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The Isolated Blurt BDSM Thread

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Stella_Omega said:
:eek:
Okay, now I get it.
Click to expand...

Yes, you do, and it'll be scary to see...

Stella_Omega said:
How about a hamburger patty? :p
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...where this goes.

Oh no. Please stop before...

bhndblueyes88 said:
But what if it was a gluten-free cookie? Or just a basic oatmeal cookie, even :p
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...this veers into stranger and stranger...

BiBunny said:
I want you people to know that you have simultaneously made me dry heave and given me ideas for client blogs and assignments. I don't know whether to yell at y'all or thank you. :mad::confused:
Click to expand...

...territory.
 
I'm stuck between 'ew' and 'why did i choose today to check out this thread?' and more 'ew'.

Ew. Ew. Ew. (Would that be ew cubed?)
 
Today someone asked me if I wanted to use the senior citizen discount. I said 'no thank you, but now I'm going to go home and kill myself'. The lady explained that you can never tell and she had a lady who only looked 40 turn out to be 56.

Oh, that makes it so much better. I look 40!

I'm never leaving the house again. :(
 
graceanne said:
Today someone asked me if I wanted to use the senior citizen discount. I said 'no thank you, but now I'm going to go home and kill myself'. The lady explained that you can never tell and she had a lady who only looked 40 turn out to be 56.

Oh, that makes it so much better. I look 40!

I'm never leaving the house again. :(
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Sweets, there is only one way you can get old-- by living long enough. There's only one way you can stop yourself aging, and we would all of us rather you didn't. :kiss:
 
Stella_Omega said:
Sweets, there is only one way you can get old-- by living long enough. There's only one way you can stop yourself aging, and we would all of us rather you didn't. :kiss:
Click to expand...

Aw. Thanks. :kiss:

That said, I don't mind aging. I just object to aging early. When I'm 50 I want to look 50, but at 34 I want to look 34 (not 21, either - I like being 34). Plus, I've so tired these days (my crohns is slightly active) I think she thought I was old cause of the circles under my eyes, which I'm massively self conscious about.
 
graceanne said:
Aw. Thanks. :kiss:

That said, I don't mind aging. I just object to aging early. When I'm 50 I want to look 50, but at 34 I want to look 34 (not 21, either - I like being 34). Plus, I've so tired these days (my crohns is slightly active) I think she thought I was old cause of the circles under my eyes, which I'm massively self conscious about.
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Oh man, the circles under the eyes-- I have them too, and they are not funny anymore. Steve Buschemi is okay-- up to a point.
 
graceanne said:
Aw. Thanks. :kiss:

That said, I don't mind aging. I just object to aging early. When I'm 50 I want to look 50, but at 34 I want to look 34 (not 21, either - I like being 34). Plus, I've so tired these days (my crohns is slightly active) I think she thought I was old cause of the circles under my eyes, which I'm massively self conscious about.
Click to expand...

I got the senior discount question for the first time at 32, which was the point where my brown hair had turned completely gray. Let's just say that it's a good thing I don't carry a weapon or I'd be typing thing from a small and uncomfortable room with a steel door. When our youngest was in kindergarten he went to a before-school care program at his school. One day, when I dropped him off, a friend asked him about me, "Is that your grandfather." The little bastard was lucky to see the age of six.
 
Daddy2mylilgirl said:
Around here it was called cookie. A bunch of guys sitting around a cookie and the last guy to "frost" the cookie had to eat it.

Happily, I've never been a participant nor seen it take place. I think it was more of an urban legend of sorts.
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I always suspected this to be the reason behind many cases of premature ejaculation.
 
Can someone throw me some big girl panties?

If I have to deal with one more bank about one more thing I might scream. Screw it I think I deserve a good scream anyway. He burned just about every bank in town and now I'm screwed. So I call one today to get the info...they can't email it..but they can send it via snail mail..fine...oh wait..not fine...I have to go to the actual branch (3 hours away)...oh..no what is that...they will find the number for me so maybe just maybe they can mail it..oh wait..nope...even after I spelled it and I waited 30 min just to have this fun conversation about how I can't get a new account...yep..they say..the branch doesn't exist..at least..they can't find it. FINE...I'll go online to do that. Why do they bother having a help number if it doesn't help???? :mad::mad::mad:
 
lostandfound197 said:
Can someone throw me some big girl panties?

If I have to deal with one more bank about one more thing I might scream. Screw it I think I deserve a good scream anyway. He burned just about every bank in town and now I'm screwed. So I call one today to get the info...they can't email it..but they can send it via snail mail..fine...oh wait..not fine...I have to go to the actual branch (3 hours away)...oh..no what is that...they will find the number for me so maybe just maybe they can mail it..oh wait..nope...even after I spelled it and I waited 30 min just to have this fun conversation about how I can't get a new account...yep..they say..the branch doesn't exist..at least..they can't find it. FINE...I'll go online to do that. Why do they bother having a help number if it doesn't help???? :mad::mad::mad:
Click to expand...
Aww, sweetpea. Have some with black lace.

Would this help at all, or is it one more piece of useless interference... credit union lookup tool
 
Stella_Omega said:
Oh man, the circles under the eyes-- I have them too, and they are not funny anymore. Steve Buschemi is okay-- up to a point.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'm prone to them under the best of circumstances, but when I'm sick they literally go halfway down my cheeks. I have had people seriously think I have black eyes and other people think my mascara ran majorly (cause when I'm that sick I'm gonna waste precious energy on mascara). Add in that I'm really white (I'm mildly allergic to the sun) and my hair is black and I just look sick. My goddaughter once said (when she was still young enough to be totally tactless) that when I'm sick I look like a dead vampire.

midwestyankee said:
I got the senior discount question for the first time at 32, which was the point where my brown hair had turned completely gray. Let's just say that it's a good thing I don't carry a weapon or I'd be typing thing from a small and uncomfortable room with a steel door. When our youngest was in kindergarten he went to a before-school care program at his school. One day, when I dropped him off, a friend asked him about me, "Is that your grandfather." The little bastard was lucky to see the age of six.
Click to expand...

LOL When my mom got her first AARP invite she was tying to figure out a way to mail a bomb to AARP's headquarters. She was SO mad. Not like fake, joking mad, but MAD.

We were gonna throw her a surprise party for her fiftieth until we realized how mad she was about turning fifty. The funny part, though, is that my littlest sister was 14 that year and it was her idea, because, and I quote "After all, she's turning 50. This might be her last chance to have any fun." I nearly sprung a rib trying not to laugh.
 
This is day 6 of full-on laryngitis and I'm starting to get really irritated. I haven't had a cup of coffee in a week, my throat feels like someone tried to smooth it out with 60-grit sandpaper, and I'm so sick of tea I could scream. To all you nature-loving homeopaths, is there no root or berry I could munch on to fix this?
 
midwestyankee said:
This is day 6 of full-on laryngitis and I'm starting to get really irritated. I haven't had a cup of coffee in a week, my throat feels like someone tried to smooth it out with 60-grit sandpaper, and I'm so sick of tea I could scream. To all you nature-loving homeopaths, is there no root or berry I could munch on to fix this?
Click to expand...
I recommend your whiskey of choice, perhaps watered down a wee bit, with a dollop of natural honey.
 
Stag of Oberon said:
Kneading the ass is for pervs copping a feel. A good ass massage usually involves working on the piriformis, which lies under the glueteals, and so requires some deep tissue work.

Get some elbows in there for the really good aaaaahhhs.

Bodies vary though, so maybe a little pervy kneading is all your needy ass needs.
Click to expand...

I dunno...I find a good ass knead to be relieving to gluteal pain. And I just like it (not necessarily in a sexual context)
 
Someone I know has a new "pet drama" to talk about... some blog she found, written by an ex-prostitute, designed to teach wives how to keep their husbands from straying... she keeps going on.and on.and on about it. "You HAVE to read this shit!" "OMG you'd love it!"

Apparently, because I run my relationships 10º off "the norm", I am supposed to automatically like/become obsessed by/approve of/agree with whatever random-ass latest gossip blog sex blahblahblah my acquaintance stumbles into.

It never really works the way she thinks it will. Because instead of going "ZOMG; you're right! MUST!READ!NOW!" I respond with things like "Mmmm... you do realize there are very few men in the world who can honestly ignore the ingrained Madonna/Whore complex instilled by western society, right? As much as they may fantasize about their wife being a cock sucking dirty little ass whore, the reality often conflicts with their inner dialogue of what defines a *good wife/mother*. Which would be why so many men enjoy having a wife at home... and a cock sucking dirty little ass whore on the side."

Of course, I never know what I'm talking about, because of XYZ blog...


:rolleyes:
 
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