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What made you who you are today ?

Hours and hours and hours of solitude as a kid (farm kid working), alcohol, poor decisions, bad luck, chasing my tail. And then my daughter. It gave me faith that it was all meant to be. Now I think that, if nothing else, I am a great father.
 
greeneyedvirgin said:
I still, to this day, remember seeing my father being loaded into the back of an ambulance when I was 5, still remember the doctor yelling at the nurse to let me into the ICU to see him and sitting there eating his dinner. Eight years later, I lost him.

I am still taking care of my mother. She has cancer. I have no social life, so I spend my free time on here with all of you wonderful people and I value the friendships I have made. One person in particular has become a dear friend and I'm so glad that he is around when I need him.

Taking care of my ill parents has made me a kind, caring person who is humble and unselfish. And I have yet to find a guy who would admire those qualities in me.
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Trust me there is someone out there that will love who you are...I think you are awesome for sacrificing your life for your parents ...you deserve
Someone to cherish you !
 
A decade-plus in the military.

A self-guided quest for knowledge regarding what makes a man, and what makes a warrior.

Deciding to find a balance between the warrior and the gentleman, and actively working to walk that narrow path.

A very few good friends who've stuck around through it all.

A smattering of singular events leading to the decisions above, as well as other little life lessons I decided to hold on to.
 
I love this thread - it's fascinating!

For better and for worse, a lot of who I am is because of my parents. My dad was good natured and funny as hell, but quiet. My mom was ambitious, intelligent, cultured and tempermental. She had a career when other moms were all stay-at-home housewives. They expected the best of me, but not in a high-pressure way, and I always gave it. But I had absolutely no doubt that even if I hadn't, they loved me unconditionally more than anything in the world, except each other. I think that solid core has given me a lot of the strength that I have now as an adult. The flip side of this was that I was completely naïve, sheltered, and a little smothered. When I got out on my own, I went pretty wild and wasn't prepared for it. I married a man who turned out to be emotionally abusive - I understood that term long before it came into common use. Getting out from under his thumb taught me that I deserve to be treated well and to expect no less.
 
Death of my mother when I was six....made an already wonderful relationship with my father and my Nana, even more important and meaningful.

Death of my father when I turned 30. He was everything a father should have been. I learned how a man should treat his family and people in general from the example that he set.

The birth of my boys. I see myself in the oldest each and everyday, God help him. :heart: and my youngest is so bright and quirky. I have my Yin and my Yang, and I have my work cut out for me.

:rose:
 
Mommy and daddy Mule......:D

Seriously - I can't credit one person. Made a lot of mistakes back in the day, wasted a football scholarship cause I wanted to drink and party more, dropped out of school, kicked around several bad jobs for awhile. Finally realized I wasn't getting anywhere without that education so I went back to school fulltime after getting married and got my degree. For a long time I felt professionally I was about 10 years behind my peers and regretted throwing away the educational opportunity the first time.

Landed my current job about four years ago and finally have reached that professional level I've been desiring for a long time. Man, it's hard freaking work!
 
RubenesqueAphrodite said:
Death of my mother when I was six....made an already wonderful relationship with my father and my Nana, even more important and meaningful.

Death of my father when I turned 30. He was everything a father should have been. I learned how a man should treat his family and people in general from the example that he set.

The birth of my boys. I see myself in the oldest each and everyday, God help him. :heart: and my youngest is so bright and quirky. I have my Yin and my Yang, and I have my work cut out for me.

:rose:
Click to expand...

I feel for you losing your parents so young.....:rose:
 
Growing up in poverty. Working hard on a farm by the time I was 5. Always being bigger and stronger than my sisters so being expected to work like one of the boys. Wearing my brothers hand me downs because my older sisters things did not fit. Losing my Dad to a drunk driver when I was 8. Being little more than a farm hand. Never being treated softly. Only I am soft. Just no one knows it.

So here I am. 51. Tough as nails. Always in leadership roles. Take charge. When what my heart desires is for someone to take care of me. Just let me be soft. Let me be a girl.
 
My ambition is born from the hatred of my parents, their manipulative ways and not letting me live the life that I wanted to live.

My life before 11 was being forced into books and skipping football tournaments because they "didn't have the time to watch a stupid game."

At 11, I got a chance into one of the most prestigious schools of our country. I've been living away from home ever since. I made some of the best friends I could ever have and got the best education I could hope for.

At 17, my hatred was reinforced by their apathy towards my illness and having the audacity to blame me for it.

My drive to succeed came from the fact that I won't have to look at their faces and be on the receiving end of their scorn for every fault that is not mine.

Most of my experiences and apathetic nature stems from my education, but I'm glad I had it. Without it, my character would've been the polar opposite to the one that didn't have to live through this life.
 
My ex husband. He never allowed me to depend on anyone. He taught me to be strong and independent, and crying shows signs of weakness. His verbal abuse gave me thick skin so words never sink to the core. His physical abuse made me numb to pain. He gave me strength to kick his ass to the curb and fight for the three people that matter the most.

My mother, being a widow with an 8 year old taught me to work hard and put my children first before anything or anyone. She taught me patience. To keep a level head and be reasonable.

And most of all Sandman. He taught me unconditional love through all things. He has shown me that I am good enough and its OK to cry when you need to. He is there when I feel weak and tells me its OK to lean on someone. He has brought out the softer side that I had lost so long ago.
 
paul466 said:
Good for you !! Adversity does make
Us stronger...you do pay a price for that strength though ,
You lose a little of your inner happiness IMHO
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I've sacrificed more than a bit of myself, but for my brother it was worth it. :)


TheSoulfulBard said:
My ambition is born from the hatred of my parents, their manipulative ways and not letting me live the life that I wanted to live.

My life before 11 was being forced into books and skipping football tournaments because they "didn't have the time to watch a stupid game."

At 11, I got a chance into one of the most prestigious schools of our country. I've been living away from home ever since. I made some of the best friends I could ever have and got the best education I could hope for.

At 17, my hatred was reinforced by their apathy towards my illness and having the audacity to blame me for it.

My drive to succeed came from the fact that I won't have to look at their faces and be on the receiving end of their scorn for every fault that is not mine.

Most of my experiences and apathetic nature stems from my education, but I'm glad I had it. Without it, my character would've been the polar opposite to the one that didn't have to live through this life.
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I can empathise with you for having shitty parents :rose:.

No one deserves them.

Treasured said:
My ex husband. He never allowed me to depend on anyone. He taught me to be strong and independent, and crying shows signs of weakness. His verbal abuse gave me thick skin so words never sink to the core. His physical abuse made me numb to pain. He gave me strength to kick his ass to the curb and fight for the three people that matter the most.

My mother, being a widow with an 8 year old taught me to work hard and put my children first before anything or anyone. She taught me patience. To keep a level head and be reasonable.

And most of all Sandman. He taught me unconditional love through all things. He has shown me that I am good enough and its OK to cry when you need to. He is there when I feel weak and tells me its OK to lean on someone. He has brought out the softer side that I had lost so long ago.
Click to expand...

You're very lucky to find him. :rose::)
 
Wow where do I start?
Guess with parents who in 1963 moved their whole family to Brazil.
Who in their own missionary way showed us "love." Won't go into that one. Thinks others have covered that well enough.
My siblings between the five of us we figured out how to become self reliant.
The culture in Brazil. What can I say about the people. Beautiful inside and out. Their love is an example to us all.
Being the youngest saw my brothers and sisters leave and come to the States. Then when my parents had to vent their frustration out guess who got "lucky?"
Then when it was my time to come to the US. No family members around to lean on so I leaned on myself and my self reliance.
Friends became my family in my 20's.
The Ex I married and had kids with made me feel more like a servant than a partner. Once again my heart closed itself off to the beautiful things in life.
And almost 2 years ago at the age of 49 on election night in this place that so many of us have called home I found a beautiful heart and an amazing woman. "Treasured"
She peeled me like an onion from day one and has shown me that I am beloved. And I can finally love someone unconditionally and have a partner and best friend.
She is priceless and oh so beautiful. She is the one I can say has helped me become the better person.
As we say daily "We are stronger together." :kiss::heart:
 
Life, random circumstance, genetic predisposition, other people's bullshit, and my own inclinations.
 
My best friend and my wife when I met her in university.
I grew up on easy street with a father who owned 3 companies. I was given whatever I wanted and other than working for him in the summers after grade 8, I didn't pay any dues. Everyone was envious of me because of material possessions and I didn't know shit about anything. My 16th birthday my father handed me keys to a new Trans Am that was sitting in the driveway. People would think, wow so cool! At the time I thought it was.
My father has never told me he loved me or that he was proud of me in my entire life. The only time my mother said it was on my wedding day.
I never knew how to love anyone and went through a lot of girlfriends throughout high school and university. I was such a dick to some girls that I went out with. I cheated on a few because to me they were just possessions in my mind at the time.

When I met my now wife everything changed. There was just something about her unlike anyone I ever met. I had to work to get a date with her which I wasn't use to. We started going out on valentines day and I didn't get any till Halloween.
I was in love for the first time big time. Next week will be our 10th anniversary and she's the greatest woman on the planet. It's been a tough year for her health wise but thankfully she's getting better. If I had of lost her I would've been done.
She has grounded me and has showed me what's really important in life. I don't hate my parents, they just suck at it. My mother is a bitch and when she found out my wife couldn't have kids she didn't come right out and say it but she would of loved if I left her. After the moment she found out, she has not treated my wife the same. My wife thinks she's a real bitch to and calls her Rodmilla from a movie because she looks like Anjelica Huston.
Without health and love life means shit.
 
Titts4Tatts said:
Growing up in poverty. Working hard on a farm by the time I was 5. Always being bigger and stronger than my sisters so being expected to work like one of the boys. Wearing my brothers hand me downs because my older sisters things did not fit. Losing my Dad to a drunk driver when I was 8. Being little more than a farm hand. Never being treated softly. Only I am soft. Just no one knows it.

So here I am. 51. Tough as nails. Always in leadership roles. Take charge. When what my heart desires is for someone to take care of me. Just let me be soft. Let me be a girl.
Click to expand...

This last paragraph - I feel for you. I haven't had it as tough as you did, but when you're on your own, all you want sometimes is for someone to take care of you, to let you be who you truly are. *hugs T4T*
 
Hmmmm...

First was my parents divorce. My father left us and never made any effort to see my or my brother. I watched all my friends going off with their dads on weekends (it was the late 70s and EVERYONE was divorced) and felt that I must have been a horrible child for my dad not to want to have anything to do with me. This belief shaped much of my self esteem and relationship with men.

Second was my younger brother getting sick. His sickness effected everything about our family. At 7 years old I watched my mom slowly fall apart and come back together again (and never in the same way as before). I made a decision to never cause problems for her...and I didn't. I made sure that I was at the top of my class in school, I did all the right things and was a good girl. (I could have TOTALLY gone in another direction, but became an over achiever instead so my mom didn't have to worry about me).

Then there are my marriage and kids - both have taught me to be patient and less controlling. I've had to find out who I am as a persona and how to deal with other people in a way that doesn't completely over power them...a hard thing to do for an overachiever!

Most recently is a big weight loss. I have come to a point in my life that I feel sexy and confident. I have finally found a place in my life that I believe in myself and am happy in my own skin...it's only taken 45 or so years. My weight loss has done that for me - and that's not to say that weight loss in itself...just that even though I'm not where I want to be, I can take control of this aspect and appreciate my body and sexuality...
 
Thank you all for sharing so much of yourselves .....it takes a lot of courage to share painful parts of our lives , but who knows your story may just inspire someone .
 
Missingout said:
My best friend and my wife when I met her in university.
I grew up on easy street with a father who owned 3 companies. I was given whatever I wanted and other than working for him in the summers after grade 8, I didn't pay any dues. Everyone was envious of me because of material possessions and I didn't know shit about anything. My 16th birthday my father handed me keys to a new Trans Am that was sitting in the driveway. People would think, wow so cool! At the time I thought it was.
My father has never told me he loved me or that he was proud of me in my entire life. The only time my mother said it was on my wedding day.
I never knew how to love anyone and went through a lot of girlfriends throughout high school and university. I was such a dick to some girls that I went out with. I cheated on a few because to me they were just possessions in my mind at the time.

When I met my now wife everything changed. There was just something about her unlike anyone I ever met. I had to work to get a date with her which I wasn't use to. We started going out on valentines day and I didn't get any till Halloween.
I was in love for the first time big time. Next week will be our 10th anniversary and she's the greatest woman on the planet. It's been a tough year for her health wise but thankfully she's getting better. If I had of lost her I would've been done.
She has grounded me and has showed me what's really important in life. I don't hate my parents, they just suck at it. My mother is a bitch and when she found out my wife couldn't have kids she didn't come right out and say it but she would of loved if I left her. After the moment she found out, she has not treated my wife the same. My wife thinks she's a real bitch to and calls her Rodmilla from a movie because she looks like Anjelica Huston.
Without health and love life means shit.
Click to expand...

You two are awesome! :rose::kiss:
 
Knowing what rock bottom feels like. And knowing the strength gained from climbing out of it.

Also knowing that sometimes the problem stems from the people that are around you.
 
What made me who I am today?

My demons. I was diagnosed with chronic depression when I was 9. At 16 I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder. I've struggled with my weight my whole life. I've been diagnosed in the last few years with Fibromyalgia, type 2 diabetes and a few other illnesses.

My father died when I was 26. My best friend as well, same year. My mother is a diagnosed psychopath who was extremely abusive when I was a child.

I was a very angry teenager and young adult. And a very lonely one as well.

But you know what? Those demons help me understand people. My darkness helps me relate to other people through the most human of all experiences. Pain. And I have found that I have a way of saying the things that other people need to say but can't find the words to say. I've become the voice of those who are voiceless. I have learned compassion. I'm proud of that.
 
Nevyn_Black said:
What made me who I am today?

My demons. I was diagnosed with chronic depression when I was 9. At 16 I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder. I've struggled with my weight my whole life. I've been diagnosed in the last few years with Fibromyalgia, type 2 diabetes and a few other illnesses.

My father died when I was 26. My best friend as well, same year. My mother is a diagnosed psychopath who was extremely abusive when I was a child.

I was a very angry teenager and young adult. And a very lonely one as well.

But you know what? Those demons help me understand people. My darkness helps me relate to other people through the most human of all experiences. Pain. And I have found that I have a way of saying the things that other people need to say but can't find the words to say. I've become the voice of those who are voiceless. I have learned compassion. I'm proud of that.
Click to expand...

Awesome !
 
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