Girl, I'm gonna write about you.

Thoggy

Really Experienced
Joined
Jan 12, 2007
Posts
407
Wow.

That may have come across as pretty aggressive.

As if I'm going to take all of the dirty little things I know about you and write a tell all book. It'll will be in all the bookstores before Christmas, I'll be doing the local morning shows by January and by the time the snow melts, everyone will know exactly what sort of a dirty bird you really are under your goody two shoes exterior.

I'll be honest, I probably know very little about you. Apart from your mother's maiden name and your PIN code, you're a closed book to me. I mean, I saw a few things when I was watching you through your living room window, but nothing too revealing. Nice tits by the way.

When I say I'm going to write about you, I mean I want to write about you.

Even more specifically..I need a muse.

If you take a look at my stories, most of them have a woman as their inspiration. Sometimes based on real life fun, sometimes just based on online conversations.

I want to write a new story and I want it to be about you. In order for that to happen, we have to get to know each other better.

Here's what I do know about you.

You're pretty private about your dirty side. Most people have no idea what sort of wanton little slut you could be with the right man.

You love pleasing a man and the idea of being used for your mutual pleasure is pretty much the bee's knees. Shit, now I've dated myself. I am in fact, 104.

You want to find a man who can help you explore your sexuality. Depending on your location, that might just be online for now. As you get comfortable, sharing pics, video, bank accounts. In person eventually if geography isn't being a real asshole.

Finally, you're interested in me. Which leads me...to me. Damnit, trapped by my syntax. I'm in my late 30s, in Toronto, Canada. White, 5'10, 2 eyes, ears, noses, the usual really.

Say hi? Or don't, I'm not the boss of you. Though you really shouldn't have read this far if you weren't applying for the job. It's just a waste of our time and we have 14 applicants who are very interested in the role. HR will show you out.

T
 
Wow.

That may have come across as pretty aggressive.

As if I'm going to take all of the dirty little things I know about you and write a tell all book. It'll will be in all the bookstores before Christmas, I'll be doing the local morning shows by January and by the time the snow melts, everyone will know exactly what sort of a dirty bird you really are under your goody two shoes exterior.

I'll be honest, I probably know very little about you. Apart from your mother's maiden name and your PIN code, you're a closed book to me. I mean, I saw a few things when I was watching you through your living room window, but nothing too revealing. Nice tits by the way.

When I say I'm going to write about you, I mean I want to write about you.

Even more specifically..I need a muse.

If you take a look at my stories, most of them have a woman as their inspiration. Sometimes based on real life fun, sometimes just based on online conversations.

I want to write a new story and I want it to be about you. In order for that to happen, we have to get to know each other better.

Here's what I do know about you.

You're pretty private about your dirty side. Most people have no idea what sort of wanton little slut you could be with the right man.

You love pleasing a man and the idea of being used for your mutual pleasure is pretty much the bee's knees. Shit, now I've dated myself. I am in fact, 104.

You want to find a man who can help you explore your sexuality. Depending on your location, that might just be online for now. As you get comfortable, sharing pics, video, bank accounts. In person eventually if geography isn't being a real asshole.

Finally, you're interested in me. Which leads me...to me. Damnit, trapped by my syntax. I'm in my late 30s, in Toronto, Canada. White, 5'10, 2 eyes, ears, noses, the usual really.

Say hi? Or don't, I'm not the boss of you. Though you really shouldn't have read this far if you weren't applying for the job. It's just a waste of our time and we have 14 applicants who are very interested in the role. HR will show you out.

T

*almost spits soup!*

This has me laughing! Sorry, not applying, but I did want to give this a bump. :D
 
Nope. You're not gonna make me cry with how sweet you're all being. Nope.

I'm a man dammit. I fuck bitches, bang hos and attend feminist poetry readings.

Still..very sweet words.

T
 
My dear Lady JS...

Thank you for raising the question of what order I do things in these days.

I'll be honest, when I was young, I would start at the feminist poetry readings and then attempt to fuck some bitches and bang some hos.

This resulted in my being banned from the majority of poetry readings in the greater Toronto area. There is nothing as inconvenient as having to drive to Kingston when you want to hear some feminist poetry.

Over time, I learned to start with the banging o' the hos (hoes?) and da' bitches. Then once I had gotten it all out of my system, I would go to the poetry readings and be a perfect gentleman.

This has been a real trip down memory lane. Now, where did my volume by Rupi Kaur go? Ah there it is, underneath my copy of Juggs Magazine.

T
 
Quite clever

I have to applaud and *bump* as well, very nice to read a well thought out personal.
 
So much bumping. As Mr. Reginald Kelly says, ain't nothing wrong with a little bump (and grind).

That is all.

T
 
You there. The girl reading this. Say hi already. It's rude to just stare.
 
OK...all this staring and whispering is starting to get to me.

Twice now I've checked to see if my fly is down. Once it was, but when I zipped up, the staring continued.

I guess I need to be more direct.

Thoggy notices you staring and slowly approaches.

"There there little one, don't be scared."

As you feel the urge to flee, Thoggy puts one hand up and does that Crocodile Dundee thing to calm wild animals. It has absolutely no effect on you but he looks ridiculous and you decide to not run.

"I know it's kinda scary, talking to someone for the first time. If you liked what I wrote though, it's almost as if you do know me a little bit already."

Thoggy's lilting Canadian accent reminds you of that summer you spent watching Degrassi and you suddenly wonder if Drake keeps in touch with any of those people or if he is too cool now. You tune back in to Thoggy finishing what appears to be a description of a very detailed sex act.

"...and no matter how much you sweat, you cannot let go of the trapeze. There, don't you feel silly being scared? Grab the lube and meet me out back in 5 minutes. Good girl."

He walks away and you have to decide. Follow the odd Canadian and see if what he likes is what you like or give up on him and find a Ryan Gosling movie to masturbate to before bed.

Well..time to decide.

T
 
:D :D Thoggy don't think you're for me but you made me laugh and I needed that today

Second thoughts maybe I spoke too soon... I do like Canadian accents ;) so I'm off to read one of your stories ....
 
Thoggy,
I'm still taken, so I can't apply... but, I do sincerely hope you find your muse. I think we all do and that is why we bump your thread.

I love the way you write, and your sense of humor. Someone will be a very lucky girl to find herself giving up all the personal details of her secret, naughty life to you.

And, thank you, once again, for making me laugh!


:rose: bfg
 
So many women, saying such nice things.

Yet still, Thoggy remains unMused. He is in such a state of unMusement he has taken to the third person and the making up of words. How unhilarious.

I remain hopeful that a woman reading this decides to dip her toe in the soothing warm water that is Thoggy.

See, that's a horrible analogy! I need a muse damnit!

Come, say hi. If you're dirty and no one knows it, it's time to step forward.

T
 
I volunteer as tribute.
I must warn you, the closest thing I have similar to the Muses is the color of my skin. And hair. And maybe some of the sassy attitude Disney would have you believe.
So... hola!
 
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