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IRS Audit

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant
lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says
Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go
ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a
bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The
auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand
dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he
takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost
three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He
starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks. 'I'll bet you three thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could
possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but
although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream
reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much
urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just
turned a major loss into a huge win by breaking even. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in
his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he
bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in
here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy
about it!'

Don't Mess with us Old People!! :D
 
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time..

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.
 
Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to
say about Ohioans...:)

1. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from
September through May, you may live in Ohio ....

2. If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Ohio ...

3. If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same
time, you may live in Ohio ...

4, If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation
with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Ohio ...

5. If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Columbus for the Weekend, you may live in Ohio ...

6. If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Ohio ...

7. If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Ohio ....

8. If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you may live in Ohio ...

9. If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in Ohio ...

10. If you install security lights on your house and
garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Ohio ...

11. If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Ohio ...

12. If you design your kid's Halloween costume to
fit over a snowsuit, you may live in Ohio .

13. If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph - you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Ohio .

14. If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow now, you may live in Ohio ...

15. If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction,
you may live in Ohio ...

16. If you have more miles on your snow blower than
your car, you may live in Ohio ...

17. If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you may live in Ohio .

If you actually understand these jokes, and forward
them to all your Ohio friends & others, you definitely live in Ohio !!
 
Recovering from an operation

A patient awakened after a serious operation only to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn.

"Why are all the blinds closed?" she asked her doctor.

"Well," the surgeon responded, "They're fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed." :eek:
 
Bull Mating

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated:

"This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated:

"This bull mated 65 times last year."

The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said:

"This bull mated 365 times last year."

The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."

The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."

I should be released from the hospital in two days.:eek:
 
To Be Six Again

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not too far off he asked her what she would like for her birthday, 'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted . He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong!! :confused:
 
Fantasy

Ask any man what a woman's ultimate fantasy is and they will tell you, to have two men at once. According to a recent social logical study this is true, however most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking, and the other is cleaning.
 
Types of Women to Avoid

Posted this on another thread but thought it was worth sharing here.



1. The Drama Queen (or, “OMFG, I broke a nail!”)
When the ordinary events of life pall, count on Ms DQ to liven things up. As she lurches from one “crisis” to the next, her radar sweeps constantly, detecting the slightest variation from the desired, and issuing a full-scale Armageddon alert. Woe unto you should you fail to appreciate the seriousness of each and every heart-stopping moment.

2. “Mimi!” (or, Me-Me-Me-Me-Me!)
You exist as an accessory in her world, and not a particularly fashionable one at that. How dare you say, “I have needs, too!” when it’s clear to anyone but a complete imbecile that her desires comprise the exact center of the universe? Traffic should part before her, the guy on the nightclub door should always wave her instantly through, and for a boutique not to have her favorite lip gloss is a hanging offense. But it’s really all right … no matter how hard you try to fulfill her desires, she’ll soon move on to someone else. And yes, you’re to blame.

3. The Leaning Post (or, “Take care of me. Take care of me. Take care…”
Turning helplessness into an art form, Ms LP is waiting for her knight in shining armor to rescue her… from everything. Life is just so confusing and hard, y’know? Besides, she really doesn’t handle stress—or anything else—very well. She just doesn’t know what she’d do without you, and isn’t about to find out. Ms LP can, when threatened with abandonment, do a creditable impression of The Amazing Ms Octopus (see below).

4. Miss Understanding (or, “If you loved me, you’d understand.”)
Miss Understanding is looking for that one person in the world who can “truly” understand her. Understandably, she goes through a lot of trial runs, all of which end in failure due to her “complexity” and your Neanderthal insensitivity. With the rawest nerve endings in the known universe, the slightest quirk of your eyebrow can trigger a torrent of tears, accusations, and dramatic suicidal gestures. Good luck figuring this one out. A geographical cure is the only known effective treatment.

5. The Amazing Ms Octopus (or, “Just you try to leave me!”)
You’ve never been held so tightly by anyone, and you never will because she’ll never let you go. Luring her prey with a semblance of normalcy, The Amazing Ms Octopus soon reveals an uncanny similarity to the La Brea tar pits. Many and mysterious are the ways in which her invisible tentacles wind about you, deftly dislocating your willpower and rendering escape a hopeless prospect. You sucker.

6. Ms Sherwin Williams (or, Smother the Earth™)
You’ll never again forget your galoshes, or your umbrella, or your pills, or to buckle your seat belt when Ms SW enters your life. If she’s cold, you’ll put on a sweater. You’ll give up red meat because it’s bad for your heart. Oh, and prepare yourself to lose twenty pounds because she worries about the prospect of you developing diabetes despite the fact that your doctor thinks your weight is fine. What does he know? He’s not married to you! Friends will be a thing of the past, because she’s all you should ever need, you ungrateful wretch!
 
Yes, They Walk And Live Among Us....

A LITTLE SCARY...Here are some new ones.

A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples:

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
(On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. While I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, she interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts "

Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa ''

Her response - click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando .
He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.
I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!''(OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?''
I said, ''No.'' She said, ''But they look so close on the map. (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'

She replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a20tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!'' After putting her on hold for a minute, while I looked into it (I was dying laughing), I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , CA is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California , and then take the train to Hawaii ?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?'' I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

10. A lady Senator called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?'' I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane. She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many time s and never had to have one of those.'' I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, ''Look, I' ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Mexico Congress woman called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .'' I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''
''Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere.' ''The lady retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''

So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?'' The reply?
''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in! Could anyone be this DUMB?

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED!:eek::eek::eek:
 
Three Litte Pigs

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read, "...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said 'Holy Shit! A talking pig!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

(come-on now, that was funny)
DG:D
 
Contract Bidding in DC

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C.;
One from Illinois, one from Tennessee, and a third from Kentucky.
They all go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Tennessee contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
'Well', he says, 'I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'
The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says,
'I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'
The Illinois contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers,
'$2,700.'
The official, incredulous, whispers back,
'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?'
The Illinois contractor whispers back,
'$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire that guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.'
'Done!' replies the government official.
And that my friends, is how it all works ! !
:rolleyes:
 
If you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!!!!!!

A United States Marine was attending some college
Courses between assignments. He had completed missions
In Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor Who was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in.
He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, GOD if you are real Then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 min.' The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting.'

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got Out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; Knocking him off the platform.. The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.

The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, Noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and sked, 'What in the world is the matter with you? 'Why did you do that?'

The Marine calmly replied, 'GOD was too busy today protecting America 's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me.'

The classroom erupted in cheers! :D
 
Thoughts!!!

A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.

"Ah....." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children."

"That's what you think," said the man scornfully. "I'm the father of THREE children."…

The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think!"
:confused:
 
Perfume

An old Italian woman rides the elevator in a lavish building. A young and beautiful woman, smelling like expensive perfume, gets into the elevator.

She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, “Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!”

A couple of floors later, another young and beautiful woman gets in. She turns to the old woman and says, “Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!”

Three floors later the old Italian woman has reached her destination. As she exits the elevator, she bends over and farts, then bellows, “Broccoli, 49 cents a pound!”
 
This is what happens when we teach our children to read.
After six-year-old looked at all his Easter candy, he informed his parents Dan and Amber, I know where the Easter Bunny lives." They looked at him in amazement. "Oh really? Where?" Dan asked. Eddie replied, "China, because everything in my Easter basket has China on it."
 
In court to plead his case, an alleged auto thief listened as the judge asked the simple question, "How do you plead?"

The defendant, representing himself replied, "Before I plead, your honor, I'd like to explain just why I stole that car."
 
The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the U.S. railroads were built by English expatriates.

Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did ''they'' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts.

So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts? The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made for or by Imperial Rome they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

Thus, we have the answer to the original questions. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification (Military Spec) for an Imperial Roman army war chariot. Military specs and bureaucracies live forever. So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's ass came up with it, you may be exactly right. Because the Imperial Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate the back-ends of two war horses.
 
There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.
Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.''
So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution."
''Why?' asked the head nurse.
"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts.
 
Vocabulary Word of the Day

Liquidity: That's when you look at the current value of your retirement portfolio and piss in your pants.
 
God Bless You

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in the first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang, and wipes of the tip. A minute later the man sneezes again, then pulls out his member to clean it off. Then it happens again.

“Three times you have sneezed, and three times you’ve pulled out your penis to wipe it off!” yells the woman next to him, “What’s your deal?”

“Sorry ma’am,” the man replies, “I have a condition where I orgasm when I sneeze.”

“What are you taking for it?” the woman asks.

“Pepper.”
:D
 
How the Jews got The Ten Commandments?

God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you, that will make your lives better.”
Arabs asked, "What are Commandments? Can you give us an example?”
God said, "For example ........... Thou shall not kill."
The Arabs were shocked, "What? Not kill? No way! Killing and massacaring innocent people is our birth-right and the only reason for our existence. No. We are not interested."

So God went to the Africans and said, "I've Commandments."
The Africans wanted an example.
God said, "For example ........... Honor thy Father and Mother."
The Africans were dismayed. They said, "Father? Yo maan! Can't tell for sure, who our fathers are, maan!"

So God went to the Mexicans and said, "I've Commandments."
The Mexicans wanted an example.
God said, "For example ........... Thou shall not steal.”
The Mexicans were flabbergasted. They said, "No steal? No steal? Hey Senor, we no steal then how we live, huh? Gracias, but no!

So God went to the French and said, "I've Commandments.”
The French wanted an example.
God said, "For example ........... Thou shall not commit adultery."
The French were stunned. They said, "What? Not commit ze adultery…? Non, Non, Non. Non Monsieur. Pardonnez nous. We ze French, must have ze romance."

So God went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
They asked, "Commandments? How much do they cost?"
God replied, "They are free.”
The Jews answered, “Good. We shall take ten!"

LOL. NO OFFENCE MEANT!
:)
 
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Madam, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, four years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the boot if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes five police cars circle the car. Armed officers train their weapons on the woman. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Madam, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you madam, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
 
A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.

He had finished the book by the time he reached his house. The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!

I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

"The funeral director," said his wife.
 
SENIOR DRESS CODE

Many of us over 50, WAY over 50, or on the way TO 50 are quite confused about how we should present ourselves.. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashion.

In spite of what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedo's and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Pierced nipples that hang below the waist

11. Bikinis and liver spots.

12. Short shorts and varicose veins.

13. Inline skates and a walker..

And the ultimate 'Bad Taste' in fashion for the older folks...

14. Thongs and Depends.
 
WINTER BLONDE

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.

She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.

All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.

He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in Michigan, and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
 
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