The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

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and you get an elderly woman who thinks you are a giant mushroom that it trying to eat her after she took a ranitidine (can cause hallucinations in the elderly).

I put in the nasty side effects of statins; muscle cramps, nightmares, depression and tiredness (for a lucky few, wicked diarrheoa).
 
and you get an elderly woman who thinks you are a giant mushroom that it trying to eat her after she took a ranitidine (can cause hallucinations in the elderly).

I put in the nasty side effects of statins; muscle cramps, nightmares, depression and tiredness (for a lucky few, wicked diarrheoa).

Several pints of suitable medicine later, you emerge, bloodied, but unbowed.


I put in a soft-boiled egg and some lightly-done toast.
 
Several pints of suitable medicine later, you emerge, bloodied, but unbowed.


I put in a soft-boiled egg and some lightly-done toast.

and you get additional vegemite soldiers, essential in situations such as this.

I put in grilled mushrooms, tomatoes, tallowwood smoked bacon and a sausage,
 
and you get additional vegemite soldiers, essential in situations such as this.

I put in grilled mushrooms, tomatoes, tallowwood smoked bacon and a sausage,

And you get a 3-minute spot on the Today Show, right after weather, and just before the vapid interview with Joel Osteen.

I put in a Pig Destroyer CD while setting up the sound system for someone's wedding reception...
 
And you get a 3-minute spot on the Today Show, right after weather, and just before the vapid interview with Joel Osteen.

I put in a Pig Destroyer CD while setting up the sound system for someone's wedding reception...

Abd you get an award for 'Most Inappropriate Wedding Music Ever'.

I put in a Vivaldi cd and some smoked salmon salted with salmonella for said same reception.
 
Abd you get an award for 'Most Inappropriate Wedding Music Ever'.

I put in a Vivaldi cd and some smoked salmon salted with salmonella for said same reception.

and you get a Conga Line heading for the toilets.

I put in a suggestive prothalamion...
 
and you get a Conga Line heading for the toilets.

I put in a suggestive prothalamion...

And you get pictures of wedding guest taking the suggestion (Uncle Boris with his Real Girl is worth framing).


I put in a cod piece made out of wedding cake.
 
And you get pictures of wedding guest taking the suggestion (Uncle Boris with his Real Girl is worth framing).


I put in a cod piece made out of wedding cake.

and the bride keeps eating after the cake is gone.

I put in a piece of cod...
 
and the bride keeps eating after the cake is gone.

I put in a piece of cod...

and because it's smoked you get a lovely bowl of cullenskink and a chunk of my homemade beer bread.

I put in a slice of pavlova with passionfruit, pineapple and kiwi fruit.
 
and because it's smoked you get a lovely bowl of cullenskink and a chunk of my homemade beer bread.

I put in a slice of pavlova with passionfruit, pineapple and kiwi fruit.

and Anna grabs the nearest chevalier for a delectably exotic erotic pas-de-deux.

I put in the whites of six Emu eggs...
 
and Anna grabs the nearest chevalier for a delectably exotic erotic pas-de-deux.

I put in the whites of six Emu eggs...

and you get a meringue the size of a family tent!

I put in a session of googling an ex and dreaming up a gratuitous vicious smear campaign.
 
and you get a meringue the size of a family tent!

I put in a session of googling an ex and dreaming up a gratuitous vicious smear campaign.

and you end up buying The Idiot's Guide to Effective Stalking which you use extensively.

I put in a set of night vision goggles and camo paint to help you 'guard' the ex at night...
 
and you end up buying The Idiot's Guide to Effective Stalking which you use extensively.

I put in a set of night vision goggles and camo paint to help you 'guard' the ex at night...

and you get served a very strongly worded restraining order.

I put in a stalker's stalker...
 
and you get served a very strongly worded restraining order.

I put in a stalker's stalker...

and you get a calendar featuring the hottest of 2010's stalkers, naked and lurking.


I put in a giant fly swatter for people who annoy you.
 
and you get your house humped good and proper and then lightly singed.

I put in The Joy of Sex for Mythological Creatures (uncensored version!:devil:)

And the Dragon refuses to return it; or emerge from his cave.


I advertise for a Lady Dragon to help him.
 
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