Old 11-09-2013, 09:12 PM   #9451
DG Hear
My Friend Kipper
 
DG Hear's Avatar
 
DG Hear is offline
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Fantasy Land
Posts: 6,688
This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo.On the way home I stopped at the gas station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde was filling up her car at the next pump.

She looked at the ammo in the back of my SUV and said in a very sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, big boy. Would you be interested in trading sex for ammo?"

I thought a few seconds and asked, "We might be able to work something out. What kinda ammo ya got?"
 

Old 11-11-2013, 07:34 AM   #9452
DG Hear
My Friend Kipper
 
DG Hear's Avatar
 
DG Hear is offline
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Fantasy Land
Posts: 6,688
Baptist Upbringing

As I walked down the busy sidewalk with my wife, knowing
I was late for church, my eye fell upon one of those
unfortunate, ragged vagabonds that are found in every
city these days. Some people turned to stare. Others
quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow
contaminate them..


Recalling my old pastor, Brother Mike, who always
admonished me to "care for the sick, feed the hungry
and clothe the naked," I was moved by some powerful
inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying
her treasured worldly possessions in two plastic bags, my
heart was touched by this person's condition.

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true,
hidden beauty.

A small voice inside my head called out, "Reach out,
reach out and touch this person."



So I did, and my wife reached out and touched me.


Last edited by DG Hear : 11-11-2013 at 10:10 PM.
 

Old 11-12-2013, 05:28 PM   #9453
Handley_Page
Draco interdum Vincit
 
Handley_Page's Avatar
 
Handley_Page is offline
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 58,511
She sat at the table in the garden, surrounded by papers and wearing a very concentrated frown.
"Hello" said her friend, "please accept my condolences on the loss of your husband. I only discovered it this morning."

"Thank you," said the widow, "he died last week. To be honest, I've been really stressed dealing with it, particularly the funeral arrangements. Who would have thought that a Parade would be this hard?"
__________________
.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Handley Page

Incident at Cemetery Junction.
" Pest Control."
"Mavis's Car Trip."
"Norman-the-dragon. "
"Stacy & the Angel. "
" Earth Tremor on Stage ? "
" Charlie's Story. "
" How to do Audio. "
http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...php?uid=883259
 

Old 11-12-2013, 05:29 PM   #9454
Handley_Page
Draco interdum Vincit
 
Handley_Page's Avatar
 
Handley_Page is offline
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 58,511
I was in the opticians with the wife this morning when she accidentally stood on another customer's foot.

"Ow w w. F#CKING Hell: JESUS CHRIST!" He yelled at her. "You clumsy, fat, ugly, spotty ginger cunt."

"Well you shouldn't have been standing there, pal." I said to him.

"Oh really?" He replied, squaring up to me. "Why's that then?"

"Because you clearly don't need an optician."
__________________
.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Handley Page

Incident at Cemetery Junction.
" Pest Control."
"Mavis's Car Trip."
"Norman-the-dragon. "
"Stacy & the Angel. "
" Earth Tremor on Stage ? "
" Charlie's Story. "
" How to do Audio. "
http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...php?uid=883259
 

Old 11-12-2013, 06:27 PM   #9455
Worker11811
Experienced
 
Worker11811 is offline
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pennsylvania - USA
Posts: 93
... And that's when the fight started.
 

Old 11-12-2013, 08:01 PM   #9456
desertslave
Literotica Guru
 
desertslave's Avatar
 
desertslave is offline
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 5,489
__________________
~~I meant to behave, but there were too many other options.~~
 

Old 11-13-2013, 05:21 PM   #9457
Handley_Page
Draco interdum Vincit
 
Handley_Page's Avatar
 
Handley_Page is offline
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 58,511
An Old Farmer's Advice:

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.

* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen, anyway.

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'."

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

*If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
__________________
.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Handley Page

Incident at Cemetery Junction.
" Pest Control."
"Mavis's Car Trip."
"Norman-the-dragon. "
"Stacy & the Angel. "
" Earth Tremor on Stage ? "
" Charlie's Story. "
" How to do Audio. "
http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...php?uid=883259
 

Old 11-15-2013, 01:43 PM   #9458
Laurel
Kitty Mama
 
Laurel's Avatar
 
Laurel is offline
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: This and That
Posts: 23,517
To alleviate server load, we're slowly closing down any threads with over 5,000 posts. You are free to continue this topic as a new thread. Should you do so, please PM me with a link to both the old and new threads, and I will place a link in this post so that oth
ers who follow this thread will be able to find the new one.

As annoying as this may be, phasing out all or most of the active super-long/never-ending threads will increase the forum speed substantially. If you see a thread that's active with more than 5,000 posts, please feel free to PM me with the link.

Please note that these threads are not being removed - just closed to new posts.

Thank you for your patience and kind understanding!
__________________
"A great future doesn't require a great past." - William Chapman
 
Closed Thread


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:51 AM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.