How do you like to hurt?

I kept seeing this thread title and thinking. Good question.

I don't think I like hurting. I do like the intimacy and knowledge bonus gained by being willing to hurt for someone who wants to see it, or needs to see it somehow.

Being willing to hurt makes me open to seeing people at their most vulnerable, their most needy, their most honest.
 
I see right away that my definition of emotional pain is not the same as everyone else's. ;-)

I like humiliation and degradation. And that is definately emotional pain.

My definition (the one I had in my mind when I started this thread) is wrong. Or has another name. But is entirely different from what has been posted.

mmm I have to think on how this works...

LOL
 
I see right away that my definition of emotional pain is not the same as everyone else's. ;-)

I like humiliation and degradation. And that is definately emotional pain.

My definition (the one I had in my mind when I started this thread) is wrong. Or has another name. But is entirely different from what has been posted.

mmm I have to think on how this works...

LOL

thats how I thought of it, humiliation and degredation.
 
thats how I thought of it, humiliation and degredation.

LOL and understandably so. That's what emotional pain is.

I have this all wrong and I'm not sure how to articulate what I meant by emotional pain at the onset.

I'm working on it.

The key is that I don't want to give up too much personal information when I define it (as I meant it) but I might have to. LOL
 
I see right away that my definition of emotional pain is not the same as everyone else's. ;-)

I like humiliation and degradation. And that is definately emotional pain.

My definition (the one I had in my mind when I started this thread) is wrong. Or has another name. But is entirely different from what has been posted.

mmm I have to think on how this works...

LOL

Like actual emotional pain. Rejection. Cruelty. Kicking you in the soft spot.

Yeah, not a lot of people eroticize that, but some can and do. The thing closerIam talked about killing her a little - some people get off on that, bless their pervert souls.
 
I see right away that my definition of emotional pain is not the same as everyone else's. ;-)

I like humiliation and degradation. And that is definately emotional pain.


My definition (the one I had in my mind when I started this thread) is wrong. Or has another name. But is entirely different from what has been posted.

mmm I have to think on how this works...

LOL

For you, that is emotionally painful for you. what might bring you emotional pain may not bother me, but what may scar me emotionally might roll of your back. We each have our own teiggers for the tingly feelings. None of us are right or wrong in that, as there isnt a right and wrong... it's what you and your partners do and/or feel. I dont find it humiliating or degrading to be called a whore.. now Master telling me that he's going to sell my services a cocksucker and the fact that the thought turns me on..and he uses that to tease me.. now that.. humiliates me.. but it's not painful.. it just embarrasses me. And I realize that to others, that would be defined as emotional pain..
 
Like actual emotional pain. Rejection. Cruelty. Kicking you in the soft spot.

Yeah, not a lot of people eroticize that, but some can and do. The thing closerIam talked about killing her a little - some people get off on that, bless their pervert souls.
Yes, you're on the right track.

Staying with someone who treats you with indifference, makes you constantly wonder if you matter at all... stuff like that. But when they come 'round again, your whole world lights up.

You sit on the edge waiting for the next time.

And when the next time happens, he canes and bites and beats you black and blue. And you tolerate it not because you like that kind of pain, because you don't, but because you're getting his attention again.

Does this mean anything to anyone besides me?
 
For you, that is emotionally painful for you. what might bring you emotional pain may not bother me, but what may scar me emotionally might roll of your back. We each have our own teiggers for the tingly feelings. None of us are right or wrong in that, as there isnt a right and wrong... it's what you and your partners do and/or feel. I dont find it humiliating or degrading to be called a whore.. now Master telling me that he's going to sell my services a cocksucker and the fact that the thought turns me on..and he uses that to tease me.. now that.. humiliates me.. but it's not painful.. it just embarrasses me. And I realize that to others, that would be defined as emotional pain..

yes, you are right on all counts. I apologize for being stupid in my posts.
 
Yes, you're on the right track.

Staying with someone who treats you with indifference, makes you constantly wonder if you matter at all... stuff like that. But when they come 'round again, your whole world lights up.

You sit on the edge waiting for the next time.

And when the next time happens, he canes and bites and beats you black and blue. And you tolerate it not because you like that kind of pain, because you don't, but because you're getting his attention again.

Does this mean anything to anyone besides me?

Yes. It brings me back to what Dickens would've called the best of times and the worst of times. And I miss it like crazy.
 
For me... well.... i love to hurt physically.. almost to the point that i feel i may pass out from it.. if it's an inflicted pain in many places. I don't like headaches, broken bones, or splinters.. but.. a whip, flogger, cane, thudding of a broad handle... Oh my God....

I also love humiliation and degredation AT THE TIME of a scene... out of it and i am very much like Fi in that i will shut down and shut off...
 
yes, you are right on all counts. I apologize for being stupid in my posts.

*sigh*

You werent being stupid

It's just that so many times in these discussions, it leads to a plethora of generalizations and discounting other people's experiences and takes on things and ends up tumbling down into a fiery pit of who is right and who is wrong.
 
Yes. It brings me back to what Dickens would've called the best of times and the worst of times. And I miss it like crazy.

*hugs*

This whole conversation reminds me of the seminar by Midori where she stressed learning how far you could go with emotional sadism. For some people.. like me.. if it becomes painful, I'm done, it just doesnt do it for me, even in a scene. But I know that Bunny likes it, craves for it to be brutal. I'm sure there are people on every part of the spectrum
 
Yes. It brings me back to what Dickens would've called the best of times and the worst of times. And I miss it like crazy.
And when I was discussing this earlier (the discussion that prompted me to start this thread) we differentiated physical masochism from emotional based on what I posted just now. We weren't discussing humiliation or degradation or namecalling. We were discussing emotional pain in the sense that you and I are now discussing it.

What would you call that? I'm at a loss for another name.

Pond scum masochism? as in being treated like... lol
 
And when I was discussing this earlier (the discussion that prompted me to start this thread) we differentiated physical masochism from emotional based on what I posted just now. We weren't discussing humiliation or degradation or namecalling. We were discussing emotional pain in the sense that you and I are now discussing it.

What would you call that? I'm at a loss for another name.

Pond scum masochism? as in being treated like... lol


To me what you are talking about as emotional pain is that, not so much humiliation though a lot associate emotional masochism with those elements because that is their trigger. I think EM can also get into areas where the emotions are teased, abused, played with in a way which is painful and deep and these are some of the places we can go...it is a fine line though in terms of not pushing it too far and what is painfully pleasant and which is just pain beyond endurance.

Catalina:catroar:
 
I do not like emotional pain in any way shape or form, including humiliation. I sometimes like physical, and only some types of physical pain.
 
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And when I was discussing this earlier (the discussion that prompted me to start this thread) we differentiated physical masochism from emotional based on what I posted just now. We weren't discussing humiliation or degradation or namecalling. We were discussing emotional pain in the sense that you and I are now discussing it.

What would you call that? I'm at a loss for another name.

Pond scum masochism? as in being treated like... lol

I like pond scum masochism, LOL.

I just suck at talking about it because it's hard to explain. The more indifferent I think he is, the meaner and more cruel he is to me, the harder I try to please him. And the more poignant it is when he's kind to me.
 
I see right away that my definition of emotional pain is not the same as everyone else's. ;-)

I like humiliation and degradation. And that is definately emotional pain.

My definition (the one I had in my mind when I started this thread) is wrong. Or has another name. But is entirely different from what has been posted.

mmm I have to think on how this works...

LOL


i don't consider "in scene" humiliation/degradation emotionally painful. It's the stuff Netzach is talking about that i consider emotional pain.
 
I kept seeing this thread title and thinking. Good question.

I don't think I like hurting. I do like the intimacy and knowledge bonus gained by being willing to hurt for someone who wants to see it, or needs to see it somehow.

Being willing to hurt makes me open to seeing people at their most vulnerable, their most needy, their most honest.

Not that it matters but, I agree with you on this. Especially in regard to physical pain.

And the more I think about it, I think it also is valid, for me, regarding the kind of psychological (I think I've found the word!!!) pain.
 
I like pond scum masochism, LOL.

I just suck at talking about it because it's hard to explain. The more indifferent I think he is, the meaner and more cruel he is to me, the harder I try to please him. And the more poignant it is when he's kind to me.

Yes. I'm all over that. ;-)
 
Not that it matters but, I agree with you on this. Especially in regard to physical pain.

And the more I think about it, I think it also is valid, for me, regarding the kind of psychological (I think I've found the word!!!) pain.

I've been thinking about that also. It's really a great question.

The only value for being treated in any adverse way is for me to know I'm immune to it.

It's a bit like being an emotional immune system daredevil. I want to know my weaknesses...I like to know I can be exposed to the common cold, then influenza, then Ebola...and not be affected.

I'm entirely selfish in that testing myself against other people makes me stronger. People willing to test me, are the ones that provide the opportunity.

I can't say I like the exposure...but I do really like the proof of immunity. It gives me a lot of personal satisfaction. It's nice for me to know that even the people I love can't really hurt me even if they try. I'm immune, I'll find a way to adapt or deflect.

I'm also selfish in that if a person is just the common cold, or just influenza, or just Ebola, I'm not the slightest bit interested. The testing has to adapt as well.
 
I like pond scum masochism, LOL.

I just suck at talking about it because it's hard to explain. The more indifferent I think he is, the meaner and more cruel he is to me, the harder I try to please him. And the more poignant it is when he's kind to me.

Right.

But if that never happens...

well I think abuse is defined by the acted upon really. Some people would seek a relationship in which nothing good ever happens for them because that is what they want out of it. Their reasons, their experience, is the determining factor of whether that's right or wrong.
 
I've been thinking about that also. It's really a great question.

The only value for being treated in any adverse way is for me to know I'm immune to it.

It's a bit like being an emotional immune system daredevil. I want to know my weaknesses...I like to know I can be exposed to the common cold, then influenza, then Ebola...and not be affected.

I'm entirely selfish in that testing myself against other people makes me stronger. People willing to test me, are the ones that provide the opportunity.

I can't say I like the exposure...but I do really like the proof of immunity. It gives me a lot of personal satisfaction. It's nice for me to know that even the people I love can't really hurt me even if they try. I'm immune, I'll find a way to adapt or deflect.

I'm also selfish in that if a person is just the common cold, or just influenza, or just Ebola, I'm not the slightest bit interested. The testing has to adapt as well.

I admit to enjoying an amount of "I wanna see what rolls off me" and upping the ante. I like public humiliation because I like the reaction of people who would never ever ever subject themself to what I'm doing, though I've only gone there a few times and that was kind of enough, point proven, dishing this is so much more fun for me.
 
I admit to enjoying an amount of "I wanna see what rolls off me" and upping the ante. I like public humiliation because I like the reaction of people who would never ever ever subject themself to what I'm doing, though I've only gone there a few times and that was kind of enough, point proven, dishing this is so much more fun for me.

For me, people who are working out issues have moments of clarity, moments of epiphany when given a chance to work them out without limit. Those moments are golden, then the issues change and you start seeking some new clarity and epiphany.

I actually don't like exposing my issues at all. I like learning through other people's issues.
 
Yes, you're on the right track.

Staying with someone who treats you with indifference, makes you constantly wonder if you matter at all... stuff like that. But when they come 'round again, your whole world lights up.

You sit on the edge waiting for the next time.

And when the next time happens, he canes and bites and beats you black and blue. And you tolerate it not because you like that kind of pain, because you don't, but because you're getting his attention again.

Does this mean anything to anyone besides me?

Yes......... oh, yes... Reading this took me right back to my teenage years, to the first guy I 'loved'... He hit. He bit. He was abusive... but I stayed around. I didn't like that kind of pain, but it did mean I had his attention. I hadn't thought of this for many years, but I wonder if it has something to do with where I am now... Discovering a submissive side of myself and 'needing' some physical pain to balance out the hurt I feel inside.

yes, you are right on all counts. I apologize for being stupid in my posts.

You were not being stupid. Different people, different perceptions, different experiences... It's great to hear the entire spectrum of responses.

(love your new AV, btw)
 
I think if it's something you're aware of, something you've accepted, and something you enjoy (I use the word loosely), though, I don't think it's "abuse." I think, deep down, what makes a truly meaningful experience for me as a sub is knowing I don't have power over the other person.

Yeah, it's easy for a man to tell you that you're powerless and that you have to do whatever he tells you, etc. But the truth is, I've almost always been in control, even when I was "submitting." I might be on my knees crawling around because some jackass tells me to, but inside, I'm thinking, "Yeah, I'm only doing this to humor you, dipshit. If I look up at you with my big blue eyes and whimper, 'I'm horny,' there's no doubt in my mind that you'll do my bidding."

Which I suppose goes back to my assertion that most "Doms" aren't really, but I digress.

I suppose it takes real cruelty to prove to me that you're not under my thumb. But once you do prove that to me...well, to say I'd move mountains for you is an understatement.

That's not to say that I don't crave kindness, either. I actually need more kindness than cruelty, but kindness doesn't have to mean I have him wrapped around my little finger, either. I think when kindness and cruelty are used in conjunction with one another, each makes the other that much more meaningful.

Or else I'm talking like a crazy person. Whatever. Bring on the straitjacket. :devil:
 
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