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Shits and Giggles

Trixareforkids said:
It made me chuckle

And now here's one I wish was an earwig.
Click to expand...
One of those brain-devouring earwigs, yes. Meanwhile...
____________________________________________

A BEAR CHEWED ME UP - [fiddle waltz]

I usta be good-lookin', I usta be a god
I usta be a model, then a bear chewed me up
-
[chorus:]
A bear chewed me up, a bear chewed me up
I usta have it all but then a bear chewed me up
-
I usta be immortal, I usta be immune
I usta be insured but then a bear chewed me up
[chorus]
-
It happened in Alaska, I was living off the land
Just a trapper in a crapper, then a bear chewed me up
[chorus]
-
She chewed off Mr Happy and she chewed off my face
I ain't been much to look at since a bear chewed me up
[chorus]
-
She chewed off my navel and she chewed off both my ears
I can't hear you talking since a bear chewed me up
[chorus]
-
So now you've heard my story, let's have another round
I haven't been to town since a bear chewed me up
[chrous]
 
Are you there 1201, it's me Trixie

I came here by chance, put on my big girl panties offered up my words and looked around for some friendly faces. But what if my poetry is truly terrible? Will they all hate me? Please help me 1201. Don't let the PoBos be too horrible. Thank you.
 
2001, I knew. Been there, etc.
1601, I know. (Cf Mark Twain)
1201, I don't know. A bad year?
0801, a bad year for sure, yeah.
Those 400-year cycles intimidate.
 
Trixareforkids said:
I came here by chance, put on my big girl panties offered up my words and looked around for some friendly faces. But what if my poetry is truly terrible? Will they all hate me? Please help me 1201. Don't let the PoBos be too horrible. Thank you.
Click to expand...
WTF
as far as poetry, truly terrible has been occupied for something like three years now
as far as hated, I've pretty much cornered the market, and I'm not a sharin' guy
live with it

but since you're here
why do big girl panties always get smaller? Until they disappear up the crack of the ass?

How Many Hate Me

How many hate me? Let me count the feys.
I'm tol' thirty, shoulds't mak'st thee thirty-one?
 
twelveoone said:
WTF
as far as poetry, truly terrible has been occupied for something like three years now
as far as hated, I've pretty much cornered the market, and I'm not a sharin' guy
live with it

but since you're here
why do big girl panties always get smaller? Until they disappear up the crack of the ass?

How Many Hate Me

How many hate me? Let me count the feys.
I'm tol' thirty, shoulds't mak'st thee thirty-one?
Click to expand...

It's a play on the Judy Blume book.

You said "and answers to the prayers of Trix"
which made me think of "Are you there God, it's me Margaret"
She was looking for answers to questions of faith
I'm looking for answers to questions on poetry

I don't bother joking with people I don't like
Whether others like, love or hate you
is irrelevant to me
I ask questions where I think they can be answered
your knowledge of poetry, while I'm sure not omnipotent
is vastly superior to mine.

I don't do deities, and anyway you're more akin to an oracle
almost never clear but accurate in your assessments
though it generally takes much thought and fumbling to understand,
for me at least

or, simpler terms

it's a fucking joke, that's why it's here in Shits and Giggles



Opening lines of the referenced book:

Are you there God? It's me, Margaret. We're moving today. I'm so scared God. I've never lived anywhere but here. Suppose I hate my new school? Suppose everybody there hates me? Please help me God. Don't let New Jersey be too terrible. Thank you.
 
ORGANIC POLKA
(don't forget accordions and oom-pahs)

(1) Miso, green tea, and tabouleh
Tea tree oil and spirulina
Let's do the Organic Polka
Tofu Rella, Silk vanilla
Soy tempeh and ses'me pizza, yah
It's the Organic Polka
Gardenburgers, honey Kasha
Oranges from the Tree of Life
Tandoori on a wooden knife (uh uh)
It's the Organic Polka!
--
(2) Rainforest crisp and fresh man-gos
Taj polek paneer and fresh to-ma-toes
Shoyu, tahine and nice couscous
All in a solar stew (Hey!)
--
(1) Echinacea and elder-
Berries and Sonoma cider
It's the Organic Polka (wah wah wah)
Yukon bars, tamari chips, and
Low-fat avacado dips
Let's do the Organic Polka
Hearty rye and amaranth
Devouring the 10-fold path
Some wine pressed from the grapes of wrath
Let's do the Organic Polka!
 
Dang it! Now I've got oompa loompas dancing a polka in my head.

Though, they ain't eating organic food. Well, maybe a bit of that wine.
 
Remember, poison hemlock is organic. But I digress.

I used to live above the Russian River north of San Francisco, amidst redwood groves and overlooking vineyards. One local winery (Topolos) featured zinfandels. My fave was their Eco-Zin, hearty organic stuff they sold at a bargain price, like US$25/case (15 years ago). I drank much organic wine. Yum.

Then there were the organic banana slugs. See my story BIG BANANA for details.
 
Just a little motivational piece I wrote to help get me mudder up and moving

We're the grannies on the block
We're here to walk and we won't stop

Huff and Puff, one two
Huff and Puff, three four

Good lord it's hot, where's your hat
It's on my head, where's your glasses at

Huff and Puff, one two
Huff and Puff, three four

Look there's George, such a nice man
Handsome too, did you see those cans

Huff and Puff, one two
Huff and Puff, three four

Watch it girl, don't you trip
My cane's got a no slip grip

Huff and Puff, one two
Huff and Puff, three four

Help I've fallen and can't get up
Quit your gawking and get your truck

Huff and Puff, one two
Huff and Puff, three four

Hoist us up and roll us in
Come tomorrow we'll start again

Huff and Puff, one two
Huff and Puff, three four

That's it no more, oh lord, my hip's sore
 
Trixareforkids said:
We buried you today


They all stole glances at me
as I cried around my smile

They threw their version of a wake

I danced on your grave
as I promised I would

Bare assed and grinning
​
Click to expand...
This is nice, good, I like it. (You could do something about smile/grinning).
 
Last edited:
Trixareforkids said:
Oh how you tempt me
Bring to mind such
Delicious
Wicked thoughts
I lower my head
Draw a ragged breath
Watch as my fingers stray
Tapping out a staccato rhythm
Until my mind catches up
Removes all but a single digit
Narrows in on the button
Focuses on what's important
And presses delete
Click to expand...

See, the problem is you're sober.
If you'd been a drinkin, you'da hit send. hee hee
 
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