it, so I should have time to do a request.