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the marks of a slave

Marks of a slave… or any form of subbie

Her happiness today solely due to having completed a lot of class work. She kept looking over it, just to see that it was there and done.

The way she just follows, in step, in conversation.
 
intothewoods said:
...

I am very lucky to have close women friends (mothers, even) who are all kinky to some degree (and not in any sort of scene). We get together and can be ourselves and talk about our sex lives without holding back one iota. We're not all submissive, or all straight or all any one thing, but we all accept each other and it is really a pretty awesome thing to have in my life.
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That is so rare. You are indeed very lucky.
 
eastern sun said:
I just think it's funny that the "marks of a slave" thread has been dominated by a group of dominants. :D

It speaks volumes.


P.S. And for that reason alone, I don't mind at all.
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Haha! You're a good sport, Sun. Thanks. :)


Homburg - no problem.
 
Homburg said:
Also because the military has often been the bleeding edge for social equality anyway, odd as that may sound. Black men served beside white men in the army far before they worked beside him in an integrated fashion in the workplace. Black men sat beside white men in chow halls far before they were given the same space at lunch counters. If the military would ditch that DADT silliness (which just about every serviceman or woman I've talked to says is trash, whether they personally like gays in the military or not), I would call it a major step.
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So, can the token Brit as what DADT stands for and what kind of legislation that is? Naturally, I have my guesswork but better to keep silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt... right?
 
My body is hypersensitive today.

I'm driving my son home from school. As I approach an intersection, I hear the sound of skidding tires. In that moment just before anticipated impact, I am flooded with sexual adrenalin. Nothing happens. Traffic moves on. And I am left breathless and panting.

I am startled that I just got turned on by an impending accident.
 
Yesterday I took his car to the garage. Today I went to the dentist.

I sat in the chair, thinking of velvet's analogy. I kept thinking . . . a car doesn't get to experience itself. What a gift this consciousness is!

His car didn't get to feel those strange machinations in the garage. Here I am, in a similar position, but I'm able to feel everything. . . .

******************************************

My experience in the dentist's chair changed radically when I became a "slave." Not only do I feel like I'm taking good care of myself (something I didn't do very well before I did it for someone else); I also enjoy the unpleasantness for what it is, without trying to avoid it. I like emptying my mind, and relaxing my muscles, to reduce resistance. I like opening my body to experience this discomfort. I like the strange positions I find myself in. I like going to the dentist!

My dentist has noticed how I feel, and it becomes downright awkward when he starts flirting with me.
 
eastern sun said:
I am startled that I just got turned on by an impending accident.
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I had a similar experience. It was a tad more dramatic. Me and my ex flipped our truck. We did a 3/4 turn, landing with the driver side pressed to the ground. We had to struggle to climb out of the truck. Once we were out we inspected ourselves and found no injury. We were both 100% fine from the accident.

At which point the adrenaline coursing through my body turned to pure arousal. I was ready to pounce my ex right there in the ditch while waiting for the tow truck. Only my aversion to public sex and the snow making me cold kept anything from happening. Until we got back to the hotel anyways.

I have heard that it is not uncommon for such reactions. It has something to do with the feeling of escaping death/injury.

----
(On a side note, I have been reading your thread from the beginning. And, although I do not always agree with everything posted, I find it very intriguing.)
 
eastern sun said:
Yesterday I took his car to the garage. Today I went to the dentist.

I sat in the chair, thinking of velvet's analogy. I kept thinking . . . a car doesn't get to experience itself. What a gift this consciousness is!

His car didn't get to feel those strange machinations in the garage. Here I am, in a similar position, but I'm able to feel everything. . . .

******************************************

My experience in the dentist's chair changed radically when I became a "slave." Not only do I feel like I'm taking good care of myself (something I didn't do very well before I did it for someone else); I also enjoy the unpleasantness for what it is, without trying to avoid it. I like emptying my mind, and relaxing my muscles, to reduce resistance. I like opening my body to experience this discomfort. I like the strange positions I find myself in. I like going to the dentist!

My dentist has noticed how I feel, and it becomes downright awkward when he starts flirting with me.
Click to expand...

The last time I went to the dentist I said to myself, "okay, This is unpleasant but I will sit here and try my best to relax and just take it and experience it" as a sort of practice, I guess. It worked, haha!
 
intothewoods said:
SinfulSailor said:

There is a common dictionary. It is called the dictionary. Whether compiled and published in the name of Webster, Oxford, Cambridge, "free online" or whatever, the differences are small enough to call them all "the dictionary". In the dictionary, you will find virtually all the terminology we employ in our bdsm subculture. Whip, flog, clamp, torture, slave, master, mistress, anal, dildo, power, submit, dominate, own.... and so on.
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As you mentioned, words that have a meaning in the scene are found in any dictionary, but a non-kinky person using the term submissive or dominant to describe someone is not stamping a label on someone for social identification purposes.
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Aren't they? If I say, "She is intellectually dominant," haven't I described her and some portion of the way she relates to the people around her?

If I say, "he tries to dominate every conversation," I'd think that would be a description for social identification purposes.

If I describe this couple:

Homburg said:
... snipped...

he found a basically vanilla girl that is happy to boss him around and he takes what little kink he can get. While she wears the pants in the family on most issues, they have no formal power exchange, or any of the trappings.
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by saying, "she dominates him in everything," or "he submits to her every whim," ..... really.... what's the diff?

The fact that we kinksters are usually talking about something related to sexuality sure heightens the emotional impact of saying someone dominates or submits - but so what? Either way, it's a description of how that person interacts with someone or something else, or how they react to a situation.

The phrase, "stamping a label" creates some almost violent imagery. No one gets stamped with anything. The words dominant and submissive are just descriptive adjectives. We have created the slang nouns "dominant" and "submissive" but all that does is save keystrokes. We say, "she is a dominant," instead of saying, "she is a dominant person." Shrug.

Why does it matter?

JMohegan said:
The point of my comments from a year ago was to help a guy who was formulating his own concept of ownership.
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Sometimes it matters.

Sometimes it matters that we realize and embrace that the terminology we use is, in its most basic form, terminology that anyone can understand and use. This is a good thing.

 
SinfulSailor said:

Aren't they? If I say, "She is intellectually dominant," haven't I described her and some portion of the way she relates to the people around her?

If I say, "he tries to dominate every conversation," I'd think that would be a description for social identification purposes.

If I describe this couple:



by saying, "she dominates him in everything," or "he submits to her every whim," ..... really.... what's the diff?

The fact that we kinksters are usually talking about something related to sexuality sure heightens the emotional impact of saying someone dominates or submits - but so what? Either way, it's a description of how that person interacts with someone or something else, or how they react to a situation.

The phrase, "stamping a label" creates some almost violent imagery. No one gets stamped with anything. The words dominant and submissive are just descriptive adjectives. We have created the slang nouns "dominant" and "submissive" but all that does is save keystrokes. We say, "she is a dominant," instead of saying, "she is a dominant person." Shrug.

Why does it matter?



Sometimes it matters.

Sometimes it matters that we realize and embrace that the terminology we use is, in its most basic form, terminology that anyone can understand and use. This is a good thing.
Click to expand...

It's the difference between small d democratic and a Democrat.
 
Netzach said:
I'm not a pure expression of American mainstream - you are dealt cards at birth in your culture - how you *play* your hand is your fingerprint.

Culture *by defnition* is a synthetic set of rules and expectation which helps people deal with their immediate realities. As the realities change, so the culture is challenged and changes, breaks, or modifies, or resists the outside force successfully. Or other. But there's nothing "natural" about the rules or behaviors. Or "un-natural" either, it's natural for us to invent systems. This much I'm sure - our brains are hard wired for narrative.
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I love this. And am fascinated by the arguments about cultural semiotics and semantics in the middle of a thread that was intended to capture the "stuff" of this life in anecdotal form.

We are animals. With language. What a responsibility.

Has anyone read Ruiz's "The Four Agreements"?
 
Netzach said:
T doesn't like to have his back open so I sit similarly. I'm not a slave, but I'll pull the moon out of the sky for him, so whatever.

I've never felt un-adored.:rolleyes:

H I'm sure thinks love is eating food I've stuck my high heels through off the soles of my shoes, and I find it appropriate.
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I actually understand not sitting with back exposed. It's something that if ever I am finally in D/s or M/s relationship, I hope my D/M will take into consideration, after hearing exactly why it's such a touchy point for me. It's actually what you might call a "hard limit" for me, to never sit where anyone can walk up behind me. I will always take the booth or table closest to the wall, with my back to the wall......I cannot abide anyone, but the most trusted person to come up behind me, or to touch me from behind. (Sadly, more than one person has been hit reflexifly by me, when they did it. One did it in front of others who knew that it's something you just cannot do with me. I felt so bad, I bloodied his nose, I didn't mean to, it was reflex, but he was so apologetic, and from that day on, made sure that no one else would ever walk up behind me, he became so trusted, he was one that could stand directly behind me to keep others from being there.) Now, if I am at home with a D/M, I will definitly learn to allow myself to be exposed, and in time, hopefully learn to be more exposed if there are trusted friends and such about.
 
eastern sun said:
We are animals. With language. What a responsibility.
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I love this so much. I have already stolen it but will retrospectively ask easternsun's permission. :eek:

As for the DADT thing, I really don't get that. Surely it would be better to keep bi/homosexuals out of the military than to insist they pretend to be straight? I can't imagine what this must be like.

Here in the UK army there can be full disclosure but it's at the discretion of the serviceman/woman involved. The downside of that is there have been some discrimination cases and the military here is just woefully unequipped to deal with that. When someone gets systematically bullied and abused they just shrug and say 'well what did you expect?' Personally, given the institutionalised prejudice, I have no clue what draws bi/homosexuals to the military in the first place. Same goes for the fire service and the police.
 
VelvetDarkness said:
Here in the UK army there can be full disclosure but it's at the discretion of the serviceman/woman involved. The downside of that is there have been some discrimination cases and the military here is just woefully unequipped to deal with that. When someone gets systematically bullied and abused they just shrug and say 'well what did you expect?' Personally, given the institutionalised prejudice, I have no clue what draws bi/homosexuals to the military in the first place. Same goes for the fire service and the police.
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I dislike the archeic attitudes of our services, why on earth should the fact you're homosexual/bisexual stop you from doing a job?

It doesn't make you any less use than a heterosexual person.
 
eastern sun said:
I am honored. Thank you.
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If I could stick a single set of quotation marks around everything you have said in this thread so far, believe me I would have. You really are an inspirational woman and particularly so for those like me, who are very much at the beginning of their road into slavery. :heart:
 
There's one area where he says, "If you want to serve me, be brutal."

It's like rubbing salt in an emotional wound.

And I have struggled with this for years. Not because I'm too nice. No, on the contrary. I have a mean streak that I keep in check on a daily basis.

Anyway, for some reason, this thread has helped tremendously. I don't see any overt connection. I think what's happening is that I'm able to keep the path of my intentions clear.

It is really hard to be brutal without being mean. He is far better at it than I. Once I tap into that energy, I lose my sense of direction. I get caught up in it, and take too many liberties. I try to take control. I get petty. And cruel. Afterwards I feel guilty and try to pretend it wasn't me who wanted "that," would never have done "it" without his urging, and etc. etc.

In the last few weeks, though, it's been just a bit easier. And I think this is why... With a public record of my intentions, I can act in a way that seems inconsistent with those intentions (but isn't in fact). I can let go of a certain confusion I've been holding onto.

There's a few twisted paths in the labyrinth of my mind, and I can lose my way when I'm there by myself. I can confuse myself so easily.

The last couple of weeks though, I've been able to see much more clearly how to provide this kind of service, without losing my position as "slave."

I am very grateful. He is pleased.
 
I don't know if this is comparable but Master has been on and on at me to be more proactive about helping him lose weight. I make healthy food but he wants more than that. I bought a rowing machine from a friend and set it up in our spare room. He hasn't gone near it because the wire that connects the rower from the little computer that calculates how much work you've done and calories you've burned was broken by my friends kids. :rolleyes:

I nagged him when he bought takeout, but he was never deterred. I offered to go on walks with him, but they always seemed to end with a pub and a pint.

So I started using it myself, dropped a few pounds and got suitably smug, hoping to shame him into it. I put on my sluttiest corsetry and flaunted my figure, luring him into a calorie burning fuckathon that left him completely exhausted. I smiled like a cat with cream and simply said' 'let's do that again'

Yesterday he announces that he's joined the gym opposite his work. The company he works for has a deal with the gym so employees get a discount. I have been ordered to get him some suitable workout clothes. He is now galvanised.

But I feel so mean and unslavelike for making him feel bad about himself.
 
My son is a budding dungeon master, in the Dungeons and Dragons role-playing game. (Read into that whatever you wish :rolleyes:)

He's having his friends and family engage in the first major campaign this Saturday night. And my husband and I will be playing.

My husband has learned that I'm the stupidest character in our adventuring party (bad roll of the dice), and he's set on manipulating my character into serving his interests.

The problem is this. . . I'm not his "slave" in the game.

When we play games together, he doesn't want me to let him win. (Actually, it's a little more complicated that that - I have handicapped myself in certain circumstances. But usually I play to win. He likes beating me more when I do that.)

So here we are. He's trying to manipulate me in this role-playing game, and thinks I'm being stubborn by not going along with it. I try to tell him, "my character may be stupid, but she's not so dumb she would get bitten by a snake." (His efforts at manipulating me were too obvious.) So he changes his tactics.

I can tell this is going to get complicated.

It's funny, though. There was a time when we role-played the sexual relationship. Now, we're role-playing out of it. . . . ;)
 
VelvetDarkness said:
If I could stick a single set of quotation marks around everything you have said in this thread so far, believe me I would have. You really are an inspirational woman and particularly so for those like me, who are very much at the beginning of their road into slavery. :heart:
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You are very, very kind. :heart:

(To the readers - Velvet and I had the opportunity to meet each other when she came to NYC. I am equally impressed by the thoughtfulness and dedication she brings to this experience. I can't even begin to think of what my own experience would be like if I had embraced it formally at a much earlier stage in my life.
Velvet has also helped me privately during periods when I didn't really want to share what was going on, but needed the insight of someone with a similar perspective. She is truly a generous woman.)
 
eastern sun said:
My son is a budding dungeon master, in the Dungeons and Dragons role-playing game. (Read into that whatever you wish :rolleyes:)
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Heh, I started playing D&D when I was eight years old, and have been the DM/GM for the vast majority of the games I've been involved in since. I've not played in a while, but more for lack of time than lack of willingness.

He's having his friends and family engage in the first major campaign this Saturday night. And my husband and I will be playing.

My husband has learned that I'm the stupidest character in our adventuring party (bad roll of the dice), and he's set on manipulating my character into serving his interests.

The problem is this. . . I'm not his "slave" in the game.

When we play games together, he doesn't want me to let him win. (Actually, it's a little more complicated that that - I have handicapped myself in certain circumstances. But usually I play to win. He likes beating me more when I do that.)

So here we are. He's trying to manipulate me in this role-playing game, and thinks I'm being stubborn by not going along with it. I try to tell him, "my character may be stupid, but she's not so dumb she would get bitten by a snake." (His efforts at manipulating me were too obvious.) So he changes his tactics.

I can tell this is going to get complicated.

It's funny, though. There was a time when we role-played the sexual relationship. Now, we're role-playing out of it. . . . ;)
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For years, I ran games with viv in them. She started out playing off the characters I ran as the GM, but eventually branched out to playing off of other people. Most interestingly, in more than one instance, she was clearly the dominant party in the role-played relationship.

There is something to be said about stepping outside our usual roles in the "safe" environment of tabletop roleplay. The BDSM dynamic adds some spice to it, especially when you step outside that. I made it a standing rule that our relationship outside of game was to have no bearing inside the game, as I didn't want to hamper her experience in the game. A little weird perhaps, but can be great fun.

Kudos to you for gaming with your son. My mom did the same with me shortly after I started. In her case, I set it up as there was a LOT of negative press towards D&D at the time, and I wanted her to be able to understand what I was doing. Perhaps precocious of me to do so, but she played a full session with me, and did not give me a lick of grief for playing the game afterwards.
 
JMohegan said:
I often turn conversations around, focusing on the other guy, which helps a lot in giving him points of reference.

So, for example, if I say: "I'm a sadist" and the guy covers his surprise with something like: "A what?" and I say: "You know, aroused by inflicting pain on a partner" and he says something like: "Dude, that's so wrong" then I reply with something like: "Nah, not really. I'd put money on YOU being a bit of a sadist, too" and he says: "You'd lose that bet" and I say: "C'mon, man, think about it. Haven't you ever felt that extra jolt after coppin' a squeeze, twist, or thrust?" and he'll say: "Well, yeah" and I say: "There ya go!"

And he'll usually laugh (not sure if I'm kidding or not), so I'll steer the conversation to something generic like the physiology of impact play for a while (and half the time, the guy will say something like: "Oh, well of course I like spanking" and occasionally he'll get a bit nervous at this point, and I'll find out later that he likes *being* spanked), and then I'll ask him if he's ever had a woman kneel at his feet, doin' the obvious and lookin' up with those vulnerable but turned on eyes, and of course he'll say yes and I'll ask: Wasn't that hot? And of course he'll say: FUCK YEAH. And if I ask if he's ever experimented with restraints (makeshift of otherwise) the answer is almost always: yes. And wasn't that hot? Of course.

Now we have a common reference for the erotic nature of power and pain, and everything else is just a matter of scale. It's not always this easy, but such conversations are far from uncommon. Sometimes he'll be inspired to embrace power and pain more extensively in the bedroom; oftentimes, not. Either way, I'm not interested in recruitment or conversions. Just trying to increase understanding and acceptance for alternative sexuality in the population at large.
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Interesting stuff.
 
Homburg said:
Kudos to you for gaming with your son. My mom did the same with me shortly after I started. In her case, I set it up as there was a LOT of negative press towards D&D at the time, and I wanted her to be able to understand what I was doing. Perhaps precocious of me to do so, but she played a full session with me, and did not give me a lick of grief for playing the game afterwards.
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This is totally my freaking future. :rolleyes:
 
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