First Story, Part Two

Here is the link to the second part of my first story:

http://www.literotica.com/s/nightclub-ch-01

It is called Nightclub, and it is posted in the BDSM section, although it might have been more appropriate in the Reluctance/Non-consent category. I have applied to change the link address, but I will edit this post when that happens.

I would love feedback before I start writing a second submission.

(The first part of the story is over here: http://www.literotica.com/s/nightclub-1 )

Thanks in advance for any response!

Okay, on to this chapter.

Please bear in mind that I don't have much of an idea about the nuances of BDSM, so I can simply tell you what I thought of it as a normal erotic story.

Again, I commend your clean writing. There weren't any jarring typos or grammar follies. For the most part, the language was sharp, to the point and conveyed what you wanted efficiently. Lean writing is a skill, and you have it.

Onto the story itself, and once more the crudeness of the scenes got to me. I understand that degradation fantasies work for some (and certainly would not judge it), but it seemed more like a bad dream. In fact, a dream sequence might be one of the ways this story could work. If she has such masochistic fantasies, I can see her dreaming this, but certainly not living it.

I'll add my caveat here that a fantasy is a fantasy and it's hardly my place to impose my version of reality onto your story.

The public nature of the sex and the guttural, raw words went well with the overall theme. Whatever else, you certainly can write good sex scenes. I'm eager to see what you can come up in a non BDSM story.

That's all I can think of right now. If you have any further queries, let me know.

Thanks for the feedback and the compliments. They are very much appreciated

I cannot deny that for whatever reason, I find the fantasy of abusive and degrading treatment, even violent treatment, exciting in a way I would never do in reality. And there are behaviours and hierarchies that excite me in the bedroom, when I am in the mood for it, that I would not stand for outside if it, even in private. A fantasy doesn't feel pain, nor does it have a life that can be ruined. As hot as the idea is to me to be tied up and fucked by several men in a back alley, and have it all on camera, the actuality of that experience would surely be painful and horrifying. Reading/writing a character in a fiction experiencing these things is enough of a remove for me to enjoy them. Putting them in a dream sequence is unnecessary. Obviously, as you say, tastes differ wildly. In fact, writing the explicit sex was the least interesting part of the story for me. What was hottest was all the stuff around the sex.

lizzystein said:

Thanks for the feedback and the compliments. They are very much appreciated

I cannot deny that for whatever reason, I find the fantasy of abusive and degrading treatment, even violent treatment, exciting in a way I would never do in reality. And there are behaviours and hierarchies that excite me in the bedroom, when I am in the mood for it, that I would not stand for outside if it, even in private. A fantasy doesn't feel pain, nor does it have a life that can be ruined. As hot as the idea is to me to be tied up and fucked by several men in a back alley, and have it all on camera, the actuality of that experience would surely be painful and horrifying. Reading/writing a character in a fiction experiencing these things is enough of a remove for me to enjoy them. Putting them in a dream sequence is unnecessary. Obviously, as you say, tastes differ wildly. In fact, writing the explicit sex was the least interesting part of the story for me. What was hottest was all the stuff around the sex.

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I've read and enjoyed some stories with hardcore BDSM, but those usually had long buildups to a point where I could get inside the head of the Dom and the sub and appreciate why they revel in inflicting/receiving pain and humiliation.

Your story felt like reading the last chapter of a BDSM novel without the character study that goes into the D/S relationship. Like a sledgehammer to the gut rather than a gradual progression to a final erotic explosion.

Have you read "The Story of O" by Anais Nin? It's like skipping right to the end and reading the (in)famous BDSM party scene straightaway without seeing how our protagonist becomes submissive.

I can certainly understand the appeal of a slow build-up. Apart from making the writing more palatable to a wider audience, it allows for a deeper, more immersive atmosphere, and for tension to be increased more subtly, making its release all the more explosive. Obviously I didn't choose to do that here. I wrote it as much for my own pleasure as for anyone else's, and so it charges immediately for a level of submission and degradation that I find exciting without explaining how the character could ever have reached a point where she not only accepts such treatment, but desires it. There are trade-offs. On the one hand, the story very quickly delivers the emotional/sexual bang that I am interested in (and judging by some of the feedback I've received, I'm not alone, though we may well be a minority.) On the other hand, I recognize that this heightened punch comes at a cost of emotional verisimilitude, and I accept that. It also limits the audience and I'm okay with that, too.

I might try to write something with a less extreme dynamic in the future, or that builds more slowly to a climax. But then again, maybe not. This is a work of pornography, not erotica. I wrote it for myself foremost, and for others secondarily. Clearly I am looking for some form of recognition or approval, however slight, or I wouldn't have posted it or sought feedback, but my own enjoyment of the process is a key factor.